-
Cherished, I wasn't at all offended by your post and I hope that you can take my post in the way it was meant: an encouragement to look beyond the obvious and think the best of people, wherever you can, as a way of dealing with viewing parenting techniques which you disagree with.
Obviously some of the other examples you have mentioned are pretty extreme and I certainly wouldn't think that they are Ok!. I think if it were a close friend I would gently start a conversation with them, about how they are finding their parenting techniques to work. If it were a stranger and a child wasn't in immediate danger, then I wouldn't say anything unless I could offer some practical help to them. Like, do you want to hold you baby while you do xyz, until you can comfort her yourself etc.
-
It's so hard not to feel for the child when you see distressing things happen. We went to my friends house for dinner and her daughter wee'd herself and she smacked her about 3 or 4 times and I was about to say something and DH actually beat me to it and told her to chill out. He said kids get excited and they have accidents it's no big deal. It wasn't the first time in the night she had been smacked. My dd who's 2 sat there with her mouth open in disbelief not understanding why this little girl was being hit by her mum.... It's hard not to say something sometimes.....
-
I guess in terms of strangers, it depends on how much danger I thought the child was in and how much good I thought saying something would make. With something like CIO, I doubt I could 'persuade' a stranger I met out and about that CIO might not be best. In the comfort of a friend's home, yes, sure but would depend on the friendship.
If I saw a friend smacking a child for touching herself or wetting herself, I just don't think I'd be friends any more. But for any of my friends to do that, I'd think it was so out of character that there must be something else going on (ie. they must be under a lot of stress) so I'd probably ask them some questions about work, relationship etc. etc.
-
It's really hard; and I'm still trying to find some gentle parent friends IRL.
Mostly, if it's smacking or something, I excuse myself and go home. Smacking is still pretty common in my circles, and I really struggle to keep my mouth shut and let it go. I tend to not develop friendships with parents who don't see anything wrong with smacking - which means I don't make many friends... :lol: This is a big one for me.
With CIO/Controlled crying; this is also a hard one as it's common to have dinner events/social night events at people's houses in my circle, so you're regularly exposed to it. I try to encourage the mum or dad to go tend to their baby and that I can wait (or even go if they need time alone with their bub); but I do find it hard that it's 'expected' that I'll leave my baby to cry in their room (a strange place to my baby!) whilst we do 'adult' stuff in the lounge. I just can't do it - so if Rhino doesn't settle, he just stays cuddled up to me feeding; or we go home. To be honest, I don't generally go to these social events any more, because of how badly affected I've been by this.
