thread: Starting to despair. How can I do this?

  1. #1
    2014 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.

    Feb 2012
    Melbourne , Victoria
    2,109

    Starting to despair. How can I do this?

    We are currently looking for Family Day Care for my DD who is 11 months old tomorrow.
    As some of you may have read in my other thread,(/tell-me-your-positive-stories-family-day-care-) we saw 2 educators today. the first one was a no, and the other one would be good, but I'm not rapped about all the plastic toys she has and their was a lack of things for the children to do. She was lovely and gentle and was ok with my tears. But is good ok and enough?

    The FDC coordinator gave me 2 more names reluctantly, and I'm staring to despair that we will ever find someone just right for DD and for us.

    How can I do this??? How can I leave my baby girl with someone when it should be me that looks after her and nurtures her and loves and cares for her???

    How have you managed your feelings around this type of issue? I feel I'm grieving already. How can I make peace with this change? Will I ever stop sobbing and feeling terrible about needing to go back to work?

  2. #2
    BellyBelly Member

    Jul 2009
    2,251

    Where are you in Melbourne Hun? I know of a FDC provider who comes highly recommended.

  3. #3
    2014 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.

    Feb 2012
    Melbourne , Victoria
    2,109

    I'm in City of Glen Eira and will be working in Cranbourne.

  4. #4
    Registered User

    Aug 2006
    On the other side of this screen!!!
    11,129

    I really worried about this too, but in each instance I followed my instincts and found someone good. Keep looking, they are out there.

    With the most recent (fantastic) carer, I all but gave up on the names/addresses that the coordinator gave me. Most of the carers I rang either didn't take kids my DD's age or they didn't have vacancies for the days I needed. But if they sounded good/switched on, I asked them if they knew anyone else that they would recommend. I followed up every recommendation given to me, and in the end I found one lady who gave me the name/number of our fabulous carer. I had to accept fewer days to get my DD a place with her, but I worked around it and after a few months she had vacancies on the newer days. Hang in there. Start with shorter days and see how your DD goes, as she gets more comfortable with the carer so will you too. Baby steps, you can do this.

  5. #5
    2014 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.

    Feb 2012
    Melbourne , Victoria
    2,109

    Bump..

  6. #6
    2013 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.

    Sep 2011
    630

    Good luck. Follow your instincts. But also accept that a day carer is never going to be you or to do things the same way you would - but that can also be a positive. Your bub will get lots of variety and exposure to different things and people. If it doesn't work out you can always change your mind.

    I was a total mess when my daughter started childcare at 6months but I went with a centre where I trusted the staff and DD loves it.

  7. #7
    BellyBelly Member

    Nov 2008
    Perth, WA
    2,315

    Keep persevering. There are always things that you would do differently at home, but as long as they are not major philosophical differences, they are not necessarily deal breakers.

    Plastic toys are easy to clean, and a lack of things to do might mean that she organises activities more often....DS's second Carer (that he attended only a short time as DS didn't 'fit') had sooooo many toys, but no organised activities beyond drawing and painting. His first and favourite Carer had at least one activity a day organised, from treasure hunts, play dough, painting, glueing, sticking and other craft to water and sand play. Everything was packed up neatly afterwards, so if I didn't see the regular photos and craft stuff or hear about it from DS and his Carer, I'd never have known. It's actually a great thing that a Carer does things a little differently to how you would. Think of all the new and different experiences your daughter will have

    Go slowly, start with a few play dates that you attend, then a few shorter sessions and build from there. Ask if other parents who attend that Carer are willing to give out their phone number so you can talk with them about their experience.

    As for your feelings, they will lessen over time. When you find the right carer, seeing your DD happy will help. It's natural to feel guilty that you're not the one looking after your child full time. I felt awful about leaving DS the first time, but pretty soon realised he didn't feel the same about leaving me....that dented my motherly ego but also helped ease the guilt.

  8. #8
    2014 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.

    Feb 2012
    Melbourne , Victoria
    2,109

    So u thought I'd pop in and give an update. We have seen 4 educators now and none have been enough of a 'fit' to go ahead. Educator number 2 decided that she needed children who were attending in school holidays so that ruled us out. Educator number 4 was only happy to follow what DD needs up to a certain age and then wanted to put DD into the educators routine. She was quite strict and lacked warmth IMO.
    We are seeing educator number 5 today, closer to home. She is through the Ausom FDC scheme. I think she's from Somalia so I'm interested to learn about get and how she works with children.
    I've also registered our need for an educator with Windermere FDC and that I'd sounding like it could be good.
    The FDC coordinator that I thought I'd upset the other day actually called to see how I was. Apparently educator number 2 thought I was quite stressed.
    The coordination unit from that FDC scheme is going to use some of my questions for educators to update their documents. I wasn't expecting that one!
    I hope all this makes sense.
    So we are still on the hunt for an educator who is a good match for us.

  9. #9
    BellyBelly Member

    Nov 2008
    in the ning nang nong
    12,163

    Sorry to hear that you haven't found the right educator yet - good luck in your continued pursuit.


  10. #10
    2014 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.

    Feb 2012
    Melbourne , Victoria
    2,109

    Thanks PN it looks like the tides may be a turning!

  11. #11
    BellyBelly Member

    Nov 2008
    in the ning nang nong
    12,163

    woot !!


  12. #12
    BellyBelly Member

    Nov 2008
    in the ning nang nong
    12,163

    Update?

  13. #13
    BellyBelly Member

    Jan 2010
    188

    The coordination unit from that FDC scheme is going to use some of my questions for educators to update their documents. I wasn't expecting that one!
    I'm interested in your questions FL I am about to begin this process for DD who is only 8mos at the moment but will be 10-11-12mos when she possibly starts in care.



    Good luck!!