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Thread: Looking back on your parenting

  1. #1

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    Default Looking back on your parenting

    Have you ever had a chance to see yourself and how you parented in the past?



    DH and I were watching old videos of when DD1 was a baby on the weekend and reminiscing. I noticed straight away how much we have changed from those early days with DD1. She is only 4.5 years old so it didn't occur to me that I had changed/learnt that much. We were watching videos up to when she was about 2 yrs old and I was just so annoying! LOL. I was getting frustrated watching myself. I was constantly interrupting her with 'look at this, come over here, show me that, give me a cuddle, what are you doing, LOOK AT THIS!' when she was clearly really concentrating on what she was doing. I felt bad for the poor thing! Although it did make me feel good that I have obviously changed a lot since then. I still think these are the same things I need to work on now, i.e. not hurrying them so much, letting them go at their own pace, not interrupting them. But now I see I have come a long way already!

    Anyway, it was just interesting to see how much I'd changed I thought! Has anyone else had the same experience?

  2. #2

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    Nawww, don't be so hard on yourself!
    I've realised I video MUCH less often for DD than I did for DS...and I don't recall videoing him much! DS videos himself and DD, so that's something.
    Anyway, this isn't about videoing, and if anything, I've noticed I have less patience for DS now that he's older and incredible patience when he was a squirt. And he's much less destructive now! Poor kid.

  3. #3

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    We all learn so much with our first. I don't parent the way I imagined I would before kids but I parent better then I imagined. The main thing is that we keep learning and always trying to better ourselves.

  4. #4

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    Heaven, I was just thinking the same thing yesterday. DD asked to see videos of herself as a baby now that we have a newbie and so we watched the movie we made of her first 18 months. And yes, I interrupted her SO MUCH. I just wanted past-me to shut up and let her be her. Just revel in her gorgeousness the way she was. But the old me wanted her to perform for the camera so I keep telling her to clap and dance and sign. I hope I wasn't like that all the time. But I know I did hold the belief that I needed to entertain and stimulate and teach her AT ALL TIMES. Having recently embraced the RIE approach and really seeing the benefits already, I regret being that way and the impact it had on her, even though it was obviously well intentioned at the time. I know videos of me with my younger two will be different. And yes SJ, probably less frequent too!

  5. #5

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    I am much more patient and more compassionate. I don't have any videos but I know I don't feel the urge to 'do something' like I did when dd was little. When I had ds I used to just hold him as he cried, not even rock or pat and that alone was a big change. I don't feel the need to 'fix it' like I used to. Like you mention, you have more space to just let them be, whatever their mood or interest.

    The first time around though, you're in training and you almost need to prove to yourself you can do and fix and entertain them. It's less important with the second.

    More to add but I'm too tired to think now

  6. #6

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    I've been thinking a lot about things I'll do differently this time around, and about how much I've changed in my parenting of DS. I think my fundamental beliefs haven't changed, but I'm a lot more relaxed than I was when DS was tiny. I don't sweat the small stuff any more (like secretly believing DS would be scarred for life if he didn't sleep at the same time each day), and I don't feel the need to be there ALL the time, stimulating and creating learning experiences like I did with DS....might have a lot to do with the fact that DS wants ME within arms reach all the time! I think that because I'm less worried about my parenting skills, I will be a different/better parent this time around. I also believe that the way I parent a 3.5 yo is different to how I'd parent a newborn, so I can't say for certain that I've changed as a parent, more like adapted as DS has grown.

    Not sure how much sense that all makes, but I hope you get my drift...

  7. #7

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    I was much nicer first time around. pregnancy is not good for me, or my born kids, and I don't like how I jaded I am at the moment. I am thankful this will be my last pg, and hope I can get my shiz together and get back to where I want to be.

  8. #8

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    Oh, HotI, that sounds so close to home! My poor kids will be glad they won't get a 3rd sibling by the time this one's born! This pelvis thing is really taking the shine off it all and my mind off the task ahead. I was so present for DS when he was born and feel misgivings about how much more present I could have been for DD, though I probably did all right if I allow myself some generosity Maybe I didn't need to be as conscious about it second time round? Dunno.
    Yes, 'jaded' is the word. People I tell about the pg remind me that it's a HAPPY thing...after I've spent the day cursing my mobility issues

  9. #9

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    I've found second time round I've adopted a completely different parenting style purely because there completely different children ds was very laid back and easy so we barely had to settle him or worry about naps because he would nap anywhere he would eat anything and was also completely formula fed and I had severe PND so dh did a lot of parenting
    With dd she is breastfed ,very clingy so I rock her cuddle her or feed her to sleep she will not nap anywhere she has to be removed from any stimulation she fusses and cries a lot I do slit if the parenting due to her being bf but I do have PND again but not as bad
    I'm finding I don't do as many outings second time round because it's hard getting 2 kids out and about

    I think the main difference is my PND parenting and my non PND parenting I can't wait until it passes so I can go back to being a better mum PND makes life so hard I struggle to get healthy meals on the table I'm not as patient or loving everyday is basically surviving

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