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Yes definitely, we have not had to yet but my parents have helped out my sister with quite a large amount for a deposit on a house, my mum did ask how I felt about it and said that if we needed help then they would see what they could do for us too. I have no issues with it at all, I hope I am in a position to do the same for my children, I don't think all have to be treated equally. Different people tread different paths in life so have different needs, not all careers pay the same sort of pay scale so some may be in need more than others.
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Yep we have from both my parents and IL's and would again should the need arise. That being said it defiantly depends on your relationship with your mum. Is your mum likely you hold this over you or anything like that? Make sure you have all the same ideas in your heads to prevent any misunderstandings.
Xxx
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We have and we will again (and be doing it soon!!!!!)
I agree with the points though about sibling jealousy - I can see how it could happen. But in our instance, both my brother and I know that it's balanced. Mum doesn't do for one and not the other. This year, we are moving to my mum's house and selling our house. Our plan is to buy land and build again. We lived there previously when we built this house. If my brother needed the same favour, he could have it too. This time around it's a bit different because we're going to be living there for a few years and my parents will be travelling around during that time, so we're living on our own, rent and mortgage free. It's a massive financial opportunity for us (unless we find land really quickly and begin paying a mortgage on that), but it's a favour for them because they know they can leave and not worry about their home - it won't sit empty and it will be well taken care of. We know during the time they're away, things will need replacing (big things too - the oven is on it's way out, etc) and we'll just replace it as more thanks to them for letting us stay.
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We have on quite a few occasions, simply put DH & I have always had low paying jobs barely making ends meet, so mum & dad would come over see how stressed we were & would leave a $note on the table (or in my bag) Now DH & I are both studying to better our chances of a career (& we are pretty much getting the same amount as when we were working) Mum & dad have said they want to help us however they can, also with the understanding that when they are too old to take care of each other that we will help provide for them (that has always been the case). Now I'm 1 of 6 kids, I've found that at different times mum & dad have helped us all wheather it be money, using one of the cars for extended time or even letting us live in their house(s) (they used to own several investment properties).
Mum explained it to me like this:
"you will always be my child, I don't like seeing you stressed especially when I can help- & I know that if I help when I can, that whenever I need help you all will follow my example & chip in to help."
My best advice is talk with your family (siblings, parents etc.) sort out expectations & motives, then make a decision from there. Best of luck!
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I have and would accept monetary help, I've also given my parents money lots of times. I have no idea if it actually evens out or not, but we all feel happy with the situation. My parents also give my sibiings monetary help when required. Sometimes, I have a problem with this with one of my siblings (eep!), because it feels like they expect money out of entitlement, not out of generosity and I'm not aware of money being paid back which does put my parents in financial straits.
I think as long as you check that everyone is ok financially, then it's ok. And while I have an opinion on one of my siblings, honestly it's none of my business as long as my parents are ok with it.
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Yes we have gratefully accepted help from my parents. If they were manipulative and were likely to hold it over us then we wouldn't have accepted but we have a good relationship and I know the offer was genuine. It has really helped us to get us into a position where we are a bit more financially secure.
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Yes, I have and I would. I always think - what what you do if it was your child? How would you feel to see them struggle when you know you can do something about it?
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Yes I have and looking to do it again. My siblings have borrowed money before to get ahead and they are all very financially well off now. I'm struggling due to my circumstances and took backwards steps financially just before I left XH. So my mum is looking to help me buy another house. It is going to be written into the will by a lawyer in case I haven't payed it back and she suddenly passes away. While my siblings won't mind my parents helping me we will want to keep it fair in that circumstance.
My parents get great joy in being generous to their children. They don't like to be asked or pressured into giving, but they will offer if they see any of us in trouble, financially or emotionally.
Sent from an iThing so will be short and shiny cause I hate the keyboard.
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Yep, have and would do it again if we needed to.
IL's loaned us the deposit for our first house. We've since paid them back. They also loaned BIL money when he was starting up his business. I don't know about SIL but I'm sure if she needed it, she'd have been given it. No angst... they loan, they get paid back. That way it is fair.
My parents are a bit different. My sister, BIL, niece and nephew live with my parents. My parents put on a massive extension ($150k+) so that sister could move in there. She pays "board", which means it goes towards the mortgage and bills. Lots of their other expenses are run through the family business.
And it bothers me. I love my sister but I sort of see it as a "free ride" - they have no plans to move out, now or in the future.
And I can see it getting very messy when my parents pass away - the house is in their name, therefore I am entitled to half of it. According to their will, anyway. What kind of a sister does it make me if I kick her out and sell the house? She's going to have to get a mortgage and buy me out... messy messy messy.
ETA: in the right situation, I see it being a wonderful way for parents to be generous to their kids. If this is going to help you, go for it :)
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Thanks so much - you've given me lots of different things to think about. I'm definitely going to talk a few more details out with mum before we decide for sure.
I'm feeling more and more ok with the idea the more I talk about it - I think the idea of not feeling so hopeless about our financial future is very appealing.
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My PIL's have quite a few houses and recently they bought a new one and are renting it to my sil and her fam. To us it is not bad because we know how much they are struggling and the Canberra rental market is RIDICULOUS for rent so our pil's did what they needed to so they could get a place abd still afford to live. My other sil still lives in their house but rents the upstairs with a friend (downstairs is a complete flat and thats where the Pil's live).
We get subsidised rent with defence so it is really no different to us.
If dh's parents bought a house up here and offered for us to live in it we would take it for sure because we would be allowed to make it our own home but still actually be helping the family because it is an investment property and adds value to their portfolio for retirement.
You need to do what YOU feel is right, if you hve a great relationship then take it. She obviously wants you guys to be happy and be able to save for your future!! It is an incredible offer but you guys have to be 100% sure :)
Hugs and hope you have clarity in what to do!!
Sent from my iPhone so sorry for the spelling and punctuation!!
