2nd baby shower is it rude?

Yep, if people think it's rude, then they don't have to go. I'm not really into second showers, but I would still go if it was for a friend. I like the idea of a get together, specifying no pressies. That's what I would do anyway. I wasn't going to have a shower, but between my mum and a good friend depserate to organise one, I sort of got into it. And the day was great :) (except that I was in pre labour, and my waters broke that night!).

If you want to have one, just do it, it's your life, but don't be disappointed if everyone's not as into it as you are.

Lulu, I'm not into engagement parties either!!!

ETA I know it seems sad that all people think about is $$$ for pressies, but lets face it, these events always involve bringing a present along. And for some people, if they have a run of things, that can be really difficult financially. I'd love to buy all of my friends really ace presents, I don't consider myself tight, but ATM that's just not possible. So lets not be too harsh on people who are concerned about the cost hey?

No, its the etiquette of it all. An inviation to a baby shower infers the baby gets gifts. An invitation to a wedding infers you bring a gift to help the newlyweds start their lives.
Etiquette helps people understand what you want or what is expected from them.

If you are not focussed on gifts, have a lunch then! The baby will get plenty of cards/gifts when its born.

i didnt mean to sound harsh abotu the costs, so apologies if it came accross that way.

But i think using the term "greedy" is a bit rough also. I dont consider myself greedy for wanting to celebrate my children, in fact i think its nice.

I dont have alot of money at all. In fact i am stoked its another boy so i have everything already lol.

Its just interesting to hear the reasons behind not having a second one.

When it comes to weddings, i dont think of a present for the bride, i see it as sharing a day to celebrate love.

Engagement parties? whole other story! I didnt have one, nor would i.

this discussion came up in livechat last night - and it was asked what opions were - they were varied, but one thing that was mentioned was the notion of having a baby shower for a subsequent baby only if it's of the opposite gender - to me, THAT is the kind of attitude that reeks of "asking" for presents - if you have two boys in a row, baby number two doesn't have a shower, but if you have a boy then a girl, yup, you'll have a second shower cos you don't have anything pink! my theory is, you make a decision - either you're a baby shower person or you're not - you either have a shower for all babies, or you don't.

i don't have a specific opinion. i don't know all that many people around here that have had showers even for their first child, let alone subsequent children - it just doesn't seem to be the "norm" around here. i guess it's a little bit sad that something that has been "tradition" in the past seems to be losing importance - but life is very different now, and i find we seem to have get togethers AFTER baby is born - making sure mum and bubs are ok, buying them something that i know they need - and to be there to share in the new babies life when mum is ready for guests (or outings as it may be)

It doesn't seem to me that in Australia showers have been around that long. Like kitchen teas etc. When I was having mine a lot of 'older' (over 40) people told me that nobody had them in their day. I always thought they were something (yet another thing) that we have adopted from America in recent times.

Please correct me if I'm wrong........

you might be right Janie - they seem to be huge in the States, and not the common here - i thought it was a case of something dying off, but perhaps it's something that just hasn't take off here the way other things adopted from the US have...

I think its more a telly show kind of event (the states thing). I had a baby shower with DD16, but it was organised by a friend.

I actually always thought it wasn't arranged by the mummy, but a friend. I would never organise one for myself but maybe thats just me.

Baby showers and kitchen teas are not a new thing but rather an old tradition that is dying out.

Call me cycnical but I think alot of old traditions seem to end up being manipulated into something else. Eg - my old example the Engagement Party. Traditionally there were no gifts expected then (if you had one at all). Wedding gifts traditionally are sent to the brides home before the wedding. NOW, you have the engagement party (and presents), the bucks/hens (usually at cost to everyone attending), sometimes a Bridal Shower/kitchen tea (presents), then you go to the wedding etc etc etc.

I think the old traditions were borne out of nothing but good wishes and a desire to mark an event.

talk about ot!

I think this arguement really comes down to personal opinion. - if you see a baby shower or engagement party or a wedding invitation as a thing you have to spend money on, then by other people having these things, you will see them as greedy. If you see these things, more as a celebration of the person and what the event signifies, then you will be excited for the people who choose to do these things. We had an engagement party, that was organised by our parents, and we totally did not expect anything - it was more celebrating the fact that we were engaged with our nearest and dearest - and we were totally blown away by the presents we got.

I think what is greedy is having registries for everything, including your engagement, kitchen tea, baby shower, christening and so on. I think a wedding registry is ok, only because people do buy presents for weddings and so want to know what to buy (although we had a honeymoon registry that kept people's amounts anonymous, so they could put in $5 or $50 or whatever). What you don't do with a wedding registry is only put things on that are really expensive - I read about one couple who had nothing less than $100 on the list, and had things like a washing machine and a fridge!

THe other thing is many of these things are organised by other people for you, not you doing it yourself - my mum did our baby shower and my mother in law wanted to do a kitchen tea for me ( i think it was because she wanted new tuppaware!). You don't hold these things personally and expect presents - i had a few friends say that they were holding off buying anything until the baby was born.

Yep, getting OT, but I suppose it all comes down to the same principles whether its a baby shower or other celebration :)

I think they are rude full stop and have always refused to attend.

We had a lunch with a few close friends for my "baby shower". Everyone paid for themselves & it really was supossed to just be a girly lunch with friends before I had the baby. That said everyone bought presents as well as paying for their lunch & chipping in for mine, so not what I had intended though. For me it was just a celebration that I was soon going to be a mummy for the secnd time, I didn't expect presents at all.

IMHO baby showers/sprinkles etc. should be to show your support for the parents-to-be and to share their joy of pregnancy and the soon to arrive bubba. I didn't have a baby shower for my 1st and 2nd daughters, but after an age gap of just over 8 years had a shower for our DD (my 3rd, his 1st). I threw a shower for a friend who had a similar circumstance last year.

I think it's personal preference as to what you feel comfortable with (whether deciding to have a shower, or attending one). In saying that, there are showers that I have been invited to where it has been obvious that it is just to get as many presents as possible and that made me feel uncomfortable (but then again, that's just going on my perception). If I were to have another baby, I would not want to have another shower, but that's just me.

And yeah, I think baby showers are a fairly new thing in Australia (mainly in the last 15 years or so) - I know my mother and MIL both were fairly unfamiliar with what actually happens at baby showers, they both had all their children in the 80's.

My SIL organised a bbq at their place for friends and family about 2 weeks after their bub was born. It was really relaxed as it was males and females and everyone just getting together to meet their new addition. Some people brought gifts and others brought salads/drinks ect. So it wsn't a baby shower as such, but still a special way to celebrate bubs.

I think its a personal choice, I wouldn't think it was rude, maybe just have a more of a relaxed day than a traditional baby shower.

Thaanks again for the advice!!!

My mum is putting it on for me, as she did with the last one.
Although i sent out the invites as i have all the addresses and i have a little more time up my sleeve to sit and write etc..
I am telling people strictly no gifts, as that is NOT the motivation behind it.
And you know what? when i tell people this they are actually a little surprised and dissapointed in my decision. I will stick by it, we have all we need.
I was going to have a BBQ afterwards anyway as wel will have him "Named" before my bestie (godmother) leaves for the states.

Thanks for the input.

I had no idea this was even an issue until I read this post!

I say have it! A baby shower is just because you're so excited about the upcoming arrival. Also I say have one for each baby - you're excited about each one!

People can always make up the excuse - sorry I have plans .... if they don't want to attend.I'm actually getting the question all the time - when is it and can I help!

Other alternatives is just going out to lunch with the girls and no presents - which I've done with some of my friends. Hey if you can have an engagement party plus a kitchen tea plus a hen's night for getting married (and then the wedding gift too!) - why not just one party for a tiny wee baby!! Celebrate away!!!!:dance:

I like the idea because in life celebrations are one of the best things!! Especially ones with your close girly friends!

Imagine spending all your recent time (however old your first is) bringing up your baby and to know that you can have an afternoon or night celebrating the next exciting thing in your life - well why not!!

I love ALL parties - celebrating is a way of saying you're happy with life and you want to share that happiness with others. That's why we have a housewarming party for each new place (rented a bit when younger!) as well as engagement, hens, wedding and first baby shower. You can make them as low-key as you like but celebrations are FUN FUN FUN!! :dance:

The present thig is totally up to you and your friends - if they want to buy/make - let them! Perosnally I LOVE giving gifts and would happily do so whether it's a $5 pressie to take to the shower or a more expensive one once the baby is born.

I say go for it and if people think it's rude thhen they don't have to come!:D

I didnt know it was an issue either until a MSN buddy mentioned it to me... a bti sad i think!!! stick in the muds!!!!!

Well I really hope you have a wonderful baby celebration!!! or whatever you choose to call it hehe and congratulations!!

hehe - pretty funny how strongly people feel about this!

I always thought a baby shower was to help out the new family to get set up for the baby, and you celebrate the baby when it arrives! So you wouldn't need it for the next babies, just celebrate their arrivals :)

So, no I don't think 2nd & 3rd baby showers are appropriate. Just like I think kitchen teas and engagement parties for people who already live out of home are a big scab for presents. I went to a kitchen tea recently for a girl who both her & her fiancee were still at home, so would be moving out together for the first time when they got married.. and so we all basically stocked their pantry and gave them other bits and pieces to help them set up.

I also would NEVER host my own baby shower LOL. i would however have a little welcoming celebration once the baby arrived. Not that I did, but that would be much more appropriate. Baby showers to me are more about the mum.. what sentimental stuff is there for the baby from the baby shower? I'm sure the child won't care how big mum's belly was at the shower, or what games were played.