I think it is completely, utterly unrealistic to go to one of those parties and hover over my child and say, no you can eat that you have to have these sandwiches I’ve brought, and no you can’t have those plastic things that everyone else is having. It just would not work. Either they go and are involved in the party as is, or they don’t. JMHO.
Now I have thought more about this issue last night and today, I think next time you are invited, if declining, maybe do so without a reason. Unless you know the parent well enough to know that they won't be offended by your beliefs.:
Yep, I think I'll just have to lie, unless I actually want the person to know what a *****y, self-righteous, snob I am. :lol::
Its well within your rights to decline, but i would do so without a reason. If i were the parent id just think oh well thats one less kid i have to pay for ;) And you know what... you went! And you tried! Against your judgement, you did that for your son. Which was a lovely gesture.
I totally respect that you want to instill your ethical views on your children, if you lived your life one way and had them live theirs another that would be hypocritical! And im sure if your son felt an element of fear at this particular party he wont be to fussed at not going back. And if the child inviting them is a very good friend you could always say sorry we cant make it but we would love to have him/her over for a play at another time to make up for it :)
I just want to add also that when i was a kid macca's parties were great, BUT these days there is absolutely no effort put into them. Just like the restaurants themselves that used to be impressive and huge and exciting. If anyone had ever been to the original McDonald's resteraunt (long gone now) in Co f f s Hr they will know what i mean!
It is a tough thing to decline an invite. DD1 really does not get that many, but I did have one that I would not let her go to. The birthday girl as a frenemy to her and had caused way to many tears in this house. I declined the invite and I lied. Just told the mum we were away that weekend. Felt bad, but I would have felt worse being at their house wanting to have words with parents about their daughters behaviour.
Been at a HJ's party, very similar to the one you talked about. Really not fun at all, very stressful to be at and honestly the parent holding it had no clue that there was anything wrong with the place. It would have gone completely over her head if someone had declined an invite due to personal ethics. We do eat junk food and do eat HJ's, but I would be very inclined to decline another invite to a party there.
So I would say, decline but just say you already had plans and then take the family on a nice day trip somewhere.
In my honest opinion, so many people don't even bother to RSVP if they are or aren't coming that they will be glad to know that one person is a definite no.
It is an ethical issue but I wouldn't consider it the best time to discuss ethics so I would probably decline but give a different excuse. If you feel bad about that, makes plans for that day so you aren't actually lying.
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Well me personally for a kids birthday party I don't think it requires an explanation if you don't intend on coming ... now a wedding or engagment or a "special year birthday" like an 18th or 21st THEN I would offer an explanation but seriously for a 5 yo if you can't make it you can't makeit ......
I think society thinks it needs to explain its actions for fear of reprimand(sp) or something but really a "sorry we can't be there" is all thats needed :hug:
Hehehe... So if I get a wedding invite to McDonalds I should go into more detail? :lol::
Yep, got it! :thumbsup::
And thanks again everyone. :hug:
I had a McDonald's party - I think I was 4 or 5 and it was good. I also remember we used to go out for dinner at either a local Chinese or Pizza Hut was so much better back in the eighties! Gigantic thick pan based pizzas they were.:
Oh yeah, I agree with these last few posts - I don't think I clarified in my other post whether I would give a reason or not.
And no, I wouldn't lol, as a PP said it's not a huge deal like a wedding or 21st, so there's no need to give a reason other than, 'Sorry, we can't make it'. Let them make of that what they will! :)
DD2 had a McDonalds party (20 years ago) and it was fun. We did a bulk order of hamburgers, chips and drinks so no toys were involved, then again, were toys given with meals.
It was a small party so easy to manage. I didn't hire a room as there wasn't one and took my own cake and handouts.
They supplied party hats and plates etc.
When they children had eaten they played on the equipment for a bit and the party was over in an hour and a half from drop off to pick up.
It was the only time we had or went to a mcdonalds party as I catered for them myself at home. As they got older the craze was Pizza parties but I still prefered parties at home.
I think no matter what type of party you go to or have someone will find fault. I am not having a go at anyone just pointing out human nature.
That's exactly it! We held both our DD's birthdays at the local hj's. Second party was a DISASTER! But hey that's what we chose to do. And like you said, your kids your choice! I personally wouldn't need to know the details, although if you told me why I certainly wouldn't scoff in your face. I would respect you for your decision.:
“my kids, my choice”. Deal with it.
:lol: thought Id add McDonalds in Hong Kong now offers you the opportunity to get married there for those interested.
I've been contemplating this dilemma all afternoon.
I think it could be quite hurtful to tell a parent you weren't coming to their child's party becasue it was at Maccas. But you shouldn't go if you feel that strongly... I think...maybe..
I am trying to live in a way that my children will understand my ethical standpoint and hopefully that will in some way shape theirs, but its not as easy as it sounds. My Aunty kept her kids away from TV, fast food and sweets and while most of my cousins have followed suit and grow thier own veges, live ethical, healthy lives, the youngest went totally nuts when she was old enough, over indulging in all those things forbidden in her childhood. My kids have had McDonalds a hand full of times, and I explain its food that you can only eat sometimes, but mostly try not to make a big deal of it either way. I am trying to work out how to teach them about healthy, ethical choices rather than not giving them a choice.
The other side of the coin is how it feels when you realise someone is judging, especially if your choice has been a considered one.
I recently asked a parent from the local Steiner School, half jokingly, if we would be outcast because we have chosen (a much thought about choice) to have TV and to let our kids watch non commercial channels fairly frequently (average 1-2 hours/day). I received a lecture on why we shouldn't have a TV. It was awful, I felt defensive, misunderstood and angry. I knew the argument, I had considered it, I had made a choice and felt like it wasn't being respected at all. We will not be going to that school who has a very patronising paragraph on their home web page about how the majority of their parents have made the choive to forego TV in the home in keeping with Steiner philosophy and their childrens best interests or something similar. That's why I thought I'd ask if it was for real.
If someone refused to come to my kids party because I had TV in the house or something similar I would be reluctant to ask that person to another 'do'. If they don't think its an issue they may just feel you are being snooty, if they have thought about it and still decided on that venue, it might cut to the core.
I am with you on an ethical level, but on a relationship with others level, and whether keeping your kids away would be beneficial I am gettiing a sore crotch from all my fence sitting. Interesting question though...
Do I dare even post in this thread after the junk food thread recently :hide: The party sounds horrible! Thankfully dh and I have an agreement that we can leave 'any' social event if either of us are uncomfortable for any reason. In the past it's been for reasons like cigarette smoke, too crowded, or in this case if it were pure chaos! Granted I haven't tried to pull my child away from a birthday party but I think in this situation I'd try to get out of their as soon as possible or just not go in the 1st place. I wouldn't be offended if someone didn't want to come to our house for a birthday part and have their kids be served healthy vegetarian food so I don't expect that another mum or dad would be offended if I didn't take my child to McDonalds to eat crap food and be marketed to and to contribute to the horrible culture or waste etc that McDonalds stands for. If you don't want to tell the parents your reasons for not going then don't, you can just tell them that you have something else on. You're kids will have plenty of other parties to go to in the future, I don't think they'll be missing out on anything ;)
Polly, thanks for your input. Yep, that’s why I didn’t just dismiss it out of hand, that’s why we went to see what it was like (but it was truly so much worse than I was expecting :( ). It is such a tricky balance. I guess the best you can do as a parent (in these situations) is just see how you go and change your strategy if it’s not working. Of course I’m going to model the behaviour and attitude that I believe in, because that’s ME and who I am.
And yes, it’s hard not to get defensive when people say “what’s the big deal, you’re just a snob” when I have truly agonised over this and tried to consider it from every aspect.
And I had to laugh at your Steiner scenario, my DH went to a Steiner school for the whole of his school life and he turned out OK (but that’s a whole other thread :lol: )....
ETA: :hide: I know, I know, I didn’t even read the junk food thread, I just didn’t have the head-space for it at the time.... and now I go and start this thread.... eeek, sorry.
:hug: Oh hun sounds awful...I used to work at Mcdonalds when I was a teenager then became management...anyway I did the birthday parties and they were never like that :( I personally would not have my kids parties there but each to their own. I would just say you cant make it if asked again :hug:
On a side note we went to a 5th birthday party at a local indoor pool...the package included food and drinks....they bought our a plate of hot chips and a plate of...wait for it.....DEEP FRIED Mini pies :sick:.....DH was horrified being a baker and all..oh and then red and blue slushies eeek...I just had to let DS1 eat it..lets just say I wont be going to a party there again.
So know the feeling babe :hug:
Oh boomba :o deep fried mini pies, your poor DH, I can just imagine. :lol:
Incidentally we went to a put-put golf party yesterday (we have done four parties in three days and we are truly partied out) and they served junk food, of course, but the Mum had brought a huge fruit platter as well (that the kids loved).... but the best thing was the put-put golf staff. They were awesome! They were so attentive, kind and gentle with the kids. There was a ratio of about 4-5 kids to one golf supervisor and then there were more staff getting the food organised. It was such a pleasure and DS LOVED it! I made sure I told the manager what great staff she had and that they were so lovely with the children. Ahhh... that sort of stuff just makes all the difference. I can easily handle a hot dog, chips and an iceblock, no problems, if the children are treated so beautifully and have such a great time.