Co-Sleep?????????

I was so totally against co-sleeping when I had my DD as she hated it and would only settle in her cot, in her room by herself. She hated being cuddled to sleep or held while she was sleeping so I never understood co-sleeping either. Then along came my little snugglepot DS. From the minute he was born all he wants to do is sleep in my arms. Honestly, it drives me absolutely mental during the day and early evening when there is a stack of things I have to do around the house and try to play with DD and I get no time off at all as he will only settle for me. But on the other hand I love our night time snuggles. I'm weird I still get up to feed him even when he is in our bed. At night we co-sleep as needed and we'll do it for as long as I have to so we can all get some sleep. If he isn't with me if that's where he wants to be no-one in the house can sleep through his tanties.

re DH minding. nope. not at all. he will move her out of our bed if she is fast asleep. but if she is restless, he will help to settle her. we only co sleep for part of the night though - not the whole night - so we get our cuddles and things.

the comment that it actually gives Dad's a chance to share spesh time with their bubba is so true as well. being a BF bubba (FF might be different) there is not much involvement for DH in the feeding routine. hell, two days ago was the first time DD fell asleep in DH's arms and she's nine months old! anyway - having her co sleep means he is able to be involved. dd will snuggle up to either one of us. if she is feeding, DH will often stroke her head or rub her tummy (or a bit of both) especially if she's been unsettled. quite often he strokes both our heads at once!

anyway, all that waffle to get to what i was saying lol. three nights ago, i was feeding DD between us in bed. i was laying on my side, with her facing me. she was holding one of my hands, curled around enough to grab DH's hand, and pulled on him until he snuggled up behind her. so the three of us shared our snuggles and were just content. it was beautiful

we don't go without intimacy because of co sleeping. intimacy is so much more than sex or even touching. it's about connecting - and our princess being with us HELPS that, it doesn't hinder it

Definitely makes night feeds easy-peasy and you don't have to really wake up for them! Plus it's just lovely having that little arm resting on you, and snuggling up face to face. Naawww.. i'll miss it when they grow up!

As for a toddler and new baby.. i used a co-sleeper cot when DD was little (so she was right next to me, but not on the bed) and DS was still welcome to come and sleep between us in our bed. He was never kicked out of our bed, we just started putting him to sleep in his own bed, and he knew he was welcome to come in to us if he woke. So he'd just bring himself in. He eventually started sleeping through the whole night in his own bed. Nothing traumatic at all.. effortless transitions.

At the moment, DD still comes in to us at night. Right at this very moment.. we are on holidays and we all start off in our own beds (same room) but by morning it's me and the kids in the big bed and daddy has been booted out of the bed at some stage through the night LOL.

It just feels lovely and natural for us. We don't let it worry us. Sometimes we all crowd into the bed, and yes I wake up a bit stiff LOL.. but it's for such a short time in our lives.. I'm happy to do it and am savouring every moment of it :)

Dp doesn't mind when DD comes into the bed. He actually likes to give her a good cuddle. Most of the time if he hears her and I don't during the night he'll bring her into the bed. But we don't do full-time co-sleeping generally so maybe it's a novelty factor?

My DH never wanted to have our baby in our bed. He was very frightened of rolling onto him whilst he was asleep.

Then DS was born and reality land set in. If Mitchell is having a bad night then I bring him into bed with us. It means I get more rest and he sleeps better anyway.

We share a bed with DS for a number of reasons - a big one is that I get more sleep that way. We started putting him in his cot in our room for the first part of the night, but I found I was getting up to check on him 5 times or so during the night. I keep thinking of moving him out of our bed and into his cot, but the thought of not cuddling him all night makes me a bit sad, I love having him right next to me. To me, it feels like that's where he belongs - next to his mummy. Having said that, it does drive me a bit batty sometimes when he thrashes around all night.

DH also has said he likes having DS in bed with us, although he does not sleep as well. Our intimate life is pretty dreary at the moment, but I think that's got more to do with exhaustion than DS being in our bed. When we've both got the energy, we move elsewhere.

Liz - I like how you have managed the transition for your DS to his own bed and room. I would like to do it like that as DS gets older.

I also agree with what Jellyfish said:

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I believe the opposite is true in terms of independence. I feel that by showing my daughter I am here for her whenever she needs, she gains confidence and this is echoed in many studies. My thinking is that being in their own room/bed might teach them they HAVE to be independent and personally, I'd rather teach them they CAN be because they are secure in the fact that if things go wrong, I am right there to help.

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we don't go without intimacy because of co sleeping. intimacy is so much more than sex or even touching. it's about connecting - and our princess being with us HELPS that, it doesn't hinder it

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Putting that way probably explains why DH doesn't have the issue of no sex/touching/cuddling, but to me, I miss the latter 2 more. Maybe I need it more when I am home with the 2 little ones all day and miss the adult interaction. For me I have really craved it since we have had a string of colds, runny noses and coughs, family coming to stay (not the best interaction for me due to some family issues), and then the rain, has created a bit of cabin fever. DH has been able to get a fresh look on things by going to work, whereas I have been at home, needing a different interaction than just the kids..

Can someone explain to me the reasons why you Co-Sleep?
We do because it feels so natural to have them with us...I think it must be lonely for them to be in that room all by themsleves cause i know i dont like to sleep alone :) I know its not for everyone but its for us :) I wish i would have co slept form birth with DS1 cause i would have had so much more sleep...having DS2 in bed form day one has made my life so easy! Plus I want all the cuddles i can get before i am too embarrasing for them :)

How long you plan on doing it for?
As long as they need the security..Ds1 was sleeping in his own bed but he has come back to my bed because he obviously needs me more now! and he willa gain choose to go to his own room, I wont force him to sleep somehwere that he is not comfortable with!

And if u only have one bub and another one comes along are you planning on having them both share your bed? Yup both share the bed...well DS2 is in his cot which attached to our bed and Ds1 is in the bed!

If not and you plan on moving the older one in their own bed, isn't it cruel to just than "kick" them out? and wouldn't it be harder for them to than adjust to at long last sleeping in their own bed, as opposed to if you had of just stuck it out and perserveed at the start and got them use to sleeping in their own beds?!
Babies are happy when in contact wiht their mummy. The closeness it gives us far outwieghs the need for them to have their own rooms......wish i dint waste all the money on a cot lol! I woild rather my babies sleep with me untill their little brains and hearts are ready to be in their own rooms than force it upon them when they need me most!

But as i said each to thier own...I never co slept with my parents...but i rememebr being so affraid of sleeping alone i would sneak into their room :)

As for DH we are a family now so it doesnt phase him...we had lots of fun before the kids were born and did still do and we will enjoy our cuddles alone when the kids are bigger....plus DH leaves at midnight so i am all alone lol!

There are some great books that will explain the scientific reasons to co sleep...science of parenting, helping your baby to sleep and many more! and DS1 is definetly more independant. He is a happy smily kid !

Hun your not a bad mummy you just do what is right for your family :hug:

Actually, wasn't my idea to co-sleep at the start, it was DH's!! He would get up and bring her to bed for me every time she woke and then take her back after she'd fed so it's much easier for him this way! lol. He loves his cuddles with both of us. And he is so not ready for her to move to her own room yet either he has informed me, lol.

DD is in her cot at the start of the night so we get our cuddle time then and then she is in with us for the rest of the night when all we are doing is sleeping anyway, so we're not missing out on anything.

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Putting that way probably explains why DH doesn't have the issue of no sex/touching/cuddling, but to me, I miss the latter 2 more. Maybe I need it more when I am home with the 2 little ones all day and miss the adult interaction. For me I have really craved it since we have had a string of colds, runny noses and coughs, family coming to stay (not the best interaction for me due to some family issues), and then the rain, has created a bit of cabin fever. DH has been able to get a fresh look on things by going to work, whereas I have been at home, needing a different interaction than just the kids..

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i get the cabin fever thing!

i guess maybe it doesn't worry us so much as we have lived apart as part of our relationship (DH working away) so our bond and our comfort and connection doesn't have to be touch. it's about communicating. it's amazing how much you can connect looking silently into each others eyes over a feeding bubba!

i do still get snuggles with hubby though - when bubba is feeding on the other side (so not between us) i roll over and he spoons me and she snuggles up close on the other side and i kinda hold her (damn this is hard to explain! lol) - but i still get my snuggles lol. DD goes back into her cot early in the morning if she wants to - we don't force it - just put her there - if she whinges or anything, she comes back to us. more often than not, she goes back to sleep form about 6-9 in her cot, and DH and I get our cuddles then.

i guess it's something you either love, put up with, or hate. no one will judge you no matter how you feel about it. my parents never co-slept with me - and when i was older, and felt unwell, i felt uncomfortable climbing into bed with them for comfort - i would stand at the end of the bed. i am hoping DD doesn't feel like that with us...

Well dh and I have coslept with each other for ten years and it hasn't impacted our independence. As BG has said, the babe in the bed only adds to the love we feel for each other. It also forces some sexual creativity ;)

I recommend you try it with a newborn babe some time. It feels soooo good!! And helps with milk supply, night feeds and generally fosters a well adjusted little human.

All mammals sleep with their young. I am not sure babies are the ones who benefit from the physical distance (western, modern) humans often impose on their children. But each to their own.

Can someone explain to me the reasons why you Co-Sleep?
Ok, well we never intended on co-sleeping with DD. We always planned on having her in our room with us for a few months then moving her to her own room. We did do this at 4mths and DD slept fine in her own cot, own room for 4mths (she would only wake once or twice for a feed and happily feed back to sleep) but once she turned 8mths and separation anxiety kicked in and she realised Mummy was leaving her all alone in a big bed in a big room she would call out and wake constantly so we started bringing her into bed with us! It was either that, OR wake up sometimes up to 10 times a night and walk the halls... no thanks! I was a zombie.... you have to do what works for you and your family. And what gets you the most amount of rest/sleep.
Now, we co-sleep full time. And have since DD was about 9mths. Yes she still goes in her cot now and then but most of the time she falls asleep in our bed and stays there. Day and night. We just moved the cot next to our bed in a side car arrangement meaning the cot side has been taken off and pushed up against our bed so we are all in together but now i can sleep next to DH again!!! AH BLISS!!!!! I've missed him ;)
And yes you can still DTD when you co-sleep!! :D we also co-sleep as its been proven it helps reduce risk of SIDS and so many other benefits for Mum and bub!!!

How long you plan on doing it for?
As long as we need to. Until DD feels ready to sleep on her own again in her own cot. And until we feel that she is ready to move to her own room (one day). She is only 1 and sometimes babies and kids are 'forced' to become independent too quickly in this day and age, the way society feels they should be. I feel its important to let kids do things when they are ready. Plus DD has always been a very needy bub, clingy, needing mummy with her alot, and thats her. That is how she is growing and she loves being around ppl. She would not cope well being in her own room on her own at this age..... whereas some babies it doesnt bother them.

And if u only have one bub and another one comes along are you planning on having them both share your bed? yes if we need to to get sleep then yes we will. Whatever works! Whatever gives us all the most amount of rest and sleep. We would have it like Amber has her bedroom set up no doubt. One in the bed and one in the cot next to the bed.

If not and you plan on moving the older one in their own bed, isn't it cruel to just than "kick" them out?
Nope because we wouldnt just kick her out.... we'd do it slowly and gradually with love (as Pinky McKay says in her books ;) ) everything should be done gradually. Not forced.

I know that if you are a Mum that breastfeeds and has a baby/toddler who will wake up frequently of a night time (ie our DD does!!!) if left on her own in her own cot even if she's in the room with us.... then you know you don't really have a choice other than to Co-sleep!!! Unless you want to be up ALL night every night and listening to their crying is awful. Especially when they just want to be close to Mummy :D Co-sleeping is safe, natural and has been done for thousands of years..... its totally normal. And I honestly believe it has also helped strengthen the bond DD and I have created together and also made her even closer to DH too!!

HJ, if you have been able to have your DD in her own cot in her own room since she was real little and she wasn't bothered by it then you haven't had the 'need' to have to co-sleep either! If you have had a baby that has been frequently waking every single night and you feel you are going to die if you don't sleep lol then you probably would have started co-sleeping too!!! :lol:

Well I can't answer as to the husband thing as I am a single mum so I'll move on to the rest...
I planned from the start to co-sleep as soon as DS was big enough that I wouldn't worry about squashing him... He decided it would be sooner as he wouldn't sleep in the hammock I'd bought for the early months. As for the reason... It just felt right... I couldn't put it in words until I found a poem someone else had written - peaceful parenting: Why Does The Baby Cry? Poem - but it made sense then...
Just because you know baby is safe from predators, and fire, and has a monitor on so they can be heard etc doesn't mean that the baby knows that. I think instinctively the safest-feeling place for a baby would be next to mum. So that's why I co-sleep.
Easy feeding and cuddles and quiet midnight giggles when he throws up his legs and lets one rip are just bonuses :)

My baby is only 3 months so I guess she's too young to care whree she sleeps yet? Coz she can sleep anywhere, but I keep her in her bassinet by my side at night. I'd love to have her in bed with me, coz from what I've read, it's really good to enhance the bond, and communication?
But I can't coz I totally sleep with real heavy duvets, and my partner is totally zonked out and would most definitely roll over, sometimes he pushes me out of the bed.
But I think it's a great thing, but then, my cousin has a 4 yr old who won't sleep in his own bed.

Can someone explain to me the reasons why you Co-Sleep?
co-sleeping was never something i intended to do. we started off not co-sleeping at all, then DS & i would co-sleep for part of the night in spare room when he became really difficult to put back down in his cot after 4am. then he started waking more & more and so now he & co-sleep in the main bedroom & DP is in the spare room. i actually don't like this set up - well, i do love having DS right there & being able to attend to his frequent wakings without having to get out of bed or spend ages trying to resettle him each time but i do hate being in a different bed from my DP. we're trying to be pragmatic & tell ourselves it isn't forever. but as i do all the night wake ups, this is the way i get the most rest.

How long you plan on doing it for?
until we feel DS can make a good transition to his cot & i still get sufficient rest each night. we tried a week ago & it wasn't successful so we'll have another try soon.

And if u only have one bub and another one comes along are you planning on having them both share your bed?
ideally no. we aren't ttc #2 yet but if we did have a second, i'd be looking for some alternative solutions & try some different things - such as a cot as a side-car instead. mind you, until DS was 3mths old he was quite happy in a bassinet

If not and you plan on moving the older one in their own bed, isn't it cruel to just than "kick" them out? i think if we did just kick him out then it would be kinda cruel but i would never do something like that. we'd have months to work on a transition to a new arrangement before a new baby came along. also DS would be much older & there's no telling how his needs may change in that time.

i know i don't sound completely positive about co-sleeping - i do love having my little man so close to me, it's just that i don't like that we can't co-sleep as a family. so i find myself in a lot of conflict over my roles as a mother & a partner.

We didn't co-sleep full-time, but this is how it evolved for us. DD was a very settled baby and I didn't co-sleep with her until she was 5 weeks old and had the snuffles. I didn't want to leave her in her own room and put a bed up in there and put us both in it. Even though she was 'easy' before then, I couldn't believe how much rest I got the night I slept with her for the first time! I woke in the morning and realised I hadn't even been disturbed all night. She'd bf, clearly, because my bbs were empty, but we must have managed that without stirring.

I remember waking up in the early days and panicking because I couldn't feel my baby next to me. DP was woken one night because I was frantically searching the bed for her. This signalled to me that i wanted to keep my baby with me, instinctually. After our night time experience at 5 weeks, I gave into it whenever I felt the need, so really, as soon as she woke for an early morning feed, she would come into our bed and stay there (we'd previously been worried about disturbing DP, who it turned out could sleep through any amount of noise from DD).

How it worked for us was to put her down in her cot at the start of the evening (we didn't go to bed until later), and then bring her in with us when she woke. So DP and I had 'relatioship' time ;) before she would be in bed. She woke less as she grew, not needing bfs at night as often. When she was 16 mths we took the sides of her cot and she would come into us whenever she wanted to. So every night, but sometimes not until 4-5am in the morning, for her first bf and a couple more hours of sleep (thankfully, for me!).

It still happens this way, without the bf. If she's sick or wakes up from a bad dream she'll spend the whole night with us, but that isn't often. Sometimes she doesn't come into our bed at all, not even for morning cuddles. It just kind of shifts over time.

Can someone explain to me the reasons why you Co-Sleep?
I never intended to co-sleep and I didn't with DD1 although she slept in a cradle right next to my bed. With DD2 she had some night/day confusion and co-sleeping seemed to help regulate that. Also it made feeding after having a c/s so much easier as I didn't have to get up to her and lift her etc. So it just happened and it made all of us get a lot more sleep especially in the early days.

How long you plan on doing it for?
We have stopped - at about 10m when DD2 started crawling she became really unsettled and wouldn't sleep well in bed with us so she relocated to a shared bedroom with DD1 (much to DD1's delight)

And if u only have one bub and another one comes along are you planning on having them both share your bed?
Sometimes both girls are in bed with us and it is very squashy and noisy - fortunately this is a very rare event and only if they both are sick would they be sleeping in our bed. DP would probably be on the couch :lol:

If not and you plan on moving the older one in their own bed, isn't it cruel to just than "kick" them out?
DD2 pretty much made her own decision to move and she is fine - plus she is now in with her sister and loving it.

As far as the DP issues - my DP had no issue with it at all and found that having the more rested nights was a bonus with DD2 in our bed. Things took a long time to get back to normal intimacy-wise for us but there are other rooms in the house that we made use of or if DD2 was sound asleep DP could move her into the cradle for a little while for us to have some intimate time.

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Just because you know baby is safe from predators, and fire, and has a monitor on so they can be heard etc doesn't mean that the baby knows that. I think instinctively the safest-feeling place for a baby would be next to mum. So that's why I co-sleep.
Easy feeding and cuddles and quiet midnight giggles when he throws up his legs and lets one rip are just bonuses :)

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:yeahthat: Besides the fact that we started co-sleeping out of necessity and for survival :lol: DH and I soon came to realise that is also felt totally natural also to have her in the same room/bed with us! It would feel very strange having her down the end of our LONG hall away from us. I can imagine it would feel very lonely for DD and at times scary in the middle of the night.

So we started co-sleeping out of necessity but it also became a natural progression too.... as she no longer preferred her cot, and wanted to be in with her parents and she let us know that is what she wanted :D