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Thread: Remembering a loved one

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Mar 2011
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    Default Remembering a loved one

    I'm not really sure where this fits.. So please moved if need be mods.

    Nearly two weeks ago I gave birth to my second baby boy. It was an amazing day and he is a delight to have in our life. Two days later my brother passed away at the age of 31. He had fought cancer for 15 years and was an amazing inspirational man, and despite having cancer for so long his passing was completly out of the blue and a shock to our entire family.



    My question is for myself (with a newborn and 2yr old) and my SIL who has a one year old. How can I/we ensure they remember my brother and understand how amazing he was and how he loved his family and friends in such an amazing way? I know we can talk about him as they get older and show pictures, but I wondered if any BBers have any other suggestions maybe of keepsakes for my neice and my boys etc?

    Not sure if this makes sense in what I am after... It's been a rollercoaster last two weeks. I just want to be able to help my SIL and neice as much as possible. It saddens me greatly to think none of our kids will have memories of my brother. He truly was a great man full of strength, courage, fight for life and lived every day to the max, never asking for help or making his illness a main part of his life.

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Nov 2011
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    SE Melbourne
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    2,975

    Default Re: Remembering a loved one

    So sorry for your loss

    When I read your post I thought that maybe you could start a scrapbook of sorts... With stories about him... Get lots of different people to write their memories, and/or you write the story of his life. Write about your memories, things he said, places he went, where he lived... All those things... And it can be a work in progress..... You never have to finish it cause each time a new story is recalled you can write it in... Perhaps even with then kids help... They could draw the pictures to help... Or something.

    Look after yourself... There is lots going on for you right now... So take your time and do what you can when you can xoxox

  3. #3

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    Jun 2010
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    Default Re: Remembering a loved one

    I am so, so sorry Alligators Mum My thoughts are with you, your family and your SIL.

    My thoughts are along the lines of myturn's, with a scrapbook. For your niece I'd make a scrapbook just for her, with photos of just her and her Daddy. What he said when she was born, what his hopes for her had been. Kind of like their life together on paper. I'd make a DVD too so she can hear him, see how he was with her. Put videos together with photos.

    I'd do the same for your sons, but make it for both because your DS2 is still so small. I like the idea of keeping it as a work in progress, so as memories crop up and photos are found you can add to it. If your DS1 is ok to talk about him you can ask him his favourite things about his Uncle to put in there.

    Congratulations on the birth of your second boy, I'm sorry you're going through this so soon after

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Aug 2013
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    WA
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    Default Re: Remembering a loved one

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother x

    My aunty's husband died when I was a baby and her two girls (my cousins) were aged 2 and 3. My Aunty had lots of photos of him around the house and ensured that my cousins knew their Dad's side of the family and his friends.
    My mum had photos of him too and would talk about him a lot. As I got older I'd ask more questions about him. Although I don't remember him I feel like I knew him.

    Take care of yourself x

  5. #5

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    Default Re: Remembering a loved one

    Sorry to hear about your brothers passing. Enjoy getting to know your little man during this hard time as much as you can.

    I like the scrapbook idea but do it from when he was born.
    I know kids love knowing about their parents as kids. Get her mum to write how they met and how she was proposed to and also their wedding day.
    If your parents and other members can also write down some things they remember about growing up with him.

    Writing down thoughts is a great way of remembering a loved one and it also helps the hurt a little. Remembering the fun times is just a important as the down times.

    Other times that they will need support is the first anniversary of things, birthdays, wedding anniversaries, fathers/mothers day etc.

  6. #6

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    Default Remembering a loved one

    I'm so sorry to hear about this sad loss of such an loved and inspirational family member.

    The issue of remembering someone is one that many people grapple with, I think each family finds their own ways. I know some people with cancer put together memory boxes, especially for their children - collections of special but meaningful items, often with written labels that explain why they are important. Your SIL and brother may already have put some things together, but if they haven't, now may be a little too early/too raw to start. However you could think about finding a special chest, box or case, an archive-quality (ie acid-free) notebook & pens or a memory album, and have them ready when you do find something special, or remember something that you'd like written down. Things he said, funny or wise or crazy things he did, all the family stories, all the times you ever said to your brother "hey do you remember that time we ..." - that's the sort of thing you can write down. Add photos of him, of his favorite things, his favorite places, and always write what it is in the photo and why he loved it.

    Also, for very small children, having some photos in a form that is sturdy enough for them to carry about & handle as their own can be important. This might be something like a daddy doll, or a photo in a strong, non-breakable resin frame. xxx
    Last edited by AnyDream; February 11th, 2014 at 10:22 AM.

  7. #7

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    Default Re: Remembering a loved one

    Sorry for your loss

    Just an FYI there is Grief and Loss Private Support Group, if you feel the need for a little more privacy.

  8. #8

    Join Date
    Mar 2011
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    queensland
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    Default Re: Remembering a loved one

    Thank you to all the wishes girls. I can't believe it's been more than two weeks already ( and it's another one of this can't believe my baby is 2.5 weeks old and can't believe my brother has been gone 2.5 weeks as well. I guess ill always have that reminder now.)

    I like all the suggestions and will keep a note of them and talk about it with my SIL in the near future. She is still working out the legal stuff at the moment and I'd like to do this later as a more fun way to remember all the good times. Soemthing to bring a smile to all our faces.

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