Help. I'm in a black hole over c-sections.

It seems as though the lack of control that is inherent in a CS is at least part of your distress. Would it help if a few of us sent you as-detailed-as-we-can-remember CS stories, so you've got a better idea of what will happen? Or would you like to meet a few normal (& naughty) CS toddlers so you can be reassured that the kids turn out OK?

I had a CS when DS was 38 weeks. It took us 6 weeks of expressing to get him BF properly (he was quite little, and would fall asleep on the boob before he had had enough to drink), but he fed until he was 3 and a half.

I think that your little one will either not think about how he was born at all, or will be very grateful to a brave Mum.

thanks everyone for your posts and encouragement :)

I've been reading through some of the birth stories here, and have been doing a lot of work with the psych and the counsellor, and have been talking a lot and making some progress ...

and I have 7 more weeks (as long as I don't go into labour early!) so I'm feeling more positive :)

thanks so much for your encouragement!

im glad your feeling more positive about things, i really feel how your feeling though.
ds1 was born via emergency c/s after 15hrs of labour, failure to dialate to 1cm and he was getting distressed...
i never in my life imagined i'd be having a c/s, really affected me.
when pg with ds2 i did as much research as i could re VBAC and hired a doula, my ob was supportive, but i still failed and end up with another c/s.... i think i found ds2 c/s harder in some ways even though he was FT and it wasnt an emergency i felt i let him and myself down that i failed at a vbac.

so this bub i have accepted (well sort of) from day one i will be having a c/s... i do still ask my ob what if a miracle happens, my waters break, i go to hopsital and already dialating!! but i know this is wishful thinking and not the way its going to happen. So i am hoping and planning that all gone well ds3 will get to be in recovery with me, something i havent experienced yet, i dont do good with the early seperation and did have bf troubles with ds2 so want to try and avoid that early seperation.

i still hate that i am in the numbers of increasing c/s rates, but not everyone gets to have vaginal deliveries.
i think its great you have been having councelling now, im sure it will help you immensly.
i dont think i have given you any good advise here but just wanted to share my experience with you and know your not alone with how you feel.

hugs to you peanutter.

I'm wondering if continuity of care through a planned c/s might be helpful? What would you think about hiring your own independent midwife to help you achieve a positive c/s? Help you with skin to skin afterwards etc?

I know Cas McCullough has an excellent 'positive c/section' birth plan, would you be interested in a copy, you could borrow ideas and tailor it to your preferences.

I'm very sorry that your previous birth resulted in a fistula. Healing and de-briefing from that is a biggie too.

I agree with Melbournemama:

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This is still your birth and you can still have some control. Make sure you take that control and feel like you have some power in this birth

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More hugs to you Peanutter
I have just read this entire thread as I too am coming to grips with "accepting" another c/s. My DH and I desperately want a vaginal birth after two difficult labours that ended in c/s but due to complications, I have no choice but to have another surgical birth and we have to say good bye to our vaginal birth dream.

What we have decided is to create the most positive and joyful birth we can.
One stark contrast between c/s #1 and c/s #2 was the skin on skin contact. I had none for 4 hours with DS#1 and had almost immediate skin on skin with DS#2. It was not hard to negotiate and the difference was amazing. I had my own midwife with me (as I was labouring at home previous to this for my attempted HBAC).
She helped me attach and made the experience feel alot more nurturing.
I agree with the previous post suggesting a doula or midwife be with you who understands your anxiety, helps advocate and helps you attach in theatre. It can make a massive difference.

Much love & blessings
xoxox