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Thread: Raising a one and only child chat thread.

  1. #109
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    Gigi is offline BellyBelly Life Member - Love all your MCN friends
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    wow, i was going to hit "REPLY WITH QUOTE", but there were SO MANY posts i agreed with, i just coudln't put them all.



    Like DaniellaBella, i had a traumatic delivery and a bad first year.
    Like Nettie, i am petrified of what would happen to bilby, if i was unable to care for her.
    I am older, recently out of toxic r'ship, finding it hard to trust anyone, not even looking at men, so the possibility of getting pregnant is zero.
    Not in a financial situation to provide for another child.
    Feeling guilty about not providing bilby with a sibling, especially when we have so little family. (her dad and one elderly aunt).
    Took so long to conceive, i am very fortunate to have had one child at all.
    I am so grateful we both survived the delivery (bandl's ring happened during delivery).

    bilby is definately an only child.

  2. #110

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    Gigi

    I'm still pretty traumatised by our first few months - although things did get better after time...... but we're still pretty sure that DD will be an only child. I have weird panic like feelings when I am around new babies.


  3. #111

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    mummasue, I shudder and feel a little panicky still when I see a heavily pregnant woman or someone with a tiny baby.

    gigi, I am divorced as of tomorrow from a toxic relationship, I dont think I will ever look for another man, I am open to one if i happen to stumble across one, but the thought of being single forever sits very well with me, that mixed with my infertility = 0.001% chance of me having more babies. I feel guilty occasionally that DS wotn have siblings, but there are plenty of worse things on life.

    I work at a childcare centre in the nursery, I love it and get all my baby cuddles and cluckiness out, then I come home to a quiet home with my only Perfect balance

  4. #112

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    Hi all just wanting to subscribe (although not sure if this thread is even still alive??)

    We are 99% sure DS is an only child forever. Practically, we cannot afford more IVF or another child as DH is unemployed and there is a recession etc etc and I am now 38. Emotionally I have a big stumbling block when it comes to the thought of another child. I really cannot imagine loving another child and actually resent the thought of a new child muscling in on DS's time with me. That does sound rather extreme when I see it written down but I must face that that is how I feel. And if that is how I feel now, I guess I am in no way ready to have another child. So it would be wrong for me to consider it at all just to fulfill some societal expectation or some concern for DS's future with no siblings.
    I have also seen no joy in having more than one child amongst my peers and my family. My mother had a nervous breakdown trying to cope with my brother and I when we were 2 kids under 2 (which could explain my deep seated resentment of a 'second child' i.e. my own feelings as the first child losing my 'happy mummy') and all my friends my age who have started having babies late and who have then rushed to have two kids before they were 40, are all struggling with two kids. My DH is also against having more since he had a horrendous childhood being the youngest of 5 where he was bullied mercilessly by his older siblings.
    So that is my story! On a side note I watched a comedian the other night who was talking about having children. He said his wife and he decided to have another child to provide a playmate for the first. He said little did they realise they were actually creating the first child's arch nemesis!!!

  5. #113

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    Hi girls, I've just spent the last couple of hours reading through this entire thread. I too am not sure if this thread is still alive or if I am allowed to post in here? I was looking for an only child thread so that I could see all the positives of being a family of 3. DH is 100% sure that he does not ever want another baby and I am 100% sure that I do want one. I am really struggling with it, grieving actually. But I did read the mods comments about what this thread is for so I hope you don't mind me posting? I need to get my head around the idea of ds being an only child or I will end up leaving dh and then our little man will not have the best life he can possibly have. Positive reasons I can think of for a family of 3 are obvious things like more money, sleep, time for the one child, I can get my body back which is such a mission! Other than focusing just on ds I'm kind of lost right now for more positive things to think about. If anyone can share their positive experience with me that would be fantastic

  6. #114

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    I guess I have an only child. Our little DS is the one who lives with us. His sister Ellen is in the stars as she was born sleeping at 41 weeks. My hubby does not want the stress and worry of another pregnancy and I am getting my head around having only one living child.
    Things I worry about are his sharing skills, spoiling him too much as since we lost his sister he is almost too precious. I worry we'll lose him and be just two again.
    What do I need to do to do an excellent job of having just one baby?

  7. #115

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    Hi Kateo You sound so very sad and I am so sorry that your beautiful little baby girl Ellen couldn't stay with you, your hubby and ds longer I don't know what you (or I) need to do to do and excellent job of having just one baby. Personally I don't think there is anything wrong with spoiling your child. In fact I don't think there is any such thing as spoiling. Why do people feel they need to teach kids that they can't have things? Anyway... I'm trying to tell myself that having 1 child will mean that I 'can' spoil ds because we will be able to afford to give him everything. I'm not concerned about sharing, ds is a massive sharer! It must just be in his nature, I posted this somewhere else on BB today actually. As soon as another kid comes to our house he will run and get them a toy to play with I hope that continues. I worry more about him being lonely, but then again I will make an effort to have play dates etc a few times a week. Looking at the other side of the coin there are so many adults who can't be alone. They are always looking for others to be around, I often wonder if they have ever given themselves time to 'get to know themselves' iykwim. Perhaps an only child will know who they are, be happy to spend time on their own, be happy to explore who they really are without relying on other kids/adults. Perhaps I'm just grasping at straws to make myself feel better It was only 3 months ago that dh said he didn't want another baby and I am still heartbroken.

  8. #116

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    I'm reading some really awesome books about raising an only child. There's a particularly good seminal piece of work called Keys to Parenting the Only Child and I have another one that I haven't started yet called The Case for the Only Child. Our society views only children quite negatively but these books are very reassuring to me for if we do decide that DD will be an only child (we sway back and forth at the moment).

    Anyway, I find comfort in books and chatting to others about it. Just thought I'd share.

  9. #117

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    Hi girls

    My only is nearly 6 years old now. I sometimes feel like I wish he had a sibling to play with, cause he always wants me to play with him, and that bores me to be honest. But most of the time I am so glad I have an only. I really dont think I would have coped with more than one.

    Onlies are def regarded negatively in our society, but there are SO many positives to an only, there really are.

    I would love it if we could keep this thread going, I find it hard to meet other mums of onlies, it is nice to discus issues that relate to onlies.

  10. #118

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    Hi widdly, I find the fact that my dd has no one to play with and relies on me for that difficult too. As she gets older it has become more difficult. She really is very self reliant but now that she does not tend to play with toys so much she tends to get bored more quickly. While I do love spending time with her, there is only so much trampoling I can do or watch. As your son gets older you might enjoy more inside type games with him. Dd and I play UNO, yahtzee, battleships now which is a bit more stimulating than snap or fish!
    I too would like to keep this thread alive! I actually don't find negativity toward onlies. I do find it annoying if people assume they are "spoilt". I try very hard not to give dd too much for that reason.
    Last edited by anney; March 28th, 2012 at 09:51 PM.

  11. #119

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    Hi MummaSue, Widdly & anney I still think about ds being an only child every day! I still honestly don't know if he will ever have a sibbling? I think society is negative about it... Sometimes 'I' am negative about it but I can see so many benefits! Regarding playing with them, dh is home heaps and plays with ds most of that time which I think is one of the big reasons that dh doesn't want another one, he thinks that another child will take up even more of his time. Yet I have suggested to him that if ds doesn't have a sibbling to play with that dh will continue to have to keep playing with ds. Whilst dh is the one saying he doesn't want another child I don't know if my body would hold up to another one anyway. I'm so SORE all over all the time. Once I recover and get my body back I just don't know if I want to go down the road of weight gain and sleep deprivation again. As for spoiling, heck we already give ds everything and I find that is one of the big reasons that having only 1 is attractive to me. We want to be able to give him everything, we don't think there is anything wrong with that, I'm sure he will value people more than 'things' if we raise him that way. Giving him everything also includes health and experiences which we may not be able to do with another child due to finances etc. Anyway JMO and

  12. #120

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    Hey Widdly, how did you go reading the case for the only child? What other books can you recommend? Have you read any books which are more based around economics and or social factors of these modern times? Or perhaps ones based on population growth etc? Cheers

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