WHY do we FF? **NOT A VENT THREAD**

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I feel like my BFing friends (not on here) judge me for being so inconsiderate to fall pregnant so quickly and use formula. As if I had a choice ...

DD is thriving on formula ...

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you're a star, and your "friends" sound like poo heads.

you've done a moster effort, and which do they think your DD would prefer - another couple of months with a bit of EBM among the formula and food, or a BRAND NEW TOY - uh, I mean sibling ;)

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I am a proud FF

When DD was born 5 weeks early, I had to have an emergency c-section as she presented footling breech after my waters broke (no contracts, midwives just did an internal to check if I was dilated!). They had minuted to get her out as the cord prolapsed. DD had to go to SCN and I didn't see her for 24hrs :(

I expressed to give her milk via her feeding tube and after a few days I did try and BF her. She latched on correctly and had a great go of it but often she would get tired and slip off and suck only on the nipple part.

DD was in SCN we me expressing whilst at home and the nurses topping up with formula when there wasn't enough milk to feed her. Towards the end of the 2 weeks I went back to hospital to be with her for 24hrs before I took her home. It became very clearly that I had no where enough milk for her and had to mix feed.

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Jim was a footling breech too.

We went to hospital by ambulance, had emergency caesar under GA, somehow I managed to BF him but he needed top ups, and some shifts some staff wouldn't give us a top up. I was on antibiotics for a long period, had a bladder infection, tried pumping, fenugreek, different techniques. Sometimes I'd get it down to that he'd have only a third of the daily amount of formula for his age. Many, many days I'd be BF for hours and hours on end, and he'd still need a top up at the end of the day, at midnight or 1am and I would be so tired.

I'll be back later to edit and add more.

Language is so important isn't it?

I FF my first child, would I say I am proud I FF? No. Am I ashamed I FF. Absolutely not. Am I proud I did everything I could to nourish my child regardless of the fact I couldn't feed her as first planned? Absolutely. I am proud that in the face of ridicule I never felt ashamed or down trodden. But I do believe this is more an internal dialogue rather than anything else. I am absolutely certain that in life we are all ridiculed for things again and again and again. Be it weight, race, sex, fashion sense, intellect etc etc. And I don't care. I think if I was upset by every time someone said something negative about my lifestyle, my appearance, my taste in music etc I would be an absolute mess. I often wonder if because I have this approach I never saw ridicule for FF'ing. I never got upset because I FF my child. Nor did I see small mindedness over BF'ing. I never had anyone tell me to cover up... nor did I have anyone tell me it was disgusting. I never have anyone tell me I'm fat either or that I wear too much black... I don't see ridicule. And I'm sure if I did I'd laugh at them. Just because someone has an opinion of you, does not mean you have to share it, or let it hurt you.

Am I proud I could BF? Yes, but not because I wasn't proud of FF'ing. I'm proud because I overcame the struggle I had with DD. Would I be proud if I was able to BF easily? Hmmm... not sure. Only because for me to feel proud, I feel I need to achieve something out of the ordinary. Reach out and above. And I see breastfeeding as normal if that makes sense.

I hope I'm making sense... ;)