thread: please help im such a bad mother..sleep issues!!!

  1. #1
    BellyBelly Member

    Feb 2008
    Brissy Bayside
    523

    please help im such a bad mother..sleep issues!!!

    so DS is nearly 6 months and his sleep is terrible,i dont get it because from when he was about 7 weeks he slept really good then he hit about 3 months and from then on hes been terrible i mean TERRIBLE!!!Hes waking all night heres an example...i put him down at 7 and he wakes at 8.20.9.20.10.20..(every hour)till about 2pm then occasionally he will have a 3 hour sleep but then be up forthe day at say 5am.

    I didnt mind for a while and made all the excuses in the book but now im exhausted,im running after DD whose 3tomorrow and is very active and i just need some sleep,i cant work out what the problem is,i am naughty and he has a dummy and he is still wrapped up(which is another MAJOR thing because he wont sleep unwrapt but yet he wiggles so much as if he wants to get out of it but then if i dont wrap him he will only sleep for say half an hour instead and start hitting his face and all the rest and knock his dummy out and then cry again)i dont know whether to try a no cry sleep solution and i know they all say take the dummy away but i just tried before and he screamed murder and i actually for the first time ever felt angry towards him

    hes such a darling so im sooo guilty now and i feel for my DD too because shes got a grumpy mum all the time i know i was lucky with her sleeping through from 7 weeks and not having to do anytrhing but 3 hours a night is getting exhausting especially when im up and down all night i ant even lay in bed and rest,all i eat is bad stuff to keep going and yet the weight is falling off i feel im brain dead all the time and just want to cryand i know its from lack of sleep and going pretty much 21 hours constant!

    Has anyone PLEASE i beg you for any sleep ideas(that dont involve screaming)and that i can try with DD around too as id ont want it to be too stressful on her if hes upset she gets upset.

    Should i unwrap him?is he wanting to be unwrapt now?But how will he sleep with his arms waking him up and should i try get him to not have the dummy?it seems when i go in im popping the dummy in all the time,then DH says first you want him to have it now you wanna take it away(yes im mean)i just dont know what to do and ive paid for so many dam internet books and all they do is say to wrap them and basically let them cry..i just cant do it but i cant stand being angry that feeling towards him ive never had that before and was awful

    Last edited by onthefly; February 5th, 2012 at 09:59 PM.

  2. #2
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Oct 2007
    Caroline Springs
    2,341

    So sorry to hear that things are rough for you. I don't have any great advice for you, but wanted to give you my sympathy as my son was a shocking sleeper for a long time as well. He never slept longer than 45 mins for his day naps, and at night time he was awake at least 2 hourly for feeds.

    If it's any consolation, I never did anything to force him to change, and he miraculously turned into a brilliant sleeper all by himself. At 18 months he was still getting a feed around 11pm, then waking around 2-4am for another feed, then at 19 months he started sleeping through the night consistently and has done ever since. It's very rare for him to ever wake during the night once he has gone down to bed now.

  3. #3
    Registered User

    Oct 2009
    Bonbeach, Melbourne
    7,177

    I can sympathise. My DD slept 9-11 hours overnight from 6 weeks to 6 and a half months. Now, she wakes two hours around the clock. Nothing has changed except something in her. All you can do is know you're doing the best you can for him, you're meeting his needs and nurturing him. I keep telling myself she'll sleep how she's going to sleep, I need to be here to facilitate her finding her own way bak into a pattern that works for us both

  4. #4
    BellyBelly Member

    Oct 2007
    Middle Victoria
    8,924

    he is still little. i reckon you do whatever works for you right now. if he wants a dummy and it gives you a little more sleep, use a dummy. if wrapping works, keep doing it.

    what can help you cope better? can someone watch your little one so you can get a nap? would your bub sleep longer if you lay down with them on your bed? can dh do a night s you can rest?

    take care

  5. #5
    Registered User

    Jun 2010
    Tiny Town
    4,675

    You are not a bad mother! It sounds as though you're having a really rough time right now.

    My DD sounds very similar to your DS. She slept through from very early until about 3 months. Nights are up and down since then - our worst night she was up every 45 minutes. Recently she'll sleep for a few hours, but take over half an hour of feeding to get back to sleep properly. When this is happening, I usually just bring her to bed after her second wake up, we both sleep better that way.

    With the wrapping, I had the exact same issue as you - wrapping was a sleep cue, but then she'd spend her whole sleep trying to get out of it and she'd hit herself in the face. But their startle reflex starts to go away at 4-5 months, so we just went cold turkey at 4 months. It only took her a day to get used to it, and her day naps improved loads from there.

    As for night sleeping, I'm seeing results by changing my diet. Cutting out/reducing junk food and avoiding preservatives wherever possible, because it all goes through to her via my milk. The other night we got 7 hours in a row! And her naps are between 1.5-2 hours.

    Not sure if any of this helps you, but I hope you find a solution that works for your family

    Sent from my HTC Desire using Tapatalk

  6. #6
    BellyBelly Member

    Oct 2008
    In a Nice Safe Space
    1,002

    Sorry you are feeling so tired. I hope things get a little more settled for you soon.

    With our DS he was always wrapped and a good sleeper. As he got bigger he was getting too big for the wrap to keep him snuggly contained and he was always coming out of it and waking up. At about 3.5 months we tried him in a grobag. He hated it and was always banging himself in the face and scratching himself so we'd end up putting him back into the wrap again. For a couple of weeks, every other night or so we'd try him in the grobag again and then one night he just liked it. He went to sleep and we haven't really had any other problems with his sleep since. (unless he's teething).

    The other thing you could try is wrapping him with one arm out so he gets used to that. Can you put the mittens on him to stop him scratching himself?

    Have your asked your DH to give you a break, say on Sunday, where you can have a big sleep-in and he can look after the kids for a few hours?

    Hugs.

  7. #7
    BellyBelly Member

    Jul 2010
    Rural NSW near ACT
    413

    My little fellow struggled a bit when we stopped wrapping him too. We used these stretchy zip up sleep bags that had poppers on the shoulders. He couldn't wriggle out like he could with a wrap (so I wasn;'t worried he'd get choked by a loose wrap) and when he needed his arms out we popped one out for a few days then the second one. I stopped using them when he learned to turn over because they restricted his legs too much and now I use gro bags.
    I hope you find a way to get some sleep. It's such a struggle because when you are soooo tired your problem solving abilities (which you really need to survive getting bub to sleep) dissappear and you can't see past getting a few minutes more sleep to working on a bigger plan.
    One useful thing I discovered was the idea of a 45 min (approx) sleep cycle and the fact our little ones stir at around this time. If my bloke "feels" like he might wake I pre-empt him and just stroke him or pat him a little as he hits this time.......sort of help him to keep settling........perhaps this might work for you.
    Other than that here is a HUGE hug and if I could I'd post you a few hours sleep.
    Kate

  8. #8
    BellyBelly Member

    Aug 2010
    Albs, WA
    971

    You arent a bad mother at all!
    Just be kind to yourself, and just do whatever works for now, and things WILL get better I promise.

  9. #9
    BellyBelly Member

    Jul 2008
    summer street
    2,708



    I think babies just go through stages like that. My ds and dd both have and then suddenly started sleeping better without any help from me. In the meantime how are YOU going to get more sleep, because ultimately that's all you can really change.

    Can you go to bed early and take ds into bed with you, so you can resettle more easily? Does your older child have day care days or any time away from you so you can sleep when the baby naps? Can you have a Sunday catch up day, where you just stay in bed all day?

    You need to look after yourself

  10. #10
    2013 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.

    Apr 2006
    Winter is coming
    5,000

    My first two children were like that - they were fantastic sleepers as newborns but around 3 months they started waking very frequently. DS woke every hour from 3-8 months old. DD slightly less. Now my third baby is a great sleeper. I have done nothing differently with them and I honestly believe that it is not a parenting issue but just how they are so please don't beat yourself up over something that is most likely not your fault at all.

    Forget what the books say - if dummy and wrapping help then keep going with it. He will outgrow it eventually.

    I don't really have any advice because I have been there a couple of times myself and couldn't find any solutions that worked for us. I did have them in the bed with me so I could feed them back to sleep without having to get up which did help me to function.

    I agree with the idea of getting a bit of help so you can have a catch up nap during the day. Can your DH/mum/MIL/friend take the kids for a walk while you have a snooze? I know how exhausting it can be xx

  11. #11
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Jan 2006
    11,633

    First, please excuse my edit - I put some paragraph breaks in so it was easier to read.


    I see nothing in this post to suggest you're a bad mother. So your baby sleeps like a baby - that's to be expected. It's pretty rough, I know! And no doubt you feel like crap and desperately need some sleep, but that does not make you a bad mother.

    Your job is to a) know your child - and it takes time and practice to get to know how to really hear them; and b) make them feel good.
    Whether or not your baby sleeps well according to Western cultural expectations is neither here nor there.

    My honest advice? Bring him to bed with you. Or whatever makes him happy and leaves you feeling 'right' about it. And please stop judging your parenting ability on whether and how your child sleeps.