I didn't read the original post, but the follow up is worth reading: I agree it finally shows the spark in pinky that often gets toned down through treading the middle ground.
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I didn't read the original post, but the follow up is worth reading: I agree it finally shows the spark in pinky that often gets toned down through treading the middle ground.
I feel her pain, it is so hard walking the tightrope that is the mainstream, for so many years on end! Ive toned down a great deal from my initial gusto ;)
It's in the Herald Sun today: No Cookies | Herald Sun
So I dont know if I should admit that I incited this rant... lol. I didn't tell her to swear or name call though, I swear lol :) I was talking to her the other night and she was telling me some awful stories, and I said that she should create a FAQ page for those people to go to, and joked it should be something like, 'My baby is in my cot and wont stop crying, what should I do?' and 'Its not been 4 hours yet and my baby is hungry what should I do?'
I didn't swear though!!!! :D
Cant believe how much this has snowballed lol.
If you read the coments under the article ( via susie somebodies blog), they are all in support of Pinky, which is good.
Good for her I say, she is obviously frustrated and thats how it came out!
Yeah Susie O'Brien, who usually pitches homebirth vs hospital birth, vaccination topics, against us etc. Does not surprise me she wrote it!
I really do understand where she's coming from. I've been doing this for 10 years, I met Pinky almost 12 years ago and we worked together, I dragged her into the business side with some seminars I went to and she's flown with it - I couldn't afford some of the things she signed up with after my marriage separation. But the bigger your audience, and an audience thats cycling so much (people always getting pregnant/having babies) means new people every single day. So you repeat yourself every single day. And you get frustrated at how many of the 'other side' get to them and have brainwashed them (some really unsafe advice being given out) that they come to you seeking a quick fix, but not wanting to change. They want a convenient baby, and a quick fix for the screaming session they are dealing with at the time. Its really sad. Thats why as much as forums are dying, I will always love the BB forums, which have such beautiful, wise advice, loving and nurturing mothers... I really hope that social media doesn't completely take over. Such beautiful advice and support needs to be read.
I guess, if anything, at least it's got people talking/thinking/debating etc...and although I may not have agreed(and still don't) with her delivery of it, it *did* make sense and have a lot of truth behind it. If people took offense, i think it's only because her words struck a nerve..
I wouldn't say i subscribe to the label of a "gentle parenter" but i am, and have been, responsive to both my DDs apart from times when it was absolutely paramount to *my* own sanity to put them down and walk away for a bit. if that makes me lazy or that i think my children are an inconvenience then so be it *shrug*
For what it's worth i used Pinkys techniques with both my girls and one responded to them and the other didn't!
She was only having a go at those who have babies as accessories and refuse to learn why babies behave the way they do. Not anyone genuinely struggling and have tried everything. Putting your baby down to cry for a while because you are exhausted and just need 5 minutes to regroup is not the parent she was fed up with, or the mum with PND. I think she just lost it with the babies as accessory parents wondering why the 'best of everything' most expensive toys, cots, done to the nines nursery parents that then think their baby should slot perfectly into their lifestyle parents.
It may not have been the most professional way to go but she's only human and feels strongly about what she does, and rightly so! I like seeing the real person sometimes :p
The only reason the media picked it up is because of the swearing, sad really, but it might actually get people thinking. Those that can get past the expletives. I know it offends some people, but hey, they're only words take them out and what she wrote makes absolute sense. I'm sure there are a few that might unlike her or unsubscribe from her blog, but she's probably going to get a whole lot of new followers too. If any of the unlikers change the way they parent because she swore, then they are dip*****! IMO :)
Are there really that many parents who have babies as "accessories" though? I've not met one.
I have met and I think there are simply more parents who don't use forums or the Internet or other support communities, who simply do not have any idea about parenting and these people do think that their babies should be sleeping through for whatever reason and don't understand why babies feed so much or cry so much.
Not everyone goes looking for help from strangers online but might borrow a book from the library at the most.
Yes it's her blog, professional or not but when you go off tap like that you come across as just as much an ******* as the person asking for advice on getting their child to sleep, with the latter possibly having an excuse of sleep deprivation for asking in the first place.
I think parents fall into the hands of the wrong advice and it directs the way they think they should parent. Some really bad books advise strict routines and rules - books like babywise that paediatric associations have warned against. Peak bodies. There is a sense of entitlement bred from bad books. I know when I first started co-sleeping 11 years ago I felt soooo looked down on, that it was bad and wrong. I was weaker and they were stronger as such.
Also, a society where women are in high powered roles, expecting lots from their lives, having schedules, deadlines - dropping that headset and going into motherhood can just feel like a scary world for them. They 'want' the same for their baby. They want a guidebook to tell them how to do it, and some even want a well behaved baby so seek these 'rules' books. Of course, they don't work for most babies, so in desperation they flick off emails to people like Pinky and still want the same results but from someone else because nothing else is working.
So, how do you get through to these people? For so long you can do the nice, lovely, fluffy, biting your tongue thing. But sometimes you feel overwhelmed, or flooded, with people getting advice elsewhere that isn't working for you, and they come to you for damage control.
I don't care how many times she has been asked the same question - stupid or not - if she purports to be in the business of helping people, she should respond to each and every request, whether it be the first time she has heard it or the millionth time she's heard it, with respect and compassion. If that is beyond her, maybe it's time to get out of the "helping business".
I cannot imagine a community health association posting on their blog/website in that way. It is counterproductive in the extreme.
She's a human being, its not possible to react perfectly 100% of the time.
We all make mistakes, we're human. We learn along the way. I think its unfair to expect perfection; particularly as a parent where our kids health and wellbeing is at stake - the most important thing to us. Impossible to be perfect. She'll no doubt learn and grow from this just like we do.
If all the experts who have said something 'out there' in their time, quit, we'd have a very different world.
I dont agree with the language, but with baby experts out there giving out DANGEROUS information, I think thats much worse.
There is perfection and then there is willfully slagging off parents (who are trying to do the right thing by seeking help or answers) in an abusive way. Just because others give information out that is wrong/harmful/unfashionable doesn't make this judgmental outburst right.
Yes we are human and make mistakes but by her follow up post she's not sorry. The swearing doesn't bother me in the slightest, it's the content plus the us and them mentality, my way or the highway.(tamers and cuddlers? Coz those who might use some form of CIO can't be cuddlers right?)
Also the quote "At the time I questioned – why do such amazing parents who have never ever left their baby to cry, who would do anything for their baby without complaining about the ‘inconvenience’ have to go through this?" WHAT???? i know it was spoken in the confusion of losing a precious family member and family but, really??? A mother like me, who did sit with and let my children mainly to save my sanity before I literally ended up leaving, DO deserve this more than a "cuddler"???? (Best thing I ever did FWIW, but its our experience and choice).
Sorry but the whole thing is super offensive, yes she has a right to her own opinion but ostracising people in this way is going to do far more harm than good, eecially as it is her professional blog and the die hard Gina Ford and Tizzy supporters aren't ever going to be won over because they are getting results too ( some parents might argue, at a cost, other parents will say their well adjusted gorgeous happy kids who sleep well and are bright bubbly and thriving might disagree, which is their right.)
Anyhow I guess I'm saying I don't think she can post like this and expect people to say oh good on you, carry on, especially in the field she's working in which is frought with such emotion anyway.
I wouldnt have written it that way for sure. But I dont think she should stop doing what she does best. We need people like Pinky, more of them.
I'm sure she'll do it differently next time. If it was a regular ocurrance im sure she would lose fans - but its not usual for her. Never done it in her life.
(Didnt see your post Tanstar, on iphone)
Her first post was OTT, her follow up was spot on. I feel her pain. I sometimes want to scream at friends who use CC etc to just effing cuddle your child.
I'm a cuddler and have had a few too judgmental comments made at the fact that I cuddle my babies to sleep and apparently spoil them by responding to their cries.
When ppl say these things I want to make them cry and them leave them in a dark room alone to sort themselves out alone with no support .... Oh hang on that's apparently perfectly normal!! :(
Yes the person she's saying it to today may well be hearing it only for the first time ever. It's pretty unfair to rant because she's sick of saying the same things, when she's not saying them to the same parent.:
The amount of times I hear the same things from parents and repeat myself - giving the same advice over and over, and feeling like parents are just dumb... Like ... Seriously... How is it you don't realise that??!!!
It is one thing for me to complain about that on my private Facebook page... But my pubic work profile... Never... I TOTALLY get her frustration... And I too think most of it is a bit amusing... But I agree that it is unprofessional and unfair... If the parent are asking her questions, then... They are looking for help... We all wish there was a quick fix... And I often find myself joking with parents about wishing I could bring a magic wand to the situation...
I think her post would have been much funnier on a private or anonymous blog.... The people who support her are those who are already "in her court" so she's missing a whole group of people she might be able to "convert" - if that's what she wants to do.
Personally, I am not a one size fits all kinda girl... I think there are pluses and minuses in every parenting style, and strategy, and each parent needs to work out what works for them - and at times we need to try things, that.. Maybe... Are not what we would like, because we really have tried everything else. I think she , unfortunately, might have made a few people feel guilty, when that is actually the last things she would want to do. There are times to keep your mouth shut as a professional, and this was probably one of them.
But... She has got people talking... And in some ways that's a good thing too... I just believe in practicing what you preach (as best you can!!) and trying to be respectful to the place each person is in is important...
Cause we cannot walk in their shoes - we do not know where they have been, or where they come from, or where they are going....
And we have all struggled, and been ignorant....