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Thread: Babies/toddlers and Church

  1. #37

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    I think it is worth giving the compromise idea a go and see if you are happy. If you are not, discuss it again with your curate then make your next decision (whether to stay or leave). IKWYM about missing the service to stay in creche with your DS. Our oldest DS doesn't like to be left in a group of 30 or so children he doesn't know very well with a few adult helpers who are different every week so my DH or I have to stay in kids church with him. Now that we have a second bub neither DH nor I get much out of a church service! Sometimes I wonder why we go, but I really want our children to grow up in a church environment. Luckily our church is happy for children to stay in the service, but we want our DS to get something out of kid's church. I just see it as being a short time in our lives and it won't last forever.



    Best of luck whatever you decide

  2. #38

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    that's the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard, take him anyway. Don't let that stupid woman ruin church for you and DS.

  3. #39

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    Some children were brought to Jesus so he could lay his hands on them and pray for them. The disciples told them not to bother him.
    But Jesus said, "Let the children come to me. Don't stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these."
    And he put his hands on their heads and blessed them before he left.


    Pity this quote is so long, I'd be inclined to print it on the back of a shirt and wear it next Sunday....

    I'm totally unimpressed with this attitude and sad for you RH.
    Maybe you should consider defecting to the Baptists....

  4. #40

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    Lulu, thats it exactly.

  5. #41

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    That slogon was the one I was talking about lulu.

    I mentioned your situation to my priest and he said that children are the churches future and that is why they encourage ppl to bring their children to services.

  6. #42

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    I think my big problem, after talking and praying about this, was the way it was said. I do know it wasn't said with malice, although it felt like that. The woman who spoke to me crossed the road to speak to me on Thursday and asked what I was doing with DS - when I said he would be in Church she offered to come to creche with me so DS got to know it. Sort of very kind of her... I just have to keep in mind she is trying to help me, without knowing that if DS is away from me I'm too distracted thinking about DS and not concentrating on anything else!

    If a member of the clergy - or even someone on the staff or someone I knew well - had approached, said how gorgeous and lovely DS was, how nice it is he is used to Church, how nice it is to see him... but he is so gorgeous that people are watching him rather than paying attention to the sermon, would I mind keeping him at the back or in the little room (promise the sound will work!) and only give him free rein - more free than I give him atm - during the services where the children stay in that would be very much appreciated, thank you then I would be happy to oblige.

    But the way it was done (eg "he shouldn't be in Church distracting people; he needs creche for his development and you need to concentrate on the sermon") was not like that. That's what upset me so much.

    The curate was very much putting it over in the manner I would have appreciated from the off, but because I had been hurt already I was being a bit rebellious. I don't want DS to leave Church, I also don't want people to concentrate on DS more than God - after all, people go to Church to learn about God, not to admire my wonderful, gorgeous boy. Who is this about, God or DS? It's about God, so I should be thinking how I can serve God, not how the Church should serve DS.

    I still think more people should bring children in and not use the creche so people are used to toddlers and this doesn't happen again! And I really hope this doesn't happen again to anyone. But at least I'm feeling a bit happier for now, just have to see how tomorrow goes now!

  7. #43

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    I'm glad you are feeling better about it RF. I understand how frustrating it can be. Its hard sometimes to see the bigger picture when you are looking through hurt eyes. But I think you have done a fantastic job.

  8. #44

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    Rosehip - I think that's a very mature response. Good on you. When someone says something less than diplomatic to me and I think of how I would have preferred it to be said, I see it as good practice for the future so hopefully I choose my words carefully and try as hard as possible not to hurt other people's feelings.

    I hope tomorrow goes really well for you and DS.

  9. #45

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    Hoping and praying it goes well tomorrow Ryn.

  10. #46

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    Hi girls

    I ended up not going to Church - DS scalded his leg on Saturday night and I didn't know how he would be. As it was, he's fine and happy, but I didn't know that he would be and it's better for him not to go anywhere he could get an infection with a 1st degree burn. He's absolutely fine, dressings changed later today, but all things for God's glory as DH has now said we are not going to make him cry it out to get over his attachment "issues" of loving the two of us and no-one else. I don't seee that's an issue and I also disagree with him arranging this without telling me, but not happening now and there's nowt wrong with DS, he's walking really well still, so all is good.

    TBH, I don't even feel bad about his burn; accidents happen. Praise God that he was wearing shoes so his feet are OK, he was in a cloth nappy so he wasn't even burnt where he was sat in the coffee, and praise God I used to work with burns and so knew how to treat him to minimise any damage. I'm just so thankful he's OK that I'm not that worried, as I said, all things to God's glory.

  11. #47

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    Oh Ryn, I 'm glad to that he's okay.
    Thanks for sharing too, as someone who has little to no idea what to do in that situation you've reminded me to enrol in the first aid course I've been putting off.

  12. #48

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    Please DON"T give up on going to church because of one person. personally, I've always grown up with kids in church..sunday school is always before the church service and all the kids attend church. sure some kids are a bit more active, and ppl can take their kid out the back for a few minutes to calm them down if they feel the need, but don't let someone tell you your kid can't come to church!
    It's clear you've tried to explain to this lady your position, if you're really concerned, I would go to the eldership in your church and express your concern about the attitude. Also, its clear so far its only one person's opinion, be encouraged by the rest of the people who have given you positive comments on your lil one

  13. #49

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    Actually, I haven't been in a month.

    Most members of the congragation who spoke to me told me they loved seeing DS. He is quiet (sings along to the hymns, sometimes at the front dancing along watching the singers) but because we are asked to sit at the back, he walks to the front and stands still watching the preacher during the sermon. I have no problem with this. Every 5-10 minutes he walks back to me, sits on my lap for 2-3 minutes, then walks back to the front.

    But one of the sides-persons tells me every week this is too distracting and "DS's needs aren't being met." They ARE being met - he has a loving mummy and enjoys Church! Also that "it's embarrasing for you to go and bring him back from the front" - only when he starts dancing to the hymns and I know I'm going to get told off, it's very embarrassing to be told you're not welcome somewhere.

    Last Saturday we went to a children's thing at Church. We sat at the front. DS sat still for the whole thing! But we're asked to sit at the back.

    I can't even talk to my friends at church, because they all tell me "well, he is distracting." WTF? He's MY son, not yours! Just ignore him! That's what I do with everyone else's babies... not toddlers. Actually, people put 3mo babies in the creche, so I am really weird.

    I'm half thinking about a new Church. But there are "all age" services during the summer hols and DS can sit at the front for those so I'll see how he gets on there. Having said that, they're all age but there's still a creche for those parents who really hate spending time with their under-3s.

    I just don't like being made unwelcome somewhere. If it were a restaurant I'd not go back, why is a Church really any different? LOL, good food I suppose. But it's not worth the heartache and we can read the Bible and talk about it at home.

    The sad thing is, not one of my friends have said they've missed seeing me this last month! I really am ready to give up.

  14. #50

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    I just don't like being made unwelcome somewhere. If it were a restaurant I'd not go back, why is a Church really any different? LOL, good food I suppose. But it's not worth the heartache and we can read the Bible and talk about it at home.

    The sad thing is, not one of my friends have said they've missed seeing me this last month! I really am ready to give up.
    The thing is that we need fellowship, so when you realise that your friends aren't your fellowship its hard. I found that the hardest thing when we recently left our church. It was hard because the fellowship was changing and we were part of the body.

    We changed churches though... we found somewhere closer and that is uber child friendly. During worship the kids run riot through pews etc and there are multiple kids in my children's age groups. So the older children leave at the end of worship and the younger toddlers hang at the back of the church playing with their parents. Its smiled at when they kick a stink or laugh... the feeling is totally different from where we have been before.

    I think it may be worthwhile checking other places out to find somewhere you can feel comfortable and meet God at.

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