Feeling like a failure (yet again) c-section

OH Kat that would be truely wonderful!!! Midwives are open to listening atleast and i so hope you get a good one. I sometimes think Doctors only think of the $$ involved rather then patients feelings and hopes ( IM probably wrong but thats what I like to tell myself) IM worried now to cause my placenta is at the front which will make having a c/s harder apparently..hmmmm You so have to let us know what the MW says to this all..I would be so interested in finding out.
Tiff - I scrubbed my floors on my hands and knees the day I went into early labour and the buggers made me have an emergency c/s anyway. Jed said he's watching me like a hawk this time for my signs hahahahaha, Ive got a New Years feeling in my bones....I had a feeling with Vy that i'd have her August, I went into labour the day after Jed's 30th birthday and they stopped it on me..I was still in the danger period so I didnt mind but god it scares the cr@p out of me everytime. Even more now cause so many people hav etold me they cant believe how big I am already aswell and these dame Braxton hicks!!!!

Hey Maz i will definately keep you informed of what they think! I hope they are more psoitive then the doc! I soooo agree with you on the fact that they look at the $$$$ plus i think its more convenient for tehm too as they don't get called in when they are at home IYKWIM! Thats how he made me feel anyway!
I don't envy you with braxton hicks already either! You will have to just kick back and relax more ( ROFLMAO) like thats possible!!!!

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Sorry for the rant everyone but its soooo frustrating! They don't care about what we go through its just whats easier for them!!!

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Kat I hear ya!! rant away :hug: I had the same issue with my second I had to have a C cause bubby was breech and I had an emergency C with my first.
This baby is breech or transvers and I don't see him/her turning anytime soon so even if I did find a dr that would let me birth naturally (haha that's a joke) baby would have to do some pretty quick and tricky moves to turn around as there's not much room in here left.
I hope you get a really nice m/w sometimes we just need that back up instead of all the facts and risks layed out on the table some dr's really lack compation that's for sure!

Maz I don't fancy going till the 18th I think baby will be too squished by then, I hope we do go early just not too early of course ;) might have to do the floor scrub trick around new year maby some nippy stimulation too, just not at the same time ROTFL!
Whats the danger period??

Tiff - PMSL having visions of you rubbing your nipples with the scrubbing brush..sorry....heheheh I went into labour just after 36 weeks with Vy and they told me it was very dangerous right then...dont know why but they said 37 weeks onwards would be better.....so I gather you and I will be scrubbing the new year in together ROFL
Kat - sit and and relax...thats what I should be doing now...hahahahahah

ok it's a date! new year scrubbing with some nippy rubs ... ewwww and Ouuuuch on the scrubbing brush on the nips :o :lol:

I cold do with the scrubbing brush on mine right now...im sick of them being so itchy!!!!!

Hi girls.
Just thought i'd come in and say hi, I had an emergency CS with my DD after 15 hours of labour due to various reasons. This time around i was hoping for a VBAC but wasnt really getting much support from anyone. I went and had my 34 week check up today and have been advised on having another CS so it is booked in for the 13/11 only 4 weeks to go. I am in 2 minds about this. I am excited and relieved to know i will not be having an emergency one again etc, i feel more in control but on the other hand i'm already feeling like a failure esp as i was keen on VBAC i am also worried about the recovery as my DD will be jsut 20 months. DH works for himself so the more time he takes off the harder financially it will be for us and i dont want to burden him. I have heard that a scheduled CS vs an emergency is often alot more positive and recovery wise may be easier......not sure about that but i guess we'll see. Well thats it from me just thought i'd share with you all as you may all understand a bit more than ppl who havent had Previous CS or electing to have one. I am scarred of been judged IYKWIM for taking what ppl seem to think is the easy way out.

Nat - we wont judge you at all. Ive had 3 c/s now - my first was an emergency and I took me 4 weeks to recove. My second was an elective and took me about 2 weeks to recover but my 3rd was an emergency and I honestly had no pain, nothing after the op. I think it depends on you at the time. YOu hav eto do what is best, its just not easy when you feel like your choice has been taken away, especially after wanting a VBAC. Did the doctors give you an explanation to why they wanted you to have another c/s? With my second, I was all set for a VBAC but the little bugger tried to come at 32 weeks and tore my previous c/s scar internally so I had to have a planned c/s...I was absolutely mortified so I know were your coming form.
PLease try and stay positive....as hard as it is. Come in here and 'down load' if you have to...dont keep the feelings inside, we're all here for you and each other

Hey Nat welcome to our little C group (we'll have to think of a name LOL ) I had an emergency with my first and second was an elective cause baby was breech and no ob would trial labour as you can understand. This time of course unless I go home birth YIKES! I have to take my lot and have another planned C. It took me about the same amount of time to recover with both but the planned C was just sooo much better emotionally and physicaly as I had a spinal not a general and my body didn't labour for 24hrs prior. I totally understand your feelings I felt the same way. No judging here just understanding :hug:
How long does your dh plan to take off? maybe cooking some meels to put in the freezer for when you come home, plus you could set up your lounge with everything you'll need to limit your movements through the day if dh can't be home. Try not to stress yourself too much things will work out.

Just had a thought and was wondering if anyone can help me......because of the dr's advice today etc i have booked in my CS as you've prob read in my earlier post but now i am thinking about $$$. MIght sound a bit silly or maybe naive but i just dont know really where i stand. I am a public patient and basically get whatever ob is available on the day. Will i have any out of pocket expenses? All the girls i know that have had repeat CS's have had private health cover.
Thankyou Maz and Joralyd for replying so promptly to my last post its nice to know there are other ppl out there having elective cs for whatever their reasons may be that have no judgment.

hmmm Nat I'm private too so I really am not sure but you could ring the hospital to find out I'm sure they can tell you.

I just wanted to join in here if thats ok .. I am having my 3rd c.s. ( 2nd elective) in just a little over 6 weeks..

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Just had a thought and was wondering if anyone can help me......because of the dr's advice today etc i have booked in my CS as you've prob read in my earlier post but now i am thinking about $$$. MIght sound a bit silly or maybe naive but i just dont know really where i stand. I am a public patient and basically get whatever ob is available on the day. Will i have any out of pocket expenses? All the girls i know that have had repeat CS's have had private health cover.
Thankyou Maz and Joralyd for replying so promptly to my last post its nice to know there are other ppl out there having elective cs for whatever their reasons may be that have no judgment.

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hi Nat :) I wasn't out of pocket at all. I went public for all my pregnancies and not once did I have to pay for anything... 2 of my sons have been in special care as well and no cost there either

Just wanted to ask any previous CS mum a quick question. 2 girls from my Playgroup had their babies in the last week both by elective (on OB advice) CS. They were really surprised that I was going to try for a VBAC and tht my OB was "letting" me go full term. Both had their CS at 38 weeks, one was advised that she risked tearing her scar if she went full term. Neither Mum was "allowed' to go to 40 weeks.

Am I crazy? My OB has never mentioned anything about trying to get me into labour early. She has however said that she won't induce me (other than to break my water at 40 weeks if my cervix was favourable) and she would rather me not go to 42 weeks like I did with my DS but that we would "cross that bridge when we came to it". She has always told me that I could VBAC and their was no reason that it all wouldn't happen just as we plan. But now I'm getting a bit scared as the time ticks away and especially after talking to these 2 girls. Are their OB's just being over cautious do you think?

I think Ob's are overly cautious. i would have tried for a VBAC last time if my 2nd sone hadn't been sick at birth ( not from c/s) We opted for ac/s cus we were scared our last son would be sick as well.. and now after 2 c.s I wouldn't risk a VBAC. Some people do and that is their choice but for me and DH we chose a c/s as thats what we prefer

As for going to 40 weeks I think thats a sign of a good OB. if you are induced I *think* you are more likey to have your labour end in a c/s where if you go into labour naturally your body is ready kwim???

As for the risk of rupture. it is very small. just google VBAC and see what comes up. there are some interesting articles out there. I think the main page of BB has some as well..

If I have another scan which shows bub is normal size ( I have GD and grow big babies) and growing normally I am going to try and hold out till 39-40 weeks for the c/s but I don't think that willhappen as bub is already growing a little big.

Nat - I went public with all of my births and again this time round..there are no out of pocket expenses matie.
Kris - I would hav eloved your OB...man I would have given anything to have one like yours...you go girl and make sure you let us know how you go. Ive got everything crossed for you that you have a fantastic VBAC
Nic - I had GD last time round so the doc's are watching me liek ahawk plus having extreme m/s and the itchiest skin..ah im glad this is the final one for me atm

This is my 3rd C and dr is letting me go till 39wks 1day however if I got really big I'm sure he would concider doing it earlier perhaps to be on the causious side?. I went to 39wks with my second. My ob isn't overly concerned if I go into labour although I would have to get to hospital asap to have an emergency C. With an elective the ob (even private) still has to fit the op into the hospitals schedual and his/her own maybe that had something to do with them going in early? does seem strange though doesn't it?
I have heard of some women having very thin uturine walls which might explain it and it means rupture is more of a risk plus other complications but apparently they would have to check during a c/s to know that. I have also heard it can depend on your scar tissue and how you healed but I doubt it's very comon.
I know induction is out because it puts too much pressure on the uterus too quick and there is more of a risk of rupture.
Good luck Kris!! and if you do go overdue maybe you could try acupunture or something? worth a try.

Hi Nic great to have another member of the exclusive C club :lol: only 6 weeks to go woohoo!!

I have a question for everyone, were you warned about having anymore children after your 2nd pgcy? or even asked if you wanted your tubes tied? I was warned with my 2nd but there was no reason other than the subsiquent risks involved with c/s's and my ob(not the same as 2nd) has warned me again not to have anymore and tried to talk me into having my tubes tied again which I really don't want to do. I don't plan on anymore children but I don't want my choice taken away either.

Hi Krisp,

Be happy you don't have an Ob like theirs! You're not crazy - they are. :) A little bit of research (as you have obviously done) show that the risks from a repeat section are higher than a VBAC.

How do we know that thin uterine walls at term aren't just a normal part of pregnancy? The only people who seem to have thin uterine walls are the ones who have had their uterus cut open by an Ob in the first place. What about all those women who don't have sections and so we don't see their uterus? I always find that logic about thin uterine walls funny.

Maz: this is my 3rd pregnancy with insulin dependent GD. I am not doing this again. I am over the finger jabbing 6 times a day and the insulin twice. I keep reminding myself I only have X amoount of times to do it. I added up the amount of times i have to do it all :lol: I have forgotten the number though...

Tiff: I was going to get my tubes tied last pregnancy but the week before the c/s I just couldn't go through with it. i just knew I wanted one more even though DH was adamant he didn't want anymore. I was the one who brought it up with the Dr and they tried to talk me out of it surprisingly. This time I brought it up and the Dr said ok if thats what you want and when I asked a few questions he said if you are doubtful then go for the mirena. i was a little annoyed at that to be honest as I wanted some questions answered..

you can say no to the tubal. The only reason I am doing it is because I hope to Bf for almost 2 years again and i don't like condoms and i don't want to take the pill or mini pill. and the mirena is out cus I just don't like the thought of it. and having Dh get the snip is also out ( my choice there) If i wasn't have a c/s then we would weigh up the pros and cons off all other BC but for us a tubal is the way to go..

Nic I'm the same about bc I hate the thought of chemicaly changing my bodies natural processes and really worry about the hormonal changes that come with it. A tubal would be the best option I just wish it wasn't so final kwim? are their any side effects from tubals?

I had my tubes clamped after I had my second and I woke from surgery crying knowing I had done the wrong thing. I had lots of pain on my left side everytime I O'ed and my periods were terrible and painfull. I also fell pg 3 times but always m/c. I had a reversal in 2005 - which is classed as a c/s op and have had Vyolett and now this baby since. so all up this will be my 5th c/s and I can fell that my body has had enough. My scar is really hurting so I know even if I wanted to I wouldnt be able to go naturally...my scar tissue also hurts and after having so many tummy op's...it was hard for the u/s guy to get a good look through all the scar tissue. I will not be going on th epill after this baby...ive beeged for the OB to tak eout both my tubes as I feel that the pain I had was the clamps on my tubes and not the procedure. adn just to be safe, Jed is getting the snip

I know about the finality of it all. I am trying to put that out of my mind to be honest. I an done int he baby making though but the whole being told never again annoys me!!

I am not sue about side effects. I have read you can get troubles with your monthly's and pain at ovulation or something like that. I don't think Drs recognize it as a real problem though..

I * think* it is called tubal ligation syndrome!!

But we decided a tubal is reversable so if i have any trouble then we can do something about it later on. I just don't feel comfortable taking the pill for how ever many more years. I just turned 31 so it could be a good 15 years if not more. and I definetly don't want another pregnancy. I say pregnancy because I could go on having baby's for years but pregnancy no more. The worry and the tiring side of it esp this time has worn us out :lol:

Maz: what is the difference between clamping and cutting? Well I know the difference but i guess I mean do you have a choice how it is done?

The clamps are a small metal thing they place over your tubes to seal them off. when they cut your tubes they cut and either sew the end closed or burn them closed. Its easier to have a reversal with your tubes clamped.

nat, i have also had 3 c-sections, all of which were planned, i have not ever had any type of labour, exept my waters breaking 2 1/2 hrs before my son was born. i did feel a little down bout having all my babies cut out but sometimes it is best for them and you, it does get better the more you have because you know what to expect. c-sections in my mind are the way to go! everything gets to stay the same!! lol. i hope all goes well for you, and if you are worried about pain after it(if it is planned you shouldnt hurt that much) there is alway pethadine!lol.
jaimee

i have also had my tubes tied with my 3rd c section, i have not regreted anything it was the best decision i have ever made, i am only 23 but am totally happy with 3 kids. i had the surgon take alot of tube and they also burnt the ends so there is no chance of them connecting again, i think that you need to think about it if you are done, and as for it being final, that is bull, if you regret it get it reversed, but in reality ladies if you are happy with the amount of childern you have make it stay that way, because if you dont when will you stop, chemical contrception doesnt work too well, and who does use condoms.
jaimee
(i have been preg 6 times 2 with the impinon, 3 on the pill, and one was totally planned)

I think the clamping is a relatively new procedure like in the last 15yrs or so because they used to just cut them out and/or burn them. My mum had a tubal wayyyyy back in the day and that was how they did it back then. I remember she discissed having a reversal with her ob when I was a teenager but the dr said it wasn't possible. I would think clamping would be alot easier to reverse should you have any probs unless your highly fertile like Maz :lol:
Maz that's so sad I didn't know you had 3 m/c :(
I guess I was just a bit peeved that my dr's seem to give me the run down on bc and the "risks" when I'm fully aware kwim? and I know other women have had more than 2 or 3 c/s (including Maz!) why am I so special? :lol:

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The clamps are a small metal thing they place over your tubes to seal them off. when they cut your tubes they cut and either sew the end closed or burn them closed. Its easier to have a reversal with your tubes clamped.

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Ok thanks for that. thats sort of what I thought. Another decision to make now

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c-sections in my mind are the way to go! everything gets to stay the same!! lol. i

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Thats how I feel. I did give birth vaginally with my first son ( hate the word natural) Was a textbook labour and birth too. Only reason for the c/s with my 2nd was due to the GD at my 36 week scan he was already measuring above 9lb and I was determined to NOT have a c/s. The following week just before my 37 week app my waters broke. We took about 5 mins to decide on a c/s and to this day I grateful I did. when he was 12 hours old he stopped breathing and then a few hours after that he started seizing. I still believe if I had laoured with him he wouldn't have made it. oh and he was born weighing 9lb 14oz at 37 weeks on the dot

Tiff - tell your doc about me matie...see what he says.

Knowing that the baby comes out safer and healthy with a c/s still doesnt take away the pain and torment of not being able to do what the big man upstairs had planned for us women to do. My husband totally understands how I feel and he siad that he feels my pain in this. He was there when I was in labour with NIkolaus for the 20 something hours which ended up in an emergency c/s and it made us so close. He was also there when I had my 2nd c/s with WIlhelm (even though I have to have a general) and he said it was the most tromatic experience he has ever been through. He hated the way the doctors pulled at my body and watched and heard everything that went on. Jed also suffered post natal after I had Wilhelm and the councilor he was said that the c/s birth could have been a big contributor to it.
I would cut my right leg of so to speak to give birth naturally. I also feel like I have taken my husbands right to be there when his child enters the world and cut the babies cord. Instead, he has to sand in a room and wait to hear our babies cry to know.
And to let you know why I got my tubes clamped...my second son has high functioning autisum and we thought by not having any more children at the time we were doing i\him a favour. I never recieved any councilling on the matter. I am so glad I had my reversal becuase having Vyolett has not only brightened mine and Jed's lives but has bought WIlhelm right out of his shell.
Sorry have to go...very emotional right now

Krisp i just wanted to say that i felt exactly the same with wanting my VBAC this time around. I too go to playgroup where 2 other mums are pg and has CS's with their 1st's too. I was the only one wanting a VBAC and they both thought i was mad! I also didnt have the support from DH i think the trauma of out 1st DD arrival has made him think that a CS is the only way. Up unti lyesterday i was all for my VBAC but after having my 34 week check and speaking to a diff dr (i am public so see whoever is on) have decided to go for the CS again. This has been decided on both medical and personal reasons. Yesterday i felt a bit cheated and let down but at the end of the day i was not forced into the decision. Today i am feeling alot better about it all and am quite excited

Krisp i just wanted to say that i felt exactly the same with wanting my VBAC this time around. I too go to playgroup where 2 other mums are pg and has CS's with their 1st's too. I was the only one wanting a VBAC and they both thought i was mad! I also didnt have the support from DH i think the trauma of out 1st DD arrival has made him think that a CS is the only way. Up until yesterday i was all for my VBAC but after having my 34 week check and speaking to a diff dr (i am public so see whoever is on) have decided to go for the CS again. This has been decided on both medical and personal reasons. Yesterday i felt a bit cheated and let down but at the end of the day i was not forced into the decision. Today i am feeling alot better about it all and am quite excited. If you have support from both your Dr and DH then i would go for the VBAC. Good luck with the decision making its a hard one i know. Our bubs are very close in age.......my DD d.o.b is 11/03/06 and i am having my CS on 13/11 :)

I think when things don't go to plan we feel alot of guilt, regret and dissapointment even when it's out of our control. To me it "seems" all these women can have babies the natural way and I failed! kwim? I do feel a little ashamed and some what judged but at the same time I have 2 healthy babies that I am sooo grateful for, reguardless of how they were born. My first would have died had I gone any longer in labour and without a C/S, that some people view as unecessary, my boy would not be here.
Your choice to have an elective C no matter what the reason shouldn't be judged or debated unless you ask for it other than that it's your choice and it should be supported. I think that's the only way we'll stop the guilt and failure some c/s mothers experience. It sometimes feels like the view is giving birth is a test of your strength, we all congratulate the poor mum who laboured for 30hrs with NO pain relief but there isn't much pride for the mum who had a 20 min cut on the op table even though she's endured emotional pain kwim?
Anyway that's my view not everyones and since I've had 2 C's i figure that gives me the right to have my view :lol:

Maz I'm so sorry you've had such an emotional journey, it's fantastic you have your hubbies love and support and 3 (soon to be 4) munchkins to addore :hug: It's not easy being a woman but I couldn't imagine being a man eww PMSL

Tiff - ROFL, I wouldnt know what to do with tackle ahahahahah
and as for this comment

It sometimes feels like the view is giving birth is a test of your strength, we all congratulate the poor mum who laboured for 30hrs with NO pain relief but there isn't much pride for the mum who had a 20 min cut on the op table even though she's endured emotional pain kwim?

Honey you hit the nail right on the head!!!! Thank you

LMAO I think men would be even more clueless with a woohoo... although I'm sure they would have to investigate ALOT! :lol:

Glad I could confort you a bit ;)

Joralyd thankyou so much for the meaningful post.

I struggled with the reality of ending up with a CS with my dd. There where ppl who judged and made me feel as though i took the easy way out. I did not opt for a CS i was induced and went into labour but it failed and i did not dialate beyond 6cm. DD was stressed and it became an emergency situation so after 16hrs (10 with no pain relief) i found myself in theatre and then spent 2-3 hrs in recovery as i have a blood clotting disorder. I did not get to meet my bub until i was taken back to the ward and it was the early hrs of the morning. DH had to go home after half hr or so and i was left to try and comprehend what had just happend!

This time around i wanted the VBAC but this will not be the case. I could have gone down that path but felt as though i had/have little support, even the Dr's i've seen based on my medical history etc have recommended a repeat CS so at the end of the day this is what i believe will be best for me and my family. I do feel guilty at my decision and almost ashamed to tell people for the negativity i know i will surely recieve.

It is so lovely to know i have somewhere i can share my feelings and know that they are understood.

:hug: Nat I hear ya baby! I think we're half way there just by talking.

I've finally started to feel comfortable in my decision to have another C for the 3rd time although it wasn't an option if I wanted to deliver in a hospital with an OB, still the guilt sets in and the emotional rollercoaster starts. It's been really good to have an open chat about it without the judgment :hug:

I feel your pain and dissapointment.
I want to share my feelings.
I was very unhappy about not being able to give birth naturaly. I wanted that soooo bad and I was sooo excited though-out my pg about doing what my body was made to do. BUT dd had other plans. She came early as a result of me getting HELLP sindrome AND she was growth-retarded as a result of my plastenta being f@#%-up. That made my dr cut my uterus verticaly, to get her out as safely as possible, thus elimanating any chances of me ever getting to push a bubba out.
I felt cheated (I still do) out of the most mind-blowing experience a woman can have. I felt let down by my own body and my circumstance. But what I am mad about the most - and this I have NEVER told anyone, not even my DH - was that when push came to shove and they asked me if I would like to have a spinal or be under general, I became a chicken*****. I chose general, because I was scared to death. I was calm on the outside and felt relaxed, but I was sooo scared to be awake and see, that I chose not too. Thinking about it now makes me sad and angry. I wanted to see, I wanted to be awake when they picked her up out of me, I wanted to hear her cry her first cry, I wanted to just BE there. I am so mad at myself for not having the guts to do that. And to tell you the truth, I am not sure that I would not do exactly the same for my second child. I am looking at a natural c/s for the next one, but don't know if I can do that.
I have the deepest respect for women that do c/s for any reason what so ever and I have the same respect for women who give birth natural. I console myself in the fact that my daughter is healthy and growing and being loved, no matter the manner she came into this world. What does it really matter how she was born, when she is the focus of the whole "operation". Am I really that full of myself that I would make her birht into something about me? It was HER birth, not mine. I should just be lucky that I could have carried her for the time that I did and that my body was able to support her for that long. I can't pick the cards dealt for me, I can only do the best with what I got. Why can't I just be gratefull?
Sorry if this has nothing to do with the conversation at the moment. I just needed to get it out and this seemed like the best spot. I hope I did not offend anyone. Thank you! :)

Nadine-
I do not believe you are a coward for the path you chose with the general i think if i was given the opportunity i may well have opted it. I was wheeled into theatre with a patchy epidural and was pleading with them not to cut me as i could feel my left side.....it was horrendous. Thankfully they called the anaethasist and in the end i was given a spinal which i will say was fantastic! I had no pain or discomfort and only felt minimul tugging etc. I was not given the option of the general but i petrified of having the CS so think if i was given the choice i would have opted for it. I hope that for any future pregnancies and CS's you do come away happier with your choice of anaesthetic. I do not think for one minute you are full of yourself for feeling so guilty etc about your experience of course it was your dd's birth but it was just as much yours, without you she would not have had a birth IYKWIM.

Nadine - matie this is exactly why I started this thread becuase I felt the same way and still do with c/s number 4 coming. I hope that by coming here and chatting about it helps

Thanks guys! We woman are strange folk, aren't we? I know that it was best for baby and in a strange way I do feel that now that I don't have a choice in the matter, I can better prepare myself for the next one. You know, build up some courage :cryinglaugh:
I also feel that I was not given the time to make a better choice about the dr cutting me the way that he did, ok, it did go very quickly (half an hour from the now to the table) but he told me afterwards that I can only have three c/s? Told me that he would not cut me for a fourth child. Something about scaring and tissue damage? Did not really listen. Lucky for him, after dd, we said that we only want two, but what if I wanted seven children?
ps. great thread!