thread: Dating in Judaism

  1. #1
    Senior Moderator

    Nov 2004
    Chickens.
    4,989

    Dating in Judaism

    So... what are the expectations/rules etc for a non-Jewish woman dating a Jewish man? He's not progressive...

    I should add... there's no possibility of children emanating from the union, so there won't be any issues about conversion etc.

    Anyone?

  2. #2
    BellyBelly Member

    Sep 2007
    Brisbane
    5,729

    Is he orthodox? Does he keep sabbaths and festivals etc? Hope it goes well for you both.

  3. #3
    Senior Moderator

    Nov 2004
    Chickens.
    4,989

    Yes he is orthodox, keeps the Sabbath and festivals, eats kosher etc.

  4. #4
    BellyBelly Member

    Sep 2007
    Brisbane
    5,729

    That's great. I have a few orthodox friends (and messianic jews) and they are incredibly hospitable and lovely people. Sorry I can't answer your specific question about dating. I thought the deal was that in ancient Israel, they couldn't date "outsiders", but since the destruction of the temple, Judaism has undergone a lot of reshaping to become what we see today, so I don't know what the orthodox has done with that aspect of life.

  5. #5
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Nov 2008
    Melbourne
    2,008

    Hmmm I had the understanding that if you were orthodox it was a huge no, no. The more liberal you are the less it's frowned upon. How orthodox are we talking? Does he wear the suit, have the kippa (sp?) etc, or just follow the holidays, sabbath and occassionally go to temple?

    My husband is jewish, but not practicing and my Dad's partner of 16 years is also jewish (liberal, but still follows holidays etc). For those in the community who are more liberal I think the rules tend to be what you make them. But there are many who frown against members of the community dating people who aren't jewish, even after 16 years there are friends (more aquaintances) of my dads partner who still don't even acknowledge him (including some members of her family). But then there are others who welcomed him with open arms from day one.

    It really comes down to what his rules are, not what the communities are... But he is likely to cop a bit of flack for seeing someone who isn't jewish. HTH

  6. #6
    BellyBelly Member

    Sep 2007
    Brisbane
    5,729

    I thought so too? My maternal grandmother is jewish (conservative orthodox), and when my mother converted to Christianity, they threw our whole family a funeral. No joke. They don't talk to us at all. I have another friend whose parents are orthodox and when he married goy, they started ignoring him too. Was very sad.

    All said, I love the jewish people, have a special place in my heart for them.

  7. #7
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Aug 2005
    Melbourne, Victoria
    1,635

    If he keeps shabbos and kosher in an orthodox manner (there are variations on people thinking they are keeping kosher according to strict Jewish law, but not really doing it properly (does that even make sense?), but get very upset if you tell them they are not doing it in accordance with Jewish law - Halacha (really I don't care what you do, but I do get annoyed when people say they are keeping halacha and they are not (for whatever reason).. be intellectually honest and call a spade a spade).

    But assuming it really does follow halacha, then it is forbidden to marry a non-Jew, it is forbidden to touch a women at all (Jewish of not Jewish), and it is not at all accepted in the community. I would find it very strange, and think there is something 'weird' going on with the person TBH, and at the end of the day, I would suggest it is going to end in tears (as I say to my kids... not about dating - the tears part)

    Not sure if it is a theoretical question or not, but you can always call me for a chat or a coffee (a kosher one!)

    P.S. Just stating my opinion as what is considered an practising 'ultra-orthodox' Jewess (gotta love that phrase!).

  8. #8
    BellyBelly Member

    Sep 2007
    Brisbane
    5,729

    Yael, are you willing to talk to me in PM about a few things? No pressure. Just have a few questions from your POV.

  9. #9
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Aug 2005
    Melbourne, Victoria
    1,635

    Yep, always happy to answer questions, but I do put this disclaimer on it that there are many different branches within Judaism, and also many within ultra-orthodox Judaism (it is very different to Christianity), so as much as there are a lot of things we virtually do identically (about 90% of stuff), the last 10% of Jewish law depends on what group you follow, and hence there are minute differences. For most for the questions outsiders have the answers are all pretty much the same. It is more the individual philosophies of complicated matters that differ.

    Also, I often forget to answer PM's so please harass me for an answer if I forget to respond - I have a mind like a goldfish.. I always mean to come back and write these awesome responses and end up forgetting about it totally.

  10. #10
    BellyBelly Member

    Sep 2007
    Brisbane
    5,729

    Sorry for the thread hijack. TY so much Yael.