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Thread: Family size and how it was decided

  1. #1

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    Jan 2005
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    Default Family size and how it was decided

    DH and I decided we hae had enough children and he would book in for the snip. Now that it has become so final I am having cold feet. I think I want one more

    I started packing up baby things and couldnt help but keep a pile of my faourite things 'just in case'. I dont really think I have thorught it through too much - just lead by my heart and not my mind. Pracitcalities haven't really come into it yet. I have already sold my maternity things but now it has come to the newborn things I can't seem to do it. I'm torn and I can't really say why other than my heart wants one more. I can see myself with six children - but would neer go beyond that so if we had one more that would definitly be it - and not sure about DH - he keeps asking if im sure and would probably have another to keep me happy though he would prefer not too.



    We have five beautful boys who keep us on our toes no end. It is very busy and everything has to be organised well but we do have a lot of fun and they adore each other. Everywhere I look people are pregnant and I can't get it out of my mind now. How have others decided to finish building their families - heart or mind? and if its mind - how do you get your heart to stop thinking "what if..."

  2. #2

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    Default Re: Family size and how it was decided

    DH and I decided very early on that we would have 2 children, but I pushed after having the 1st that we should have 3 children, it was just something that I knew in my heart I really wanted, so we decided that 3 would be our family! It took a long time of trying and many upsets and dramas in between, but we finally had our 3 girls. I tried to push him for a 4th but he just wouldn't be in it! So I have my 3, I would still love another baby, but am happy enough.

    We also said that DH would get the snip too after #3, but he just never got around to it! My guess is that the finality of knowing that there will never be another baby has got you really thinking about it, so maybe it's time to talk to your DH about it and see how he feels about it, maybe he is thinking the same way? Or maybe he is happy with the 5 boys you have, but if you really feel strongly about having another, then I think you have to at least try to make him understand where you are coming from!

  3. #3

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    Default Re: Family size and how it was decided

    I have four girls and I thought I would never feel finished. Even after the last birth I was not convinced that I was done... but slowly over the last two years I feel more and more finished having babies, and I am SO grateful as I thought this day would never come, I thought perhaps I would be clucky forever. Now I would like hubby to get the snip and he is not sure, so I am patiently going through his journey while he comes to peace with no more babies... I am getting rid of all things baby and it feels so GOOD, I love babies, I work with babies and I adore our family, but I really believe you will 'know' when you are done...

  4. #4

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    Default Re: Family size and how it was decided

    I SO want one more (currently 41 weeks with number 3) but its illogical (need a new car to fit us, have to change bedrooms around,I will have to have another year off work and Im the breadwinner etc).
    We are giving it 6 months to see if Im still hormonal, but my DHis right in that another bub just doesnt make sense.

  5. #5

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    Default Re: Family size and how it was decided

    I have 4. That will be it for us. Years ago I would have hoped for more. 5-6. But now with the way the world is I worry for my children's future. The cost of living is getting out of hand even when you live on the cheap as we do.
    Lot of things contributed to stopping now. Mostly because DH is 100% against more and I respect his reasons why.
    Other factors are I feel older then I am. My fertility isn't the best and I don't do pregnancy well. 3 out of my 3 births have been complicated. And really we can not afford anymore. We are struggling financially as it is. I also look forward to life past nappies and little babies (although they are my favourite age). It would be nice to go out to dinner with just DH. Those things. We have very little help. So ever getting a break or time to just enjoy each other doesn't happen until all 4 are asleep. Then we are tired ourselves.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Family size and how it was decided

    This is hard. Especially when either side aren't on the same page. I want 3 hubby happy with 2. What can you do? I know if I pushed it he would go for three but it's not what he really wants. His stress level would really escalate and it wouldn't be an experience he would enjoy in those early years of having a baby and toddler - which in turn would affect our whole family. So I put my feelings away, counting my lucky starts already. Hope you've settled on a decision your comfortable with .

  7. #7

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    Default Re: Family size and how it was decided

    I always wanted three. I grew up the eldest of three so I guess it's what I know. DH wants two. He thinks anymore will be too much. It took 18 months to conceive DS and I'm conscious of my age so unless the next pregnancy is twins it looks like I'll only be having two. Which is better than none I guess.

  8. #8

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    Default Re: Family size and how it was decided

    I was always focused on getting pregnant and having a baby. The journey for us was long and when DD finally arrived we were over the moon. We never really considered any more. Then when DD was 1 I started to think more and more about trying again. Hoping against hope that if we went for number 2 it would be a quick process!
    It was and DS is now almost 4 months old.
    I have horrible pregnancies with HG the whole way through. I wish I was young enough to have another now!!!
    But I'm blessed with two and we are done
    If you have doubts that you are done then it's worth exploring more, what do people say... You'll never regret the babies you have just the ones you don't.

  9. #9

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    Default Re: Family size and how it was decided

    Quote Originally Posted by Joeve View Post
    what do people say... You'll never regret the babies you have just the ones you don't.
    Joeve! I have never heard this before but it is beautiful.

  10. #10

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    Default Re: Family size and how it was decided

    well 6months on and I still want one more, despite how impractical it would be

  11. #11

    Default Re: Family size and how it was decided

    Quote Originally Posted by Joeve View Post
    , what do people say... You'll never regret the babies you have just the ones you don't.
    Unfortunately I have heard others say you defiantly can regret having more children. While they absolutely adore them, it has stretched them in every possible way and put enormous pressure on their family. Which is a very real and scary thought.

    One baby is enough for some families while others cope fine with three. Guess it depends on individual scenarios.

  12. #12

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    Default Re: Family size and how it was decided

    I was in pretty much the same predicament a year ago down to having 5 boys too! My hubby was adamant he was done so he got the snip a few weeks after our 5th son was born. I wasnt happy about it at all and sometimes Im still not however I can see his side. Id have another baby in a heartbeat but I think I would no matter what. Eventually there has to be an end point and for someone like me, with 5 kids over a decade, the whole pregnancy and babies thing became my entire life and its hard to change that when its such an emotional all consuming journey!

    Most days Im ok with being done. It does get easier over time.

  13. #13

    Default Re: Family size and how it was decided

    I want 1 more. However, it will be up to DH. I can't force a baby on him, just let him know what I would like. I accepted that years ago.

  14. #14

    Default Re: Family size and how it was decided

    Quote Originally Posted by Lily Dust View Post
    Joeve! I have never heard this before but it is beautiful.
    It's newer to me as well

  15. #15

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    Default Re: Family size and how it was decided

    Quote Originally Posted by Mildez View Post
    I have 4. That will be it for us. Years ago I would have hoped for more. 5-6. But now with the way the world is I worry for my children's future. The cost of living is getting out of hand even when you live on the cheap as we do.
    Lot of things contributed to stopping now. Mostly because DH is 100% against more and I respect his reasons why.
    Other factors are I feel older then I am. My fertility isn't the best and I don't do pregnancy well. 3 out of my 3 births have been complicated. And really we can not afford anymore. We are struggling financially as it is. I also look forward to life past nappies and little babies (although they are my favourite age). It would be nice to go out to dinner with just DH. Those things. We have very little help. So ever getting a break or time to just enjoy each other doesn't happen until all 4 are asleep. Then we are tired ourselves.
    Well back in May 15 this was our situation. We are expecting a very big surprise. Even with sub fertility I guess without permanent contraception it's always a possibility. It took us over 2yrs to conceive both 3 & 4, we were preventing and I was BF my son a lot (still am). I guess Mother Nature decided for us in the end. This is definitely out last as DH has had the snip.

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