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Thread: I'm not as good at this as I would like to be....

  1. #37

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    Oh! I love catching up with girlfriends & having a giggle at each others "poor" parenting skills! We love our kids, our kids love us but sometimes we don't like our kids very much & that's ok - we are human. I think it's important for kids to know when they're pushing it because it teaches them that they need to respect people's feelings & to also read body language.



    My favourite story that makes me laugh is the time I ran a deep bath, grabbed a book, a glass & a bottle of wine & locked myself in the bathroom. My daughter was about 7 or 8 at the time & I heard the door handle rattle then "mum? Mum?" Sigh "yes dear?" "Mum, I can't get in, I think the doors locked" "yep! (Evil grin) it is, I locked it" "but whhyyy?" "Because you're driving my up the bloody wall & I need peace & quiet so off you go, leave me alone"

    I felt terribly guilty after I had had my time out but I explained to her that sometimes mums just need time to themselves.

    Another ANNOYING thing she does is whenever there's a song or program on the radio that I really want to listen too you can guarantee that's when she wants to tell me something important - it takes a lot of self control to not just turn the volume up!

  2. #38

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    this thread is giving me the warm & fuzzies - it's really comforting to read about other people having the same kind of issues. And sometimes laugh-out-loud funny.

    Off to be good mum now though - DS1 & I are going to play some wii before we pick up DS2 from daycare. Quality time

  3. #39

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    Bad mummy here today - started off being reasonably '"good", made blueberry muffins with the three girls after dropping DS off at school, has slowly gone downhill from there.

    Total mummy meltdown in the car when DS hit DD1 in the belly for something ridiculously stupid, so mummy let fly with a few choice words and mentioned kids starving in africa and kids in our suburb that don't have enough to eat or a safe place to sleep at night, and he's getting all aggressive over his sister singing the wrong words to a yo gabba gabba song. Told him to get some perspective. Too much for a 6 year old?

    Totally over their fights over stupid crap - I just want them to walk away if someone says something they know isn't true, instead of getting all aggressive and huffy and coming to me and complaining. Today is one of those days where I want to just go back to having one child so they can't argue with anyone!

  4. #40

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    Quote Originally Posted by Arimeh View Post
    Totally over their fights over stupid crap - I just want them to walk away if someone says something they know isn't true, instead of getting all aggressive and huffy and coming to me and complaining. Today is one of those days where I want to just go back to having one child so they can't argue with anyone!
    This!! You aren't a poo-poo. You know it and I know it. I don't want to hear about it, just ignore it and walk away!

    Tonight I can't be bothered cooking tea so I am frying up a bag of frozen chips. Potatoes count as veges don't they?

  5. #41

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    Loving this!! DD 2.5 is giving up daytime naps and is really quite feral by the time evening rocks around. To save arguments the last three nights she has had for dinner- toast and vegemite, chicken nuggets and custard. Not a vege in sight!

    Sometimes I put DS in his cot, sit DD in front of the tele and go stand under the shower where I can't hear them whinging.

    The other day, after four days of constant whinging about nothing, I yelled right in DD's face "ffs! I can't do this any more!" Then I burst into sobs that eventually had her patting my head and saying "it's OK Mummy. You OK?" Felt about an inch big.

    After saying (before kids) that TV wouldn't be on in my house. It is almost constant.

    This is a hard gig! Harder than I ever thought it would be. It's also incredibly rewarding and fun but I think it's OK to forget that sometimes. When I'm tired, all I see are the hard bits. And I've been tired for 2.5 years! Lol

  6. #42

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    Double post. And yes! Potatos ARE veggies!

  7. #43

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    Milly, I make mistakes all the time. Knowing what I know now, it seems my mum also made mistakes and, yep, you can bet your life on it that my grandmother also made mistakes during her child raising years.

    It's not easy being a parent. You have some of the most unbelievable highs and some seemingly endless lows. How can you love this little person so much and then in the next instant be so infuriated by something that they've done.

    My kids know that even if I'm having a pink fit over something I still love them with my whole being. We don't hold grudges in our house (thankfully). I just never go to sleep on an argument or let them leave the house without a kiss and "I love you". When I know that I have been completely unreasonable, I'll talk to them, explain why I was cross and apologise for pitching a fit. Good manners never hurt anyone and I expect the same in return.

    Go easy on yourself. It's not like each child has their own special manual. Raising kids is a work in progress. And one day we can sit back and watch our children raise their own and make the same mistakes or perhaps some new ones.

  8. #44

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    OK I have older children but here's a few for me...

    I get my 11 year old to listen to DS read his reader often so I can cook dinner. Luckily she's an advanced reader... but it hasn't hindered him at all. And when he was little I often let her read to him at night, yet with her we did the whole "1000" books before school thing... Poor second child.

    I have been known on occasion to go to 7-11 to get a pre packaged sandwich and unpackage and put in their lunchbox as we've forgotten to get bread

    I forget notices ALL the time. I have friends that actually call me to remind me so my kids don't miss out. Miss 11 is so traumatised now she literally will not let me be until I have signed a form THE DAY she brings it home.

    When my kids were little and I needed to make important calls I would often hold a wet facecloth by the phone and everytime either child wanted me I'd pretend I needed to wash their face. They'd run away obviously. The downside it back fired after a while and now DS can't handle sticky hands or any dirt whatsoever *facepalm*.

    When I'm babysitting other people's kids (little ones) and they are sharing a room with mine we play the "Who can stay awake the longest game." They all have to close their eyes but stay awake. If they open their eyes they lose, if they go to sleep first they lose, if they talk they lose. The winner picks breakfast. I do the say so they can hear "Ok I'm going to check to see if they are still awake" thing every 5 minutes. By the third time I go in they are asleep. And I always make up who won, or tell them it's a tie. The regular cousins etc who stay over now ask to play the game. And I started it because I hate doing the whole "GO TO SLEEP." till 10pm at night. They still believe to this day that it's an actual game and not a manipulative way to keep them quiet, and it makes them fall asleep quickly. Try staying awake with your eyes closed when you actually have to

    My son was an escape artist... at 18 months he escaped out the back to the front (chasing a neighbours cat) and climbed a neighbours tree. I literally had to get him to jump to me in order to get him because he was too high. He also escaped a school hall (with 5 parents watching him) and went down to a tyre shop down the road (at the same age). And wandered down our street twice (once giving a friend who was watching him a heart attack - she was 40 weeks pregnant and pulled something running down the road). People often thought it was because I was somehow a neglectful parent. Even my MIL. Until we went to visit her and he climbed out a window at her house... in the middle of the night.

    When the kids were little and doing my head in and I needed a break I used to lift out nearly every DVD we had and tell them to pick one. If they started to argue I would tell them they couldn't watch something unless they agreed. And they couldn't fight or they couldn't watch one. This would often take them 30 minutes to decide. In which time I could spend 30 minutes doing something else

    When DD had eczema as a baby I used to get so upset because she would hurt herself scratching, we even had to bandage her arms, sometimes I would lose it and I would yell to stop. One day I had a meltdown (I was stressed in traffic) and I frightened her she started hyperventilating and threw up. We were on a freeway. I had to pull over and clean her up. Worst mummy moment EVER.

    At 3 DD had a doll house. And a friend was visiting she was playing and yelling at doll children. I asked her why she was doing that she replied "Because this is the MEAN mummy." (points to another doll) "But this is the nice mummy." I asked her which one am I she said both :/ Totally embarrassing, even worse a friend was there and witnessed the whole thing.

    I promise you if you go back over my posts here over the past 10 years you'll find these stories and thousands more. You'll find my posts full of meltdowns, and not coping. You'll find it all. I think it's part in parcel with being the parent of younger children. And then as they get older, as I said the challenges are different. Still there but different. And by then you get better at coping and better at reflecting guilt

    But I want you to remember this... following on from other posts. Proud mummy moments make it easier. It's not about being perfect, it's about acknowledging the positive. I found the more I did this the more easier the tough moments were to handle. And it's also a good way of knowing what works. I can't tell you the number of times I'd start losing the plot thinking they never listened etc and I was getting upset all the times. I'd look back and then I'd go backwards start at the beginning do all the things I did when they were a year younger and work my way back up and sure enough it worked. I still yell, I still have grumpy moments. I am not perfect, but I acknowledge my downfalls to myself and to them. They forgive me for them because they see that my flaws are no different to their own and we work towards making them right. I'm cringing now typing this because I think this sort of "sharing" is what is seen as "being perfect". But it's not. It's just sharing what works for me. Doesn't mean it works all the time, nor does it mean I put it into practice 100% of the time. But it's what works when I do. And I will ALWAYS post my positives, I don't have many negatives behaviourally atm (wait till DD hits mid teens ), and no that doesn't mean I'm perfect. Nor am I some parenting guru. It just means I as a person like to share what works, not just relate about the tough times. And relating is important too, otherwise we go through our parenting journey feeling like we are failing.

  9. #45

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rouge View Post
    When I'm babysitting other people's kids (little ones) and they are sharing a room with mine we play the "Who can stay awake the longest game." They all have to close their eyes but stay awake. If they open their eyes they lose, if they go to sleep first they lose, if they talk they lose. The winner picks breakfast. I do the say so they can hear "Ok I'm going to check to see if they are still awake" thing every 5 minutes. By the third time I go in they are asleep. And I always make up who won, or tell them it's a tie. The regular cousins etc who stay over now ask to play the game. And I started it because I hate doing the whole "GO TO SLEEP." till 10pm at night. They still believe to this day that it's an actual game and not a manipulative way to keep them quiet, and it makes them fall asleep quickly. Try staying awake with your eyes closed when you actually have to
    BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

    That.Is.Gold.

  10. #46

    Default I'm not as good at this as I would like to be....

    Following on from Rouge's game, we've learnt a game called Dead Fish from friends of ours. All children lie on the floor, eyes closed and pretend to be dead fish. Child that lasts the longest wins. Very useful when you have a bunch of rowdy kids getting out of control. Works every time, buys at least 10-15 mins, longer the older they are.

  11. #47

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    Loving the "don't go to sleep" game! I will so be using that!!

  12. #48

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    As kids we always got the "Quiet Competition" (obviously, who can be the quietest for longest), and that has always been fairly effective in our families. But that Don't Go to Sleep game is pure gold, I'm going to practise it tonight on both my boys!

  13. #49

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    Default I'm not as good at this as I would like to be....

    Thanks guys. I came up with it after reading an article on insomnia. One of the tips was if you close your eyes and try to stay awake you'll fall asleep. So I thought it would make a perfect game

  14. #50

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    Default Re: I'm not as good at this as I would like to be....

    rouge - that is pure genius!

    milly - you are absolutely not alone - but I think you know by now!!

    ok, my confession time I've felt like such a crap mum for so long that I have barely posted on bb in months. I tell myself it's because I'm busy but that's not the whole reason.

    my ds watches way too much tv.
    his routines sometimes drive me crazy and if I push things and he has a meltdown I have yelled at him. I mean really, truly yell. so loud he's cried. then he feels crap and I do too.
    he doesn't always brush his teeth and I forget to remind him.
    I find I get so easily frustrated and I KNOW this is MY problem but I still get cranky at everyone else.
    I sleep with dd because she wakes 4-5 times a night these days and I can't be bothered getting in and out of bed all night.
    my ds hits and nothing has worked. as a.result I have carried him to his room and thrown him onto his bed more than once. great example...not.
    I wish mine were funny, but they're not. but I am trying and I agree.with N2L - it's an ideal that we work towards.

  15. #51

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    The kids do soccer for little kids on Saturday mornings. After an absolute shocker of a morning, we finally arrived about 10 mins late. DS refused to participate. I ended up ignoring him and leaving him to sulk while I sat down for a minute. The organiser came up to me to ask how I was going, not realising how on edge I was. And I promptly burst into tears. Very embarrassing but she was lovely and after chatting with her for a few minutes I felt a lot better. DS ended up having fun and joining in with some encouragement from the teachers. When DD's turn came, she kept running off and not participating. I cracked it and we left early. Complete waste of time and money and loads of people got to witness my poor parenting skills. And we have to go back next week because I've paid for it already . When we got home, I put the TV on.

  16. #52

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    I thought to pop back in here and maybe share some ideas on how we deal, as gentle parenters AFTER the ugly fact...

    Usually when I have cracked it, or let the ball drop (ie. too much TV) I always make sure that I sit with the girls and tell them why I cracked it (ie. "Mama has been super tired today, I'm sorry" or "I became upset because XYZ [...] Although I shouldnt of yelled or stormed off or thrown your pretty picture out - i'll grab it out of the bin right away - I think it's really important to know that XYZ was hurtful because....and it made me feel bad, I didnt react the right way and I am sorry").

    stuff like that. I really like being able to have these conversations with my girls and I *think* they respond well with them as they have been of course learning from it and can speak about why they are feeling so rotten etc.

    It's not all sunshine and lollipops, that's for sure, but the freedom of gentle parenting is something so rarely discussed (usually it is the diatribe of parents being walked all over or being slaves for the kids...yep, get that alot from folks that i am making a rod for my back or all they need is a swift kick up the bum )

  17. #53

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    Default I'm not as good at this as I would like to be....

    Sounds exactly like my house. And you know what's awesome? I hear my two apologising to each other the same way without prompting. Not all the time but enough for me to see the example we set is a good one. I also think DD is better at resolving tween girl conflict because of this too. A skill I wish I had at her age.

  18. #54

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    Yeah i have been lucky to witness from friends with tween girls how gentle parenting really comes into its own when your child has that bit more independence that comes with growing up: they way they are able to discuss stuff and do conflict resolution and attempt (not always successfully of course!) to solve contentious moments in play...and across all ages: in that they have been raised to deal with all ages as all relatively equal to them, so learn the skills to communicate quite effectively IMO. I see my DD1 being able to relate and understand what a 2 year old or a 10 year old might need to help them understand parameters of play for example, because she has been encouraged from the get go to be inclusive...gosh is this making sense??!

    that said i would love to have a bigger treasure trove of ideas to help me through the challenging times. when i am tired and grumpy or the kids are bored and going feral. what do you lot do when you have reached or are reaching a point of breakdown??

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