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Thread: Homebirth General Discussion #20

  1. #199

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    Default Re: Homebirth General Discussion #20

    Can I have a small brag moment? I'll take that as a yes! Lol! One week post partum, I am 1.5kg lighter than what I was when I got pregnant. I am still carrying a lot of excess weight, but that is ok, I am not concerned. I am just proud of the clean eating I did whilst pregnant. I didn't diet, and I am still not dieting, but hubby and I are eating paleo style. He has lost 20kg and I only put on 7.3 kgs during my pregnancy. Anyway, my mw laughed at me and wanted to scold me for getting on the scales so soon! But I am just stoked. I think it helped that my body wasn't desperate to lay down fat stores as I already had reserves. Anyway, there is my little brag. Very happy mummy!




    Don't know if I mentioned on here, but we named our little man Ed ward. He is just divine! He is still in the sleepy newborn stage and is so so sweet! I am so smitten. Dh is more smitten this time with his little boy, than he was with the girls. I think it is due to a few factors, including confidence, not being busy with study, a little that it is a son, and a few other things. But yeah it is really cute to see.

  2. #200

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    Default Re: Homebirth General Discussion #20

    We eat pretty much paleo too Bella and it's so healthy and nourishing while being great for weight control! I am generally pretty slim so have put on up to 20kgs in my previous pregnancies. This one we're eating the new diet and I started at my lowest weight ever so I guess I'll gain a lot again. Not concerned though as I know it's part of it all but that is amazing to hear your weight dropped off so fast!

    So wonderful to hear your family is all blissed out

    AFM I had an appointment with my MW on Monday and it went really well. It had been almost 8 weeks between appointments due to her having a holiday and us being busy too so it was SO good to catch up and get back into 'pregnancy zone' because that's been a challenge for me lately. Baby is measuring spot on for 26 weeks and heartbeat was good. My BP was high last time but good today, 98/65 or 70 or something. The kids were being adorable trying to listen to baby and lying down and checking each other's bellies with her fetoscope! LOVE HB appointments at home. She helped me feel baby's head (I'm not great with working out what I'm feeling usually) and it's about the size of a tennis ball. Baby was head down in my pelvis. I've had a lot of pelvis pain and she said it was likely from a significant abdominal separation I didn't realise I have so I've been wearing a belly band and it really helped. Seeing the chiro this morning too.

    We chatted about the birth, how I picture it and some stuff like that. Also a bit about reasons for t
    ransfer and how that would happen. Have another appointment in 2 weeks to make up for the gap we've had so I'm looking forward to more birth chat. She's bringing a DVD with a birth to share with the kids too- Birth day... anyone seen it? I also asked her for DVD recs for me as I found watching The Business of Being Born and Orgasmic Birth really bonding and helpful for my husband and I in previous pregnancies and she suggested Gloria Lemay's Birth.. anyone seen that one?

  3. #201

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    Default Re: Homebirth General Discussion #20

    Congratulations Ozstar! That is wonderful, beautiful news! Enjoy those precious newborn snuggles.

    Eeek! I can't believe I'm up next. I know it says August, but I'm actually due late July (but will probably end up with an early August bub). I know I haven't been very active in this thread, but I'm sure as I gear up for the birth I will be .

    Hubby and I have organised a weekend away this coming weekend. First weekend away without kids - so 5-6 years since we've been away on our own. Our last hurrah before bubba arrives.

  4. #202

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    Default Re: Homebirth General Discussion #20

    Congratulations OzStar!!

  5. #203

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    Default Re: Homebirth General Discussion #20

    CONGRATULATIONS OZ!!!



    what a speedy birth! I guess she was just waiting on her daddy to get home! did you suspect anything while he was away?! I was a bit concerned that he was away so close the Big Event...so stoked that he made it lol.

    Bella: ahh I am a bit jealous lol. I seem to take longer with each pregnancy. i have no idea how much i put on or anything as i dont have any scales but i do find that it takes me until i am about 12 months PP before i feel more like myself.

    Sterla: that baby will be here before you know it! i find once you hit 30 weeks there's some sort of time continuum vortex that you enter and suddenly you are pushing a baby out and its 39 weeks and you're thinking: 'huh? where have i been the last 2 months?'

    meow: wasnt there a movie called 'the face of birth'? i just watch the BOBB ALLLL the time when pg hahaha.

  6. #204

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    Default Re: Homebirth General Discussion #20

    Face of Birth was really good. I watched that when 5 weeks pregnant with DD2 and opened a whole can of new decisions.

    Don't ask why I'm lurking here. I just am. I have a huge lady crush on all of you, so, you know, nice to stalk all your gossip in the one place!

  7. #205

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    Default Re: Homebirth General Discussion #20

    Quote Originally Posted by luna moth View Post
    Face of Birth was really good. I watched that when 5 weeks pregnant with DD2 and opened a whole can of new decisions.

    Don't ask why I'm lurking here. I just am. I have a huge lady crush on all of you, so, you know, nice to stalk all your gossip in the one place!
    you know what's even weirder? I always think of you as part of the group lol!

  8. #206

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    Default Re: Homebirth General Discussion #20

    Thanks Cas. Tho to be honest, I still have 9kg up from when I got preg with my first, and I am a small person in height and bones, so it is a lot, but I haven't been either not breast feeding or pregnant for nearly 6 years now, so it is hard to know what my real body is like anymore, when not influenced by all of the hormones. But hey, I am happy. I am so grateful for all my blessings. I just have to eat healthy and clean and I won't have guilt...

    Meow, how nice! I love my Mw appointments too. I hope you really enjoy the bonding process. I love my Mw. We are friends too. I started to cry at my last pp appointment, cos I got talking to the student Mw, about the only downside of continuity of care, being that the bond you form being quite intense. And that I miss her when I am not pregnant. But I have vowed this time I am gonna make sure we hang out more outside of appointments.

    Afm - I think I have thrush! Well more to the point I think Eddie has thrush on his tounge. My Mw thought he had it when we met on Tuesday, but when I asked hubby what he thought, he could see, he said he couldn't see it. I should have insisted he look properly, cos I thought I could see it. Anyway I pulled out a proper torch tonight, cos my boobs are constantly aching and yeah practically his whole tounge is white, and he has a spot on the roof of his mouth. I don't think I can bare to cut out all sugar and do al la natural with coconut oil and bicarbonate etc. so will have to treat with daktarin. Not sure if I need a script? Anyone have any advice? This is my first time treating thrush with a baby. and it is ironic, since I am eating way less sugar now! Gah! Oh I have started using bicarbonate on my boobs for now, and I am going to make sure I change breast pads really frequently. Any other suggestions?

  9. #207

    Default Re: Homebirth General Discussion #20

    Am I allowed to share a link to my birth slideshow on here?

  10. #208

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    Default Re: Homebirth General Discussion #20

    Not sure Oz and bella no you don't need a script for nilstat, that what we have always used for millions of years on our prem bubs at work.... I've never had to use it at home tho.....

  11. #209

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    Default Re: Homebirth General Discussion #20

    I hope you get the thrush sorted ASAP Bella. So not fun!

    I need help!! I'm so confused and sad and stressed. More crap with my MW When we met this week we didn't talk about the whole issue I had with the way she told me about the hep A I had and we just had a really good appointment. I had known we would need to revisit it again to clear over the whole thing and ensure we had understood each other's point of view and we were communicating well but I figured there was time.

    Anyway, so at the appointment I mentioned I had had two very tiny drops of bright blood (smaller than a millimetre). I hadn't had sex in a while but had just moved house and done a hard yoga class and my pelvis was very sore. Then when she was palpitating my tummy to feel baby I had some acute pain on the upper right side. She thought the pain could be digestive wind through my tummy but could also be an issue with an organ (like gall stones) or a contraction, though I didn't feel any signs of a contraction.

    So last night she sent me a text to ask how the pain and bleeding was going. I told her I had one more teeny spot of blood the next day but nothing since and the pain seemed to digestive as it happened again after I ate another not quite ripe nectarine but I hadn't had it again. So she replied that if I wanted she could refer me for an ultrasound to check the placenta and if I was having early cervical dilation. I said I really don't think anything is wrong and I'm happy to wait and see if I have any more bleeding and asked "or is the three drops enough to be concerned?".

    She replied with this: "It's always up to you to make the decisions that are right for you in your care I'm here as a consultant to you, to listen and provide clinical care and to give you information, and resources and the help support you to keep your pregnancy and birth normal and healthy. Bleeding now at this time in pregnancy can happen on occasion w lovemaking, but is not otherwise normal. It could be many things- many are not a problem, and some could be. I would always let you know if I see something that could be an issue, even if it ends up being just fine. That's why mothers have midwives and doctors adn why we do prenatal care- to keep things normal and healthy as possible and to spot things early when issues arise so we can correct issues early. An ultrasound is the tool used to help identify any issues when a mama has any bleeding in pregnancy. It is less invasive and gives us more information than a vaginal exam, which is the other test that's done to assess spotting or bleeding. That's why I shared that option with you, so you know what your options are and can make informed decisions about your care. I think waiting to see is just fine. If it happens again, or gets worse, or if there is any pain, please let me know right away- those are signs of problems. I'm here to help you and baby to be healthy and well. I do not benefit at all from tests or procedures- and I only recommend them when they are appropriate care"

    Aside from the fact that it's a mini-essay it feels like a lecture and I REALLY don't appreciate the condescending tone telling me why women hire midwives. Am I over reacting? The rest of what she said is actually reasonable but I think she blew my question out of the water. She knows having an ultrasound is not a decision I take lightly as I don't even use a doppler so why would I run and have one without many markers for need? I was trying to assess if she had offered it for my peace of mind or if we were already at that point where it's needed. Waiting for more bleeding and/or pain makes MUCH more sense to me. To have one now is major overkill. I'm fine!!

    I find it quite triggering, like a doctor trying to power trip me. Do I need to change MWs? It's getting so far along and I'm SO busy that stresses me out big time

  12. #210

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    Default Re: Homebirth General Discussion #20

    i would find that wierd. you are not a student, or naive to having children or midwives/homebirth. is it an ass covering exercise (for her to have it in writing what she has told you)? Has she been working as an independent midiwfe long?

    i wouldn't necessarily find it that strange in conversation, but to write it all out i do find it wierd.

    Have you been able to talk to any women she has birthed with? There were things that i found puzzling about my midwife in pre and post natal appts, but at the birth she was perfect and so 2nd time around i went with her again bc it was at the birth that i wanted someone i could trust and felt safe with.

  13. #211

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    Default Re: Homebirth General Discussion #20

    She hasn't been an IM for a long time, only a few years. And I think she's really finding her feet in the current climate as she just moved here a year ago. In her previous state HBs were illegal and she attended freebirths covertly. She's enjoying being open and public here but she's also bogged down by legislation that in some cases can see her facing criminal charges (not just deregulation) if she doesn't play by the rules. Some of these laws just came in in January so are untested and perhaps even the very experienced MWs would be equally antsy at the moment.

    I don't know anyone I can ask but I have read online reviews and I know she has a good reputation. On a personal level we get along well and I like her energy. I picture a very positive birth and in many ways I know she's trying to get me the birth I want- especially in putting in the effort to have home appointments (rare for MWs around here) and develop a relationship with my son who has autism so that he can be comfortable around her and be at the birth if he chooses.

    I was also thinking that this was one of those cases where the conversation went too far by text. Perhaps it would have been fine IRL and I should just calm down and get over it.

  14. #212

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    Default Re: Homebirth General Discussion #20

    It sounds like you might have something going on around trust with your midwife, when that trust is broken you start being sensitive and reactive to everything they do. I wonder if you had cleared up how you felt about the Hep A incident whether you would be feeling like this about her text? I would look at this beyond the text and beyond your reaction, you are two people in a relationship that is building and heading toward a birth. You as the client need to be able to be vulnerable and say what you need to say and process what you need to process, she can provide a safe place for you to do this, and you will trust her direction more when she offers you options re your care. My first HB midwife I had this stuff come up around her wanting to hug me everytime she came for an appointment. I talked to friends about it and they thought I was being ridiculous, but I told her how I was feeling and she stood steady in herself and saw me for who I was and the journey I was on. It was not about what I needed to say, it was about us both steeping forward together in our relationship... MY second HB midwife I had lots of different things come up and when I could not express it well my trust for her would wane, if I spoke up she would never take it personally, she would own it and we could move on. THis proved to be incredibly important because after birth I needed to listen to what she was saying, I could trust her and knew I had to take action because I knew her so well.... So the question is, what is needed for you to clear the air for yourself in order to move forward with this person, after that do you need to talk about this with her? If yes, ask her to come around and talk about it soon, don't wait for the next appointment. xx

    Quote Originally Posted by meow View Post
    I hope you get the thrush sorted ASAP Bella. So not fun!

    I need help!! I'm so confused and sad and stressed. More crap with my MW When we met this week we didn't talk about the whole issue I had with the way she told me about the hep A I had and we just had a really good appointment. I had known we would need to revisit it again to clear over the whole thing and ensure we had understood each other's point of view and we were communicating well but I figured there was time.

    Anyway, so at the appointment I mentioned I had had two very tiny drops of bright blood (smaller than a millimetre). I hadn't had sex in a while but had just moved house and done a hard yoga class and my pelvis was very sore. Then when she was palpitating my tummy to feel baby I had some acute pain on the upper right side. She thought the pain could be digestive wind through my tummy but could also be an issue with an organ (like gall stones) or a contraction, though I didn't feel any signs of a contraction.

    So last night she sent me a text to ask how the pain and bleeding was going. I told her I had one more teeny spot of blood the next day but nothing since and the pain seemed to digestive as it happened again after I ate another not quite ripe nectarine but I hadn't had it again. So she replied that if I wanted she could refer me for an ultrasound to check the placenta and if I was having early cervical dilation. I said I really don't think anything is wrong and I'm happy to wait and see if I have any more bleeding and asked "or is the three drops enough to be concerned?".

    She replied with this: "It's always up to you to make the decisions that are right for you in your care I'm here as a consultant to you, to listen and provide clinical care and to give you information, and resources and the help support you to keep your pregnancy and birth normal and healthy. Bleeding now at this time in pregnancy can happen on occasion w lovemaking, but is not otherwise normal. It could be many things- many are not a problem, and some could be. I would always let you know if I see something that could be an issue, even if it ends up being just fine. That's why mothers have midwives and doctors adn why we do prenatal care- to keep things normal and healthy as possible and to spot things early when issues arise so we can correct issues early. An ultrasound is the tool used to help identify any issues when a mama has any bleeding in pregnancy. It is less invasive and gives us more information than a vaginal exam, which is the other test that's done to assess spotting or bleeding. That's why I shared that option with you, so you know what your options are and can make informed decisions about your care. I think waiting to see is just fine. If it happens again, or gets worse, or if there is any pain, please let me know right away- those are signs of problems. I'm here to help you and baby to be healthy and well. I do not benefit at all from tests or procedures- and I only recommend them when they are appropriate care"

    Aside from the fact that it's a mini-essay it feels like a lecture and I REALLY don't appreciate the condescending tone telling me why women hire midwives. Am I over reacting? The rest of what she said is actually reasonable but I think she blew my question out of the water. She knows having an ultrasound is not a decision I take lightly as I don't even use a doppler so why would I run and have one without many markers for need? I was trying to assess if she had offered it for my peace of mind or if we were already at that point where it's needed. Waiting for more bleeding and/or pain makes MUCH more sense to me. To have one now is major overkill. I'm fine!!

    I find it quite triggering, like a doctor trying to power trip me. Do I need to change MWs? It's getting so far along and I'm SO busy that stresses me out big time

  15. #213

    Default Re: Homebirth General Discussion #20

    Hmmm, that's a tough one, meow. What's your gut telling you? I'd go with my instincts. You've mentioned a lot around the practising climate, so it sounds like you're trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. Does that mean you'd rather take this as an isolated incident? You could try sending her a light-hearted response to it - something along the lines of "Woah, that's a lot of reading to take in! Thanks for your advice, but I'm pretty sure that I just need to keep an eye on it from the outside at the moment. You know my aversion to ultrasounds so that's not an option I'd take lightly." Maybe remind her that you're not a first-timer who needs educating, just support.

    AFM, pretty sure I'm clear on the pg front. I think the symptoms I was having are an indication of my cycle returning.

    Bella - hope you get the thrush sorted quickly.

  16. #214

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    Default Re: Homebirth General Discussion #20

    A year ago today I birthed my fourth daughter at home... born in her caul, her birth asked me to dig deeper than I ever have before... such a thrill!!! I am looking at her photos this morning, all of my girls huddled around the birth pool in their jammies, squealing with joy calling her in was one of the best moment of my life!

  17. #215

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    Default Re: Homebirth General Discussion #20

    Meow: in all honesty it simply sounds like you guys dont really know eachother that well yet (ie. she doesnt know the how, whys, what and wherefores of you and your journey) and is still in that early infancy of a relationship stage. I think that you guys might need to book in some appointments on a more regular basis over the short term. It seriously just sounds like the relationship of trust and knowing you and how you operate isnt there yet ITMS. and if, on top of it all she is still getting her bearings in the new system it's probably all compounding. My only concern is that she doesnt seem to be confident within the system and it might be worth thinking about how this might affect her continuity of care if somewhere along the journey there was a decision that had to be made in terms of transfer or hospital monitoring. It might be worth thinking about your last HB journey and thinking how nic or helen might be handling this situation with the bleeding and then that might give you a platform in which to form a relationship with this IM ITMS. You need to be able to feel that you can talk candidly and not have to make all those decisions of your care for yourself...having an IM is a relationship where, together you guys make sure that you get the best birth possible...this is not about you simply 'informing yourself' and making all those calls on your own. yes, ultimately you have the veto if you decide not to go, but you need to have a level of trust in your IM that she will make a call and that you can trust the call that she is making. I know that i am rambling but as an example...when i was in threatened PT labour with Miss E i called Nic. she isnt one to panic and hit the Big Red Button, but she also knows that i downplay stuff Big Time. so she came around, had a cup of tea with me, watched me, asked me what i wanted to do (which i said, I HAD NO IDEA hahaha), she then told me my options, then told me what she suspected might be going on (early labour or TPL). She knew my history of PTSD and knew that it was a big trigger to go to hospital so she got our student IM to stay with me for a couple of hours and monitor me intermittently over that time while i rested (to see if contrax stopped). when they didnt, she told me that it might be time to get checked out... she told me that based on how i was presenting there was also an outside chance that an abruption might be on the cards (due to the way i explained the pain). When she made that call i trusted her implicitly as she never left me alone in terms of information, support etc. So when she made the call, I was only a step behind her in thinking the same thing ITMS. for me, this is an ideal situation. you need guidance and trust that they know when to make a call that takes into consideration not just the 'medical' (because of course, you could always just say, 'hey, no harm in getting it all checked out') but also the dynamic of emotional/mental space.

    Sorry, i know that i am rambling, but i get how important it is to have that trust, and although i reckon you guys could get there, it might just take a bit more work and rather than wait for the monthly appointment, might be worth throwing a couple extra in and see where it takes you.

    I can also ask my peeps if you want if they know anyone in your area or if they know your IM. i might know someone that has used her and can recommend her...as HotI mentioned sometimes it is really nice knowing how other families have had a great experience etc to tip you over the edge...i know that's how i chose Nic and Helen in the first place...a recommendation

    in the short term...might be worth sending an email to Helen and asking about the spotting...see what she says and weigh it up with what your IM reckons.

  18. #216

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    Default Re: Homebirth General Discussion #20

    Thank you all for your input. I appreciate it so very much xx

    Quote Originally Posted by ladybirdflies View Post
    It sounds like you might have something going on around trust with your midwife, when that trust is broken you start being sensitive and reactive to everything they do.
    I actually think her response says a bit about her lack of trust in me. She's not sure about my responses and I think she thinks I'm just negative against any suggestion she makes which makes it difficult for her to feel I'm trusting her. I'm feeling like she's not communicating enough though. Offering me options isn't really support. If she had said "If you're concerned you could have an ultrasound, or else we can wait and see if you have worsening symptoms then an ultrasound probably would really be a good idea" then I would have felt more informed.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer13 View Post
    Hmmm, that's a tough one, meow. What's your gut telling you? I'd go with my instincts. You've mentioned a lot around the practising climate, so it sounds like you're trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. Does that mean you'd rather take this as an isolated incident?
    I'm really unsure of my instincts. I guess I feel like there is more going on here and it's more about miscommunication between us, than her being the wrong person. I did reply that I didn't want her to get defensive it's just that an ultrasound is not a minor decision for me and I feel like everything is fine so it's not needed, but I also didn't want to be flippant and ignore warning signs so I wanted her input. Also let her know that we're had sex since my pelvis pain has gone and there were no issues so I'm guessing that's a good sign. I think that helped her peace of mind too as I know she doesn't want to neglect us if there really are possible warning signs. I guess she doesn't know me enough yet to know when I'll really start sending up red flags.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cassius2 View Post
    I can also ask my peeps if you want if they know anyone in your area or if they know your IM.

    in the short term...might be worth sending an email to Helen and asking about the spotting...see what she says and weigh it up with what your IM reckons.
    I had considered talking to Helen about the whole thing and getting her advice. I know she would have been much clearer and wouldn't have suggested an ultrasound yet. It makes me miss her! I don't think I need anymore advice on the spotting- it was SO minor and I'm sure it's nothing. It's been days with nothing- I'm sure it was from pushing bookcases around Who are your peeps? Do they know people everywhere? Happy for any south SF bay area advice if anyone you know has any. My MW works in teams of two so at the birth we'll have someone else from her practice and they have all been in the area for ages so I'm sure they'll be a good resource in case of transfer/navigating 'the system' if needed.

    We already have an appointment in about a week and a half so I'll wait till then but we need to make sure we talk about this stuff... I'll make some notes.

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