I don't think it's a matter of your friend not having a vagina - it's about the fact you have previous sexual history...and confess you still feel something for this ex.
You just keep dodging this fact and trying to place blame on your husband for being jealous and not understanding. He isn't stupid but the poor bugger can't 'prove' your feelings towards this other bloke so all he is left with is accusations - which in fact are true.
I just dunno what you want to hear :shakehead:
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Bubno.3 Lulu isnt the only one who has pointed out that it appears your dh has a right to feel insecure about your relationship with him and with your FWB.
all i see lulu saying is that perhaps look at it from his side and you may understand why he feels like this. Yet you get angry for his insecure feelings that YOU havent been able to show him his feelings are unsubstanciated(sp).
I think maybe counselling for your self would be a good idea to sort out all your issues you have with your husband and his first child.
Often the things that hurt us at times like this is what you know you NEED to hear but dont WANT to hear
Hang on a sec - I'm not flaming you at all (cos you would know if was ;) ), I'm just going off things you have written around the boards.
Haven't you ever been in a room with 2 people with a connection? You can feel the electricity between them. I imagine it's the same with you and this bloke. Do you think DH cannot see this? :D
I may not remember what day it is, but my long term memory is like a steel trap and I do remember a post from you a few months ago about the way you feel about fwb. (different section of the boards iykwim?)
I'm also pretty sure you posted in a thread about how great and amazing your husband is and how much you love him.
It might be good to remember that you only get the good bits of your friendship with fwb (who is also married, yeah? With children yeah?). You don't pick up his socks, listen to him moan about work or any of the day to day drudge that all marriages have. Or worry that he is shagging someone else ;)
Extend your daydreams to include life with fwb...his ex wife, step parenting his children etc. You might come up with exactly the same problems you are having right now with DH, but you would have left many broken hearts behind you to achieve whatever it is that you want with him.
So, for your own sake and the sake of your marriage - leave behind the FWB, his time is gone, you have chosen to marry another (and he did too). Stop the stylized daydreams.
You can't give your marriage the proper care and attention it needs if you head is turned in another direction xoxoxoxo
I think that if you want things to work out with your husband, you are going to have to leave your FWB in the past and move forward. Choose what you want...you can't have both of them. You've admitted that you still feel something for him and as long as you do, your husband is going to feel that and continue to accuse you.
Sure you probably aren't the only woman to feel a flame for an ex.....but I know with mine, I made sure I completely snuffed it out, or else I'd never be able to focus 100% on a new relationship.
I think that a lot of what Lulu has said is right, she may have said it harshly to you (as you interpreted it) but maybe that is your defenses kicking in themselves.
If you want to be with your husband, then all the things you vent with your ex should in actual fact be vented with your husband instead. Either that or a friend WITH a vagina, as to stop any reason for your DH becoming jealous or attacking you.
The issues with your DSS are a separate issue and I think your DH should help to encourage him to get a job, or with whatever it is in his life that is not allowing him to use any 'get up and go' to find one. I think the finding of the job is the surface issue....there could be more underneath IYKWIM.
I'm sorry you thought I was harsh, but I'd say the same to you face to face over a cuppa tea. In that case you could see that I'm just sort of bouncing things back to you. I'm clearly not the only one that is thinking along the same lines.
At the end of the day no one can see each other, or know who each other is - there can't be any anger involved if there is no personal ties iykwim.
Did you get any of these issues resolved?