I'm not as good at this as I would like to be....

Loving this!! DD 2.5 is giving up daytime naps and is really quite feral by the time evening rocks around. To save arguments the last three nights she has had for dinner- toast and vegemite, chicken nuggets and custard. Not a vege in sight!

Sometimes I put DS in his cot, sit DD in front of the tele and go stand under the shower where I can't hear them whinging.

The other day, after four days of constant whinging about nothing, I yelled right in DD's face "ffs! I can't do this any more!" Then I burst into sobs that eventually had her patting my head and saying "it's OK Mummy. You OK?" Felt about an inch big.

After saying (before kids) that TV wouldn't be on in my house. It is almost constant.

This is a hard gig! Harder than I ever thought it would be. It's also incredibly rewarding and fun but I think it's OK to forget that sometimes. When I'm tired, all I see are the hard bits. And I've been tired for 2.5 years! Lol

Double post. And yes! Potatos ARE veggies!

Milly, I make mistakes all the time. Knowing what I know now, it seems my mum also made mistakes and, yep, you can bet your life on it that my grandmother also made mistakes during her child raising years.

It's not easy being a parent. You have some of the most unbelievable highs and some seemingly endless lows. How can you love this little person so much and then in the next instant be so infuriated by something that they've done.

My kids know that even if I'm having a pink fit over something I still love them with my whole being. We don't hold grudges in our house (thankfully). I just never go to sleep on an argument or let them leave the house without a kiss and "I love you". When I know that I have been completely unreasonable, I'll talk to them, explain why I was cross and apologise for pitching a fit. Good manners never hurt anyone and I expect the same in return.

Go easy on yourself. It's not like each child has their own special manual. Raising kids is a work in progress. And one day we can sit back and watch our children raise their own and make the same mistakes or perhaps some new ones.

OK I have older children but here's a few for me...

I get my 11 year old to listen to DS read his reader often so I can cook dinner. Luckily she's an advanced reader... but it hasn't hindered him at all. And when he was little I often let her read to him at night, yet with her we did the whole "1000" books before school thing... Poor second child.

I have been known on occasion to go to 7-11 to get a pre packaged sandwich and unpackage and put in their lunchbox as we've forgotten to get bread ;)

I forget notices ALL the time. I have friends that actually call me to remind me so my kids don't miss out. Miss 11 is so traumatised now she literally will not let me be until I have signed a form THE DAY she brings it home.

When my kids were little and I needed to make important calls I would often hold a wet facecloth by the phone and everytime either child wanted me I'd pretend I needed to wash their face. They'd run away obviously. The downside it back fired after a while and now DS can't handle sticky hands or any dirt whatsoever *facepalm*.

When I'm babysitting other people's kids (little ones) and they are sharing a room with mine we play the "Who can stay awake the longest game." They all have to close their eyes but stay awake. If they open their eyes they lose, if they go to sleep first they lose, if they talk they lose. The winner picks breakfast. I do the say so they can hear "Ok I'm going to check to see if they are still awake" thing every 5 minutes. By the third time I go in they are asleep. And I always make up who won, or tell them it's a tie. The regular cousins etc who stay over now ask to play the game. And I started it because I hate doing the whole "GO TO SLEEP." till 10pm at night. They still believe to this day that it's an actual game and not a manipulative way to keep them quiet, and it makes them fall asleep quickly. Try staying awake with your eyes closed when you actually have to ;)

My son was an escape artist... at 18 months he escaped out the back to the front (chasing a neighbours cat) and climbed a neighbours tree. I literally had to get him to jump to me in order to get him because he was too high. He also escaped a school hall (with 5 parents watching him) and went down to a tyre shop down the road (at the same age). And wandered down our street twice (once giving a friend who was watching him a heart attack - she was 40 weeks pregnant and pulled something running down the road). People often thought it was because I was somehow a neglectful parent. Even my MIL. Until we went to visit her and he climbed out a window at her house... in the middle of the night.

When the kids were little and doing my head in and I needed a break I used to lift out nearly every DVD we had and tell them to pick one. If they started to argue I would tell them they couldn't watch something unless they agreed. And they couldn't fight or they couldn't watch one. This would often take them 30 minutes to decide. In which time I could spend 30 minutes doing something else ;)

When DD had eczema as a baby I used to get so upset because she would hurt herself scratching, we even had to bandage her arms, sometimes I would lose it and I would yell to stop. One day I had a meltdown (I was stressed in traffic) and I frightened her she started hyperventilating and threw up. We were on a freeway. I had to pull over and clean her up. Worst mummy moment EVER.

At 3 DD had a doll house. And a friend was visiting she was playing and yelling at doll children. I asked her why she was doing that she replied "Because this is the MEAN mummy." (points to another doll) "But this is the nice mummy." I asked her which one am I she said both :/ Totally embarrassing, even worse a friend was there and witnessed the whole thing.

I promise you if you go back over my posts here over the past 10 years you'll find these stories and thousands more. You'll find my posts full of meltdowns, and not coping. You'll find it all. I think it's part in parcel with being the parent of younger children. And then as they get older, as I said the challenges are different. Still there but different. And by then you get better at coping and better at reflecting guilt ;)

But I want you to remember this... following on from other posts. Proud mummy moments make it easier. It's not about being perfect, it's about acknowledging the positive. I found the more I did this the more easier the tough moments were to handle. And it's also a good way of knowing what works. I can't tell you the number of times I'd start losing the plot thinking they never listened etc and I was getting upset all the times. I'd look back and then I'd go backwards start at the beginning do all the things I did when they were a year younger and work my way back up and sure enough it worked. I still yell, I still have grumpy moments. I am not perfect, but I acknowledge my downfalls to myself and to them. They forgive me for them because they see that my flaws are no different to their own and we work towards making them right. I'm cringing now typing this because I think this sort of "sharing" is what is seen as "being perfect". But it's not. It's just sharing what works for me. Doesn't mean it works all the time, nor does it mean I put it into practice 100% of the time. But it's what works when I do. And I will ALWAYS post my positives, I don't have many negatives behaviourally atm (wait till DD hits mid teens ;)), and no that doesn't mean I'm perfect. Nor am I some parenting guru. It just means I as a person like to share what works, not just relate about the tough times. And relating is important too, otherwise we go through our parenting journey feeling like we are failing.

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When I'm babysitting other people's kids (little ones) and they are sharing a room with mine we play the "Who can stay awake the longest game." They all have to close their eyes but stay awake. If they open their eyes they lose, if they go to sleep first they lose, if they talk they lose. The winner picks breakfast. I do the say so they can hear "Ok I'm going to check to see if they are still awake" thing every 5 minutes. By the third time I go in they are asleep. And I always make up who won, or tell them it's a tie. The regular cousins etc who stay over now ask to play the game. And I started it because I hate doing the whole "GO TO SLEEP." till 10pm at night. They still believe to this day that it's an actual game and not a manipulative way to keep them quiet, and it makes them fall asleep quickly. Try staying awake with your eyes closed when you actually have to ;)

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BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

That.Is.Gold.

Following on from Rouge's game, we've learnt a game called Dead Fish from friends of ours. All children lie on the floor, eyes closed and pretend to be dead fish. Child that lasts the longest wins. Very useful when you have a bunch of rowdy kids getting out of control. Works every time, buys at least 10-15 mins, longer the older they are.

Loving the "don't go to sleep" game! I will so be using that!!

As kids we always got the "Quiet Competition" (obviously, who can be the quietest for longest), and that has always been fairly effective in our families. But that Don't Go to Sleep game is pure gold, I'm going to practise it tonight on both my boys!

Thanks guys. I came up with it after reading an article on insomnia. One of the tips was if you close your eyes and try to stay awake you'll fall asleep. So I thought it would make a perfect game ;)

rouge - that is pure genius!

milly - you are absolutely not alone - but I think you know by now!!

ok, my confession time :) I've felt like such a crap mum for so long that I have barely posted on bb in months. I tell myself it's because I'm busy but that's not the whole reason.

my ds watches way too much tv.
his routines sometimes drive me crazy and if I push things and he has a meltdown I have yelled at him. I mean really, truly yell. so loud he's cried. then he feels crap and I do too.
he doesn't always brush his teeth and I forget to remind him.
I find I get so easily frustrated and I KNOW this is MY problem but I still get cranky at everyone else.
I sleep with dd because she wakes 4-5 times a night these days and I can't be bothered getting in and out of bed all night.
my ds hits and nothing has worked. as a.result I have carried him to his room and thrown him onto his bed more than once. great example...not.
I wish mine were funny, but they're not. but I am trying and I agree.with N2L - it's an ideal that we work towards.

The kids do soccer for little kids on Saturday mornings. After an absolute shocker of a morning, we finally arrived about 10 mins late. DS refused to participate. I ended up ignoring him and leaving him to sulk while I sat down for a minute. The organiser came up to me to ask how I was going, not realising how on edge I was. And I promptly burst into tears. Very embarrassing but she was lovely and after chatting with her for a few minutes I felt a lot better. DS ended up having fun and joining in with some encouragement from the teachers. When DD's turn came, she kept running off and not participating. I cracked it and we left early. Complete waste of time and money and loads of people got to witness my poor parenting skills. :redface: And we have to go back next week because I've paid for it already :hide:. When we got home, I put the TV on.

I thought to pop back in here and maybe share some ideas on how we deal, as gentle parenters AFTER the ugly fact...

Usually when I have cracked it, or let the ball drop (ie. too much TV) I always make sure that I sit with the girls and tell them why I cracked it (ie. "Mama has been super tired today, I'm sorry" or "I became upset because XYZ [...] Although I shouldnt of yelled or stormed off or thrown your pretty picture out - i'll grab it out of the bin right away - I think it's really important to know that XYZ was hurtful because....and it made me feel bad, I didnt react the right way and I am sorry").

stuff like that. I really like being able to have these conversations with my girls and I *think* they respond well with them as they have been of course learning from it and can speak about why they are feeling so rotten etc.

It's not all sunshine and lollipops, that's for sure, but the freedom of gentle parenting is something so rarely discussed (usually it is the diatribe of parents being walked all over or being slaves for the kids...yep, get that alot from folks that i am making a rod for my back or all they need is a swift kick up the bum :o)

Sounds exactly like my house. And you know what's awesome? I hear my two apologising to each other the same way without prompting. Not all the time but enough for me to see the example we set is a good one. I also think DD is better at resolving tween girl conflict because of this too. A skill I wish I had at her age.

Yeah i have been lucky to witness from friends with tween girls how gentle parenting really comes into its own when your child has that bit more independence that comes with growing up: they way they are able to discuss stuff and do conflict resolution and attempt (not always successfully of course!) to solve contentious moments in play...and across all ages: in that they have been raised to deal with all ages as all relatively equal to them, so learn the skills to communicate quite effectively IMO. I see my DD1 being able to relate and understand what a 2 year old or a 10 year old might need to help them understand parameters of play for example, because she has been encouraged from the get go to be inclusive...gosh is this making sense??!

that said i would love to have a bigger treasure trove of ideas to help me through the challenging times. when i am tired and grumpy or the kids are bored and going feral. what do you lot do when you have reached or are reaching a point of breakdown??

Yeah i have been lucky to witness from friends with tween girls how gentle parenting really comes into its own when your child has that bit more independence that comes with growing up: they way they are able to discuss stuff and do conflict resolution and attempt (not always successfully of course!) to solve contentious moments in play...and across all ages: in that they have been raised to deal with all ages as all relatively equal to them, so learn the skills to communicate quite effectively IMO. I see my DD1 being able to relate and understand what a 2 year old or a 10 year old might need to help them understand parameters of play for example, because she has been encouraged from the get go to be inclusive...gosh is this making sense??!

that said i would love to have a bigger treasure trove of ideas to help me through the challenging times. when i am tired and grumpy or the kids are bored and going feral. what do you lot do when you have reached or are reaching a point of breakdown??

Randomness. It's hard when meltdowns are imminent because we have to go somewhere or do something. Those are the times I would grin and bear it if I could recognise I was starting to loose it.

Otherwise random things. Those are the moments I shut down from the outside world and do something fun and relaxing with the kids. And every child is different so it's dependent on that. For example cooking in our house seems to bring out the zen in all of us. So we'd bake. Other times we do something crafty. I have even been known to find random things on YouTube just to get some calm. Recently we sat down and tried to find all the themes to their favourite shows. I also showed them mine. It gave us a few hours on a day where all our tempers were short. It's weird to think you can bond over YouTube ;) When they were little I'd let them have a relaxing bath. Complete with music, essential oils etc. The fancy bath as they called it.

I always had the rule since DS was born that if things weren't going great that day anything could be put off. I fought through PND with DD and trying to be perfect. Keeping play dates after 2 hours sleep. Or not cancelling when I knew she needed down time. So now I have no quarms in saying no. For their sanity and mine. I'll try and think of more things but often it would be something as silly as playing what's the time Mr Wolf. Or singing nursery rhymes but changing the words to something silly. Laughter and randomness has always got us through, when I can recognise we aren't coping.

Having a bad day today. Have lost it at DD three times for not doing what I ask (eg please get off the bed and go to the toilet before your nap - she had received a warning that it would be nap time soon so it was not sprung on her). I literally ask her four or five times. I ask her to look at me while I'm talking to her, she thinks its funny to hide her face away. I even left the room for two minutes then came back and she still wouldn't do it. So I yelled and forced her into the toilet :( I feel like a terrible Mum.
How can I get her to do these simple tasks when I ask her too? I hate the Mum I am turning into.

This was my son. And even now I have to ask him ten times and he'll only hear half of what I've said. When he was little we used to play listening games and I would praise him for doing things that I'd asked. For example if he got his shoes when I asked I'd get overly excited and hi five him. People say over praising is bad. But it's never been a problem here. They aren't emotionally damaged because I used praise as a parenting tool. And I don't have to praise him for putting his shoes on anymore ;) so maybe give that a go. I find if you praise them for positive behaviour, even the small stuff, not only do they love the positive attention but they also learn appreciation and in turn don't take others for granted as they learn.

Thanks Rouge will try to praise the good stuff more. I think it's not helping that I'm getting little sleep with DS so I am much less tolerant than usual :(

Absolutely. Sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture for a reason ;) and remember you are doing a great job. I'm sorry you had a bad day. But I promise you, you're doing great :hug:

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I'll try and think of more things but often it would be something as silly as playing what's the time Mr Wolf. Or singing nursery rhymes but changing the words to something silly. Laughter and randomness has always got us through, when I can recognise we aren't coping.

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The silliness thing very rarely fails here, I noticed my mum doing it so just copied "Oooh look a flying elephant" or "Pooo stinky" works wonders for snapping them out of it when about to lose it - when they are past reason.

hi ladies,
thanks for all the great responses.
I'm feeling much better now - no sleep and a what turned out to be a houseful of sickness and mummy with PMT as well was not a good combo. And also, realising that I don't have a great support network IRL, so thanks again ladies, I really appreciated it. :hug:
DD1 still disrupting DD2 sleep, but I have learned to distract her with her favorite DVD :redface: whatever works!

hi ladies,
thanks for all the great responses.
I'm feeling much better now - no sleep and a what turned out to be a houseful of sickness and mummy with PMT as well was not a good combo. And also, realising that I don't have a great support network IRL, so thanks again ladies, I really appreciated it. :hug:
DD1 still disrupting DD2 sleep, but I have learned to distract her with her favorite DVD :redface: whatever works!

Bumping this thread today. 4.5 year old having multiple meltdowns a day, entitlement issues and emotional volatility. I'm feeling like a failure but so resentful of this feeling.

When did parenting get so isolating? I honestly don't know who to call or ask when I feel like this.

It's like being a martyr to a cause sometimes and walking forward with blind faith it's the best way.

Is it bad to expect a 4.5 year old to temper their emotions? I validate crying and frustration. Screaming and kicking for twenty minutes has me using empathy blockers and biting down frustration. 'you sound like youve just witnessed a carcrash' choice words hey? But seriously. All because I wouldn't let her ride her bike to the shops because a) we only have one bike so ds screams if she rides it b) preg mummy can't keep up c) we live inner city and there are multiple trucks and driveways which are hazardous d) because that was the activity 'going for a walk'

After another three meltdowns today I turned on the tv and went to my room to cry my eyes out.

For once I didn't loose it. Can't say I feel any better. In fact sometimes roaring like a lion in her face actually stops the screaming.

Why is it so hard somedays?

Hugs Arcadia. I'm right there with you hun.

Thanks Calluna. I keep reminding myself that it's dd who is struggling with something and it's nothing to do with me. I think as parents though we want to 'help' and fix things and tbh after twenty minutes of screaming we all want it to stop!

Hugs Arcadia.

Sometimes it's not you, it's them. ;) My DD1 has a very mellow personality. I can count on one hand the number of meltdowns she's had.

DD2 on the other hand... Lord, give me strength. That child is not even two and can find drama in the smallest of things already. I am in for quite a ride! So please do remind yourself that you can't change your child's personality and maybe she just feels things a lot more acutely. Staying calm around her might be the only thing you can do until she either learns to manage her emotions or at least channel them more effectively. I think you did well in going away somewhere to cry while she watches TV completely unaware!

I try to tell myself that passion is going to be such a great thing for her as an adult.

Then I look at DP who was not handled with thoughtfulness and whose 'passion' is often now expressed as anger, frustration and anxiety. :wall: But the kinds of responses you're talking about are not what created problems there (more like bullying, emotional unpredictability and overreaction, juxtaposed with periods of complete inattention, no engagement, etc, etc).

the parenting in isolation is everything I reckon. it just plain sucks. i miss my friend that i had where we would just hang out and hang out washing together and drink copious amounts of tea. we did nothing special, or organised, we would just wander to eachothers house pretty much every day and just get about our days with company and a truck load of kids.

now the only people i speak to most days are the parents at pick up: 'hi, how you going?'. 'good, and you'. i want to poke my eyes out with mundane nature of it all.

Oh yes the parenting isolation totally sucks, and to be honest it amplifies all the negative parts of the day. Handling tantrums etc is so much harder when there's no one to turn to or help out.
And the school drop off and pick up, is horrid, the conversations or lack there of is so hard, there's only so many ways you can do the I'm good how are you routine before it sounds fake and contrived.

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And the school drop off and pick up, is horrid, the conversations or lack there of is so hard, there's only so many ways you can do the I'm good how are you routine before it sounds fake and contrived.

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You are way more sociable than me, I don't talk to any parent - at the school or kindy! While waiting for the bell to ring I lean up against the toilet wall and check out facebook - I'm not really up to making friends, I'm way too socially awkward. Give me facebook or BB any day!

But I do miss my friends in tassie, because I saw them basically every day and they knew my kids and knew when I needed a time out - even for a few minutes to go to the toilet by myself. Its so much easier handling challenging behaviour when you have a friend there with you.

I thought 4 was hard - 5 is turning out to be my worst nightmare!!

I drop off and pick up from the car. ;) Much, much easier and quicker.

Thanks for the replies!

Cassius: yes I miss having a friend to pop over and see. My go to friend when dd was a baby moved when she had her second and I still pine for those cups of tea and play dates.

Jenn, yep my dd has a very strong sense of self and strong emotions. She will be a fabulously strong woman one day and I'm proud of that. Teaching, coaxing and negotiating this little woman takes so much strength. I want her to be everything she can be, but i also have a job to socialize her properly with good sense and good manners while maintaining that spirit. It's hard!
We had to leave the dentist today because she refused to let the proceed. I understand. I hate the dentist. But walking out without having it sorted after dragging two kids into the city first thing in the morn...I really had to grit my teeth and find that empathy. Once the love flows though, it is easy.

Beans, I can't hear about school stuff yet, I'm hoping it will improve things...arrrggghh,

Arimeh: five is your nightmare? Is your eldest dd five?

5 children ;)

But I do think that age 5 can be nightmare-ish but its nothing compared to my threenager lol

Oh five children, gotcha! Well I always said I wanted five. Maybe I'll stop after this one. My mum said her fourth was the last straw (screamy, refluxy, unsettled baby).

You're amazing arimeh! Sending love your way.

On my bad mummy list:
Yelling so loud at my 9 year old I burst blood vessels on my vocal cords.. He used the dish brush to scrub the cat litter tray. Then put it back in the sink.

We play "silence is golden" in the car. First kid to talk loses.

My kids wake me up for the school run more often than I care to admit.

My kids actually believe weet-bix came in different shapes when I was a kid I've told them so often.

I taped fat cat going to bed when the older ones were little and sometimes put it in at 5:30...