Homebirth General Discussion #6

for us DH was at every appt at home. he also did the calmbirth course, read the books to DD, listened to me read interesting bits and bobs from my books and read right through 'birth without violence'. thankfully, he was on board 100% and was the one to insist the year before we got pg to go to the HB rally in canberra :)

But, that said, he was a bit nervous about his role and what to do, so we watched alot of inspiring birth vids on youtube that showed other partners doing wonderful jobs, just made the presence of partners normal ITMS. our midwife was also totally awesome in including him and just expecting him to be part of the process as well, which helped as he never felt he had to ask permission ITMS. we also were really lucky to have watched some docos on how male partners witnessing and being involved in the birth of their babies also then produce super high levels of oxytocin (the love hormone) and how this can assist in bonding with the baby and sending off the right smells etc etc. pretty cool IMHO!

During the really early labour (like when i thought it was just pre-labour or BH) he was super calm, but able to think a bit clearer than me, so was able to guage when to call the m/ws to give them heads up. he was totally awesome and calm for pretty much the whole time. the only time where he was momentarily lost (for all of 15 mins i reckon) was once i was in teh birth pool and in heavy labour and the midwives hadnt arrived. this was mostly because i was in labour land and was not wanting to be consciously present...so was off in calmbirth visualisation land. but within a few minutes of the m/ws arriving he was fine and relaxed and was able to come up to me and just sit and whisper sweet nothings into my ear :)

Hi guys
Ther was a thread somewhere about the ACM's stance on HBAC. Cant' find it. Want to compose something and need info... anyone know where it is?

DH didn't do anything to prepare himself. He was just there for me - totally in his element so it was easy for him I think.

The hippie speak in that book is wild, hey?

ETA - oh never mind, i found it on google

Did anyone make it to the MC movie night last night? it was packed, and they had opened up into 2 rooms. we got seats up front, which was nice.

i talked to a student midwife who ws there, and noticed she has put a thread here looking for follw throughs. she seemed pretty nice if anyone is looking for a student around melbourne.

i spoke to a doula who told me she had never heard of women being assaulted during labour. mmm, then why do you think there is a role for private midwifes and doulas if the system is so good? she was a wierdo

A doula that thought that?? Wonder where she did her study....

Sounds like it was a good night though.



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i spoke to a doula who told me she had never heard of women being assaulted during labour. mmm, then why do you think there is a role for private midwifes and doulas if the system is so good? she was a wierdo

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maybe she was an OB infiltrator hahaha :rofl:

i missed out :(. was too slow and it had all sold out!! waahhhhhh :wall: pretty bummed about TBH. but that was my fault as i got super sick and didnt get my A into G.

For this birth I think DH will mostly stay out of the room and let me be cared for by my Doula and Midwife and friend. He has some major fear issues because of his background. He is really supportive of me personally even if he is less comfortable with the concept of home birth. He has however read all of the studies about home birth and conceptually understands and thinks that it is a safe option for us, but he spent 3 years working as an anaethetist and 18 months of that working in obstetric anaesthesia, so he has seen some really sad things and he would bring those sad and scary experiences with him into my space if he were allowed in the birthing room.

That being said I think that when the baby is actually being born he will come in and either hold me or catch the baby. Whichever is right in the moment.

Went and saw a local OB here yesterday to see if she would support us in case of need to transfer and it went pretty positively. I think she is willing to support us but it will be up to whether the rest of the OB's who could also be on call, are willing to accept part of my care given that they could be the ones to accept me. She said they have a meeting on Friday afternoons and then she would call me. Will see how that goes. I know she had 2 women in labour yest so I dont doubt that kept her busy. We will wait to hear back from her.

PS... I also can't understand a Doula not having come across that.... maybe she got into birth on the other end of the wagon, amongst all the women who love their OB's for the episiotomy they got that tightened up their lady bits and has never met a woman wronged..... With so many ppl becoming Doulas these days it isn't surprising that there are some weird ones in the mix... just like you get medwives and midwives I guess...

Hey ladies! Just thought I'd pop in and say Hi! I'm pretty bad at keeping up with "buddy" type threads - don't have enough time to devote to it these days. :( But I wanted to just let you all know that I'm hoping for another home-birth with this baby (bub #6, hb#3, if all goes well) and wish my fellow homebirth mums all the best! I don't have any experience with the Aus system of midwives, insurance, etc. since I'm Canadian, but I can share my experiences with anyone who's wondering what a home birth is actually like, etc, and how DH and I felt about it.

Oh - just a side note about that doula HotI - is it possible she misunderstood what you meant by assault? As in, she thought you meant women being beaten by their doc in labour?

Question, those of you who have had a homebirth with siblings present, what did you do prepare them?
My kids will be at home, I dont know how present they'll end up being, but they'll be in the house.
I dont want them to get scared or anything.

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Hello cricket :hello: long time no see and CONGRATULATIONS on the new baby on board!! :happyforyou:

Bella: i hear you on creating the right kind of birth space. it can be really hard if there is someone there with even a small amount of anxiety or fear, so happy that you guys have worked out how to work it all out to the best outcome for all of you :hug:

Loulabelle: we prepared by reading "hello baby" (not the Mem Fox one lol)...lovely homebirth book. and also watching some truly AWESOME HB vids on youtube where there were other kids present. Leila could really relate to those videos. and we just generally discussed what might be happening etc. also having the appts with the midwife at home really helped as even though she pottered around and played while those appts were happening, she was still present and picked up on a lot of stuff. she also was a big helper with the doppler and measuring the fundal height etc, which i think took away some of the mystery etc.

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i spoke to a doula who told me she had never heard of women being assaulted during labour. mmm, then why do you think there is a role for private midwifes and doulas if the system is so good? she was a wierdo

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TOTAL WEIRDO!!

:wave: Cricket! How exciting....most important question "how did you get DH to go for number 6" Im trying to decide if i have the energy to put the fighting gloves on for number 5!!!! ;)

Tegam put those fighting gloves on I say!

hotI: yes what a weirdo!

Still spotting here but I see my midwife this week to get a u/s referral to see what's going on.

Bella, my DH did about the same - he wasn't really around for the labour bit, he just popped in to see how it was going every once in a while. He isn't the type to sit around and watch without being able to help iykwim. Then the midwives gave him a call for the actual birth. Worked well for us :)

Loulabelle, your kids will be similar ages to mine when DD2 was born - they had just turned 4 and 2. I talked about it a bit with DS and we looked at the reproduction pages of his human body books with the diagrams of the baby coming out. He seemed happy enough with that. Didn't really do any prep for DD because she just isn't up to that level of understanding, although she did know there was a baby in my tummy and that soon it would come out and we would have a baby living in our house. On the day they carried on with their normal morning routine with DH while I was in the end room with the midwife. They both came in with DH to see what was going on but didn't have any inclination to stay (or even rummage through the midwifes stuff!). They were aware the baby was being born, it was just what they were comfortable with. They were super excited later when we came out with the baby.

yeah I am really interested in hearing these stories about kids being present. We are toying with the idea of DD being present at this birth. She is going to be 2.5 yrs old. She seems quite empathetic when I am sick, but we would have a gf here of mine who will act as her doula and also provide extra support for DH. She is incredibly calm and laid back so I think that she will be great for both of them. If all else fails my gf can take her away, but I will also need to think about birth vids and books I think to prepare DD for this so any suggestions would be great.

DD loves Runa's Baby, one of the books the m/w left for her. It's completely in line with how I think she'd be with a birth. I've watched some HB videos on YouTube with her. I'll let you know how it goes, but I'm confident she'll cope okay. DP wants to be responsible for her, but I might line up a nearby friend with a DD in her class if she needs a break.

Thanks for your feedback on your DH's role. I'm feeling more like DP is normal for probably not being totally into it.

I went up to the hospital to arrange for my booking in case I need to be transferred. I have the option to nominate an ob as a private patient, so I'm going to ask my friend who's a doctor at the hospital who I would be best off nominating. I know I won't necessarily get them, but it can't hurt to ask. The booking clinic person didn't seem fazed about the HB bit, so I'm hoping it stays that way.

Congrats Cricket!

My default position is that dd will be home with us (she will be 21 months old), but i have a couple of options if she is not liking it or needs a break. She has seen some you tube videos already (whilst i have been feeding and browsing), but i want to get some of the kiddie books too. i reckon she will just go with the flow, as long as i am not getting too upset.

i fell over once, and was a bit shocked and dd got upset cos of my reaction. DH is awesome with her though, so he can always distract if neccessary (until we can get back up).

i have a midwife appt this week, and my Mum will be there. Hoping she likes my midwife.

I'm sorry that I have not popped in for ages. I am feeling quite disheartened at the moment. I may not be able to have a homebirth this time around.

The midwife who lives 75 mins away from me ended up deciding not to take me on because her usual back-up midwife is not available around my due date. I had thought we could come to an arrangement so I was disappointed, but I do totally understand her point of view. She is concerned that I live too far away from her and that she may not make it to the birth. Also, she does not want to travel too far away from her caseload clients. Then I contacted a lay midwife who I have heard good things about - again, I was staying hopeful- but she replied saying that she could not be available for a birth in Feb (and commented that I probably didn't need anyone since it was my fourth birth!).

Next, I contacted another registered midwife who lives nearly 2 hours away. I was reluctant about contacting her because of the distance but she was happy to consider being my midwife. We had decided to meet next week. Sadly, I have received an email from her today saying that she is concerned because she has two other clients due around the same time (who live much closer to her) and the back-up midwife she uses is not available (same one that the other midwife uses!). She included the phone number of a midwife from NZ who has started doing homebirths, and only lives 1/2 hour from me. I will call her when she returns from her holidays in 2 weeks.

I bit the bullet today, after receiving the midwife's email, and contacted my local hospital. I am hoping that they may have a spot in their community midwifery program. Although, I expect that I have left it too late - they are probably booked up already.I am waiting for them to call me back.

I am 20 weeks now, and I am starting to worry about where I will birth and who I will birth with.

Sorry, that it has been all about me. I hope everyone else is well.

Re: kids at the birth. For my last homebirth, I went in to labour at midnight - my kids were asleep. I birthed my son at 3am, and the kids were still asleep - in the next room. They woke a couple of hours later, and my DH called them in to our room to meet their brother. I will never forget my DD's first words - she was hoping for a sister. She asked: "I just want to know if its a boy or girl'. I answered 'boy' and she gushed: 'I don't even care that he's not a girl because he is soooo cute'.

Ash! I have been thinking of you! That's crap news about your midwife. I have everything crossed that the NZ one is available or you can get into the midwife program.

Before the birth, i dragged dh along to a few home birth things but he wasn't very interested until afterwards, then he was gushing about the benefits and spouting statistics (so he obviously was listening to my rants all through pg). For ds' bith he only got involved when I told him I was pushing and then he was tellig me to hold on bevause the midwives weren't there lol! I ignored him of course and kept pushing. He wasnt frazzled at all though!!

Dd was asleep for the whole thing. I found the thought of her bring at the birth stressful tbh and I think my body waited until she was asleep.

Re: kids at the birth. DS was there the whole time (I laboured all day and DS2 was born at 5:30pm). We also had my mum there who looked after DS. He just came in and out of the room whenever he wanted and would come and kiss me and rub my back, very cute. I thought he wouldn't handle it very well, but he totally suprised me.