Catherine, I changed my surname to Shel's surname (lots of reasons why) so we all have the same surname :D
Printable View
Catherine, I changed my surname to Shel's surname (lots of reasons why) so we all have the same surname :D
So after choosing a donor that dispays characteristics the same as Shel's - can you see a resemblance now that Jazz is here?
Most people say she looks exactly like me! She is very long though, compared to me as a baby so I know she'll be tall like Shel!
Thanks. By the way Jazz is so cute!!!
Give her a big hug from me!!
Just one question I hope its not too forward. Do you think having lesbian mums will affect Jazz's choice of relationships when she is older, like would she choose to be a lesbian because her mums are lesbians and she is comfortable with it or do you think it wouldn't make a difference in her choice?
I think Jazz is a very lucky little girl to have two caring loving mums. If she gets teased i'm sure she will have two mums standing up for her.
I doubt very much she'll get teased. I had a lesbian guardian for a short period (in my teen years) and I was fine, my godfather is gay, I also had two friends in high school and one in primary school who had 2 mums and none of them ever got teased. She'll be fiiiine. If anything she'll be more open minded than most and thats totally awesome :)
Well done Leasha answering all these questions :clap: You are so right about many people having questions but not often feeling there is a right time to ask. Here's mine:
When I was pregnant, in labour and for a while post labour I occassionally felt resentful that my DH couldn't understand how uncomfortable, painful, hormonal I felt. In labour I didn't abuse him or blame him like some women do with their partners but I REALLY wished I could have hooked up wires leading from my brain (pain center) to his so that he could gain some insight as to what I was actually going through. However at the end of the day I conceded that because he was male I'd just have to accept that he would just never know my pain... he isn't meant to know... he is meant to be my protector and keep an eye out for savage beasts that might be preying on vulnerable me and baby LOL Now, if I was in a Lesbian relationship I wouldn't have that to fall back on. I reckon my resentment regarding any perceived lack of empathy would really get to me.
Doesn't it bug you that, as another woman, Shell is physically capable of empathy... but isn't? IYKWIM? She kinda doesn't have the excuse of being biologically incapable like a bloke does. Geeze i hope that came out right! :redface: Maybe most women don't think like I do... LOL and that I'm strange for wanting my DH to experience the pain. Kinda like when I catch a cold and spend all day in bed feeling guilty but suffering in silence.... then 3 days later DH catches it and claims he is dying LOL Doesn't it feel sooooo good to finally feel JUSTIFIED!??? ETA: BTW I'm not mean about it when he does fall sick... I "mother" him nicely because i have some empathy of what it's like to be sick :)
Hi
Just want to put my 2cents worth in.
My son started school and has always had a boy in his class who is from a same sex family. This little boy was a product of a friend's donor sperm. Now I have become great friends with this boy's birth mum and the children over the last five years have NEVER teased him about "having two mums". Children are so accepting these days they have never known any different. The only prejudice received is from parents not children, but I must mention that is very minimal. Families these days are made up of lots of different people, grandparents, aunts and uncles, foster parents, single parent families. There isn't a "norm".
My view is that if the child is loved and cared for who cares how they came about. But I just wanted to point out my experience.
This may be a silly question but... What circle of friends are u2 in? Do you have more lesibian/gay couples/singles as friends? or do you have a hetrosexual couples/singles... Is there a difference in who you get along better? Is there still a huge stigma around gay couples...
I'm soooooooo sorry if that has offended you in any way. or i asked too many questions........
BTW we havent met, but through reading on here i feel like i've got to know you an i think your just ace :)
Well, I don't think you chose to be a lesbian, I think its just who you are. I don't know who she'll be attracted, but I don't think it'll make a difference. I'm a lesbian and my parents are straight, so it wouldn't be any different for Jazz ;):
Do you think having lesbian mums will affect Jazz's choice of relationships when she is older, like would she choose to be a lesbian because her mums are lesbians and she is comfortable with it or do you think it wouldn't make a difference in her choice?
Thanks Cai :) and Trish
Woah Bath, ok, hmm... Well! lol
Obviously theres no man in our relationship so we don't have the clear cut 'protector/nurturer' roles IYKWIM, so we each take, well kind of like turns I guess (though its not we say 'ok your turn to be protector' lol) so there are days when Shel feels like my protector and I feel like I am the one to stand behind her. Then there are days when I feel extremely protective, like theres a bump in the night and I'll be the one to investigate (or if theres a spider :rofl:).
When I think about labour I feel the protector side, I don't want her to go through that pain, I want to be able to do that for her, I want to ptotect her from that. Maybe its because I know that she is capable of feeling it though. I think I'd probably be pretty resentful if I was with a male partner, I could say "its all right for you, you'll never have to go through it!". Because Shel CAN I worry about her and if she'll be ok. I think its because she can, and because we 'share' that protecting role. Does that make sense?
Cassie, most of our friends are straight, generally couples with kids. We have a few gay and lesbian friends, but most of them arent on the settle down with a family page yet so we dont have much in common. Theres no difference with who I get along with. A d!ckhead is a d!ckhead, gay or straight lol! I don't avoid or gravitate to people based on sexuality :)
As for stigma, depends... Generally people are accepting, you get those who just tolerate, and there are the ignorant ones who don't understand. Then there are the narrow minded people who have the capacity to understand but choose not to because they fear the unknown and hate those who challenge their archaic ideals and beliefs. Luckily its mostly the first 3 groups, and I can deal with that ;)
busy thread only just got around to reading it ,... but has anyone actually asked you that:o:
Yep, we have a 'friend' actually who loves to joke about it, and even went so far as to say "I'm having a girls night, oh Shel you can't come you're the man you go out with the boys" :o
I think its just easier for some people to 'straighten' our realtionship IYKWIM. If they see one as the 'woman' and one as the 'man' its less confronting than two woman.
hi leash, just readin this thread and ur amazing to think about ppls questions n to answer them. I havent go a question iv got a few cousins who are in same sex couples so i am aware of the stuff being asked. You r amazin hun. Say hi to shell 4 me n give jazz a big hug. Take care rach x x
Leasha just wanted to say i think its awesome that you have started this thread... I guess most people tend to be hesitant with their curiosity... and i think thats why alot of people dont understand or open their minds. I think this thread is a fantastic idea for people to see things more openly...
Few of my questions have been answered...
Also :rofl: I can just imagine the faces once you reply with this...Just wanted to add about the surname stuff... How did you choose who's surname to use??? Was there a clear choice or was it something that was discussed and agreed apon. Also excuse my ignorance but was curios about Jazz's birth certificate... Does it show both of your names??? like i know with my kids they have the mother and father part with details etc... do they accomodate this for you both??? I'd really hope that they would. :redface::
Originally Posted by ~Leasha~
PMSL when someone asks "who's the man" I say "neither, we're lesbians"
I think as you just said most people like to straighten out the relationship making either party the 'man' or 'women' does this get frustrating or do you think it is a way for people to somehow accept things better??? Kinda like a coping mechanisim for narrow minded people???
Also... just wanted to add with the "protector' stuff.. I have a man and still need to get up to bumps in the night and to kill bugs and spiders... :rofl:
Thanks again for the thread leasha.
Just wanted to ask you about what you said earlier about not having a popular opinion amongst other G&L parents about the whole IVF and the cost of it etc - it there an 'us and them' and why? I don't see why your opinion would be unpopular because what you said is pretty straightforward to me. And if there is a *divide* is it just borne out of frustration at the cost of becoming a parent?
And FWIW, when I was in year 10 there was a girl who came to our school who had two mums (but I think her birth mum's partner was a new partner kwim? So she was her stepmum I suppose) and in a very small country town in the early 90's that did raise a few eyebrows, but she was never picked on for that, but she was an oddity in her own right LOL so she copped a bit of flack for that as opposed to her family. So I can't see why in this day and age Jazz would have any issues from her peers, especially because you're already making great inroads in that area.
Hi Jess :)
It was a fairly easy decision about the surname. My ties to my father and my fathers family are thin at best, and to be honest it was kind of liberating to break free of them, to be separate. Also they didn't accept Shel so there was never any desire on my or Shels part for her to take my fathers family name. Also, Shel's biological father passed away a few months before she was born, and she has his family name, so its is very important to her and I could never have asked her to consider changing her name, and so it was a fairly easy decision. Plus her surname is quite nice which too which is always a bonus!
I think it makes it a lot less confronting. They can apply their own stereotypes to our relationship, relate it to theirs, and it makes it easier for them to accept or at least tolerate.:
I think as you just said most people like to straighten out the relationship making either party the 'man' or 'women' does this get frustrating or do you think it is a way for people to somehow accept things better??? Kinda like a coping mechanisim for narrow minded people???
Trillian, I think its mostly out of frustration at the cost ("its so unfair that 'we' have to pay for something that 'they' get for free" meaning sperm and the chance to be pregnant). I'm not as angry about it, I'm not angry that Medicare doesnt subsidise for woman who arent medically infertile. Yes it would be nice but... maybe its because I have PCOS... but then, we were prepared to pay the full fees before we knew... maybe I've just had some bad experiences with some people (not all though!).
I dont mean this rudly or anything but really just dont know so thought why not ask...
In the eyes of the law are you classed as a single parent or are you classed as a defacto parents....
And if you are classed as a single parent does that also mean you are intiled to sigle parent payments?
Wow. Leasha, I just wanted to say what an amazing thread this is.... I think it's fantastic that you've opened it up.