You have given it your best shot - you can't say that you didn't try! You went back, it didn't work so now you can do what you need to do with no unanswered "what if's" :hug:
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You have given it your best shot - you can't say that you didn't try! You went back, it didn't work so now you can do what you need to do with no unanswered "what if's" :hug:
Thanks!
So I got the courage to say no not doing this anymore I need a healthy environment and I won't settle for any less for my child.
He's done several 360's in the last 24 hours. From telling me that I'll be doing it completely on my own to now coming to an ultrasound tomorrow and birth class next he's loosing his shut telling me it's all my fault n he wants to do it all together.
My heads just spinning. I dunno. Gahhhhh lol
No one can tell you what to do & even if they could then ultimately it's your decision but I guess the time has come where you need to ask yourself, do I want to raise a child with this man, in this environment? The confusion you feel about his hot & cold responses will also be felt by your child growing up (if his behaviour stays the same (leopards & spots & all that) & your child could grow up thinking that it is normal for people to treat each other the way he treats you. It's not normal & it sure isn't healthy. You owe it to your child to protect them from unhealthy relationships, as hard as it is to make the break.
I am going to tell you my story in hopes it helps you...
My DS's father left me (well sort of) when I was 10 weeks pregnant. We had a miscarriage before I fell pregnant with DS and DS was completely planned.
At the time I fell pregnant with DS neither of us were working as we had literally just moved interstate. But he continued to drink 1/2 a case if beer a day. I told him I wasn't willing to bring a child in to that environment and all he'll broke loose, he moved out (because I told him to for there to be any chance if it to work).
He would appear supportive through the day, but at night call me abusing me and telling me I was unfit to be a parent blah blah blah. In the end I told him if he wanted to contact me to do it via email only or I would get a restraining order as it was sending my normally low blood pressure through the roof talking to him. At 4 months pregnant even though I invited him to ultrasounds etc I stopped hearing from him.
When our son was born he didn't even want to know and I heard nothing (other than him denying parentage when I applied for child support) until DS was 18 months old.
We very slowly built up access visits and he ended up being there for both DS's surgeries. When DS was 2 1/2 we "gave it another go", which was a huge mistake. He had broken up with his then gf who I liked very much and I felt terrible about it, but he pushed the idea on to me. We separated for the 2nd time 3 months later and he stopped having regular access. It got to DS's 3rd birthday (he had got back with the gf) and he refused to come to the location of DS's party, I lost it, I told him it was all or nothing. Since that happened he has had regular access every 2nd weekend and we are back to being friends, I get on really well with his (now) fiance and it's working really well.
I realised we would never have worked together. I am now married and he is almost married and everything is going well. I made the choice I needed to do what was actually best for my child and myself, not what society thought was right and I don't regret anything. I gave it my all and it wasn't enough for him, so it never would be.
Being a single parent was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but the easiest at the same time. The thing is, if your partner died (god forbid!) you would have to do it alone anyway.
Alcoholism and violence (even only emotional, non physical) are not healthy for children to witness. I didn't want my son thinking it was ok.
Only you can make the choice, but you need to try not to let your heart rule. It's not easy, but it can be done.
I am proof you can do it alone and you will find someone who will do the right thing by you.
Whatever your decision is I wish you the best of luck xx