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Thread: Need Advice

  1. #1

    Question Need Advice

    I was in a lesbian relationship for 5 years and during that time we had a daughter my ex partner is the biological mother, we ended our relationship 8 months ago and for the last 6 months i have had my daughter every weekend friday afternoons to sunday afternoons and spent time with her wednesday afternoons, i also call her every night to say goodnight. My daughter is 3 in may. So last wednesday i drove her home and my ex told me she was moving interstate that friday, i begged her not to take my daughter from me but she didnt care. So i spent the day with her friday then said goodbye she wouldnt let me go and kept saying please dont leave me mum it broke my heart. Now im not sure what to do i spoke to a lawyer who said i could go to court to get her back and i have every right to, as now i am legally recognised as her parent, i just dont know if i want to hurt my ex i still love her, but she hurt me by doing this. I still call her every night only now every night she crys on the phone to me and says i want to go with you mum. What should i do???


  2. #2

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    I dont have any advice but wanted to say how sorry I am you are going through this. I really hope everything works out for you.

  3. #3

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    i don't have any advice either, but what a crap situation.
    Has she gone interstate for good? Any chance you want to move interstate? i feel for you and your poor little bubba.

  4. #4

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    I live in qld all my family is in qld as to is my ex's family shes moved to nsw to be with some of her friends, she says its not permament only temporary to pay all her bills but with the amount of debt she has it could take years. Before she left she said i could see her once a month but i would have to pay for both of our travels. I just dont think its fair going from every weekend and every wednesday to one day a month...

  5. #5

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    I'm so sorry that you're in this situation. In all seriousness though, I think you need to get some legal advice and get your rights sorted out - ASAP. You're her mum, you have to be a part of her life & if your ex wont give you reasonable access then you need some sort of custody agreement to make sure that you get time with your daughter too.


  6. #6

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    I think you really need to seek some legal advice about this hun Depending on the situation it can be hard to get a relocation order, but you will more than likely need to have a formal custody arrangement in place.

  7. #7

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    Oh how horrible! What a terrible situation for all involved, most of all your little girl.

    As a mumma, my first reaction was 'get her back'! If it is not possible for you to relocate close to her, then I'd honestly be thinking that going through the justice system maybe the way to go. It might make your ex see how it is tearing you and your daughter's heart apart. You never know, she may willingly move back before anything really goes anywhere.

    This is a decision you really need to make for yourself though dear. What I have said is just what I think my reaction to such a situation would be. What ever you choose it will be the right thing for your DD as well as yourself.

    Wishing you all the very best with it all.

  8. #8

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    and thats where the majority of the problem lays i have contacted my lawyer and she has told me to write a letter demanding she return my daughter to qld immediatley if my ex doesnt follow this they will someone to collect my daughter but then that would be so confusing for her and as much as i would love to have her back i dont want to hurt her. But then i think what my ex did by taking her away from everyone and everything she knows to move into one of her friends places that my daughter barely even knows.. Just confused really....

  9. #9

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    Considering her age, and that she isn't in school yet, could you try to get more visitation with her, say for a few weeks at a time? I know that isn't ideal and what you want at all, but it might be one way to reach a compromise with your ex.

  10. #10

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    i suggested that to my ex i said the last week of every month we could meet half way and then she would spend a week with me and then we would meet halfway to drop her off again she wasnt interested in this, shes happy with the one day a month and i wont settle for that its not fair on me or my daughter especially considering she has only been gone not even a week and is crying to me every night now saying she wants to see me.

  11. #11

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    Well one day a month on an interstate trip is pure madness and clearly not in the best interests of anyone! It is unreasonable for her to expect you to be happy with that when you have had a lot more access previously.

  12. #12

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    I am so sorry for what is happening to you. It must be absolute heart break. My suggestion would be to write your ex a letter outlining your legal rights as a parent and the repercussions that your ex will have to deal with if she doesn't do the right thing. Tell her that you have a lawyer and that you will use the law if you have to. I don't know your ex, but hopefully this will scare her enough for her to reconsider what she is doing.
    My thoughts are with you honey, and I hope that this horrible situation is sorted out for you and your baby girl.

  13. #13

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    I don't have any advice but only

  14. #14

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    Go and get legal advice again... you should be able to bring her back asap...

  15. #15

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    i sent her the letter my lawyer advised me to saying that she is to bring her back immediatly or face further legal action, she got this then i got a phone call where she said that they both (her and my daughter) had passports so try and find them, she then went on to say she has got dna results proving who the sperm donor is and that he would be writing a letter saying the donation was for her only, which really hurts, we had been together for almost 2 years when we decided together to have a child and i was there for them both the entire time. The lies and the betrayal and hurtfulness of this just makes me angry how can someone do this, i still speak to my daughter everynight and every night she says she wants to come with me. My ex doesnt care less about what any of us wants. I will be ringing the lawyer again to find out where i stand if she does go to court and lies through the whole process.

  16. #16

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    I'm so sorry this is happening to you, it's a really horrible situation for you and your daughter

    I think you need to speak to a lawyer again. Do you have a really good family laywer with a repuataion in same-sex parent rights? Our lawyer is AMAZING, she is in Brisbane, 'specialses' in same-sex couples/de facto and family law. If you want her details I think if you click the 'msn' button below my post count you can email me or add me to msn and I can give you her details.

    What's happening to you and your daughter is not right, and I really feel for you I'm so sorry that your ex is manipulating the situation and willing to lie

  17. #17

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    Thanks for all your replies, Leasha im not sure how to add you but if i could get the details somehow that would be great at the moment im just using legal aid cant afford much more my ex also left me with a joint loan that i pay 500 a fortnight for so i am living with my sister until i can get that sorted out aswell. xoxo

  18. #18

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    I just wanted to tell you that my heart is breaking for you I can't even begin to imagine how awful this is for you - and your DD! I hope something can be done about it.

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