Blatant refusal

Thanks for all the input. A lot to think over :)

Language isn't a problem for ds1 he's been in the school system for 4 years. Monday- Friday and sometimes extra classes on Saturdays.
(Im wondering if that is partly the issue but its not for the majority of kids)
The work is hard- hubby has spent hours every night helping ds with learning to read and write, 1st pinyin and now characters. It seems ds has trouble remembering things and has trouble concentrating , he's high energy and doesn't enjoy sitting still for long periods of boringness :lol:
I had suspected him bordering adhd but I'll wait till he's in the need school system and settled before re-questioning.
I'm really hoping the life style change will make a big difference.
We live in an apartment on 4th floor so outside time is limited and there isn't anywhere nice to play in our compound. Living in a house with a backyard should make a huge difference for all 3 kids :)
School will be more "fun" and interesting.
Ds has felt out of place here for awhile, begging to move away often :(

Tomorrow Im expecting trouble, I was asked to do a fun class but Im sick and probably won't do it. Ds is upset already about this. And I certainly won't be taking him to school. so it will be interesting to see what happens. I'm nervous too, I don't see it being pleasant if ds puts up a lot of fuss. Here's hoping for the best :)

So, hubby got them both to school. :cheer: heard a little fuss but doesn't matter.
I'm thinking both is better then 1 at a time. Kinda keep each other going.
Not sure why it doesn't happen this way. I just started getting up early to get ds1 to school on time. Hubby could drive him, as its on the way to kindy and work. But he likes to sleep in.

Just another angle - if he's jealous that his sibling(s) stay home, maybe start doing some special one-on-one activities with him.

I do "special movie nights" or "special days" with DD1 without DD2. Special movie nights can be problematic as DD2 often isn't asleep till 9pm which is a bit late to be starting a movie with a 5-year-old but she loves them so much and I find she's much calmer afterwards.

She gets jealous that DD2 wakes up during the night and comes to sleep in my bed so on special movie nights we watch a movie and she sleeps in my bed.

I wonder if something like that could help if the school refusal is a bit of separation anxiety.

If you're moving country soon, I too would be tempted to leave this one until you've moved.

I'm thinking its a mix of a lot of things that have been bought up. Its defiantly complicated. Jealousy, shyness, defiance, separation anxiety (that's always been huge for him) to name a few in his emotional mix.

Think I will review a lot of stuff and start to work out a parenting plan for when we have settled into our new place. I'm bound to be feeling overwhelmed then myself and forget it all if nothing has been outlined.
- time to start my own special parenting book.

Thank you all so much for your input :)