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:hug: It's not really important how I would feel in those circumstances. What matters is how you feel and obviously you are troubled by it. I think that if you are upset by his behaviour then he has a responsibility to reassure you and explain his actions. He has made you feel betrayed and then he has refused to accept how you feel - both of these are problems.
Well I think my Marriage is screwed. DH is so emotionally stunted he can't even accept his own emotions half the time let alone mine.
At the end of the day its about how it makes you feel and why he did it... Some people have husbands who meet all their expectations, and are very lucky, others have to try and sort through their issues to savetheir marriage. I guess after all this, can you get over it? not because you should or shouldnt... IYKWIM? Everyone has to live with their choices...
When he walked thru the door this afternoon, and was back to his normal self again I felt relieved. Like everything will be fine and we could just move on and forget all about it. I told him how I felt and although he didn't respond he knows and I can only assume he took it on board (again, he sucks at communicating, confrontations, emotions...):
But the niggling that he just was so blasé is still bothering me.
I'm just gonna have to bite the bullet and drag it back up somehow without it turning into WW3.
Why dont you ask him what he liked about those women? was it something sexy you could do etc? Its mind games but he will probably open up if you approach it differently , instead of trying to tell him how you feel.
then id do whatever it was.... sexy poses , etc and remind him whilst im doing it that if he looks at sites like that again he wontbe able to look at this etc. Im sure he'd have to get the point that way...
Hey Hun.
Been there just recently as you know... Yep, to me it's cheating. My DP went quite a bit further and actually had some chick he was talking to and it got quite heavy...
It's not ok.
For me anyway.
So we are trying to work through it...
He hates talking about it but I need to talk about it to work through it.
It sux and it's so hard when your partner has trouble communicating, conveying and even understanding their own emotions (how the he'll are the gonna understand ours????).
I do think if this even just boggling at you then you need to talk to him... Otherwise that boggle will get bigger and it will eat away at your relationship...
If you wanna chat, pm me on FB.
Big hugs honey...
WW3 or not hun, emotional security is a huge part of any relationship and boundries have to be respected. Maybe ask him what he counts as crossing the line and how he would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. huge hugs hun, I've been through what you are going through and its not easy. The only way I got through it was asking myself what MY "line" was, and letting DP know that. Its hard when kids are involved because I kept thinking was it worth breaking our family over (I was only pg with our DS at the time), but then if you accept flirting or online relationships what else will you have to accept over time?
Hope you are able to find a path through this :hug:
I went through this several years ago and brought it up again and again until I felt it was properly discussed. He was hugely confronted by this and was not in a good place emotionally or mentally, so it was very difficult.
I was upset more by the disregard of feelings tbh as I think that whilst the flirting upset me and I saw it as a betrayal, it was the fact that he didn't seem to care that it upset me that upset me more. As I said he was NOT in a good place so it took a long time to work through this and the other issues behind it, but we were able to do so.
So no, I didn't let it go (but I didn't have kids in the mix if that matters), but I can see how you might find that an easier alternative (it would have saved me a LOT of heartache). It really depends on if you are REALLY comfortable to leave it. Otherwise it will sit inside you and build up.
Oh hun, those feelings you're having are not nice at all! :(
I agree with the PP about that if something is bothering you - even just a niggle in your stomach, you need to keep addressing it until you feel like you've reached a resolution. Otherwise that feeling will stay with you - it might subside sometimes - when you have a good day, and things are seeming back to "normal"...but as soon as something slightly off happens again (or even if you just *feel* like something is off) that feeling will grow and grow. Being pg too you want your little bub floating around in as calm and happy a Mumma as possible IYKWIM?
It's hard either way - but I would keep on at it until he at least can acknowledge your feelings and views on this...even if he has been feeling "neglected" it's no excuse to go looking for affection outside your marriage (unless it had been something that you 2 had previously discussed, and you had given your consent).
Hugs to you. As others have said it doesn't really matter what we would do, more how you feel.
I think you could work through it, but he would have to openly talk to you about it. Not close off and act like it's nothing. Despite how he sees it, it's hurt you and it isn't nothing to you.
I think that's the only way you'll be able to heal. Don't settle for anything less, your feelings at least need to be acknowledged.
Fwiw, I have no idea how I'd handle it, but I couldn't just pretend it never happened.
Well I sent him a text this morning, not an angry one, a calm one with everything i feel in it. I know it's not an ideal form of communication but I know he'll read it. Even if he pretends like he hasn't when he gets home, I know he would have read it and some small amount of what im feeling has gone into his head. Maybe.
Maybe he might surprise me, but I'm not holding my breath.
:hug:
Hugs, not an easy thing to deal with at all. At least he was honest and told you what had gone on, it's still not ok but I would be more worried if he got angry and defensive. At least he now knows how you feel.
Hugs hunni,
I have been there too. It's a sucke place, expecially when they don't want to talk about it. But if that's the way you process things then keep chatting, try to stay calm, and just let him know for you to get passed this you need to talk about it. And sometimes the only way to get through to these males is through text message, my OH seems to cope better because he can't hear the emotion behind my voice (his words)
I hope that your okay, and you get given the freedom to express this and 'get over it' (bad choice of words but can't think of anything else) in your own time. xoxo
:hug: :hug:
Thanks for listening to me whinge :hug:
:hug: i hope he realises and dose come home with suprises for you, even if it is just aknowledging how you feel, lest it would be a start.
whinge away.
Wondering how you're going :hug: