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thread: Attention: TTC'ers looking for a laugh! tee hee....

  1. #91
    BellyBelly Member

    Jan 2011

    Ok so I know this thread has been going for a while but I have one:

    When about to dtd dh asks "are you ovulating, how's the temperature??" lol

  2. #92
    BellyBelly Member

    Dec 2009

    Your boobs are sore because you're always touching them to see if they are sore as a sign of pregnancy. <--- Hahaha I totally do this! Been poking myself in the boobs ever since O day!

    Just about every one around you is pg, except you. <--- If one more person on FB announces their pregnancy I'm gonna scream! Especially cause I could have announced mine at the end of January

    'Reverse Phychology' - You start telling yourself you are 'not' pregnant in the hope that it will turn out you are! Oh wont i be surprised when i find out that i AM actually pregnant <--- this is my current tactic

    And now 3 of my own:

    You happen to see a car license plate that says 1BFP out of the blue and from that moment on regularly check car license plates to see if you can see ones that start with 1BFP - I saw one the other day! I saw 2 on my cycle that I conceived on

    You go back to the thread where you became pregnant, copy and paste into a Word document all your symptoms that you recorded each day just to compare that TWW with the current one... this is something I did yesterday!! I know my ticker doesn't say it atm but I am 9DPO so it's kinda the right time to compare, lol

    The other day I went to a really noisy music festival, I could feel the beat pounding through my whole body, especially my heart and I was like ‘Oh no! My little zygote won’t be able to implant! Or the vibrations will shake it too hard that it will die!'

  3. #93
    Registered User

    Jun 2012

    Attention: TTC'ers looking for a laugh! tee hee....

    Just joined today and this is the first post I read, I have to say I lol'd at every one of them, I can relate to all of them! Love it, thanks for the laugh!

  4. #94
    BellyBelly Member

    Dec 2008
    Brisbane, QLD

    OLD thread, but I'm looking for things to do while I wait for AF to bugger off, and this thread is so funny!

    5 mins after DTD you feel a sharp pain in your lower abdomen and wonder if it was ovulation pain even though you don't remember ever feeling it before

    You feel a gas bubble in your belly and instantly assume it was baby moving. Even though you only DTD 2 days ago. And AF just rocked up.

    Looking at your boobs in mirrors, shop windows, when you bump one... and trying to decide if they are bigger or not.

  5. #95
    BellyBelly Member

    Sep 2009
    Brisbane, QLD

    I was sent this today...even though I already have a DS I still find this hilarious


    Women: To prepare for pregnancy:-
    1. Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.
    2. Leave it there.

    3. After 9 months remove 5% of the beans.

    Men: To prepare for children:-
    1. Go to a local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet onto the counter and tell the pharmacist to help himself
    2. Go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
    3. Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the last time.

    Test 2 - Knowledge
    Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels and how they have allowed their children to run wild. Suggest ways in which
    they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behavior.

    Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.

    Test 3 - Nights
    To discover how the nights will feel:

    1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 4 - 6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
    2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep.
    3. Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am.
    4. Set the alarm for 3am.
    5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.
    6. Go to bed at 2.45am.
    7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.
    8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.
    9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.
    10. Make breakfast.

    Keep this up for 5 years. LOOK CHEERFUL.

    Test 4 - Dressing Small Children
    1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.
    2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hang out.

    Time Allowed: 5 minutes.

    Test 5 - Cars
    1. Forget the BMW. Buy a practical 5-door wagon.
    2. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
    3. Get a coin. Insert it into the CD player.
    4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat.
    5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

    Test 6 - Going For a Walk
    Go out the front door
    Come back in again
    Go out
    Come back in again
    Go out again
    Walk down the front path
    Walk back up it
    Walk down it again
    Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.
    Stop, inspect minutely and ask at least 6 questions about every piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way.
    Retrace your steps
    Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbours come out and stare at you.
    Give up and go back into the house.

    You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

    Test 7
    Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.

    Test 8 - Grocery Shopping
    1. Go to the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child - a fully grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.
    2. Buy your weekly groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your sight.
    3. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.

    Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

    Test 9 - Feeding a 1 year-old
    1. Hollow out a melon
    2. Make a small hole in the side
    3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side
    4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon while pretending to be an aeroplane.
    5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.
    6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor.

    Test 10 - TV
    1. Learn the names of every character from the Wiggles, Barney, Teletubbies and Disney.
    2. Watch nothing else on television for at least 5 years.

    Test 11 - Mess
    Can you stand the mess children make? To find out:

    1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains
    2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
    3. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds and then rub them on clean walls. Cover the stains with crayon. How does that look?
    4. Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house onto the floor & leave it there.

    Test 12 - Long Trips with Toddlers
    1. Make a recording of someone shouting 'Mummy' repeatedly. Important Notes: No more than a 4 second delay between each Mummy. Include occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet.
    2. Play this tape in your car, everywhere you go for the next 4 years.

    You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

    Test 13 - Conversations
    1. Start talking to an adult of your choice.
    2. Have someone else continually tug on your shirt hem or shirt sleeve while playing the Mummy tape listed above.

    You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

    Test 14 - Getting ready for work
    1. Pick a day on which you have an important meeting.
    2. Put on your finest work attire.
    3. Take a cup of cream and put 1 cup of lemon juice in it
    4. Stir
    5. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt
    6. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture
    7. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel
    8. Do not change (you have no time).
    9. Go directly to work

  6. #96
    BellyBelly Member
    Add Starfish on Facebook

    Apr 2007

    Did someone sneak into my house, observe my life and write these rules?

  7. #97
    BellyBelly Member

    Dec 2011
    Perth, SOR

    Ha Ha hilarious...
    Just wondering, I read an earlier post and someone kept an eye out for BFP in licence plates on cars... I've tried it yesterday, but most of the licence plates start with c or d nowadays Does anyone see a BFP every once in a while???

  8. #98
    Registered User

    Jun 2012

    - When you find yourself wondering if you should drive home from your holiday (with a car that's not even up here!) and cancel the plane tickets just in case the flight would harm the (possibly non-existent) baby

    - When you wonder if you should go on theme park rides
    This thread is so funny, I loved it

  9. #99
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber
    Add TeniBear on Facebook Follow TeniBear On Twitter

    Oct 2009
    Lalor, VIC

    Attention: TTC'ers looking for a laugh! tee hee....

    Right, first of all I want to bump this and see if anyone has any more funnies to add...

    Secondly, what's with the last poster changing the link from my quoted post? That was odd.

  10. #100
    Registered User

    Jun 2010
    Tiny Town

    Lol Teni! Looks like a new way for spammers to get their site on, hijack someone else's link! I mean, the post doesn't even directly relate to your quoted post.

    As for the thread, I still love it

  11. #101
    BellyBelly Member

    Dec 2008
    Brisbane, QLD

    Lol!! Thats a new one!

  12. #102
    BellyBelly Member

    Jan 2013

    Love this thread! Thanks ladies
    I know I'm TTC because I stay up way to late at night reading all the information I can find about signs and symptoms or following threads on BB because I love knowing that it's not just me who is paying way to much attention to every little twinge or niggle my body gets.

    Also, I know I'm TTC because whenever there is a quiet day at work I almost run my phone flat during the day from entering and re-entering information into my fertility tracker and reading through BB threads.

  13. #103
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber
    Add TeniBear on Facebook Follow TeniBear On Twitter

    Oct 2009
    Lalor, VIC

    Attention: TTC'ers looking for a laugh! tee hee....

    You know you're TTC when...

    - You DTD at midnight and ask your husband to help you decide whether that counts as nighttime or morning sex. The day counts, y'know!

    - Your nausea is diagnosed as a symptom of your ear inflammation, but your mind won't give up on "OMG IT'S MORNING SICKNESS!!!!"

    - You POAS at least once a week these days. This one may only count for those of us with irregular periods...

  14. #104
    BellyBelly Member

    Jan 2011

    Attention: TTC'ers looking for a laugh! tee hee....

    Oh I'm glad to see this bumped!

    You know you are TCC -again - when you find yourself practising imaginary arguments with your husband in which you convince him that the best option is to buy an expensive new pram for baby number two... And you're not even pregnant yet.

    You know you are TCC again when you fill your asos shopping cart with pregnancy-friendly clothes but never check out as you don't want to negatively tempt fate.

    You know you are TCC again when your daily vitamin and supplement selection dramatically increases.

  15. #105
    Registered User

    Sep 2013

    You go with your DH on a business trip to a town known as the armpit of your area only because that trip happened to fall on your potential OV. Here's to hoping it was worth dtd in the nastiest motel room on the planet!

... 456

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