How Much More ....

My cousin has 2 boys who were heading in that same direction. One got really into the gym with his dad and he is also really good at cartooning so she started sending him to art school as an extra-curricular activity. The younger one got into football, baseball and modelling so he is now at a school where his sporting activities rely on him achieving academically. Both of them have really calmed down by being channelled into activities that burn up energy and are things they are really interested in.

The other thing she looked into was yoga for children with behavioural issues. Martial arts would be a similar thing I think in the focus and control aspects. I think if they can fins something that interests them and can focus on that more than mucking up it can help them through the difficult years.

Trish, have you considered Father O'Reilly's program for teen boys? Not sure if that is the same as sending him to a boys home or not (and that is such an unappealing idea to send him to one of those) but from what he says there isn't a nut he can't crack in terms of turning around wayard teenagers.

Its not fair at all that you've had to deal with this again with Brandon, actually it completely sucks, all I can hope that he has a lightbulb moment and realise what a little rotter he is being and clean his act up.

Trish, it sounds like there could be any number of reasons why he's behaving like this. Could have started out as attention-seeking and escalated, he could have lost his confidence at school, simply fallen in with the wrong crowd, been bullied, have lingering issues from not having his dad around much. Who knows?

The problem is, I think, even if you were to ask him "why are you behaving like this?" even he probably can't answer that question so you're likely to get the standard teenager response, "dunno" or the even better one, "guess I'm just a loser."

We had some problems with my DP's daughter - primarily from cutting classes which led to pot-smoking and stuff like that.

I kept saying to DP, for God's sake, try and find what's causing this rather than going off at her. Have a conversation with her rather than shouting at her. He's a very emotional Italian so this was like trying to tell a greyhound not to run when it sees a rabbit.

But after speaking to a very wise mum, she said, there's no point asking "why" questions, you've got to go in a lot softer and ask them how they feel about things. I know that sounds very hippy dippy but the way she explained it made perfect sense. She said if you start asking why questions, it immediately puts them on the defensive and it will provoke a one-word response. Whereas if you ask things like "how do you feel about school" "what do you think of your friends" "what are you looking forward to doing this week" and even simply "are you happy", they kind of have to put a sentence or two together to respond and eventually you might get to the bottom of it. Not straight away but if they know you're not going to go off at them all the time, then they might give you a bit more information each time.

I guess it would be a bit similar to asking a woman why she keeps going out with blokes who beat her up. If you ask her why, she probably couldn't tell you. It would only be after counselling that she could say, "well, my dad used to beat up my mum so I thought that was normal and my first boyfriend hit me and told me it was my fault for riling him so I didn't think I deserved anything better."

There's probably no simple reason behind this but I'm interested in knowing why the counsellor said he was anxious/depressed. That, to me, sounds quite serious and of less concern than the actual truanting especially if he wasn't eating.

Oh, and with boys, I've heard they recommend having conversations like this in the car - that way they don't have to make eye contact but they can't just stomp off to their room either.

Stop being so brilliant Fi, can't zap you for awhile!

Hi Trish,

I am a relatively newbie!! and have been looking around the boards finding my way about. I noticed this thread and as a mother of 4 teens it caught my eye.

I hope things have settled down for you a bit now and that you are feeling less stressed.

When my kids were very little I was part of an adolescent community placement program which is kind of like a foster mum for older kids who for one reason or another couldn't live at home. During this time I learnt a very valuable lesson and that was to never undermine the input that I have into my kids lives. You need to trust in yourself and know that you have done the best that you can they will eventually find the right way and it will ususally be your way! It will take time but as long as you stay in their lives and be supportive of them but not the behaviour you disagree with I am sure they will come round in the long run.

Good luck

Clare :hug:

Girls, thank you all so very much for your love, support and caring words.

Brandon has just gone back to school this week. And even though for the time being it's only 2 days a week, it's a start. The school are being very accomodating, and have started him on a program. are going to help him get part time work experience and help him do his lessons that will get him to the career he has chosen.

We still have a police officer from the PCYC working with him and he is fantastic. I really can't thank this man enough. He's only a young guy, but I think that's why it works. He just took him out and got him new uniforms and shoes to go back to school in. He told me not to bother paying for them as the PCYC has the money there for that. It was a huge help I tell you.

So, for now atleast my house is harmonious again. Atleast until the kids start fighting with one another.

I am so sorry I missed this post Trish :( Even though we have already talked I still want you to know I am always here. I may not be able to give too much advice (not having teens myself yet) but I am a good listener. So if you need to get things out then I am always here for you.

Sending you the HUGEST :hug: sweety xxx

That is great news. Baby steps and it will alll work out in the long run. Just believe in yourself, your kids and the wonderful people out there who are willing to help.

Cheers Clare

Thanks a heap Clare and Nadine. I know you are always there for me hun. God know's how many times I have whinged your ears off :hug: