Let's talk about sex....

Periods - the girls already have an inkling and know a bit about this as I have NO privacy in the toilet whatsoever! They are so observant ie. "what's that string between your legs mummy?" - in the change room at the swimming pool mind you!!! And wearing pads at home they have asked about them and the blood so that conversation has already started. Like the conversation about why I have big boobies and why I have hair on my gina. Nobody worries about nakedness at our place so they know the difference between boys and girls and all of that - no mysteries there.

They know where babies come from - both vaginally and c/s but they haven't asked how they get there yet. I will deal with that when they ask in an age appropriate and factual manner. I don't think kids should be told untruths but they don't need the full detail until they are developmentally ready to understand it so I break it down to an appropriate level for them to understand.

We are straight fwd with answering Miss H's questions about all things sex related, my mum answered my question of what is sex at age 5 in the same way lol

In this day and age I think it is imperative that kids know the correct names for their genitalia, not these cute lil names people give things.

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Periods - the girls already have an inkling and know a bit about this as I have NO privacy in the toilet whatsoever! They are so observant ie. "what's that string between your legs mummy?" - in the change room at the swimming pool mind you!!! And wearing pads at home they have asked about them and the blood so that conversation has already started. Like the conversation about why I have big boobies and why I have hair on my gina. Nobody worries about nakedness at our place so they know the difference between boys and girls and all of that - no mysteries there.

They know where babies come from - both vaginally and c/s but they haven't asked how they get there yet. I will deal with that when they ask in an age appropriate and factual manner. I don't think kids should be told untruths but they don't need the full detail until they are developmentally ready to understand it so I break it down to an appropriate level for them to understand.

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I let DD1 watch me change too pads too. I hoped I wasn't the only one who did that!

DD has seen my pads and tampons and knows what they're for. We recently also went shopping for her own to go in her room if she needs them. It will most likely be the same for DS as he gets older and sees them too, as I think boys should know at least the basics of menstruation and that it's normal.

As for access to condoms - I like the idea of having them available in the bathroom. Not sure how old DD will be when I start buying them, we've already talked about sex and safe sex a little bit, as much as she was interested in at the time. I think probably around 15-16, unless she asks earlier (dear god I hope not!). I do recall the rather funny and embarrassing moment when telling ex-DSS (14 at the time) that I was pregnant with DD - he walked into his bedroom, came out with his wallet and handed his father a condom and said "here Dad, shoulda used one of these!"

I don't think I would be having condoms in a common place because I wouldn't want my children feeling like I was checking up on how many they used or anything but will be happy to provide them with their own which they can store and use at their own discretion. I've had two wonderfully accidental pregnancies so I will definitely be reinforcing the importance of protection and wanting to foster an open relationship so I can support them in whatever way they deem appropriate.

My girls both usually end up in the bathroom with me so they know the basics of menstration, my DD1 loves helping with "stickers" lol lovely when she is yelling that out in public bathrooms! When we teach body parts, we use the correct names. We just discuss things are they come up, how babies are made hasn't yet but when it does I'll be happy to provide them with age appropriate information.

Double Post.

I agree with pretty much everything that's been said in this thread. Just wanted to add that as my little one grows up I plan to make sure we take the time to discuss the emotional side of sex and relationships too. I remember my mum being completely open with me about all the scientific side of stuff but never discussing emotions/intimacy etc with me other than sex is something for when you're married. I'm sure it was more a reflection of her education and not being comfortable discussing it herself but I think it's pretty sad that I was left to figure out the most important side of things by osmosis/books/magazines/movies etc. The biology side of thing is simple, working out all the emotional baggage that's involved in 'sex' in our society is the stuff our kids really need guidance with.

Thinking about this a bit more today and I think that this is one area where the village is useful too. As children start to mature it's only normal that they start to seek information from people other than their parents. I think it's part of becoming an adult. If our children have access to a village/extended family of various ages that are open and engaged then they have someone to talk to other than their parents who might be in a position to offer more knowledge than their peers.

just make sure they dont go to the Village Idiot for their sex info ;)

I think you make a great point K4t. I really want to demystify sex so I can talk with my kids about the biggest risk, which I believe is heartbreak and self esteem issues. I hope that by covering the basics of contraception I can limit any physical risk of sex but for me it was having my heart broken and believing myself worthless (or worse, only worth sex but not love) that was the worst side effect of my first sexual encounter. I would love my kids not to experience that, but I would also love for my kids to be able to speak to me or DH if it did happen. I hope that by having open conversations now those barriers to difficult conversations will not be there.

That is a great point. How old are they when they are ready for that discussion?

I talk to DD1 about how others make her feel, and how she makes others feel, so I guess sex is another extension of that.

I'm curious about something! Someone mentioned they will teach their daughters that sex is only for committed relationships. I am wondering now if I should teach her that a healthy respect for sex can be seen in more casual relationships so long as they aren't disrespectful. Some adults enjoy, quite rightly, casual sex, and can engage in it without disrespecting their bodies or other people etc. So I guess I'm pondering whether I want to give the impression that DD's sexual expression MUST be displayed only in some kinds of relationships. I would be trying to also convey that you need to make sure you are mature enough and secure enough in yourself before you do this. :redface:

when I was 5 I started playing leisure suit larry, and I got a pretty good idea of sex from that, and I also read a lot of books when I was 10. But at 15 my mum decided to give me the talk... which consisted off "watch out for those frenchmen, they have a snake in their pants"

Funny thing is I've been thinking about this topic today, my 4.5yo was looking at my breasts differently to what she usually does and asked "What are they called?" I replied that they were breasts and when she was older hers would look like that. She was happy at that, but I realised that she is going to start asking questions and how I respond is going to be important. Thanks for bringing up the topic, some really good points being made!

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I'm curious about something! Someone mentioned they will teach their daughters that sex is only for committed relationships. I am wondering now if I should teach her that a healthy respect for sex can be seen in more casual relationships so long as they aren't disrespectful. Some adults enjoy, quite rightly, casual sex, and can engage in it without disrespecting their bodies or other people etc. So I guess I'm pondering whether I want to give the impression that DD's sexual expression MUST be displayed only in some kinds of relationships. I would be trying to also convey that you need to make sure you are mature enough and secure enough in yourself before you do this. :redface:

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That is a great point. DH and I are no angels when is comes to this and personally neither of us have a problem with it. I am all for empowering the girls to choose their own path. My mother was very focussed on sex = love, you need a man in your life etc. Absolutely stuffed me when my first real relationship fell over. I want them to know that sex can mean many things.

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"watch out for those frenchmen, they have a snake in their pants"

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Well, yes. I think it's wise to avoid people with snakes in their pants although to the best of my knowledge the French aren't any more likely to carry snakes in their pants than people of any other nationality. I would probably think the people most likely to carry reptiles in a non-traditional manner would be members of snake handling cults. I think they are mainly based in America although it's possible that they may have adherents from a number of nationalities ;)

i'm so unsure, when to have a discussion (what age? what level of understanding) about periods with my DD. She pegs up my mamma pads when they've been washed and thinks they are pretty. She doesn't understand why i use them. Have no clue when to enlighten her, or how. She's pretty cluey, so i'm sure she's made up some kind of explanation in her own mind already.

She has nightmare issues already, and is pretty sensitive, i'm hesitant to talk about bleeding with her, worried it will scare her.

I talk to my kids about sex but not in great detail. If they ask questions I answer them as age appropriately as possible I don't think they can be too young.

I have a friend who isn't going to be talking to her son till he is 15 in my head I always think good luck with that "/