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Thread: Party invite for only DS1

  1. #1

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    Question Party invite for only DS1

    Hi,

    Just curious what you would do in this situation. Because this likely to happen a few times over the years- only 1 will get invited (just depending on the friend/parents).

    DS1 received a 3rd birthday party invitation in his pocket at childcare for a little girl he has been 'kindy' friends since he started there a couple years ago. I have really only said hi and how are you to her mum a handful of times (we've usually just been quickly dropping off before rushing to work)- so didn't even know her (the mother's) name until i was on the party invite...lol!

    Anyhoo...so this party is at a indoor play centre, but was just wondering what the proper thing (if there is such a thing) to do with DS2. Do i take him with us (i know i'd pay for him to go in and buy/take his own food if he goes) and know he won't be part of the games and party food or should he stay home/have a day out with daddy?



    See at the moment its no big deal- they are too young to know whats happening (particularly DS2) but in time they'll know and it just got me thinking are you suppose to take your other children to parties they weren't really invited to- for them (depending on the party of course) to sit there and watch their sibling have fun. And in my case i can already see my boys are becoming the best of friends- as they are close in age- 20 months difference (so hopefully they'll just have the same friends and save us the decisions...lol!).

    So what would or do you do with your other children when only one of your children get invited to a party?

    Thanks in advance for your advise.

  2. #2

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    I would ring up the other mum (or dad ) and just explain the situation. Most other parents have no problem with you bringing younger siblings to events held in playcentres (when talking about this age group - ie, under school age), provided you pay for their entry. I have had to do it before, when DH has been away with army. If DH is here, I always prefer to try and leave the younger kids at home with him and let the invited child have their 'own' special time without the other siblings.

    PS - the best thing about school age is you can dump the invited child and no-one has to stay with them!!

  3. #3

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    If I can leave DD2 with DP then I normally do that. However, if I have to have her with me then she has to come and I just let the party host know that I have to bring her but I will pay for her etc.

  4. #4

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    9 times out of 10 I would leave the others at home with DH. It's not to bad when the younger is only little but, I think it's something special for the one that is invited, they each end up having their own group of friends as they get older and each will be invited to parties ect without the others JMO.

  5. #5

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    In a playcenter or park situation, I take them with me. We had this just recently, We all went , Glenn enjoyed the party of his class mate & we played with the other kids on the playground.

    If it was at someones house I would only take the child invited. BUT if I knew the family well enough then I would probably take some *maybe* all of the other kids. Like if it was my oldest who was invited but I knew the parents of the child well enough, I might also take Glenn with me.

    But I have 5 kids sooooo there is a risk if you invite one you get us all LOL. .

    Evan has a "Play date" on Sunday, Glenn wants to go too but its Evan's friend so only Evan gets to go.

  6. #6

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    I had exactly this situation a couple of months ago. DD1 is 4 and now at kindy. DD2 is 3 so incredibly close in age and they are inseparable. DD1 got an invite to a kindy friend's party at the local indoor play centre. I took DD2 with us, but she didn't go in the party room, didn't eat the food etc. She did have her face painted (after checking with the birthday girl's mum).

    Recently DD1 had an invite to another birthday party at the girl's home and I didn't take DD2 - she went to the local park with DH to play. Was told by the Mum that I should have just brought DD2 anyway. Then we recently had another party at McDonalds - again took DD2 but she didn't participate in games, food etc.

    At all three parties there were siblings (both older and younger) of the invited guests everywhere and nobody seemed to have a problem with it.

    I'm struggling with the right thing to do in these situations. My heart breaks just a little for DD2 that she is excluded from fun stuff, but at the same time I think it is really important that DD1 is allowed her own friends, own activities etc now that she is at "school". I have tried to explain to DD2 that she will go to all these parties too once she starts kindy and she seems to be ok with it.

  7. #7

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    I would leave the younger at home. This is something that will happen alot in the future. I've invited one child in a family to my DS' parties in the past because that's the child who he plays with.
    I have no problem with it at all. I think it's great for the kids to have their own sets of friends ( plus we live in a SUPER isolated area, so the kids having time apart is not often and really really good for them).

  8. #8

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    We've done both with our two girls. Depends on where the party is etc... generally DD2 stays behind, but lately DD2 has been getting party invites without DD1, and now its just a special thing for them to go to parties on their own. If I'm working, however, sometimes the sibling has to go so we ask the party host in advance.

  9. #9

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    I'd personally find it a bit rude if someone came along with their other child (or children!!) but that said, sometimes it can't be avoided. Being at a playcentre, it's probably OK but imagine if all of the kids invited had their siblings tag along too though? If I was the mother of the birthday child, I'd be a bit annoyed, especially as catering, seating and party games are generally organised around the number of expected attendees. And it's all well and good to say that you'd pay for your child's food but really, how do you stop your 'uninvited' child from not getting involved? Wouldn't they get upset and possibly make a scene, IYKWIM? I'm sure some parents wouldn't be as thoughtful either and would let their other kids (the uninvited ones) just join right in. I just don't think it's fair on the child who's birthday it is nor fair on the mother or organiser of the party.

  10. #10

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    I tend to be flexible on these things. There were many parties where I had to take DD2 as she was feeding, just plain clingy or DH was away and I had no choice. Except for when she was a tiny baby I would always ask and explain the situation.

    With holding parties myself, we always say to other parents that if they need to bring along a sibling that it is ok and actually is encouraged. At the kids ages it just seems appropriate for now.

  11. #11

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    My eldest 2 boys are only 16 months apart and I'm finding this situation occuring a bit lately. Sometimes they both get invited but mainly its one or the other. I try to just make the one that is invited go as I feel it is a special time for him, and the parties do tend to even out so it isn't like the other child never gets to go to a party.

    If I was really stuck and it was at a play centre I would ring the Mum and just see if she was ok with it. As you said you would be paying for your other child anyway.

  12. #12

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    Thanks for all the responses everyone. Really appreciate it.

    I had kind of made my decision this arvo and told DH when he got home that i think i'll just take DS1 and DH could have a day with DS2. That way DS1 can have fun without his little brother trying to tag along and i can then chat and get to know the mum (cause i reckon we'd get along pretty well). If DS2 was to go I'd end up stuck in the baby area (he's only 16months)- which he'd get bored with after a while and even though he is only 16months i think he has an understanding that cake is yummy, but that there may not be enough for him.

    I also think this will be the case in any future parties only one gets invited to (depending on where and who it is of course)...will only take the child that was invited...it'll will all even out and the other will have a fun day with daddy (they can go to a theme park or movie).

    Once again thanks for your replies- its nice to know what others do. Its funny it had never occurred to me these situations of having only 1 son invited to something would happen- i think i assumed (without realising it until now) that having 2 boys they'd likely to do almost everything together. But it will be good to see them have some fun time without each other.

  13. #13

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    Frangipani, I also am finding that now that my boys are 5 and 4 it is good that they have developed their own set of friends. They are still best of mates but I think its healthy to have independant friendships. I know last year when they were in the same room at daycare they mixed within different groups most of the time.

    Will be interesting to see how they go at school together next year. My only hope is that they look out for each other (I think they will)

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