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Thread: Has anyone used a sperm donor?

  1. #1

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    Default Has anyone used a sperm donor?

    Hi there

    We have found out my husband has a very poor morphology and poor motility. We tried for 5yrs to have our darling 23 month old son, and after 3 failed ivfs we managed to conceive naturally which is a total miracle.

    We have been trying for number 2 for over a yr now but with no luck, so are going to start looking at donor sperm. I am 38 and my husband is 43 so we really want to get on with it.

    I have so many questions on the how's and why's.

    Has anyone out there used a sperm donor and how did they find the experience?

    Did you use a clinic provided donor - QFG has a very limited number of donors?

    Or did you use a website? I have looked on one site which seems to be quite well respected, but how on earth do you go about it ie how do you ensure the health of the donor, how do you organise collection etc?

    I would love to hear from anyone who has been through donor program, or in the same boat with poor sperm quality and how you are dealing with it. I feeling rather confused and aprehensive i suppose about the whole process.

    Many thanks

  2. #2

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    Just wanted to say good luck with it all Robyn. Hope you guys are all really well. Still think of you often. Hope DS is growing up big and strong!

  3. #3

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    HI Robyn,

    I haven't been through this personally, however my best friend just recently used a sperm donor through a clinic in Brisbane for a different reason to yours. The sperm was from America and she got a very very detailed description of the 'sperms owner'. It was about 8 pages long covering everything you can think of. I was really impressed with how much detail they go in to. She even got a photo of the donor as a child. She basically waited for the right time in her cycle and went in and they injected the sperm in to her uterus. She fell pregnant on the first go. Its approximately $1000 a go...

    I hope that helps and best of luck in making your next bubba.

  4. #4

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    I havent done this myself, but a girlfriend has... *warning, it does seem strange*

    They had spent $48,000 and 9 years on IVF, as hubby has no sperm count, she however if complety normal in the ovary/egg depatment.

    So as a last attempt, and very broke, they found a guy online. They flew to melbourne day before O was meant, met him, had full checks done, and the next day he gave his "sample". Back at the motel hubby used a big syringe type thing,(with no needle) and inserted the sperm up near the cervix. She elevated for a while.

    In utter shock, she found herself pregnant!! And has a baby girl, 18mnths old..... AND just went back to the same guy, and pregnant again!!! So IVF failed for 9 years, and home insemination worked 2 out of 2!!!

    Not sure if its for you, but thought I would share... xoxoxo

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pretty Butterfly View Post
    I havent done this myself, but a girlfriend has... *warning, it does seem strange*

    They had spent $48,000 and 9 years on IVF, as hubby has no sperm count, she however if complety normal in the ovary/egg depatment.

    So as a last attempt, and very broke, they found a guy online. They flew to melbourne day before O was meant, met him, had full checks done, and the next day he gave his "sample". Back at the motel hubby used a big syringe type thing,(with no needle) and inserted the sperm up near the cervix. She elevated for a while.

    In utter shock, she found herself pregnant!! And has a baby girl, 18mnths old..... AND just went back to the same guy, and pregnant again!!! So IVF failed for 9 years, and home insemination worked 2 out of 2!!!

    Not sure if its for you, but thought I would share... xoxoxo
    Gotta do whatcha gotta do hehehehe

  6. #6

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    Thats what I said to her, If it works, and gives you such a beautiful little girl, go for it!! And here she is with #2 coming, its just wonderful!!

  7. #7

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    I am currently going through the process of looking for a donor. I have found a potential donor off a website, where I placed an ad seeking a donor.
    I am going down the known donor route, as the IVF clinic I go through will only use the sperm of a known donor. I have 18 eggs on ice from a cancelled cycle, so ideally I wanted them to be used and not wasted.

    DH and I first had a counselling session at the IVF clinic to make sure that we were ready to use a donor and the counsellor gave us some great ideas of where to look for a potential donor.

    We were very lucky in that we had some people interested in donating to us just 2 days after placing the ad, although we have had some weirdo's offer to donate as well.

    I hope everything goes well for you and that you find a donor soon.

    PM me if you need anymore details.

  8. #8

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    Hi puffsgirl11

    Thanks for your reply.

    I just tried to pm you but it said you aren't set up to receive messages.

    Could I email you?

  9. #9

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    robyn,

    Sorry I didn't get back to you earlier, I have been away.
    You should try to advertise for a sperm donor on the web. This is where I found my donor. There are alot of guys on there who don't want to co parent but are happy to be known donors or anon donors.

    I hope everything goes well for you.
    Let me know if you need any other details.
    Last edited by onthefly; October 21st, 2010 at 12:07 PM. Reason: Remove link to site

  10. #10

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    Hi all,

    I am now pregnant through anon donor sperm through my local clinic (4th IVF attempt). However I did donor insemination for 13 months prior to starting on IVF. I found the donor I used for that through placing an add on the Internet (unfortunately the site I used has since been closed down). I got to know him for 6 months before starting inseminations (did it the same way as Pretty Butterfly's friend). It didn't work for me, however one of my friends got pregnant with him on her first attempt and he has helped three other women who all got pregnant on 2nd or 3rd attempts.

    It took me 18 months of searching to find that donor (plus the 6months to get to know him so 2 years all up before my first attempt). However I was fussy - after all the child will have half the donors genes. I also wanted to know that the donor was someone I could trust to not try to go for contact visits etc and of course since some STD's don't show up for 6 months you need to be able to believe them that they haven't engaged in any risky behaviour etc for at least the 6 months prior to that test (or since it). You also get a lot of idiots answer the adds so you need to be patient sifting through them. I do know some women who have inseminated with the first guy to answer their add only a couple of days after their add and have fallen pregnant and had no legal or medical problems - but I just didn't want to risk it.

    Good luck
    Lori

  11. #11

    Default

    hiya,

    I have and have never had a problem with it. The donor needs to be the 'right' kind of person and the level of trust is always paramount. If I get any dodgy offers from guys wanting to 'do it' naturally I send them packing!

    I also don't believe that it is my responsibility to pay for flights and things to get the donor to me because the money spent on air fairs- I would spend at a clinic!

    As far as the Law goes, even if you have something down on paper- it still means diddly squat, because legally- a man who has not produced offspring any way other than naturally is not entitled to any rights over the child-nor is she entitled to anything from him for the child. Thats just the way it is, Reese Whitherspoon in Legally Blonds 'reckless abandonment' argument or not!- sorry couldn't help myself there!! LOL

    cheers

    MJ

  12. #12

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    Hi Mejane,

    I'm not sure what state you are in but in Victoria and in NSW there have been legal cases go through the courts where donors (who used home AI) have been able to get access to the child. In one case the mother ended up killing herself and the child after a judge awarded fortnightly access to the donor. In both cases the judges looked at what was agreed to prior to conception and during pregnancy and in the case above there was no written agreement and since the mother and the donor disagreed on what had been the original agreement but there was nothing in writing to prove either side to be telling the truth the judge sided with the donor.

    Interestingly you are right about the woman not being entitled to any financial support from the donor if conception was through AI. So while the woman has no rights the donor does.

    Lori

    Quote Originally Posted by Mejane View Post
    hiya,

    I have and have never had a problem with it. The donor needs to be the 'right' kind of person and the level of trust is always paramount. If I get any dodgy offers from guys wanting to 'do it' naturally I send them packing!

    I also don't believe that it is my responsibility to pay for flights and things to get the donor to me because the money spent on air fairs- I would spend at a clinic!

    As far as the Law goes, even if you have something down on paper- it still means diddly squat, because legally- a man who has not produced offspring any way other than naturally is not entitled to any rights over the child-nor is she entitled to anything from him for the child. Thats just the way it is, Reese Whitherspoon in Legally Blonds 'reckless abandonment' argument or not!- sorry couldn't help myself there!! LOL

    cheers

    MJ

  13. #13

    Default There is still a way to save yourself though. :)

    Wow....I wasn't aware of that. I did think of that after posting that the only benefit of having the agreement was so that one or the other could produce a copy if it got nasty.

    I agree it can be tricky, as it must be proven on the balance of probability, so I guess if the child proves his on a paternity test, then it would make it a 99% balance that either way-'the baby got in there' and since it is socially recognised that conception happens with coitus regardless of all arguments- a magistrate would just say "Takes two to Tango the kid is yours"

    I think that is why proper research by the potential Mum in choosing their donor is that they are solid. I mean it takes two extrodinary humans with bonifida honesty.

    Not many people know this- BUT.......there is actually a simple way out if the donor refuses to sign a proof contract of conception through A.I. and it is STILL legal!

    If you REALLY want to protect yourself ladies, and you do strike this trouble here is what you do!

    1. You write one or print one. Between your name and his first or full name (if you know)
    2. You sign and date it.
    3. Go down to the post office and
    register post it to yourself
    4. When it arrives- Don't open it!

    Keep it safe and filed so if you have a Blow up.....you take your registered envelope sealed -signed and dated showing him as second party.

    Now- anything that is sent through Australia Post is still Her Majesties Royal Mail- That postal mark is worth more than most realise nor that threshold it has in law.

    Law isn't all black and white. I could argue the sky was green splitting a hair that blue is a primary colour, but so is yellow. Together they make green! Bad example I know. But you get the idea.

    Hope this might help empower someone anyhow.

    Girl Power!!

    M.J

  14. #14

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mejane View Post
    Not many people know this- BUT.......there is actually a simple way out if the donor refuses to sign a proof contract of conception through A.I. and it is STILL legal!

    If you REALLY want to protect yourself ladies, and you do strike this trouble here is what you do!

    1. You write one or print one. Between your name and his first or full name (if you know)
    2. You sign and date it.
    3. Go down to the post office and
    register post it to yourself
    4. When it arrives- Don't open it!

    Keep it safe and filed so if you have a Blow up.....you take your registered envelope sealed -signed and dated showing him as second party.

    Now- anything that is sent through Australia Post is still Her Majesties Royal Mail- That postal mark is worth more than most realise nor that threshold it has in law.

    Law isn't all black and white. I could argue the sky was green splitting a hair that blue is a primary colour, but so is yellow. Together they make green! Bad example I know. But you get the idea.

    Hope this might help empower someone anyhow.

    Girl Power!!

    M.J
    Please note that this is not legal. There is no "real" protection.

    I am a barrister specialising in family law - I do know what the law says. Please obtain independent legal advice before considering your position.

  15. #15

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    I looked into this a lot before going ahead and the safest option by far both legally and health-wise is to go the sperm through the clinic route - even using US import if you're not satisfied with your clinic's available selection (which is what I did). I was safe from STIs, covered legally and have no concerns about any custody issues or claims.

  16. #16

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    Hi Everyone,

    Shades, I agree legally and health wise going through a clinic is the safest option, however some people can't afford it (it cost me $13,000 out of pocket to go through a clinic and the only way I could afford this was that I was fortunate enough to have my parents loan me the money interest free). I spent $2000 on 3 private donor insemination attempts (flights, accommodation, car-hire etc as my chosen donor lived interstate). And my $13,000 through the clinic covered 4 clinic attempts.

    Also some people want to know the person who provides half of their child's DNA. I originally wanted a donor who would have some contact with the child (my ideal situation was contact around 4 times a year) however after nearly 2 years of searching for the right donor I changed my mind and decided to go with a donor who wanted email contact and exchange of photos but no face to face contact. He proved to be a great guy and even when I ended up having to go through the clinic and use clinic anon donor sperm he has kept in touch with the occassional email to see how I'm doing.
    I have found it quite hard to get my head around knowing so little about my successful donor (I recieved half an A4 page of info on him).
    I recently wrote a letter to him asking for more information and left it with the clinic for them to forward to him. They explained that they would first need to contact him to see if he was willing to recieve the letter, if he says yes they would send the letter to him and if he decided he wanted to reply he would then need to attend another counselling session before replying. I hadn't realise how complicated it would all be.



    I haven't heard anythign so I'm wondering if he said no or if the clinic couldn't locate him (perhaps he has moved from the address they had for him).

    I feel a bit sad that I won't be able to provide much information to my daughter about her biological father if she wants to know in the future (she's only a week old now).

    My other daughter is 14 and I have photos and letters from her father that I have shown her when she has asked. It means she has not been curious enough to want to meet him yet because these little things have satisfied her curiousity.

    Lori
    DD1 -14, DD2 - 1 week old

    Quote Originally Posted by Shades View Post
    I looked into this a lot before going ahead and the safest option by far both legally and health-wise is to go the sperm through the clinic route - even using US import if you're not satisfied with your clinic's available selection (which is what I did). I was safe from STIs, covered legally and have no concerns about any custody issues or claims.

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