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I've gotta say I truely think so too that Grandma will only get worse when bub arrives :rolleyes:
... I too would move out if you possibly can financially, ... I'm concerned for your sanity too as you certainly don't want any stress when bub is finally here. It should be your time to enjoy this beautiful motherhood journey !!
I :heartbeat: love your nursery decorating ideas :dance:
Hey all.
I ended up having a big discussion with my fiance. Which ended out into a big fight. Cause he doesnt want to move out. And frankly i believe its because when he is stuck his mum bails him out eg pays his bills , cooks his dinner does all the house work for him. So i chucked a big sook and we will be moving out when the i can start working again. But i reckon when that time comes there going to be Bifs. I have just had enough its got to the point where we were looking at a house to buy and renovate and she was telling us where we will be building things , in what position the stairs will be in. And how i will have the baby shower. So when it comes to us looking for a house after bubs born they wont be coming along. Like i know everyone has a right to there own opinion. But when i dont get a say in my own stuff. I have allowed her to be in the room when the baby is born. But to be fair i have said that i dont her all my mother to be saying a peep on how i should be doing things. As i will be listening to the midwife and fiance only. Cause im worried she will try and tell the midwife what i have to do. Like i have said before she not a bad person. But how do u stand up to someone who has made every decission for her only son her whole life.
Ya poor thing! This has been going on since time immemorial so your are not on your own here...
You must try to nip it in the bud early - use firm, gentle pressure. Since you are living with her there are some things that you will have to give way on (darn teddy bears etc), but there are things you just don't have to cave in about. Having a MIL in the delivery room is a very big thing for me ( no way!) - I was lucky my ils had booked a weekend away when DS was born so I avoided that uncomfortable subject. However, I would have said the hospital only allows 2 support people and you chose DF and YOUR mum. No one can argue with that, she will try but if you promise she can have the first hold (after you) or something like it she may back down. That's if you change your mind about it.
I'm glad she is a nice person, I'm sure that if you include her in as many things as you can handle, and if she feels reassured enough that she will be an important part of the baby's life she may settle down a little. Even if you say it out straight - "you are going to be the BEST nanna ever" or ask her what your DF was like as a baby, or like I said before go shopping with her to keep a good relationship, it will hopefully be easier when she starts to get pushy. Be firm and smile, firm and smile. Listen to her advice and discard what you don't like (this applies to every person in the world that wants to "help" you!), but hear her out.
It sounds like she doesn't wanna let go of her baby, and he doesn't want her to let go of him either (lazyass!). Let her do his washing!! Remind him that he will be doing half the housework when you do move out lol. Keep graceful about it, choose your battles and come in here and have a great, big biatch about it if you need to.
Hopefully things will go well for you! Good luck xoxoxox
LOL my MIL is excellent, she does give us lots of stuff (we have about 6 million pairs of booties from her already, SERIOUSLY!)... but my SIL is a bit like this... buying lots of really awful stuff and telling me how things should be done... unfortunately its a grin and bare it situation. My SIL is going to be a first time aunty, so I let her have her fun with buying things, though I do chuck a few hints here and there and we go shopping together.
I agree with Lulu though about MIL in the delivery room... well, I am asking my MIL to be in for there with us but for me it would be SIL... if she is this pushy now, imagine what she is going to be like in there. And at such an emotional time for both you and your DF, you need someone in there who is there for you both and supporting you both, not in there for her own gain and to say she was there and try and hold bub first (sorry, just projecting my own SIL troubles there...).
It is a pain to have overbearing ILs, but it could be so much worse. She might seem to be trying to take over, but she's probably just excited about her first grandchild. Theres no way you can stop the 'advice' (believe me I've tried... :rolleyes:), so yes just smile and nod and let your mind wander.
I'd be a bit worried about the fact that she's made "all the decisions" for your partner and that she cooks and cleans for him still. I guess you are living with them and all. Hmm.
I agree with everyone who has said that you should try to nip the pushiness in the bud. If she wants to plaster tacky-as teddy bears all over her house, I guess you don't have much say in it BUT you do have a say in what house you'll move into and how you raise your child.
My Mil is great, she really is, but we've had a bit of struggle over her PRECIOUS son and me co-sleeping and baby-wearing. Its not that she's against it, just thinks I'm very strange and doesn't understand even though I have repeatedly explained things to her. That's what it takes I reckon- constant gentle reminding that this is my baby and my family and while I appreciate her help/input, at the end of the day we're different people who will do things differently. That said, sometimes I just cave and let her do what she wants because I know she means well and wants to do things for us. Like the day she insisted on taking me shopping to buy a pram that I don't want and probably won't use.
Just a thought on the house, though. If you don't let her at least feel that she's "had her say" in the house, she might be hurt and feel like you are shutting her out of your lives. Its not like you have to listen to everything she says or do what she tells you to, take it with a pinch of salt. Its probably important to her to feel a part of the process, and you don't have to take what she says to you as criticism. She probably just remembers how little she knew at 22 and wants to save you some trouble. My mil confided to me recently how hurt she still is that my sil and her husband bought a house and property and didn't ask for any advice, that it makes her feel like they don't care about what she thinks and they don't need her. It wasn't like she expected to tell them where to live, just that she missed out on "being mum" and it caused her pain.
Anyway, I hope that helps. I think most mothers have a bit of a hard time adjusting to their "little boys" having another woman in their lives who ranks higher priority. That's what it is though- an adjustment.
my MIL and my mum buys us heaps of toys, clothes, etc which upsets my hubby b/c he doesn't want our children to grow up materialistic. usually, we accept what they give us and if we don't want it, we pass it on.
sometimes though we protest because we don't want them to walk over us. for example my mum goes nuts on buying things and i had to talk to her recently because i did NOT want a bassinette because they're a waste of money and space as the baby only uses it for three months (personal opinion) and she wanted to buy me one. it took me two weeks to talk her out of buying me one. i found a baby movement monitor that i wanted and tried to sell it to her to buy that for me instead and she did so now we're both happy. :O) oh and i had to agree to her buying me a rocking chair too, but that's no big deal because i wanted one anyway.
i agree with the circling things in catalogues - she's obviously a proud grandparent to be so make the most of her wanting to spend money!!
i really appreciate everything both our mothers do for us - every cent less we have to spend is so helpful. :D
sounds like a similar situation to what im in although i dont no my mil at all she can be extremly rude and noisy i cant walk into the house with a shopping bag without her putting her nose into it and wanting to no what we brought and how much it cost. she is my partners boss cause he works for a family company and she pays him so she wants to no every week were he is spending his money and what on? its so annoying cause where together and were starting a family and now she is not only sticking her nose into his life but its also my life as well now. ARghhh mil's she also goes mad at him if we buy something for bub and she thinks its expensive saying "well back in my days we didnt need that and our baby's were fine" sorry bout that rant she has just annoyed me today.
hope everything works out for the best for you and good luck with your mil.
Yes, it will get worse when baby is born.
I think that it's going to come to you speaking very s.l.o.w.l.y and plainly with her. Something like "Agnes, I know you are excited about the baby; we all are. I think it's lovely that you are trying to help by buying things; it's really appreciated. I don't mean to hurt your feelings but I am really not into the whole teddy bear thing and I don't want them all over the room. I feel bad about you buying things that I won't be using. It would be great if you could help us stockpile some things that we really need like ________ (nappies, singlets, whatever) as it will be expensive to buy all of that. It's my first baby, so although I appreciate your help, I think you'll understand I need to do things my way. Maybe we could go shopping together and I can show you the kinds of things I like?"
Sorry know it's long, but I have found this is the only way I can get any where with my MIL :( Either that or be flat out rude, which I try and avoid. Hope that's helpful.