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Thread: Bridesmaid etiquette?

  1. #1

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    Default Bridesmaid etiquette?

    So today I was asked to be a part of a friends bridal party. This will be the 3rd time I will be someone's bridesmaid and I am honoured that she chose me.
    I am not yet married but realistically hope to be marrying DP within the next couple of years. So my question is. What is the etiquette in terms of choosing ur own bridesmaids? Obviously you would usually have ur nearest and dearest women help u on ur big day but does that/should that include those women who have previously asked u to be a bridesmaid for them? Is it etiquette that ur supposed to have people in ur bridal party who have in the past asked you as like a reciprocal type thing?

  2. #2
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    feeb is offline Thankful for the kindness of my 2012 RAK making me Life member

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    Default Re: Bridesmaid etiquette?

    How exciting congratulations!!

    I have been a bridesmaid 4 times, 3 of these were before I was married and only 1 of these friends did I have in our bridal party.
    I got engaged not long before the 1 friends wedding who I also had in my party. I was always going to have her and my other oldest and closet friend as well as SIL.

    Hope that helps.

  3. #3

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    Default Re: Bridesmaid etiquette?

    I was bridesmaid 4 times all before I was married, I had 2 of those 4 in my bridal party and 1 friend who is very close but isn't married herself.
    I had one of the other girls do a bible reading. So you can always include them in other important ways ( not bible reading if that's not in your plans but as ushers, doing a speech etc)

  4. #4

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    Default Re: Bridesmaid etiquette?

    To me, bridesmaids are not reciprocal agreements.
    You are choosing women to stand up with you, to support you, to be witnesses for the biggest commitment of your life.
    In my mind, quid pro quo shouldn't even come close to the equation.

  5. #5

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    Default Re: Bridesmaid etiquette?

    This is going to sound awful but I was bridesmaid once for a woman who I hardly knew and when she asked me I actually said "What? Me? Why??" She was my ex's best mate's fianc?, they'd only been seeing each other a few weeks when they got engaged so I didn't understand why she'd asked me. And I knew, when she asked me, that I'd never have her in my wedding party... My sister and I had always said it was just going to be easier to just have each other as bridesmaids, as we'd seen too many friendships put to the test during weddings!

    Plus... I hardly knew this woman. But, she wanted me apparently so I was her bridesmaid!

    When I got married, my ex and I had split (didn't marry him obviously) so I didn't even see this woman anymore. I just hady sister, as planned.

    And then my oldest friend got married, after me, and asked me to be her matron of honour. I was thrilled. She'd asked her sister as well but her sister was living overseas and couldn't do much so she wanted me to step up. But she wasn't mine. And that was ok

  6. #6

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    Default Re: Bridesmaid etiquette?

    I've been a bridesmaid twice and I had no bridesmaids at all when I got married. It's your day and you should do it your way. All the best

  7. #7

    Default Re: Bridesmaid etiquette?

    I was bridesmaid to mum's sister. Didn't even want her at my wedding!

    I had my sister and a cousin. I like this cousin and respect her, she is a good woman, but just as importantly she was the same height and build as my sister for the photos. Plus she was the only one of my age-mate cousins who had never, ever been a bridesmaid at that point.

    Neither bridesmaid asked me to be theirs. My sister considered it, but her other bridesmaids were rather busty and I am not, so we'd look odd in photos. Plus I would be more interested in looking after Liebs than Sis and we both knew it. Instead I did the reading and wore a dress that looked amazing, better than the bridesmaid dress would have.

    Does that make us sound shallow? But our wedding photos do look amazing and we were surrounded with those we love, no matter what role they played.

  8. #8

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    Default Re: Bridesmaid etiquette?

    I agree completely with Lime, I have been asked once to be in the wedding party (as a groomsman actually), but had to decline due to distance, I was actually very shocked and surprised he asked me to be in the party. (i was actually good friends with his wife in primary school but we drifted apart, and met him seperately, but am now friends with them both. and we share the same religious beliefs - which is one of the main reasons he asked me, because his brothers didn't).
    but even though he and his wife were invited to our wedding, i would never put them in my party, only because of the reasons lime said. you need to pick people that will stand by you as strong as a spouse, someone you love and trust and know will be there for you. I had my 'sister' (technically my cousin), but we are best friends. she got married years before me, and i was at her wedding but not in her party (even though we are cousins, and use to be really close as children, we would have only been at friend level. not best friends), because we have only really developed the strong connection after she has been married. i know that if she got married now i would be part of it, but have no issues not being.

    so, long story short. what Lime said =)

  9. #9

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    Default Re: Bridesmaid etiquette?

    I'm getting married sometime this year (we think ). My one and only attendant will be my DD.

    I agree with the previous posters - it's your day, your choice.

  10. #10

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    Default Re: Bridesmaid etiquette?

    While I don't think there is a common expectation of reciprocity, I suspect some individuals may be offended by not being asked.

    I've been bridesmaid once - to a good friend - who had the three of us (me, younger sister, brother's girlfriend). When I got married, I had the one - my own sister, plus my DH's youngest sister was a "flower girl" (! LOL). In reality, you only need two people who can legally attest to your identity and witness the documents - anything over that is entirely optional & I think there are lots of different motivations behind the choice of members of the wedding party - social or family obligations, aspirational friendships, status-seeking or displays of wealth included.

  11. #11

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    Default Re: Bridesmaid etiquette?

    traditionally bridesmades are single woman. but it is completely up to the bride who they want to celebrate their day with.


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