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Thread: Homebirth General Discussion #17

  1. #307

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    Default Re: Homebirth General Discussion #17

    Not a downer, The Mrs! That's what we're here for! Uterine rupture, from what I have read, is not as common as the doctors would have you believe. You are so close It's understandable that you would start to have some doubts, given the past experiences - now to have some power over them You are doing what you can and you are well-prepared. Put your fears where they belong - they are fears of something that hasn't happened, and your body and brain will react as if what is in your imagination is real (the brain has real trouble distinguishing between fears and real things in front of you to be scared of). Breathe in deep and long, and get some endorphins happening - keep adrenaline to a minimum and only let it out of its box when that baby is out xx
    I was not being facetious when I said I was happy that a lot of you are 'luckier'! I don't do facetious (I did it once on BB, many years ago, and apologised for it very soon after for it never to be repeated - before most of your time!). I'm not advocating that everyone book in, in the least. I appreciate the reasons people give for it, including the reasons my homebirthing sisters in my own area give.
    I didn't say anything about 'not valid', Beatrix - that's what you've added Nothing about 'offence', and quite frankly, nothing negative about hospital programs, despite how other people see them as too controlling. For the same reason I will continue to support hospital programs (you would find that I have never maligned them) is the same reason I'm fronting up and maintaining a relationship with my local hospital about my planned homebirth. You said it, Beatrix - you feel as if it's a competition about 'hurdles'. Where I am genuinely happy for people who have minimal hurdles - I had much less work to do for my first homebirth. I wish I had that again. You don't have to identify with people who pursue it a bit harder. You haven't had to defend your hospital program to me, and never will. I could see you arming your defences a few pages back but didn't think you saw anything as a competition until now.
    HotI, similarly, you have been clear with your reasons, which will help anyone who comes in here to read about the decisions people make and why, even if they never take part in discussion. Like you, I urge people to ask THEMSELVES why they are doing things and to question everything. Earlier in the thread I had debated with myself about letting the doctors and hospital know what I was planning. Now I'm clear on why I would do that, so I explain myself.
    I am mindful of the audience other than that directly taking part here, which is why I got to effort to position myself. You think other people don't lurk here? You bet they do
    I also come from a background where in my last pregnancy there were the likes of the Joyous Birth people who would denigrate homebirthers who used midwives, as if they were 'selling' out and not trusting their bodies and were being 'compliant', good women by using someone medically-trained.
    We all have our unique journeys to get where we are and to achieve what we plan for. I'm not asking to be allowed to compete (because anyone who actually knows me from my past username will know that couldn't be further from my agenda), just that those of us who are in hospital programs, booking in, seeing GPs etc are considered just as determined to trust that home is the best place to plan a birth as those who don't trust the medical fraternity for their own reasons (which are mostly outlined in this thread by those people).
    Looking back on this page alone, Sepata, your comment was the least helpful post. Could you please elaborate your position? As I said, everyone's perspective is helpful when offered as more than a one-liner.
    My belly buddies group has defected to FB, where I don't want to have a buddies discussion, and I have found BB not to be the place it was for me in my previous two pregnancies. I drew a lot of courage and camaraderie from BB in the past and, in sad realisation, I'm not getting that this time round. It's not anyone person's fault, it's just a reflection of the changes that were bound to happen here. A general dissatisfaction. I have a rather debilitating pregnancy condition that I posted about in the relevant section a little while ago and my post has remained the last. So, yes, feeling a little high and dry and sick of answering real life questions from strangers without the community here to take refuge in. I have large age gaps between children, so I don't take part in many of the baby discussions here on BB. I stopped BFing my DD back in August/September (she was nearly 4 - but not as old as my DS when he stopped), and even then it's a bit lonely in the 'BFing older children' thread when 'older children' are now described at 18 mo
    I guess I'm just facing the fact that BB and me are drifting apart, after 8 years. It happens


  2. #308

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    Default Re: Homebirth General Discussion #17

    Big hugs SJ, I know what you mean about the belly buddies groups sometimes drifting to fb. My last one did and I didn't join, so it became less helpful or supportive. Also consequently the only persons I really go to know were two girls. One Jen, because we were both in here and hbac'd. This time around, whilst it has been suggested to provide more privacy, we have all resisted a fb group, so that it remains inclusive. And it is turning into another really supportive group where we are all getting to know each other. Anyway, sorry you are missing out on that. Xx

  3. #309

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    Default Re: Homebirth General Discussion #17

    SJ- Maybe Im sleep deprived or just not really focusing enough to quite understand if I have upset you or something along those lines.. Im just confused.

    So in my clarity.. I never ever meant to upset or offend anyone with my comments about being lucky to skip and miss a whole heap of hurdles/costs.. because its genuinely how i feel about it. I KNOW i got it easy and had what many homebirth women would have loved to have had, but yes in a sense sometimes I do feel defensive and invalid which you did pick up on a few pages back.
    Yes I have felt dismissed due to the way my home birth came around. Yep I admit it was more so a back up plan JIC, and if I didnt labour as quick as I did I would have had a planned hospital birth.. but even in saying that I support every womens right to choice how they birth.

    I am thrilled beyond belief that I was able to birth my baby girl at home with my hubby and I and yes it makes it extremely special and after that experience if I ever decided to have a 5th (not going to happen) I would have every intention of having a home birth again.


    I admire alot of you for what you have to go through. I hate confrontation and wouldnt cope with alot of the hurdles and hell I admire that fact that your scrimp and save to do what your passionate about because I know if I had to pay, it wouldnt happen.


    hmm I dont know if I have really clarified anything

    but maybe

    Yay home birth yay womens choices yay?

  4. #310

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    Default Re: Homebirth General Discussion #17

    Beatrix, for what it's worth, I don't see your homebirth as any less valuable to the birth rights movement as anyone else's It ALL helps, and, in fact, I see the hospital programs as being more useful as a way for homebirthing to gain acceptance in country areas, to eventually gain hospital 'collaboration' etc. I know there are people out there who think the hospy programs are 'sellouts', and I'm not one of them. According to some, I'm a sellout for wanting a midwife presence at my births

  5. #311

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    Default Re: Homebirth General Discussion #17

    I don't think hospital programs are 'easier' just as i don't see IMs or birth worker support as 'easier'. Each woman has their own circumstances and own needs, and sometimes what is available to them lines up with their needs and values (yay!), and sometimes some creative thinking or problem solving is needed to find a solution that fits the circumstances.

    Thanks for your post SJ. I am feeling a bit drifty in many parts of my life atm. Not really fitting in with BB crowd, but not exactly aligned with the JB crowd either. Not conformist enough for ABA, but nowhere else to look...

  6. #312

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    Default Re: Homebirth General Discussion #17

    Thanks, Bella and HotI - I was starting to think it was just me!
    HotI - I was kicked out of JB for being too moderate, and, in the past, told I was too militant on BB I miss my old ABA IRL group and never really got into the ABA forum.

  7. #313

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    Default Re: Homebirth General Discussion #17

    Hey SJ, can u PM me your old user name? I am sure I know you, but I didn't check your recent posts when you swapped it. Every time I see you post I wonder who you are.

  8. #314

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    Default Re: Homebirth General Discussion #17

    Thank you all for the discussion I'm not the deepest thinker (big surprise, hey? ) so it's good to see some of what I've been feeling put into words without my having to explain exactly what I mean. We all know I'm hopeless at that I've been a bit "drifty" lately myself, feeling even less like I fit in anywhere than I usually do. I hope I haven't contributed to anyone else feeling that way too! I always worry I'm upsetting people

    So, I'm going to the hospital appointment. I was more after an idea of what to expect at it than thinking about why I should or shouldn't go, but I am thankful that I did end up doing so. In any case, my midwives want me to go, so I will. I might be a (potential) homebirther, but I'm still easily-swayed little Teni, not a fighter. I can't remember if I said it in here or just in an SMS with PZ the other day, but my general way of dealing with a lot of situations is to set myself up with/near people who can help me achieve my goals. That way it's easier to avoid confrontation (as HotI said, I'm not a big fan!) and I can just get on with it. I know it didn't work for me last time - I trusted the wrong people - but I hope it does this time. At the very least (assuming it all happens at home, no transfer) I know *all* of the people around me will be people I trust rather than whoever's on shift. And if I do transfer? Almost all the people who come with me can back me up, give me strength to *try*.

    See what I mean about not being able to get across what I want to say? I've been typing this for half an hour, and parts of it still don't make complete sense. I'm only hitting the submit button because my phone's about to die and I don't know where a charger is...

  9. #315

    Default Re: Homebirth General Discussion #17

    To all of you, I meet IRL with a group of women who've used the services of the group my IM is a part of (that's city privilege for sure! But I do know how lucky I am). IKWYM about having trouble fitting in elsewhere. In amongst that group are all kinda of mothers and mothers-to-be. Some used an IM as support for a hospital birth and some for a planned HB, although some had to transfer (there are no hospital HB programs anywhere near me). Some were twin births, some VBACs, some ended up with a c/s despite planning a HB. Most are just plain old HBers.

    This HB group here on BB reminds me of my IMs' get together group. We are very different and come from such different experiences to choose HB. Some, because it's more convenient and available, others feel they have no other option that provides them with a respectful birthing space. Some of us are other places on this continuum. I am glad to hear from all of you, because all of your experiences provide something that I can draw from and take with me as I go on my own birthing journey.


  10. #316

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    Default Re: Homebirth General Discussion #17

    Here's your new THREAD, lovelies. Beautiful birthing vibes to all expecting bubs

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