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Thread: Attempted VBAC Mums

  1. #19

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    Default Grief/anger

    Divvy - I understand how much anger we can harbour over these irreversible decisions and how hard it is to feel empowered when men are making decisions for you and you are vulnerable.
    I found the most helpful things were time and writing a grief/anger letter.
    The letter does not have to go to anyone - and probably shouldnt - but is a way of expressing yourself and working through the pain. Start with finding a heading such as birth regrets and then let yourself gp with whatever comes out. By the end you may feel very tired and emotional but the release can be amazing. You can do this for lots of things like relationship breakdown etc. and it is equally useful.
    Hope this helps a bit!


  2. #20

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    I guess this is my place now too after ending up with my second c/s and a failed VBAC. My second c/s however was completely unavoidable as my previous c/s scar ruptures - thankfully while I was on the operating table so it was just in time!

    There is nothing that I (or anyone else) could have done to avoid this so from that perspective I have no regrets. I did everything possible to prepare myself and give myself the best opportunity for a VBAC but it wasn't meant to be.

    My uterus has been repaired and is apparently "good for one more" but it would be a c/s at 37 weeks. I'm not prepared to go through that so it's no more for me and I will never have a natural birth. That makes me sad but there is no other option so I will have to deal with that.

  3. #21

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    Yes Thanks Sarah

    I have just been told no VBAC for me... booked in for a CS on Wednesday and some of the posts (in the VBAC section) I got in response to this were very upsetting... as if I had ANY choice in it. I am upset and frustrated at no VBAC and felt worse when 'hounded' by the very pro VBACers out there...

    This thread is VERY MUCH needed... thanks for your support xx

  4. #22

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    I just read your other thread and you have some tough decisions . Personally I wouldn't recommend you having an epi at all given what happened with me. If I had not been able to feel what was going on I would probably have ruptured in the birthing suite instead of on the operating table.

    I hope you do go into labour before Wednesday but if you don't you have done what you can to get your VBAC. I had acupuncture, DTD, ate curries and had an internal before I went into labour so they are things that you could try.

    Good luck and I hope your little one arrives safe and sound!

  5. #23

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    LJM - I hope I wasn't one of the people that upset you - it was totally not my intention.

    Nai - I'm glad you were able to feel everything too xxx

  6. #24

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    No Arimeh, not at all... just a little sensitive I think, as I really wanted my VBAC and its probably not gonna happen...

    I came off the BP meds as I may need a spinal block or epi if I have to have CS, and I have NO choice in this if I want to get bubs out safely...

  7. #25

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    Ahh ok - I didn't know that you have to be off medication for an epi - I didn't have any BP problems in mine so its news to me!!!!!!

    I understand about the no choice - I didn't really have a choice either - twas either c-section or no bubba!! And I knew which one I preferred

  8. #26

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sarah_H View Post

    How about I pose a question.... Do you feel your second c/s was necessary? I know a lot of us have decided our first wasn't, but what about your second?

    sadly yes

    I had big plans with Nikolaus...total natural labour..no drugs.....everything was going so well...had to be induced as I was 2weeks over..after 21 hours of labour and a little boy who decided to use my birth canal as a bundgy jumping experience a c/s was ordered. I have never felt so belittled, frightened, alone and helpless as a woman in my life. I was so angry with myslef and saw black and blue my next would be a VBAC!!!!

    Alongs comes boofer Wilhelm who decided at 33 weeks it would be a good time to put me through the wringer and decided he wanted out! Thank god for the drugs they gave me....I remember seeing the humicrib in the hall way waiting for me...NO!!!! put along story short....Wilhelm pushed that dame hard to get out he tore my c/s internally and I was told that if I procedded to natural labour that my c/s scare would split open and I could bleed to death. ...I was so disapointed in myself.

    Come along Vy's birth....I went into early labour at just over 37 weeks....woo hoo....bring it on...I was told NO yet again...i begged and pleaded to go natural..I could feel her low but was told due to my pelvis being twisted that I was unable to give birth naturally...i was devistated to say the least.

    Mateauz birth was a blur....I went into labour waiting for my c/s and he was rushed to ICU due to the cord being wrapped around his neck. He should have been born a week earlier as the after birth was badly calcified and had stopped working. he ended up with a staff infection and meningitis.

    I absolutely HATE people who think they are so clever to say...ah you took the easy way out.......come walk in our shoes and tell us its easy. tells us how easy it is to be away from your baby and not knowing its alright...tell us how easy it iis when you can even put you nb on you bb's and bond straight away....its got nothing to do with the physical side of things...yes it hurts like hell when yo try to get up or you laugh but its the emotional scaring deep inside, the scar's that cant fade! My mum kept telling me go one have a c/s you dont have to go through all the pain...so a c/s is a walk in the park mum????

    My body is so disformed from the 4 I have had. I still have pain on my c/s scare, I have no feeling in my lower hang over apron tummy. I dont feel sexy or whole as a woman...

    Thank you Sarah for starting this thread.....its good to come and debrief and know that each of you feel the same as I do


  9. #27

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    Nai - congratulations on your recent birth! I just noticed that you delivered last week! Glad to hear that you are both OK. That is what really matters at the end of the day. Here is wishing you a speedy recovery.
    Luca Jack's mum - I am so with you in your frustration. I have been told "No way" by my OB - who is a very good OB and I've worked with him and chose him especially. He said he did not want to trial my double scar and I will have a CS on 16th March unless I go in to labour earlier and then will have a CS when labour is established.
    I was disappointed as I thought this might be my chance to try for a VB. I have contemplated not going to hospital until I have to but I dont think I want to risk it actually.
    I have found the pro vbacers stuff pretty confronting as I never chose to have cs on any occasion but faced circumstances that required this intervention. I do believe I would have died if not for cs.
    My current frustration is that I have a much smaller husband now and this baby is a normal size and I am still not allowed to try labour because my last two heifers (concieved with big man of Russian decent) had to be delivered by cs. I am 50kg and 5'2" normally and the babies were just too BIG - I mean stuck inside me! This little girl is just right. She is also head down and ready to go but still "NO".

    Anyway the pro vbacers out there can hold back on their judgemental advice and remarks because they are not being told NO WAY obviously.
    Maz - it sounds like you have been through heaps. Respect up to you - amazing woman that you are!! I dont think I will go for a 4th after this even though I would love to. Well done for getting through it all.

    Bron xx

  10. #28

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    i completely understand what you mean arimeh...
    i attempted a vbac a month ago and after labouring for almost 48 hours my body would not pass 8cm and i had another c-section...
    i am incredibly happy with my two gorgeous, healthy boys, but like arimeh said i just want to go back in time and try again...i cannot believe my body did not do what it was suppose to do the second time. i think about it all the time and wonder what if???

    DS - two years old
    DS - one month old

  11. #29

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    I heard this song on the radio & it's how I'm trying to think of both of my c/s. Pretty lame, it's Miley Cyrus from Hannah Montana, but I think it fits...

    I can almost see it
    That dream I am dreaming
    But there's a voice inside my head saying
    "You'll never reach it"

    Every step I'm taking
    Every move I make feels
    Lost with no direction
    My faith is shaking

    But I gotta keep trying
    Gotta keep my head held high

    There's always gonna be another mountain
    I'm always gonna wanna make it move
    Always gonna be a uphill battle
    Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

    Ain't about how fast I get there
    Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
    It's the climb

    The struggles I'm facing
    The chances I'm taking
    Sometimes might knock me down
    But no, I'm not breaking

    I may not know it
    But these are the moments that
    I'm gonna remember most, yeah
    Just gotta keep going

    And I, I got to be strong
    Just keep pushing on
    Especially this part - "Ain't about how fast I get there, Ain't about what's waiting on the other side, It's the climb". For me & maybe you guys as well, I'm trying to think of it this way. What was waiting on the other side for me was another c/s, but the climb there was pretty awesome. I went from being terrified of labour & saying if I had to do it again I would have only one child, to attempting my VBAC. I went from passive with the Drs in my first pregnancy to fighting for my rights to try again. I changed as a person in aiming for my VBAC. I am much stronger now regardless of what the outcome of my attempt was.

  12. #30

    Default

    Hi Everyone

    I didn't think I would end up back in this section after all the planning and preparation I put into my VBAC, but here I am and I am actually very happy with the decision we made. When I am ready I'll write it all up in my birth story, but something that has helped me is this quote given to me by one of my midwives:

    "Facing Reality

    That is how it is

    Not how it
    -was
    -might have been
    -should have been

    Not how
    -I wanted it to be
    -Hoped it oul be
    -Planned it would be

    I accept that this is how it is
    Now I'll get on with my life in a positive way"

  13. #31

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    Congratulations on the birth of Grace!

    Thank you for the quote - I think it applies to everything in life

    Sarah - I agree! I am a different person in going through the attempted VBAC process. Even though it will never happen for me it is still something I wish to advocate for others.

  14. #32

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    Ryatha - that is so very true. Congrats again on your beautiful baby girl. I think you did an awesome job

  15. #33

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    lol I should not have read this thread on the morning my anti-anxiety meds withdrawals are at their worst. Gave me a bit of a cry.
    Ryatha, I'm sorry it didn't happen the way you wanted but, you are right. I think I'm going to stick that quote on my fridge.
    In answer to you old question Sarah, yes mine was necessary. Am I good with it? Yes and No.
    My csection saved the life of my precious baby boy and probably saved me from serious health issues. It also means I cannot have any more babies - ever.
    My story is a bit like Nai's, ruptured cscar. Mine though had been ruptured not in labour but 15 weeks prior to it even starting.
    What they thought was a possible abruption, turned out to be my scar tearing. Nate's life was saved for 15 weeks by the strength of his membranes. My waters ruptured by themselves, but my body did nothing about it. No niggles, no effacement - nada. Turns out it was doing me and him a huge favour.
    I'm glad that I agreed to the section and didn't be pig headed and demand more of a go at a vbac (that I so desperatley wanted).
    I'm not glad of the way my first labour was managed that put both of us in that position and now will forever have me wishing for another baby - we had always planned four.
    I am glad that I knew how I wanted my ceasar managed and that predominently I got what I wanted.

    Sorry, that was a bit long and rambled....Mel I'm sending you and this baby all my positive energy left.

  16. #34

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    Oh wow Kim, I had no idea. How did I miss that? He's obviously a very strong little guy & you too.

  17. #35

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    Thanks Sarah.

  18. #36

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    Kim, I remember reading your posts about being in hospital and having bleeding. I didn't realise that this was due to a rupture! How amazing that the membranes were strong enough to keep him safe in there for such a long time.

    I'm sorry this means no more children for you It's so hard when this decision is completely out of your control.

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