Homebirth General Discussion #7

I felt that the birth was hard work and required a lot of effort, but not painful in the sense i've experienced pain before or was desperate for it to stop. It wasn't comfortable and it wasn't pleasant and at least a couple of times I really would have liked a break! I kind of felt the need to really draw on my reserves and my strength. I never felt panicked or out of control. In fact, I was doing it entirely as I wanted to each step of the way and just as my body felt was best. Sort of instinct, but still with my head there, ITMS.

It was nothing like I expected or read. And I feel like there is nothing I would change that could have made it any better. It was completely empowering and I am so proud of myself!

Cassius - your video and the face you had when you were holding your DD after the birth, that was what I wanted. And I saw my photo today and that's exactly what I looked like. Thank you so much for sharing that with me. It helped me picture the joy I was aiming for,

DH has just pumped up the birth pool for me to go and have a lovely soak in...... mmmm... gonna get some of my blissful herbs bath soak herbs out and go and relax. yay for me!

Oh Jen :hug: It is truly amazing isnt? the most normal, yet powerful thing isnt it?

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DH has just pumped up the birth pool for me to go and have a lovely soak in...... mmmm... gonna get some of my blissful herbs bath soak herbs out and go and relax. yay for me!

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Oh man, i'm not even pregnant and i wanna do that!!! sounds divine!

Aaaww, Jen that is so lovely. I am so happy for you that your DD's birth was how you hoped it would be.
Oh Bella, that sounds totally blissful! I looked up their website and I am definitely placing an order! Let us know how your bath goes.

It was really lovely Cas and Ash :) really nice and relaxing. I got to time how long it would take to set up and fill up the bath. Gonna be about 1.5 hrs from start to finish, but I got in way before it was full and it was lovely!!

Jen, I am so very pleased for you that your birth was fantastic. Your an inspiration :) I am so proud of you babe! I hope that when my turn is come and gone I can say the same... "It was hard work, and I am so proud of myself!"

BH's have gotten more and more intense the last few days. I am hoping it is a taste of things to come. I think bubba has finally engaged now and doesn't seem to be moving back out, which is probably why the BH's feel much more pressured in my cervix. Anyway I should be in bed.

xx Bella

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When I say birth is not painful I am talking from my own experiences but I am NEVER suggesting it in a way that takes the right of another women to say their birth way painful! I respect that we all tell our own stories and we all must support each other!

Again I am sorry if I upset you. I totally agree with arming yourself with options :)

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No worries Tegam - not offended at all. And I know what you mean about contractions being different. It's not like stubbing your toe, or breaking your leg. It's a working pain. And, I feel like if we dwell on the "pain" factor, then women may go into labour unnecessarily scared, which will make everything worse. But, I think if we say "labour is painless" then that is going to set a lot of women up for a shock when they really get in to the hard work of labour. A good balance of "it's going to be hard, but you were made for it, and you can do it" is tricky to achieve, because each woman will take that differently, and have different secret fears and worries.

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Oh man, i'm not even pregnant and i wanna do that!!! sounds divine!

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Agreed!!!

that said, i think a woman who does experience a pain-free birth still has a valid POV ;)

I had both, and am amazed at the difference that i felt being at home, with good support and my calmbirth under my belt :) (in fact, i would say that calmbirth is what really tipped me over the edge into approaching the birth without fear of pain...it doesnt promise to take pain away, simply to help you cope with what is thrown at you...i'm not sure what hypnobirth teaches in that respect)

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that said, i think a woman who does experience a pain-free birth still has a valid POV ;)

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Totally agree with you there Cas. My only objection to Tegam's original post was when she said "birth isn't painful". I think to correct her statement, Tegam might have said "Birth wasn't painful for me". Which is fantastic and I can't tell you how jealous I am of that statement!!!

I did the calmbirth course and listened to the audio regularly. I didn't find it helpful for me with the labour I had for DD. I had the most horrendous back pain that just did me in. that combined with a long labour, which started after a long day of monitoring at hospital in the early morning to check baby cos I was 42 weeks pregnant and stressed about losing my place at the BC didn't help. Maybe if I had slept more in really early labour, maybe if my midwife hadn't suggested I go to hospital to get the water injections.....

But here is the thing. When I hear other people say to me that they are going to do the CB course I don't tell them not to or say it won't work. Cos like Tegam said in a later post, it is great to have lots of things in your tool kit. I think all mothers should have lots of different strategies to cope in their tool kits. I didn't because I thought it would be pain free. Maybe that was because the CB course leader had had two pain free births and said that if we just didn't fear it, ours wouldn't hurt... I am sure that being told that in the end didn't help, and also left me feeling like somehow I had failed.

But totally agree with everyone here who has said that we all experience things differently and all experiences are equally valid. If first time mums could hear a really broad range of experiences, without massive scare tactics, I think they would be served well. Or maybe they should just listen to their own mums. I notice that most women's experience of birth is similar to their mums. I wonder if that is a research piece waiting to happen. Comparing the birth experiences of mothers to daughter, and then comparing that to mothers and daughters who have been separated by life and therefore can't have passed on their stories. I think that would be interesting to hear about. My mother never told me her stories for her first birth. I know I was born in 30 mins, but I was her 3rd child.

....sneaks in, Bella I sent you a message in the messages forum askign you to clear your inbox but you may not have seen it ;) sneaks out after saying hello to everyone else :hello: ......

I always pictured a birthing woman like a marathon runner. I'm sure we've all seen those marathon runners looking like hell near the end of the race... but we never see a crowd of anxious people saying "what's going wrong?!!", we see a crowd of people cheering their lungs out and saying "my god, look how amazing you are!". And the surge of energy the runner gets at end and pure exhilaration. That was how I expected labour to be. I thought there would be a part where it was hard and painful and that you jsut keep going because that's what you do. No marathon runner keeps going with a shot of pethadine in the leg or paralysed by an epidural and I had no intention of altering the experience in that way either. And I think a good cheer squad goes a long way too ;)

I saw my mum give birth to my younger sister and there were parts where it obviously hurt her but as previously said it was never, ever scary. I found my labour to be the same. I am the biggest sook if I stub my toe and I'll moan about the pain but it's senseless pain and you don't knwo when it's going to end and there's no endorphins coming with it. Birth is a whole different ball game. I feel so blessed to be able to give birth!

Nice analogy Meow :) I think about it like that too. I am not a great excersiser tbh, so I find that it hurts. But I have good stamina if I just plod along. Don't make me sprint tho!!

Bella you sound like you are in a great place!!

Meow: I loved reading your post. So well said :)

Bella, it sounds like you are really ready. I love the marathon analogy. (It's just that no one tells you the distance when you set out - so no way did I want to know how long I'd been "running" for!) I told myself with each contraction that it was one closer to meeting my baby. I also talked to the baby during some contractions, telling her that we could do this together, that kind of thing.

I felt like my doula, m/w and family were cheering me on too. They would occasionally come over and tell me what a great job I was doing (I found out later they tended to do it when it was obvious things had ramped up). My doula provided some physical support and a drink of water when I asked, but it really was like I was doing the work myself.

I am def ready now Jen, but tell that to this baby! It will come in it's own time I know. I knew coming into this pregnancy that I would likely go pretty post dates, cos all of the girls in my family do. My sister has never birthed before 41 weeks and even then she has always used castor oil and I refuse to do that in case it gives me false labour that just tires me out and doesn't do what it needs to do. DD was born at 42+2, so I am trying to be patient and grateful.

I will say thank you to everyone in advance for being tender with me in the next few weeks. I find this time quite trying. I am getting worse and worse sleep right now as I get woken most of the night by BH's that are intense enough to wake me and make me aware of my bladder. I am trying to avoid everyone who might ask me "when r u due" or "are u STILL pregnant", but I go to a farmers market every saturday and this week all the stall holders had an opinion.... :sigh:..... it is getting harder to be positive, but I am holding on to my happy feeling with everything I have. doing little things to pamper myself every day. I am in a bit of pain in my pelvis now tho. my pelvis actually cracks every time I lay down on one side in bed for more than about 1/2 an hour.... it is quite weird and a little painful. I think it is cos everything is so soft and loose in there. Not sure what is happening, but it hurts. So yeah.... any encouragement and support from here on in would be great. Really need it ladies. Just getting tired

XX Bella

My pelvis got like that about a week before. My m/w reminded me that the baby was so deeply engaged she was putting great pressure on my cervix, helping to get everything ready.

42 weeks is still completely average. :hug: Your body has plenty of time to get ready and this way your baby will be in great shape when s/he makes her/his grand entrance. S/he'll probably be more ready for life on the outside. Better at feeding, better size, etc.

Your body knows what it's doing, hun. Have faith in that. It's doing it's very best to cook and get ready to birth your baby.

Total sympathy for the rough nights though. I hope you can get plenty of rest during the day to make up for it.

And poo to those people and their comments. I nearly bit my Mum's head off when she kept saying things like "You've got to arrive before I have to leave on the weekend" (she got here NY day). She stopped. ;) I posted a giant FB status to the effect that EDDs are estimated and baby would come on her birthday. It's not the same as two weeks over, but I wanted to stop any possible enquiries before they were made!

I know it is really normal Jen. It is just hard too if that makes sense? I know my body will birth my baby when the time is right and I just have to be patient. This is the time when the patience really counts. It is no good being positive about a 42 week pregnancy all the way up until it really matters ie like right now and then falling to pieces. I am really luck DH has been a star. He has taken DD out to play and let me sleep in the last 3 mornings and really been trying to take as much of my burdens as possible. Thank god for good men hey!