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Thread: Raising a one and only child chat thread.

  1. #1

    Default Raising a one and only child chat thread.

    This thread is for families that are raising an only child.



    (This thread is not designed for members who have one child but are considering having more. xo)
    Last edited by Nelle; May 14th, 2010 at 11:12 PM.

  2. #2

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    Hello

    Is this thread the first of its kind?

    We have an only child. Haven't decided yet if we will try for another one in the future or not. At the moment we are happy with just one. She's nearly 3.

    Anybody else?

  3. #3

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    Hi Starfish - I'm currently in the same boat. We have a 2 year old and don't know if we want another one. The longer we leave it the less I want another child. When I was pregnant with DD we said that if we had a boy then we'd only have one kid (DH wants a son). My only reasons for thinking about another bub are: 1) DH wants a son and 2) friends, family and society expect 2-3 kids in a family and people just don't get it when I say that we don't know if we're going to have another one. Those reasons aren't good enough for me. It would be nice to have a son if we do have another one - but you can't guarantee that and as for friends, family & society - They aren't the ones who go through the pregnancy, childbirth, sleepless nights, dirty nappies and everything else.

    The other reason I'm totally off the idea is I had a traumatic experience giving birth and during the first year of DD's life and I don't want to go through that again. Everyone says that it'll be different next time but how do they know? No one can absolutely promise me it'll be different.

    In any case, we're giving it another year before making any long term decisions one way or the other.

  4. #4

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    Another one-kid Mummy here.

    Also not sure if we'll have any more - I'd like another one, but DH isn't as keen and seeing as he's the stay-at-home-Dad, he gets more say in it than me!

    Also, we don't have another room we can put a second child into without HUGE changes in the house (which we're not sure we can do), so it's all a bit hard.

    I'm also now 36 years old *gulp* and it took 8 months to get pg with Liam when I'd lost 18 kgs.. not sure I could do it easily again!

    I really liked being pg though

    P.S. - Having only one child worries me in one way: If anything should happen to him, it would make my entire world crumble. I worry about this a lot - does everyone else??
    Last edited by Nettie; April 28th, 2010 at 08:58 PM. Reason: Added a PS!

  5. #5

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    Hi Girls, We have one, and I think I have another baby in me so to speak, but DH will need some more convincing as (a) our son was born via IVF and going through that again would be very hard, and (b) our son has hip dysplasia and has spent the last 5 months in a hip brace with one more to go and I think that has my DH very scared about what might happen again

    Quote Originally Posted by Nettie View Post
    Having only one child worries me in one way: If anything should happen to him, it would make my entire world crumble. I worry about this a lot - does everyone else??
    I have thought this, also have thought about what if in many years to come when DH and I have passed on what if DS is left alone in the world without any immediate family - eeeeeeek!

    So many things to consider

  6. #6

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    I'm a mother of an 8 year old DD (turning 9 this year!)
    I only had one because at the time circumstances didn't allow more (Left her dad when she was 15 months old)
    Now I can honestly say I would not be upset if I never have any more kids. If she was my one and only then I don't think i'd ever regret it, and the older she gets, the more this is confirmed.
    Having said that, my now partner has no children, and if he decided he wanted kids then I would probably agree pretty easily, more because I don't think its fair to not let him have that when I do, however, if he didn't want children that wouldn't worry me either.

    My DD had 4 extremely close cousins, and some other cousins that aren't as close, but the three boys and one girl (cousins) and DDare as close as ever and are almost like her honaray siblings. We see my nephew at least every second day, and the other three two or three times a week

    ETA: I hated being pregnant, i was sick the whole time, spent time in the royal womens, had all sorts of problems and ended with a 32 hour birth. I love that I'm finally working a job i absolutly LOVE and worked my butt off to get there. The idea of 'stopping' all that to take time out to have another baby and to have to be pregnant again scares me alot!
    Last edited by Lilly-Pilly; April 28th, 2010 at 10:31 PM.

  7. #7

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    I'm 42 and feel blessed to have DS. As much as I'd love to give him a brother or sister, that's not going to happen: not in the right sort of relationship, pregnancy with DS was filled with anxieties and I had a couple of m/c beforehand. I worry that I'll be in my 60s and his father will be in his 80s when DS is in his 20s. I also worry that if anything should happen to DS that my world would crumble. I also worry because I'm on my own with DS that something might happen to me and no one would notice for a day or so if it was the weekend for instance and DS would be all on his own. I had a car crash when DS was 9 months old (DS wasn't in the car at the time and was having his first full day at the carers) and I still have nightmares about how it could have been so much worse. I think I may also have a borderline anxiety disorder!

  8. #8

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    Yep, only child raiser here too - though he's still a bub. DH and I would like another, but we've said we're not going to talk bout it till DS is at least 3 yrs old

  9. #9

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    Hi all - just popping in to say hello! As you can see from my sig I have two and one on the way but as an only child I am happy to pop in and offer my "expert opinion" on all things of being an only one (Just kidding!)

    But I thought I would share a story with you, told by a mother of an only child to my mother.

    Once upon a time a lion and her cub came across a rabbit and her babies in the forest. "Oh!" said the rabbit, "look at all my babies. I have so many babies, and you have only one!". "Yes....I know I have only one," said the lion, worried about offending the rabbit, "...but mine is a lion."

  10. #10

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    Im a mother of a 1 year old..i dont see another child in the near future.. i havent found the right person yet who id trust would stick by us.. the thought of having another child scares the hell out of me to as i had a traumatic pregnancy n birth, and the lack of support from a ''partner'' didnt help.

    i know deep down theres another baby yet to come one day i hope.. it does upset me that DD wont have that closeness of a brother or sister close in age as i had with my siblings.. this does worry me abit!

  11. #11

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    Hey all, ATM we have one DD who is nearly 3 yo but we have been ttc # 2 for nearly 19 months. We decided when TTC that we would have 2 children and they would be close in age, but that is not to be

    TBH I am scared of DD being an only child. I grew up with an older sister and younger brother and it was great & it is still great to have all that support around me, plus DD has got a fantastic Aunty & Uncle. My DH grew up an only child & he said it wasn't that bad growing up on his own (he does have 4 half sisters & 3 half brothers but he did not grow up with them)

    Sometimes I think perhaps it is better if DD is an only child so I can focus on her & put all my energy & time into her rather than some time into her & the rest ttc..........

    Be back later to continue to chat

  12. #12

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    Glad I'm not the only worrywart!

    I'm very grateful at whoever decided to start this thread... I didn't realise until I posted how much I need support in this area. I'm not yet at peace with the decision (if it IS a decision) to have only one... perhaps through talking to all of you I may find some peace!

    I don't want to resent DH for procrastinating the decision so long and then even if we wanted to, we couldn't concieve a second

  13. #13

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    Hi ladies

    I'm another with only one child and we haven't decided whether there will be another, I am leaning more towards not having anymore, although I know DH is pretty keen on another. DS is 2.5

    I'm also grateful for this thread, it may help me come to a decision once and for all. I have my yes days, where I think it'd be nice to have another, but I certainly have more no days than yes days

    For me, I have a huge issue with whether or not I could love another child as much as I do DS. I can honestly say that this is my number one show stopper as to why we haven't had any more. I know everyone says that the love just comes, but what if it doesn't? DS is my world and I couldn't imagine feeling that way about another baby.

    There are also smaller issues, financial for instance. We are quite comfortable at the moment, our dream house is 2 weeks away from starting to be built and things are good. If I was to stop working money would be tight and that's not a worry I want to have. I've been on the bones of my bum, and I never want to go back. I also like my job and I like working, I don't know if I would be able to handle being a SAHM, which is what would happen if number 2 were to come along.

    So these, in a nutshell, are my issues. Thanks for letting me be able to share them in a place where people might understand a little.
    xxx

  14. #14

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    Thankyou so much for starting this thread!!!

    I am a mum of one and most probably will never have another 1. ATM DH and I have agreed that forthe next 5 years there will definately be no more babies but we will revisit the idea then, by them though, DS will be 9 years old and so far, the older he gets, the less I want anohter bub.

    I always dreamt of having a large family so I have REALLY struggled with the idea of having an only child over the years. Though DS has just started kindy this term and life has never been better! He is so independent and grown up all of a sudden.

    DS had his first proper birthday party for his 4th birthday on SUnday, it was the best time. He got all these cool gifts, Lego, marble race tower thingys, remote control cars. We have spent the last couple fo days building Lego and marble towers and have realised that an awesome thing about DS being an only is that we can bring the Lego out into the lounge room and leave it all set up and not have to worry about babies choking on it or sibling breaking it. Fantastic!

    Also it took 2 full on days of baking and planning his party and I said to DH I really dont know how mothers of many children could do that several times a year for each childs birthday!

    I do worry about DS dying and leaving me childless, or us dying and leaving him orphaned. BUT, if DS did die, nothing could make that feel better, if we had 5 extra kids we would nt feel any better cause they wouldn't be DS. As for when we die and leave him alone, he will never be alone cause I have a very close knit family who spend lots of time together and he has 2 cousins 3 years younger than him who we see all the time. Plus friends can be much better than family!

    We had DS and his little friend yesterday and it was great to be able to just have his friend for the day and have enough money to do fun stuff with them botha dn have plenty of room in the car etc. It was like DS can spend time with kids he actually WANTS to spend time with, then when he gets sick of them or starts arguing, they can go home. Very easy

    I really look forward to participating in this thread and getting to know you all

  15. #15

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gracious_Goddess View Post
    For me, I have a huge issue with whether or not I could love another child as much as I do DS. I can honestly say that this is my number one show stopper as to why we haven't had any more. I know everyone says that the love just comes, but what if it doesn't? DS is my world and I couldn't imagine feeling that way about another baby.
    I feel the same way! I just can't imagine having MORE love to share around!

  16. #16

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    Hi I hope you don't mind me joining in too I have DS who is 2.5 years old and he's currently our one and only. I'm wanting to try for another but DH isn't all that keen considering our pregnancy success rate
    I'd love for DS to have a sibling but I'm slowly slowly slowly coming around to the idea that a sibling just may not be possible
    If that is the case then so be it but I do want to see what my specialist has to say next Monday after my last D&C in March.

    I did always want 4 children by the time I turned 30 but that never happened and DH and I agreed on 2 babies but with our history of m/c's it is slowly taking its toll on me,him and us as a family unit.

    So for now its just the 3 of us and we should know more next week and if things turn out the way DH is talking about then I think I'm going to need lots of support from all of you who are very happy with your family of 3

  17. #17

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    Yay, so glad to hear of other 1 child families - everyone around me seems to be having several children and I sometimes feel like the odd one out.

    I fully understand the "will I love another baby as much" issue. I feel that too. Also, DH and I are both kind of worried that if we have another child they won't be as "good" as DD. This sounds awful, but DD is very advanced in her speech, she is very healthy, well behaved, had no problems breastfeeding, etc. I am scared if I have another one who is not a "dream baby" like Diana, I will always be comparing them to her. Or is this just an excuse because I think that having one is enough, but don't feel that this is good enough for others? I've only ever wanted one, and the way we live at the moment, I am not sure how another baby would fit in. E.g. we co-sleep, and have no real rules or routines. This is fine with one well behaved child but would most likely not work with a more challening one...

    And then there is the financial implications...

  18. #18

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    Wow, great thread!

    DD is 13 months, and our one and only. Neither DH or I are convinced we want another, but we're not ruling it out either. Like Mummy Naomi, DD was born with hip dysplacia and to have another in the same boat scares me. DH works really long hours so I've pretty much done it solo, can I manage two? DD isn't the greatest sleeper and some days are a real struggle. I don't know any only children as adults, so I don't even know how people feel about having no siblings. I grew up with a brother and two stepbrothers, and DH grew up with two brothers and we both have very large extended families. There is no pressure from anyone on us to have another which is lovely. AHHHHHH what to do!!

    Corelly x

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