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Thread: Ok, I'm not coping here...

  1. #37

    Default Re: Ok, I'm not coping here...

    I swear they smell our milk!!

    Did your DH do anything different to you?

    Is your ds in a wonder week? I know my dd2 is due soon...


  2. #38

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    Default Re: Ok, I'm not coping here...

    Oh no Jleigh what a rubbish day hope today/tomorrow (2am feed time here!) are better. Have you got the wonder weeks app??

  3. #39

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    Default Re: Ok, I'm not coping here...

    Quote Originally Posted by JLeigh2
    Then DH comes home, has Bub fast asleep within 5 minutes and proceeds to tell his mum, brother and sister (who all called to wish him a happy birthday) that Bub is doing well and isn't a problem, for him. Grrrrrrr, I wanted to kill him.
    that used to drive me crazy too! exact same scenario happened here.

    hope today is better.

  4. #40

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    Default Re: Ok, I'm not coping here...

    I think DH's 'baby whispering' ability is down to being calmer (he hadn't been trying for hours already), not smelling like milk and being nice and padded as opposed to bony like me!

    Bub has been windy and wakeful most of the night....extra feeds, squirmy and uncomfortable with lots of action at both ends and just not wanting to go back to sleep. I ended up putting him in bed with me at 4:30am and we both dozed til 7am.

    The silent reflux has turned into reflux/vomiting too...four times in the last day and a half. He's only ever brought milk up twice before that. Should I be worried?

  5. #41

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    Default Re: Ok, I'm not coping here...

    Hi hun. I feel for you! I've been through this twice now. DS1 had silent reflux and zantac really helped him. I also had him on a thickened formula. I see you're bfing, I know there's something you can add to breastmilk to thicken it, however this might mean expressing... which can add to the workload a bit. Perhaps offering one or two thickened feeds a day could help? Just an idea. I wouldn't be super worried about the vomiting, as sometimes babies just bring up milk when they burp and it can be unrelated to the reflux. It is hard to tell though. So long as he's gaining weight I wouldn't stress.

    As for the sleep, sometimes you've just gotta surrender to the crapness for a period of time. I know it's not a great solution, but it helps me to feel less out of control if I just come to a place of accepting that for now, this is how it is. I have a few tricks to work around clingy crying babies though. Here's what's helped me.

    1. Look after yourself.
    If you need to go to the toilet, go. Baby will cry when you put him down, but it won't hurt him for a minute or two while you relieve yourself.
    Same goes for drinks. If you need to put him down to pour a glass of water, do so. It's never fun to listen to them cry but a girl's gotta drink!
    2. Food prep.
    So you know you can't make yourself snacks etc, let alone a proper meal. When times are tough, I make sure whatever dinner we have, there is extra. Even better if I can eat it one handed. (pasta, rice, a wrap) I'll eat it cold if I have to. When you're hungry, you're stressed. And when you're not getting adequate sleep, food is your fuel. Don't let yourself run on empty. If leftovers aren't an option for various reasons, have DH (or if you get a moment of peace at night) make yourself and DS1 a sandwich. Cut up some fruit. (or have bananas and apples etc handy) Keep DS1's lunchbox on the bottom shelf in the fridge and allow him to help himself when he's hungry.
    3. Shower by yourself.
    Pretty self explanatory, lol. I find a nice long shower by myself can help me face the night shift.
    4. Try things again.
    Things that haven't worked in the past can suddenly work. Babies change so fast. When you feel like you're out of options, revisit some old strategies. I go through the list, and if nothing works, I repeat until the crying stops.
    5. Lower your standards.
    The following things are the only housework I do on hard days. Essential laundry (undies, nappies, towels if we have none clean). I don't fold. Folding is a swearword here. Dishes if I have none left. Dinner prep = thawed meat. That is all... lol.
    6. military precision.
    If you absolutely have to leave the house the next day, you plan that trip with military precision. Nappy bag is stocked. Lunchbox is prepared for DS1. down to the finest detail. Everything you intend to wear. Everything the kids will wear. Shoes by the door. The less I have to rummage and struggle in the morning while the kids are going mental, the better.

    I hope some of that was helpful. If not, please feel free to disregard! No pressure. I know how hard it can be, but like I said, adaptability and surrender are your best friends right now. What gets me through is knowing that one day, this will all be a distant memory, and I'll remember the good stuff a lot clearer than the 'tear your hair our and rock in the fetal position' moments. Hang in there! You're doing awesome.

  6. #42

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    Default Re: Ok, I'm not coping here...

    Forshelby - Are you watching me?! Your tips are everything I do already. Especially the food prep for DS1 and myself (I get so hungry BFing!). I think the control freak in me NEEDS to do those things, and has really helped me keep a teeny tiny hold on sanity. I hate putting DS down to cry while I do something essential, but I do.ts the things that are out of my control that I hate....Bub not being able to get to sleep, or waking after 5-10 mins and not resettling....37 degree kindy drop offs/pick ups that overheat the car and Bub to the point I worry about his health....

    I haven't looked for a helper yet as I can't decide exactly what I want them to do...kindy drop offs/pick ups? (But then DS1 is getting even more neglected and how do I know the Carer is a safe driver/has a safe car and seat or do we take our seat in and out of their car every day?) or watch Bub while I do them? (but what mother would leave her newborn with a Carer while they drop their older child off?) Prep dinner? (But I enjoy that time out to chop a few veges or bake) Watch the kids while I prep dinner? (But knowing my luck, Bub will decide to cluster feed and I won't get a chance) Washing? (Who cares about washing?!). Finances are tight, so we'd be looking at only 2-3hrs a week. I'm not sure if anyone would want two 1.5 hour sessions either, and I really want it to be split over at least two days.

    Any ideas?

  7. #43

    Default Re: Ok, I'm not coping here...

    Things a home helper might be able to do:

    - Put on washing, hang out washing, fold washing
    - Wash and dry dishes, stack dishwasher, put dishes away
    - Tidy away toys, put out rubbish
    - Sweep, mop, wipe down benches, quick bathroom clean
    - Sort and throw out broken toys
    - Get groceries
    - Fill car with petrol if needed, get car washed, clean rubbish out of car (if it's anything like mine, that will take a while)
    - Wash sheets and towels, change bedding
    - When (if) you can get the baby down for a nap, have helper stay home with them while you go out (to do anything - a pedicure would be great, but even grocery shopping alone feels like a break!) - with or without DS1
    - Make you a cup of tea

    These are the kinds of things my Mum did when she was here for a week (bar the cleaning, I am lucky enough to have a cleaner as long as I'm working). We all need this kind of support, maybe not all the time, but def when it's a tougher period like you're dealing with. If you can get it, take advantage of the carer option.

  8. #44

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    Default Re: Ok, I'm not coping here...

    Ok, epic fail here last night....

    After a few good days, silent reflux-wise and me being so unbelievably tired, DH and I agreed we'd try feeding lying down and co-sleeping for part of the night. The midnight feed went well - he drank really well and both he and I went straight back to sleep. Fast forward one hour and he's full of wind, squirmy, grizzly, wide awake and generally uncomfortable. For the next two and a half hours. He's had the rest of his feeds since upright, with half hour upright afterwards, but is still windy and gassy even now. He's done four explosive farty poos in five hours and had one vomit too...

  9. #45

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    Default Re: Ok, I'm not coping here...

    Oh JLeigh. :hugs: can you sleep him slightly upright- as in a blanket under the top of the mattress? I can't remember, have you taken him to your doc yet re reflux med options? Hang in there. X

  10. #46

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    Default Re: Ok, I'm not coping here...

    Are you able to get or borrow an amby baby hammock? They're supposed to be really helpful for reflux babies.

  11. #47

    Default Re: Ok, I'm not coping here...

    Have you tried infants friend? It worked wonders with dd1 and they can have it from birth.

    I didn't find laying down and feeding any good for either because then I'd fall asleep and not burp her.

    As a thought would taking breaks while feeding him help. As in feed till let down has calmed, burp, feed a bit, burp again etc?

  12. #48

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    Default Re: Ok, I'm not coping here...

    you just reminded me that I used a wedge under ds for awhile. basically a piece of firm foam cut in a wedge shape and in a pillow case that raised top of ds body.

  13. #49

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    Default Re: Ok, I'm not coping here...

    We raised the mattress with a pillow underneath so it was still safe but kept ds elevated.

  14. #50

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    Default Re: Ok, I'm not coping here...

    Ladylove - yes, he's on Losec. It's definitely helped, but the big difference has been going dairy and soy free. We were almost symptom free apart from the sleeplessness, until Fri.

    His cot mattress is elevated, but for his day sleeps where I try to put him down, he's usually flat....can't believe I haven't thought of that! And yes, we usually have lots of 'burp breaks' while feeding. I feed as upright as possible and he has about 30 mins upright afterwards too (slightly less at night). I think all the upright-ness and burping makes settling him even harder and contributes to his wakefulness a bit too.

    Well, it looks like maybe the feeding lying down wasn't totally to blame for his pain. I think it was more likely something I ate...the only thing different to usual was homemade coconut whipped cream on Thurs arvo (then again at Fri lunch and night to finish it) so checked the tin and it had 'numbers' - nothing else I've eaten had numbers. Lucky DH was here (he's exhausted, lol!). Bub is a heck of a lot better today though, with no more vomiting/reflux and the gas and wind pain seems almost gone. He fed this arvo without pulling off again and went down tonight in about 2 minutes.

    I've asked Mum to come back over from interstate for a couple of weeks, so she's arriving Thurs. hopefully it'll give Bub a chance to settle even more, give me a little rest and support, and allow us to work out a plan, whether it be hiring help, trying new things, looking into support etc DH is also going to juggle his work schedule to do some kindy drop offs/pick ups on hot, hot days so Bub isn't getting distressed in a hot car.

    Sorry for the novel, yet again...

  15. #51

    Default Re: Ok, I'm not coping here...

    Glad to hear your Mum is coming. Hopefully you've turned a corner re the dairy and soy as well.


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