Homebirth General Discussion #7

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When I say birth is not painful I am talking from my own experiences but I am NEVER suggesting it in a way that takes the right of another women to say their birth way painful! I respect that we all tell our own stories and we all must support each other!

Again I am sorry if I upset you. I totally agree with arming yourself with options :)

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No worries Tegam - not offended at all. And I know what you mean about contractions being different. It's not like stubbing your toe, or breaking your leg. It's a working pain. And, I feel like if we dwell on the "pain" factor, then women may go into labour unnecessarily scared, which will make everything worse. But, I think if we say "labour is painless" then that is going to set a lot of women up for a shock when they really get in to the hard work of labour. A good balance of "it's going to be hard, but you were made for it, and you can do it" is tricky to achieve, because each woman will take that differently, and have different secret fears and worries.

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Oh man, i'm not even pregnant and i wanna do that!!! sounds divine!

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Agreed!!!

that said, i think a woman who does experience a pain-free birth still has a valid POV ;)

I had both, and am amazed at the difference that i felt being at home, with good support and my calmbirth under my belt :) (in fact, i would say that calmbirth is what really tipped me over the edge into approaching the birth without fear of pain...it doesnt promise to take pain away, simply to help you cope with what is thrown at you...i'm not sure what hypnobirth teaches in that respect)

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that said, i think a woman who does experience a pain-free birth still has a valid POV ;)

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Totally agree with you there Cas. My only objection to Tegam's original post was when she said "birth isn't painful". I think to correct her statement, Tegam might have said "Birth wasn't painful for me". Which is fantastic and I can't tell you how jealous I am of that statement!!!

I did the calmbirth course and listened to the audio regularly. I didn't find it helpful for me with the labour I had for DD. I had the most horrendous back pain that just did me in. that combined with a long labour, which started after a long day of monitoring at hospital in the early morning to check baby cos I was 42 weeks pregnant and stressed about losing my place at the BC didn't help. Maybe if I had slept more in really early labour, maybe if my midwife hadn't suggested I go to hospital to get the water injections.....

But here is the thing. When I hear other people say to me that they are going to do the CB course I don't tell them not to or say it won't work. Cos like Tegam said in a later post, it is great to have lots of things in your tool kit. I think all mothers should have lots of different strategies to cope in their tool kits. I didn't because I thought it would be pain free. Maybe that was because the CB course leader had had two pain free births and said that if we just didn't fear it, ours wouldn't hurt... I am sure that being told that in the end didn't help, and also left me feeling like somehow I had failed.

But totally agree with everyone here who has said that we all experience things differently and all experiences are equally valid. If first time mums could hear a really broad range of experiences, without massive scare tactics, I think they would be served well. Or maybe they should just listen to their own mums. I notice that most women's experience of birth is similar to their mums. I wonder if that is a research piece waiting to happen. Comparing the birth experiences of mothers to daughter, and then comparing that to mothers and daughters who have been separated by life and therefore can't have passed on their stories. I think that would be interesting to hear about. My mother never told me her stories for her first birth. I know I was born in 30 mins, but I was her 3rd child.

....sneaks in, Bella I sent you a message in the messages forum askign you to clear your inbox but you may not have seen it ;) sneaks out after saying hello to everyone else :hello: ......

I always pictured a birthing woman like a marathon runner. I'm sure we've all seen those marathon runners looking like hell near the end of the race... but we never see a crowd of anxious people saying "what's going wrong?!!", we see a crowd of people cheering their lungs out and saying "my god, look how amazing you are!". And the surge of energy the runner gets at end and pure exhilaration. That was how I expected labour to be. I thought there would be a part where it was hard and painful and that you jsut keep going because that's what you do. No marathon runner keeps going with a shot of pethadine in the leg or paralysed by an epidural and I had no intention of altering the experience in that way either. And I think a good cheer squad goes a long way too ;)

I saw my mum give birth to my younger sister and there were parts where it obviously hurt her but as previously said it was never, ever scary. I found my labour to be the same. I am the biggest sook if I stub my toe and I'll moan about the pain but it's senseless pain and you don't knwo when it's going to end and there's no endorphins coming with it. Birth is a whole different ball game. I feel so blessed to be able to give birth!

Nice analogy Meow :) I think about it like that too. I am not a great excersiser tbh, so I find that it hurts. But I have good stamina if I just plod along. Don't make me sprint tho!!

Bella you sound like you are in a great place!!

Meow: I loved reading your post. So well said :)

Bella, it sounds like you are really ready. I love the marathon analogy. (It's just that no one tells you the distance when you set out - so no way did I want to know how long I'd been "running" for!) I told myself with each contraction that it was one closer to meeting my baby. I also talked to the baby during some contractions, telling her that we could do this together, that kind of thing.

I felt like my doula, m/w and family were cheering me on too. They would occasionally come over and tell me what a great job I was doing (I found out later they tended to do it when it was obvious things had ramped up). My doula provided some physical support and a drink of water when I asked, but it really was like I was doing the work myself.

I am def ready now Jen, but tell that to this baby! It will come in it's own time I know. I knew coming into this pregnancy that I would likely go pretty post dates, cos all of the girls in my family do. My sister has never birthed before 41 weeks and even then she has always used castor oil and I refuse to do that in case it gives me false labour that just tires me out and doesn't do what it needs to do. DD was born at 42+2, so I am trying to be patient and grateful.

I will say thank you to everyone in advance for being tender with me in the next few weeks. I find this time quite trying. I am getting worse and worse sleep right now as I get woken most of the night by BH's that are intense enough to wake me and make me aware of my bladder. I am trying to avoid everyone who might ask me "when r u due" or "are u STILL pregnant", but I go to a farmers market every saturday and this week all the stall holders had an opinion.... :sigh:..... it is getting harder to be positive, but I am holding on to my happy feeling with everything I have. doing little things to pamper myself every day. I am in a bit of pain in my pelvis now tho. my pelvis actually cracks every time I lay down on one side in bed for more than about 1/2 an hour.... it is quite weird and a little painful. I think it is cos everything is so soft and loose in there. Not sure what is happening, but it hurts. So yeah.... any encouragement and support from here on in would be great. Really need it ladies. Just getting tired

XX Bella

My pelvis got like that about a week before. My m/w reminded me that the baby was so deeply engaged she was putting great pressure on my cervix, helping to get everything ready.

42 weeks is still completely average. :hug: Your body has plenty of time to get ready and this way your baby will be in great shape when s/he makes her/his grand entrance. S/he'll probably be more ready for life on the outside. Better at feeding, better size, etc.

Your body knows what it's doing, hun. Have faith in that. It's doing it's very best to cook and get ready to birth your baby.

Total sympathy for the rough nights though. I hope you can get plenty of rest during the day to make up for it.

And poo to those people and their comments. I nearly bit my Mum's head off when she kept saying things like "You've got to arrive before I have to leave on the weekend" (she got here NY day). She stopped. ;) I posted a giant FB status to the effect that EDDs are estimated and baby would come on her birthday. It's not the same as two weeks over, but I wanted to stop any possible enquiries before they were made!

I know it is really normal Jen. It is just hard too if that makes sense? I know my body will birth my baby when the time is right and I just have to be patient. This is the time when the patience really counts. It is no good being positive about a 42 week pregnancy all the way up until it really matters ie like right now and then falling to pieces. I am really luck DH has been a star. He has taken DD out to play and let me sleep in the last 3 mornings and really been trying to take as much of my burdens as possible. Thank god for good men hey!

ohh... just got a little blood stained mucous!! yay for me!!! sorry for the TMI! But quite exciting even if it doesn't mean much. Just another sign my body is getting ready!

yay bella! I reckon you will pop within the next couple of days.I am so so excited for you. you're going to be fantastic!

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Oh good, Bella. That is a good sign.

As an aside, my DP is now busily telling everyone how great HB is and why it's better than hospital. When i think of how anxious he was about it when I first brought it up...!

Oh bella. Sending you as much strength and patience I have. This end bit IMO is so much worse than the actual labour or those sleepless nights with a new born. No where or nothing is comfortable and you hurt and yes those stupid comment.... I don't know if you are someone that it would help but really we are all sympathetic and are happy to hear you vent as much as you need.

You are doing an amazing job. And yes it's very hard having everyone watching you.

I don't go post dates but I have terrible pre labour for weeks.

Again sending strength, love and patience :)

Oh Bella!! Any feelings of contractions starting? I think this baby is very close now too. My second bubba came at 41 weeks- very close to you I think :D

yeah having constant BH contractions. Having them thru the night and day. They don't really stop, they just get closer together and further apart. More intense and less intense. It has been like this for a few weeks now. The last few days they have been more intense as I think baby engaged about 3-4 days ago. He/she isn't able to have his head palpated around any more cos so deep in my pelvis. So yeah everything pointing towards things happening soon. I just don't want to get my hopes up in case I have a fair bit more of a wait iykwim??

With DD I could get my BH's down to 5 mins apart by walking, but things never kicked off. It was like that for weeks too. I guess I am just a long prelabour kinda girl

Very excited for you Bella!

I hope your midwives are on standby, because all that prelabour is doing fabulous stuff to send you into birthing very soon!

Let us know when you think it's happening so I can light a candle and send you blessings.

Sending love and light, Bella. Wishing you a peaceful and beautiful birth- whenever it happens. Wishing you strength and energy during this last stage of your pregnancy. I hope you can have some restful sleep. And yay for your DH for giving you the time and space to rest.

so excited for you Bella!! Sounds like you'll be meeting your bub very soon :)

sending you loads of love and support Bella...so so close now! :dance:

so so so so so exciting! YIPPEE!

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yeah having constant BH contractions. Having them thru the night and day. They don't really stop, they just get closer together and further apart. More intense and less intense.

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what is the difference between a BH contractions and a labour contraction?

HotI, I am not sure. I guess labour contractions end up with a baby and BH ones are just a pain :dunno:

Bella, good luck! I hope it happens soon for you xx

Here is a little bit on home birth from the male perspective -A friend had a little baby boy the other day, at home in water just like she wanted. I went over to visit and we talked on and off for about 2 hours going over the general story of the birth and then other bits and pieces as she thought of them, comparisons with first birth etc as you do.

So today the father was over at our place talking to DH while they were shoveling gravel. The conversation went like this:
DH: How is baby going?
F: Good, way easier than #1. Were you at your DD2's water birth?
DH: yep
F: Did you catch her?
DH: Nope, the midwife did
F: I caught mine and passed him under wifes leg. It was good being at home.
DH: yeah, it is way easier being at home.
F: With #1 wife had to stay in hospital for 10 days because he was early
DH: That would have sucked. Being at home is much better.
F: Yeah, people were worried about it, but it was way easy.
DH: It isn't a problem. Do you want me to bring round the wheelbarrow?

Debrief over lol

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HotI, I am not sure. I guess labour contractions end up with a baby and BH ones are just a pain :dunno:

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yeah, that was what i came up with too! wondered if there was more to it. i think i had BH a few weeks back, there were like muscle contractions with no pain, just kinda like waves across my tummy.

Artechim - too funny! DP says birth is women's business. So no need to discuss it extensively. In any case, HB is better and that's that. Lol

hoti, Bh typically aren't painful, they feel like your tummy muscles are tense itms. early labour for me was slightly uncomfortable and a little bit painful but I could still function and speak through them, but it was definitely more than Bh. they slowly got more intense over 48 hours before established labour started. everyone is different though and I have heard people say that they have some pain with Bh.

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Bh for me were symmetrical tightenings around my belly button (think almost a circle shape of spasm around the belly button) whereas labour was period pain style, down low, with a pulling sensation on my cervix.
Thinking of you too Kate.

Early labour just wasn't as intense for me, but in the same area (low) as the more effective labour contractions. Early labour also weren't lasting as long or occurring as regularly. But they clearly did something, because I was only in established labour for an hour and a half before I started involuntarily pushing (so obviously fully dilated, I assume, although there was no checking!).

last night BH's were 10 mins apart for hours. Didn't get more intense tho and didn't do anything exciting. But I think things will kick off here in the not too distant future. I am just enjoying things as they are at the moment. I think yesterday having the show has made me feel brighter, knowing things could start at any min and possibly won't drag for another few weeks. Even if they do I am just feeling brighter about it all right now, so if that helps me cope with the next week, then that is great.

thanks for all of your support girls. I felt really uplifted yesterday by all of the encouraging posts that you all made. So thank you all from the bottom of my heart

Getting so close now Bella! The last few days are the hardest - glad to hear you're feeling a little more positive today. :hug: Go easy on yourself, cry when you need to, plan something fun - a pedicure, a lunch with friends, whatever, buy a good book or magazine, make a last-minute thing for baby....
Can't wait to hear about the arrival of your little one. I'm sure after all this "warm-up", your labour will be quick, and hopefully easy. All the best!

Oooo not long now, Bella! Don't be surprised if it doesn't start in earnest until things calm down at the end of the day. Hope your lovely DH is making sure you get plenty of rest today!

Bella I hope the heat wasn't too much for you today. Qld sure is showing us the opposite from last jan. that's for sure.

I have had the aircon on all day tegam :). I don't care how much it costs :)

Tehe I bet you did. I made mine suffer but I did let them in the pool twice :) I put up one of those portable tent roof thingos (lost my nouns) in the pool for shade. Hot pink zinc'd them and rashies. poor ds. Must remember to buy Blue zinc. Lol.

Trying to stay off Facebook so have hidden my mobile for the day. But had to pop in here and check on you lovely pregnant mummy's.

Hope the heat is kinder tomorrow for you bella

Oh it was so hot at my place yesterday - 38 degrees! My poor feet and legs were so swollen. They looked like elephant's legs, lol.
I had my air con on all day too Bella. If I get too hot, I become really grumpy. I just didn't want to be grumpy yesterday. We are expecting a cooler day today. I have to work today (I work from home as a consultant, usually for non-profit community sector organisations). I am going to take my lap top up to my parent's house, and they will look after the kids while I get some work done. I am hoping to have my report finished by the end of next week. I feel as though I cannot properly focus on the birth until this job is finished.

My bub is posterior. The kicks and punches are quite uncomfortable at times, particularly at night. I am still hopeful that bubs will be anterior by labour day. All my bubs were anterior by this stage. We have decided to borrow our midwives birthing pool. We will set it up in my bedroom. I told my DH that I will definitely need it if I have a posterior labour. Thanks to everyone who gave me feedback about their water births or use of a pool in labour.

Bella, I think of you everyday.

HotI, I hope you are travelling well.

Hi to Tegam, em, Loulabelle, Arcadia, Cassius, meow, Arte, ladybirdflies, Kelly and Cricket - and all the stalkers who are checking up on Bella and HotI!

Eutra and Jen, I hope you and your bubs are well. Jen, I am so happy to hear that your DH is now a full-blown homebirth advocate!

ETA Christy, I have been meaning to say what an honour it must have been for you to be a part of Jen's and Hannah's birthing journey. It also sounds as though you were an invaluable member of the support team. :)

Man, I feel bad you the ladies heavily pregnant in that kind of heat!!

Ash, glad you decided to get the pool - even if you don't use it, it is good to have the option :)

morning ladies :) Woke up this morning to DD coming in the door for a snuggle, just after a bit of a stingy contraction in my cervix. Made me wonder if today is the day. That would be nice to get some work done in the daylight hours after a reasonable sleep last night. Not that I wasn't up at 1 and 2:30 and 4 etc... but it would be nice if labour started now rather than late at night when I am already tired from a long day.

Anyway I have decided to start timing these contractions. For one they are a bit more intense although strangely shorter in intensity than normal BH's and secondly I had a bloody show this morning, ie fresh blood. Yesterday passed more thick plug sorry TMI :redface: but today is completely different and I think I might be starting to dilate. It is 7:10 now and i am home alone with DD. Might call my DH this morning and give him the heads up at 7:30. he has a 45 min car drive to get back and I will call my MW then too, just because she asked to be told of fresh bleeding on her info form. Probably won't worry her cos it wasn't much, but I guess it lets her plan her day anyway. I just don't want to get her out of bed. Same for DH. He has slept down in the oncall house last night. I really hope that he didn't get called in last night.

Anyway I am rambling cos I am a bit excited!! Wish me luck girls. It may be a long slow labour like last time, and it certainly hasn't really kicked off yet by any means. But all the signs are pointing to today or tomorrow being the day:dance:

XX Bella

Bella! You've been on my mind a lot, particularly because your labour sounds so much like mine with ds. Have you read my birth story? I too had a week of stop start contractions that were short in intensity. Then once things started looking like labour it was almost over and ds was born with 45 mins of transition (which was when it clicked that it was the real deal). Contractions never went longer than 30 secs for me and were really erratic, which is why no one picked I was in labour.

Are you in close contact with your midwife?

Oh Bella! this all sounds so exciting and beautiful! morning cuddles with your little girl while you wait for your other little one to join you :loveshower:

sending you beautiful birth blessings and all our love xx