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Thread: Raising a one and only child chat thread.

  1. #37

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    Widdly - whilst I understand your point about not wanting this to turn into a "should we have another baby thread", I think that this question is something that is an issue for many parents of singles, i.e. the not knowing if this is their own question, or just the expectations of other, etc, IYKWIM. I think that this thread could b e agood place for people to work these issues out and come to realise what they really want in regards to this. So, whilst I don't think that that should be the only issue discussed here, I hope that people don't get put off posting about this issue of it is on their minds...

    Anyway, as to our Only issue - I am finding that at the moment, DD is very demanding of my and DH's time. She doesn't really want for anything, but she wants us to constantly play with her, talk to her, watch TV with her (her shows), chase her around, etc. While this is the primary task of parenting, it gets exhausting. I know when I was DD's age, I would play with my sister and we very rarely bothered our parents at all, letting them have time on their own, so I think that this is the biggest issue we have with having an Only - the constant need they have for company. Anyone else feel this?


  2. #38
    smiles4u Guest

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    Quote Originally Posted by widdly View Post
    I think it is great that you lovely ladies have decided on more babies and wish all the very best with your TTC journeys. However, I do feel like this "only child chat thread" seems to have turned into a "should we have another baby thread" IYKWIM?? Please dont anyone get offended though. I am not meaning to be awful to anyone in here.

    How many truly parents of Onies are there in here? I would love to chat about the issues us mums of onies do face sometimes in this world where 2+ children are the expectation.
    :yeahthat: I have to absolutely agree with Widdly !!!

    I was in the chatroom here the other night and i asked the girl's if there was a new thread at all for ' only child families ' like myself as i hadn't a chance to look yet ... and one of the girl's sent me to this thread ... and i can't describe the excitement in my heart at the thought of there finally being a thread for parents who have one child and will have no more whether it be by choice or not as i asked the Mods sometime ago i feel i don't fit into any catergories of threads here eg, it's either TTC, m/c, Belly Buddies, etc ... but none available to chat with other parents with one child and no more children to come.

    When i entered this thread seeing so many posts about Mother's saying they are either undecided about another child or will so in the future my heart just absolutely plummeted as i realised once again i don't fit into a catergory here on BB

    I thought raising an only child meant just that you have one child and no more to come ... not so much you have your 1st child and there could/will be a 2nd child & so on ... to me it doesn't make sense cause everyone that has a first child and not another on the way YET could be in here (??)

    I am *not* having another child by choice which is heartbreaking, and im mending that journey and i thought this thread would be a place i could talk to other parents that have one child & one child only once again whether it be by their choice or not, and we could talk about how we deal with the outcome of having an only child and encourage each other with suggestions, etc ... and it doesn't mean it's all doom and gloom that there are some Mum's happy to have one child and we could learn and grow from each other

    Coming in here listening to others talk about they may or may not have another child ... not so much a definite NO i find terribly upsetting. I was hoping this would be a thread to chat to others about a mix of emotions that come with having a definite only child and knowing there will be NO more, for example how to deal with those falling pregnant around you whereas i'm hearing Mother's on this thread already talking about maybe falling pregnant or possibly already being pregnant. To explain what i mean for just an example it would be like my going into a thread for women long term TTC and i talk about how i fall pregnant easily IYKWIM.

    I would honestly apologise but i don't feel i should have to because anyone that came into this thread thinking it was about having one child now but possibly another later on could fit into a TTC thread when they decide to have another child IYKWIM, and at least they would have somewhere to go.

    If i was going to apologise it would be to the lovely Mods for my not having clearly understood who this thread was for, in case i am wrong in thinking it was for parents of one child and no more TTC or being able to have another child but for parents that are looking to have another child later on or soon ?? So for that i deeply apologise if i have made a silly mistake on my behalf

    I can't imaging how i would bring myself here on this thread to be some sort of support and encouragement to those who CAN actually have another child, and i can't understand how anyone could ask a woman that can't have another child to help do that for them.
    I truly thought Mother's that are ABLE to physically have another child and therefore might in the near or distant future consider that there would be Mother's in here that have only one child because they haven't been able to have another. For me my TTC for a 2nd bub has been 3years and a TTC thread is no longer for me but a thread for parents that have an only child for now & always is ... and i thought this thread was just that !!!

    I have no where to go now as i am totally confused as to who this thread is for ??

    Is it for one child families ?? ... or for tempory one child families for now who can possibly have another child later and those of us that can't have another child or choice to have to feel like we are in a TTC thread ??

    It simply feels like i'm in a half way thread for TTC !!

    ****** To the lovely Mods is there any way of my finding out what people this thread is aimed for ??

    TIA for any help & understanding

  3. #39

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    IMO this thread should be for those who have one child only - there are so many issues in raising a singleton (I am one myself) that personally I think it warrants its own forum.

    Widdly if I could offer a humorous "only child" story - don't ever buy them one of those sticks with a ball on a string (I think its called totem tennis?) There are few things more depressing as a singleton than playing a game by yourself when it is CLEARLY designed for 2 kids. A mate who is a singleton and I were crying into eachothers beer about this one night, laughing at how funny it is to try and hit the ball by yourself.

    And don't ever get a singleton a chess set - I used to try and "beat" myself, but could never work out how to "hide" my cunning plans from myself LOL!!!

  4. #40

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    The mods also feel that this thread is for those who are ONLY having one child, not those who are unsure about TTC etc. There are plenty of other sections for that, this is specificially for those who can not have, or do not want more than one child. Please respect those in this thread and only post if you have ONE child and only plan to have ONE child. Any TTC talk can stay to the TTC sections.

  5. #41

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    Cool, good move As I said earlier, I am happy to offer my services as an only child expert (bows graciously and exits stage left )

  6. #42

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    I can totally understand your frustraitions with people (like me) posting about not being sure if we're only having 1 or not, especially when you've come to the decision to have an only. I applaud those of you who have made that decision.
    I guess I came here initially to find out how you came to the decision to only have 1 child and see the good and bad points of having an only child so I could try to make a decision for myself.

    I'm still not sure if my thoughts about wanting another one are truely from me or just because it's "expected" but will refrain from posting here unless DH & I come to a final decision to not have anymore kids. I respect what this thread is meant to be and apologise for my own threads that have not really been on the issue.

  7. #43

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    Rory sounds like you and me shared a similar childhood

  8. #44

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    Rouge did you have hungry hippos too? My left hand was always slower than my right

  9. #45

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    This thread helped me answer a question that I've been really, really agonising over for the last year or so, so I'm not going to apologise for that. What I will say is that I misunderstood the intention of this thread, and will, from now on refrain from posting in it.

  10. #46
    smiles4u Guest

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    Quote Originally Posted by danniellabella View Post
    I can totally understand your frustraitions with people (like me) posting about not being sure if we're only having 1 or not, especially when you've come to the decision to have an only. I applaud those of you who have made that decision.
    I guess I came here initially to find out how you came to the decision to only have 1 child and see the good and bad points of having an only child so I could try to make a decision for myself.

    I'm still not sure if my thoughts about wanting another one are truely from me or just because it's "expected" but will refrain from posting here unless DH & I come to a final decision to not have anymore kids. I respect what this thread is meant to be and apologise for my own threads that have not really been on the issue.
    ... Danniellabella wow can i say how incredibly kind & thoughtfully said your post is. And please do know i understand that took a really lovely person to write what you did

    For DP & i our DD was never an only or one child she was our 1st child in thinking we will hopefully have another at some point. It wasn't until we knew the chance of it happening was diminishing that we then referred to our DD as an only child ... although it's not like we call her that as we call her as she is our DAUGHTER !!!

    For my & DP's personal situation, it's a little hard to explain but for our decision it came sort of in two parts, firstly one being my body taking over the good part of the decision in not having another child (our DD took us 2.5years to conceive and our TTC#2 journey was about 3years) as i will be 44.5yrs old this mid July to be exact and DP & i both started to become more & more concerned as i got older (he is younger than i at 34) then ever of the problems that would arise if i was ever to fall pregnant, not just for the baby but also for my own health.

    To be honest i don't know if you ever stop wishing to hear you are pregnant again, for me i so loved being pregnant.

    For us we could see & feel the weight of concern was weighing us down on top of the whole TTC emotional journey spanning 3years. I really don't think we were ever ready with a decision it was more like lets see how we feel if we start to ease up a little and just add more as we go along in ' not ' putting so much of ourselves in TTC ... and then from there the weight became lighter but to be honest our hearts still feel incredibly heavy. It's still a journey and emotions do go through different transitions ... for example one week i'm better than the next but having said that i can feel it getting lighter, i truly don't know if maybe it's an accepting feeling that is helping more or what as for me it's still all very new in not TTC anymore.

    So i hope DannilellaBella ... my story and that's what it is just mine can maybe/possibly shed a little light on how we came to a decision. I don't know whether everyone's decision is ever set in concrete i think as i woman wanting another child your heart still does have that yearning feeling, but that's just me

    Rory ... i often wonder if the feeling of being an only child feels probably not the right word but i will say 'worse' than what a parent can feel of not experiencing having another child, or give their only child the gift of a sibling ... not to mention at times i have felt less of a woman because i couldn't have another child (so that's a whole other struggle for me personally) ... i just hope it is ' worse ' for me in having to deal with it all then to think it could be 'worse' for my DD as an only child, i truly hope not as i'd find that incredibly hard to think about. But thanks for your humorous spin on being an only child as i know you meant it in good humour ... i just wish i could find the same humour in my having to be in this chat thread when i would have given anything to be in a thread talking about being pregnant.

    Rouge ... what can i say but THANK YOU from the bottom of heart as i feel i finally now have a corner of the world on BB to feel i can go to and i guess feel normal

    May i add (yes i will be the first to admit i talk alot, blame my Mum for that, LOL ) ... for my view on anyone on this chat thread for those that either can't have another child or plan to not have another child it would be no crime if anyone here was to deliver the wonderful news that they were " unexpectedly " pregnant because it's possible it could very well happen and i don't think there would be many women here that wouldn't think it was just that WONDERFUL, how can life into this world not be !!!!

    So on that note thank you BellyBelly for starting this thread and i'm sure it will be here for many women in the future who will now have somewhere freely to go and not feel lost xox

  11. #47

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    My apologies for not posting before this, when I was one of the people who asked for this thread.
    Our DD is 7 almost 8 and we tried for 5 years to have another child but I am 48 now so that ain't going to happen. Choosing to only have one child is different to having that decision made for you through external circumstances. I would never have chosen to have one child but that is what I have and we make the best of it.
    smiles re this
    i just hope it is ' worse ' for me in having to deal with it all then to think it could be 'worse' for my DD as an only child, i truly hope not as i'd find that incredibly hard to think about.
    I believe that only children know what they know, they don't know what it is like to have siblings. I desperately wanted another child so that DD would have more of a childhood like the one I had. But that was my issue. I think that there will be lots more only child families in this generation due to older mums and relationship breakup and through financial necessity so I don't think only children will be as unusual as they were in our day. I guess that doesn't necessarily make it easier for them but I am hoping that there will be more only children as both children and adults for her to have relationships with. IYKWIM.
    When DD was around 4 and we would come home from people's houses that had more than one child and she had been having a great time playing, she would say on the way home in the car "I wish I lived at their house". It would make me really sad.
    But DD is really great as she plays very well on her own. She rarely needs me to entertain her. she is happy to play with her dolls or lines up her teddies to play snakes and ladders with her. (makes me sad sometime when I see that)

  12. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by anney View Post
    But DD is really great as she plays very well on her own. She rarely needs me to entertain her. she is happy to play with her dolls or lines up her teddies to play snakes and ladders with her. (makes me sad sometime when I see that)
    aww she sounds just like my DD, and i think to my lucky stars my DD is incredibly out going and loves to be around people of all ages, one of her favourite people in the whole world was her 91year old Great-Great Uncle Leo whom lived around the corner from us until this Feb when he sadly passed away. It taught me she can find friendship in any age even at her age, just simply beautiful.

    ... and at the same token she happily plays alone but never without noise or sound around her she loves to chatter away. And i understand ' that' feeling Anney will you without really working on the thought think " ohhhh she's on her own playing ".

    She has always said to me " Mummy you are my best friend ", although something i haven't encouraged as i friend i'm her Mummy more than anyone, and that's a whole lot rolled in one But yesterday she came up to me and said " Mummy i be thinking you can be my best friend so we can play together ALLLLL the time ". For the first time i think she's realising she is on her own as a child in the house, cause i'm a big kid at heart and jokes lots with her & play as any Mum would i think she never saw that she was an only child in the house until yesterday (she just turned 4 last Thurs).

    I get her out lots to visit her little friends so she has that play too and of course she has kids activity programs, and Kinder she goes to and loves. I've done beyond all i could to make sure she has established relationships with her relatives too. She is no longer the 1st grandchild on her Daddy's side she now has two boy cousins (they are brothers) 2years old and a newborn ... so i feel odd but nice to say it's wonderful she has them to play with as they are part of her being relo's but never the same as siblings but that's fine, i'm just so happy she has them in her life too

  13. #49

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    Thanks so much for sharing how you came to the decision to have 1 child. I think I might stay subscribed to this thread but maybe not post. I'll be a reader.


    Smiles: as for the age thing and the difficulty conceiving, I can totally understand your decision and I guess that was good for me to see. I'm only 27 so still have time.
    Last edited by Lulu; May 14th, 2010 at 10:18 PM. Reason: Moderation purposes

  14. #50

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    Rory & Rouge - I have started a thread for us only-child adults http://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums/...ss-adults.html

    Smiles - as an only child growing up in Ballarat I can honestly say it was a blast Like you, my mum never planned on me being an only child but my father left when I was 2 and she never found someone else to continue our family with.

  15. #51
    smiles4u Guest

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nai View Post
    Rory & Rouge - I have started a thread for us only-child adults http://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums/...ss-adults.html
    ... thanks Nai for starting that great thread for yourselves i will most likely pop in and maybe get some ideas at some point
    (and thanks Nai i know your intentions are kind one's from your generous heart, your just so lovely )

    To anyone that might be curious my being on this thread is not all about how my DD is going to be as an only child and that would be hard for someone to understand that who doesn't have an only child ... this thread for me personally is somewhere i can talk to others who may feel some of the pain i do in not being able to have another child FOR MYSELF too and my DP, i still struggle with it every day to the point i can border in feeling depressed at times, the only way i can describe it to people with more than one child is like going through grieving, well that's how it feels for me. It would be so lovely to have one or more children myself and find the humour in that but that's no me.

    I guess it would be a selfish relief to know i am not the only one that struggles with those emotions ... how awful of me to say i would feel better to know i am not the only feeling this way, but i will be honest in saying it would make me feel better not knowing someone is suffering BUT to know i am normal after all IYKWIM !!

    *** Thanks to anyone that is listening ...
    ... i so deeply appreciate it but i do struggle taking advice from women who have not experienced this journey and have what i strive so hard and long for " another child + "

    Big hugs from me to anyone here that might need one

  16. #52

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    smiles - you are just the best!

  17. #53
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    aww your the bestest lovely lady

  18. #54

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    I'm 80% sure that my DS will be an only child. My DH will have the final say in whether or not we have any more children (as he is the stay-at-home-Dad) and he's not keen on any more.

    So I hope you don't mind if I stay as I'm still processing this likelihood and could use the support in here that the decision is ok. I'm 36 and took a while to conceive Liam, so even if we wanted to, I probably couldn't

    I promise to keep my posts on going forward with Liam as an only child and not about the possibility of more.

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