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Thread: am I being petty? thoughts please...

  1. #1

    Default am I being petty? thoughts please...

    This is going to be a hard one to talk about and in fact, I'm not even sure whether I'm just making a mountain out of a molehill.

    Today, I visited a friend of mine. Actually, her husband is a friend of my husband. But we've known each other for years and in group situations, BBQ's with friends etc, we get on really well. We've even met for coffee over the years on and off one on one. I find this girl to be lovely and always interested in what I'm up to with my life. However, she never initiates seeing each other, I'm the initiator and always have been.

    So, I visited her today and my 11 month DS came with me. My DD was at day care for the day. We talked and had a cold drink then she sort of got up out of her chair and said "well, I have to paint today, but only when you go, don't rush off or anything" so I said, "no worries, I'll be off now". As I collected my bag etc, my DS was playing in her kitchen and she said it was ok for him to play with her dishwasher, it's child proofed (the buttons apparently, that's what she said), then I noticed he had pulled a little switch off her dishwasher but not fully off, just the top off it and it just needed some glue to put it back on. It looked like it had been loose for some time. You could hardly notice it.

    I offered to go out and get her some glue as she had none. She said "um, you don't have to do that but if you like" so I thought it was only nice of me to head out in the heat with my tired 11 month old and get her some from a local hardware store. I went and grabbed it, put my DS in the car, took him out, got it and drove back to her place and gave it to her. She was thankful.

    I then thought about it. She's broken a few of our wine glasses in the past when we've had BBQ's, her dog chewed two of our dog's collars and wrecked them and her dog has also destroyed some plants of ours. Her DS also has ruined a good esky of ours, pulling some clips off it that couldn't be replaced or glued back on and when they do come over, their DS turns all our light switches on and off. They never try and stop him from doing anything wrong whereas with my DS, I jump when he's into something. Ok, he's only 11 months old and I know it's totally my responsibility if he destroys something but the fact is, this tube of silicone cost me $9 and every time they've wrecked something of ours, they walk out when the BBQ finishes and just laugh and say sorry.

    I just don't get it.



    Am I being petty? Would love your thoughts!
    Last edited by megb; March 1st, 2011 at 08:07 PM.

  2. #2

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    I wouldn't call it petty, for me it's always the disappointment when you know that you put more energy and thought into something and others don't return it.

    I guess that no matter how frustrated I get when I'm in that situation, I try and remind myself that just because the other person doesn't return favours or act with the same level of integrity etc, that I'd still feel guilty if I used that for a reason to treat them the same way. So what I take out of it is that yes, perhaps I don't have to go above and beyond for someone if they haven't done the same for me, but I like knowing (and the good feeling vibes!) that I've been the bigger person - because at the end of the day you acting the same way doesn't ever change how they will act in future.

    Does that make sense? I'm not sure if it's helpful or just a whole lot of pregnant lady rambling - which I'm noticing with alarm I'm starting to do a bit, and I'm only 13 weeks in!!

  3. #3

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    ahhh yes I get you kimbles, I like doing things for others for sure. Good karma let's call it. However, I'm just wondering whether I'm making a mountain out of a molehill really and whether I should have actually gone out to get that glue in the heat of the middle of the day with a tired little toddler, that's all. I think I'll just keep my distance from now on. Just a vibe I get. Thanks for your reply and good luck in your pregnancy, you'll love having a little one!

  4. #4

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    I agree with Kimbles.

    I think most people have a friendship with someone that never puts the same effort in that you do. You did a good thing by offering to help fix the problem. Hopefully your friend will remember this in the future and atleast offer some help back to you.

    Always remain the bigger person, I know it is hard when something little like this just plays on your mind.

  5. #5

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    I guess it depends on if you live close by? Perhaps you could've offered to drop the glue off in the days that followed, explaining the heat? Or I guess offering her a few $$ to put towards the cost of the glue, and she could get it herself?

    But in saying that, I'd probably have done what you did! Just think of all the good karma you'll collect in your lifetime

  6. #6

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    I think your friend was really rude!! There is no way I'd expect a friend (with or without kids!) to go and buy some glue for me! I'd just get some myself later!!

    She sounds a bit painful.

  7. #7

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    she wanted it then and there because her hubby was coming home at 5pm. i had no idea her hubby was so anal with things like this. we've known him for years and he never appears that way!

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