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Thread: How do I ask DH? (Probably TMI to some)

  1. #1

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    Red face How do I ask DH? (Probably TMI to some)

    I've been reading a lot lately about circumcision (I'm anti-circ, but i wanted to have some arguments up my sleeve in case anyone wanted me to do it to my son(s) in the future) and just came across some photos of both intact and circumcised men. And I got a bit of a shock. The photos of the circumcised men look a heap more like my DH than the intact ones. I think my husband was circ'ed. I'm not sure how to ask him, because what if he's not and he thinks I'm making fun of him for looking different? On the other hand, what if he thinks it's normal and expected it to be done to our sons, and would approve it without us discussing it? What if he doesn't even know?

    The only thing I've ever asked him about "down there" is why "it" sticks out on a bit of an angle (The reason I decided to look up photos in the first place - I'd read that sometimes it can cause scarring that pulls it to one side slightly) so I'm not sure how to broach the subject...


  2. #2

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    hmmmmmmmm maybe you could broach the subject by saying you were looking up both sides of circumcision, for and against, and does he have an opinion - this might get him talking about the subject and it might come out..... then you could ask if anyone in his family is circ'd etc, or anyone else had their kids done.... just ask some leading questions, i am sure it would come out somehow...

    my dp and his family are circ'd - yet he hasn't indicated he wants this baby (due very soon) to be circ'd (we know its a boy)... and since whenever i have brought up the subject he has never voiced his opinion etc, and i have given him the opportunity, then we won't be getting it done, as to be honest i wouldn't really know where to start in getting in done these days anyway, its not as common... my sister in law who had her son done (9 years ago mind you) is very pro-circ though, and has brought it up more than me or dp...

  3. #3

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    You could just ask "are you circ'd? cos i can not tell by the pictures i saw when looking up crooked penis'."

    dont worry about it being embaressing. My DH had to ask his mum if he was cos he didnt know...

  4. #4

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    What does it look like when its not erect? If its covered with skin and looks all puckered up like - its not circumcised. If its still a smooth helmet looking thing - its been cut.

    Have a look whilst he's taking a pee or something so you don't have to ask

  5. #5

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    why not just ask him what he thinks about having a little boy circ'ed. It's quite likely that will lead you to the topic of whether he is or not (I think some men have strong feelings about their sons being like them in that regard, whether circ'ed or not). And if you still can't figure it out just ask him straight out if he is or not. You can always say you don't know cause you just haven't seen that many

  6. #6

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    Can you ask him something fairly general?
    Like 'how do you feel about circumcision if it's a boy?' It might give you a clue...and it's good to know how he feels about it anyway KWIM?

  7. #7

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    Have you guys discussed whether or not you would circ your boys? Does he know how against it you are??

    I dont think he would be offended if you ask. If he is circumcised- its not like it was his choice... but it may bring up the issue that he may want his son to be the same as him, if he is.

    Just be open and honest and maybe just broach the subject by asking him what he thinks about it- and he may answer your question with out you actually having to ask if he is or not.

    Its a choice you do have to make together, so eventually you will have to discuss it.

    Good luck!! Maybe this bubs will be a girl- and you wont need to worry about it just yet!!

  8. #8

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    I'm pretty sure your DH would know if he is or isn't LOL. Maybe just say something like "This might sound a little silly but are you circumcised?" That could then be a way of finding out if a) he is and b) what his views are. Some fathers are a bit funny about it - like father like son sort of thing.

    HTH.

  9. #9

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    Hi Teni,
    I'd just be upfront and honest with him. Tell him you've been doing some research and found some photos, show him the photos and tell him that the circ'd photo looks a lot like his and then wait for his response.
    I honestly think you both need to discuss the subject and be on the same page before your bubs is born. Hope this helps

  10. #10

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    I would just come straight out & say it. " have you been circumcised?"

    Or you could ask what his thoughts on circumcision are in case you have a boy. He might say "I am so DS should be too" or the exact opposite. Then you can talk about your views.

  11. #11

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    Oh jeez, I didn't even realise that my thread had been posted :blush: I thought maybe it hadn't gone through properly - even when I looked for it, I couldn't find it again to see if anyone responded... Because I was impatient (and didn't realise there were answers waiting for me) I ended up just asking him outright - after a lot of blushing and embarrassment - and he's not. Apparently his dad is (ick) but left it up to him to decide if he would get it done or not. He hadn't even thought about it til I asked him, and once I did, he started thinking again... Til I pointed out all the negatives and showed him some pictures

    Thanks for the advice, even if I never saw it til now. Maybe if someone else has the same problem (unlikely) it will help them!

  12. #12

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    Glad you got it sorted

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