Children of Narcissistic Parents

Treatment, Keike? That means they'd have to admit there was something about themselves that needed changing. As I said to my sister, to make our mother see there is a problem would mean completely destroying her mentally and she may never recover. Not worth it.

But there are ways you can look at it. Humour helps. Knowing that the brain isn't working correctly you can laugh at the things said and done just to hurt you, even if the intent to hurt is never acknowledged. It is hard and I wish I'd been able to do this in the past with some very hurtful things (I'm sure you remember some of them) but I can now laugh. Most of the time. Even about house issues, iykwim. Doesn't mean I trust my mother - heaven forbid! - but it does mean it doesn't sting so much.

Very true :) I was hoping for some magic pill that her husband can crush into her orange juice or something.

And my dad has just texted to remove some joy in my life. Thankfully I have been able to text back with "you're wrong" and it's because of something he and my mother did a few years ago! Huzzah! Double bonus. Even happier now.

Keike - Wouldn't that be fantastic! A magic pill! Or perhaps some kind of annual injection like a flu shot even...hmmm anybody know anyone in the field of experimental biomedical science?

TFB - Yay for the little wins! Humour is a great way to deal with it if you can - its how I deal with DH's work being f-wits all the time.

agghh, need to vent realy realy sorry if this dosent fall under this categry or not, not sure anymore...

was planing on going shopping with df and 3 of the kids today while ds2 was at daycare.. mum starts making plans on the phone lastnight, coming over and us going shopping, i tell her our plans (we havent had the chance to do a "big" shop together since A was born) no matter what i said she was coming over, apparently we cant shop with our kids, we need her to watch them for us so we can, blah blah.. i ended up saying i needed some "down time" and was going alone, DF recived a call from his dad thismorning yelling and carrying on that DF needs to take the kids over to his place so i can have a break, blah blah, (yup mum had called) and basicaly the kids all had to go with df to fil's so mum could take me shopping and for some "me time"
also had a message (from mum) "ur entitled 2 ***** u have ur hands full& not much help i should help more im not much of a mother.."

why are we so incompetent we cant even do something simple?
why dose what we want as a family not matter?

oh thats right even tho we are adults and have our own family, were still just kids obviously we know bugger all and have no idea.

I bet she won't talk to you when you do go shopping, Lashes, as you didn't write back saying no, she's a wonderful mother, how did she do it without the help of someone as wonderful as her... (vomits).

My mother gets upset that Liebs loves going shopping with me and is pretty well-behaved. Excellently behaved for a 4yo boy. But, of course, she had two and it was so much more difficult for her... I told her I was over hearing that: having two children close together in age was her choice and she got to enjoy it. She can't complain about how dreadful her children were to me any more: she knows I will go no contact again if she does that.

Going to my mum's tomorrow for a few days. Really wish that PSG was up and running!
I've had a few more lightbulb moments. Would love to share, but won't in this forum. Sorry :(

Mayaness I'm going to mum's today as well for a while, unfortunately it's the only option to get away from DH for a bit!

Ahhh, I will be thinking of you!
It's going to be weird - I've been on that DONM forum and it's really agitated memories and thoughts. I'm considering sending the link to the main site to my sister.
It's going to be like changing lenses and seeing her differently!

Been thinking of you, Mayaness and tms. Let me know if you made it through the stay OK!

I have been meaning to post! The weekend with my mum was really good! Knowing what I do now I can see when to pull back and know that I'm pushing the proverbial up a steep incline...just to avoid the quagmire that usually follows. It was very liberating to know she wasn't picking on me or deliberately taking a swipe at me. My dad's another story - he's not a narcissist, he's got depression, and lost his plot when I insisted on pruning the trees in their beautiful garden that needed it. He went on about how I didn't know the theory behind pruning and shouldn't be touching the trees yaddiyaddah. So, he withdrew into his shell, bringing on a bout of "this is why..." from my mum, but I knew it wasn't about me, and not even really about him (or else she'd have noticed him spiralling). There's more relevant detail to the weekend but I won't go into it until there's a PSG.
So, having gone to the DONM site and looked around their forum, I was a bit nervous driving up about what I would do with this epiphany, but it was really, really useful and we can probably have one of those better-functioning relationships.
My questions now relate to how I guide the kids through these waters. DS had some questions that I semi-addressed and then changed the subject for. A bit too young at 5yo to explain about NPD! And I did my best to describe depression for him, to explain why his grandfather had gone all silent on us. My dad's depression and predisposition to depression have definitely enabled my mum over the years.
Would love to know how the PSG discussions go!
TMS - please report :)

Getting very frustrated, my mil has passed away in tragic circumstances and now my mother is calling in hassling me everyday for details.

:hug: black_rose. What is it with NPD suffers and the details? My mother was the same. I know many of us want to know details, but they just seem to push the need to know further than anyone else and take any lack of detail personally.

Without details, how can you make it all about yourself? Without details, how can you show how much support you are giving whilst telling everyone else all about it and being centre of attention?

Mayaness, knowledge is an amazing thing. I'm really pleased it is helping you. With my DS, I am brutally honest. Why aren't we going to Nanna's house today? Nanna has decided spending the day with her friends down the road is more important so we are not to visit her until tomorrow. Plus then she can cry about us not spending a whole week with her, only part of one. I am too sick of her behaviour to sugarcoat it. (I'm also upset she's not talking to me at the moment: ... But why ignore me, all the same?)

I thought she was being ok, even dh commented but then she knew we were talking to the police and she sends me a text asking me to call her ASAP. She wants to keep going over every detail and is trying to make out how close she and mil were when they weren't. It's driving her crazy as she has broken her ankle and should be getting the attention but she isnt.

Subscribing for my DHs sake.
His mother has NPD caused by being a victim of Münchhausens by proxy

Cannot go into to many details UNTIL a PSG is made, but I wanted to touch base and let you all know I am still reading from the sidelines ... well actually anytime there is an update in my inbox I read that.

Dh had an interesting situation yesterday, which has further embedded this whole NPD in my mother. He was at a Funeral for a close friend of the Family, after DD behaviour last week at a different funeral we made the decision for me to stay home with DD so she could run around and make as much noise without being told to SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH or taken outside in the freezing raining weather.

Mother was down for the funeral as the lady who passed away was a client of hers. After the service bit before family went off to bury her, Mother went up to DH and started to say " I am sorry for causing tension " ............ (again not sorry for what I did)

DH cut her off mid sentence and said "OK, this is not the time to be discussing this" and moved away.

I had previously shown DH him the DONM website and he saw and could understand the relationship we have and why it will never get better.

There are a lot more details, but not mentioning them in an open section.

Nae x x

my dad told me yesterday my mum hates me and shes deleted me off fb. x