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Thread: we disagree

  1. #1

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    Default we disagree

    I did post this in the circumsision thread then read something about that part of the forum being closed so im posting here as im not sure if that section is still in use


    My husband and I are totally opposite when it comes to circumsition. I am against and he is all for.
    Has anyone else experienced this and how did you resolve it?



    DH is circumsised and believes (through i guess family tradition) that it should be done. He also believes all the talk about it safer/less infections etc.
    We don't know if one of the twins is a boy yet although my gut tells me both are (wishful thining maybe) but as its quite a serious discussion I think DH and I need it cleared up ASAP its not something we can discuss for years I'm more than a 1/4 the way through this pregnancy now.
    Someone please help I don't want any son of mine mutilated that way (after all its his (possible son's) decision!)

  2. #2

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    Is it something you could discuss with your OB/midwife. I know many people take more notice of a "medical" explanation. If your Dr can explain why circumcision isn't necessary then perhaps your DH might come around. Perhaps it is simply that he wants his son(s) to "look" like him??

  3. #3

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    Ah this is a tough one....no real advice here for you, sorry, other than that I am totally with you. I think circumcision is mutilation and I don't agree with it at all. Having said that, I know how 'traditional' some men are, and I kind of understand where your hubby is coming from.....still, I would just say to him that you understand how he feels, but there is no way in h*ll you're doing that to your babies! Lol. See if that works.....sorry I can't help more

  4. #4

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    I haven't been in this position, but I've heard alot of good reviews about the Penn & Teller Bullsh*t episode on circumcision ..

    Also, Maybe get him to watch a video of the actual procedure? Theres plenty on youtube.

    I have the same stance as mummydreamer ..

    Good luck x

  5. #5

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    Deleted this post as I got a bit fired up and i think it was just overtiredness which will help no-one!!!

  6. #6

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    I agree with Krisp about getting a suitably 'qualified' person to talk to him.
    We had the same disagreement and my DH had the same arguements. We finally agreed to agree to disagree and not have it done because it couldn't be reversed if he ever changed his mind. DS can make up his own mind.

    When I worked at the kids hossy years ago in theatre it was when it was changed to being a 'fully elective' surgery ie parents pay to have it done privately only. It didn't change the number of circs we did, so do a bit of research on the quiet to find someone who can back you up.

    Good luck.

  7. #7

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    Honestly I can see both sides and there's a lot to be said about little boys looking like daddy.

    I really don't have an answer because DH isn't circumcised so it wasn't an issue with our DS.

    I think the best bet would be for both of you, to discuss it with a Dr together.

    IMO circumcision is unnecessary and I've never had a problem with DH "cleanliness" in 10 years. So I think the old notion that uncut men are dirty is well outdated and not a reality now a days.

    But on the flip side I see where a father might want to carry on the "tradition".

    Sorry I didn't really help but I just wanted to say I can see a reason for both.

    hope you both come to a decision that you're comfortable with.

  8. #8

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    I have listened to his point of view its something we have discusses since having our first child together (3 years of point vs point) Im not saying our son wont be circumsised, he will be IF he chooses to be, i think its like ear peircing I wont do my girls ears until they tell me they want it done. How do i know as a newborn my son wants this done? I just think as a human being they have the right to choose there aare actually a lot of men out there who hate the fact it was done to them i dont want my son (if i have one or 2!) to feel that way iykwim

  9. #9
    sweetgloss Guest

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    When we made the decision not to, it was based on the fact that it seems to be a less comon procedure now, we wanted DS to grow up the same as the other boys.
    But having said that, I dont think I could of put my baby through that anyway, not for something so unnecessary

  10. #10

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    Peaceful parenting on FB has lots of great info/links stories on it

  11. #11

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    I agree with the others who have suggested talking with a dr.

    We discussed it with our OB as I was always under the impression that it was better (cleaner) for boys to be circumcised and then there is wanting them to look like daddy but our OB was very quick to advise us against it.

    We asked about the cleanliness and he said it wasn't necessary, if there was a problem down the track (very unlikely) then maybe it would need to be done later but he also said that DS may get tonsilitis or appendicitis at some stage but he wasn't about to remove his tonsils or appendix at birth just in case. It made sense to us when he put it like that...maybe that would help your DH? GL

  12. #12

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    I was lucky that DH is uncircumcised and never wanted our boys to be, so there was no argument.

    Maybe the 2 of you could both agree to put your opinions aside and research together on both sides of the debate. You might find that once your DH sees how it is done and why so few boys are done now, he will agree with you.
    It might also be worth pointing out that while he is OK with being circumcised, not everyone is. I know my father resents his parents for having removed a perfectly healthy part of his body without his permission. On one of the Jon Saffran shows he was talking to Jewish men who wanted their foreskins back and were going through a tortuous process to stretch what remained after circumcision out to create a new foreskin. Surely if some men feel strongly enough to do that then the decision should be left till later when the owner of the penis can decide for himself?

  13. #13

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    Whoops, MrsS, you just posted most of what I said while I was writing.

  14. #14

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    Sorry I don't have any answers for you but I will be keeping an eye on this thread, as my Mum is ALL for circumcision.

    If I have a boy next, I know she'll go all freaky on me again and try to force it upon us.

    She cut P's hair when I specifically said not to, becuase she thought it was getting too long, forced us to try toilet training because apparently nappies are "disgusting" and was SO mental when P was born, I had to do an anonymus admission... so I have no doubt that if I had a boy and told her not to touch him she'd still try to retract his foreskin and do research into circumcision, and probably take him herself to get it done, behind our backs!

  15. #15

    Default

    DH and I are "against" circumcision but tbh I had never thought about it - so I was/am against it but that's not because I'm really informed about it iykwim?

    Anyway, my Mum told me recently that she had heard reports about circumcision reducing the chances of cancer and HIV, and asked if we had thought more about doing it for DS. My answer - DS is unlikely to get sick with either before he's old enough to make the decision himself. I'll help him become informed when he's older, but if he's ever circumcised it'll be because he's decided to. Don't know if that logic would help with your DH as well? Your boy/s could always get it done when they're older and can consent themselves.

  16. #16

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    Nikkie - I was trying to PM you some websites, but your inbox is full.

    This is from a position paper from The Royal Australasian College of Physicians
    After reviewing the currently available evidence, the RACP believes that the frequency of diseases modifiable by circumcision, the level of protection offered by circumcision and the complication rates of circumcision do not warrant routine infant circumcision in Australia and New Zealand. However it is reasonable for parents to weigh the benefits and risks of circumcision and to make the decision whether or not to circumcise their sons.
    IMO, any argument about it being "healthier" or protection against STD's does not justify circumcision of an infant who cannot give consent. If a male wants to take that step when he becomes sexually active, then that's his choice. Though condom use would be better protection.

  17. #17

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    sorry emptied my inbox tash

  18. #18

    Default

    I had this exact problem when we found out this one was a boy.

    DH is done, and wanted his son to be done for all the reasons you mentioned (tradition, cleanliness)... because he was done and everyone else was when he was growing up he just figured that was the thing to do.

    So, I emailed him loads of legitimate circumcision research, plus pictures and information on the procedures. I sent him the statistics of boys getting it done nowadays, and also the statistics of UTI's in boys. I sent him the statistics of problems occurred from circumcision which far outweighed the infection ones. I also sent him the costs involved and the availability of Dr's willing to do it in our area., which didn't hurt my case at all. I actually tried to avoid all articles that were extremely biased against it (there are heaps online), because I figure the statistics really do speak for themselves and I didn't want to seem like I was shoving my opinions down his throat... I wanted him to reach the same conclusion as I did based on the infomation given.

    After I sent him all this I told him I was against it, but being the Dad I decided it was his decision (not something everyone would agree with but that's my thinking). I told him that after reading it all and giving it serious thought and consideration if it was STILL important for him to have it done then HE could take our son and stay with him through the procedure, I couldn't bear to witness it.

    DH spent a few days looking through it all, doing his own research and has completely changed his mind on it.... we're not having our son done. Hope that helped!

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