I think the mothers are the ones committing social suicide.....!
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I think the mothers are the ones committing social suicide.....!
Ok, I've read *most* of this read. I just wanted to add, I've literally been to hundreds of kid's birthday parties over the years working as an entertainer, and I've never seen one where people have to bring a plate... that is really odd.
Maybe it that last invite they are trying to be polite, saying bring one present instead of three....? Either way, they sound pretty tactless.
Your Kid, Your Party - You supply the food and the guests bring the gifts - pretty simple I thought....what's so complicated about that - gosh how hard is it to russle (sp?? its late) up some food for YOUR own kids party??
i just asked my DH what he thought of this - his answer isn't printable but it wasn't complimentary
these parents are seriously so far beyond RUDE it's not funny!
I find this very rude it might of just been the way i was brought up but any party we would throw and we just recently had one for my son's first birthday because he is my son i provided everything there is no way i would ask someone to bring anything with them of course family offer but i would not expect it and how rude to ask to bring a present. i would bring a present anyway no matter what party but dont ask if you get a present then you appreiate it but if you dont then so what you are just happy the person turned up thats more important then a present, and i would understand if they could bring a pressent with the way the econimy is that the moment not alot of people have the money to buy a present and as people have said if you cant afford to have the party then dont have one or try and make it not so expensive and that way you can provide the food very rude. i would still go for your DD sake if she really wants to go but i would only take what you can afford. its just strange and i would never do it..
As Alice would say "curiouser and curiouser".
How damn rude I reckon!!!! I have heard of a WEDDING here where they asked guests to bring a plate. It was second time for both and they had a HUGE guest list but still : weird.
Anyhow, I think it exceedingly rude to demand a present. They could have worded it so much nicer. I do think perhaps they had queries as to whether 3gifts were "required" and thought they were actually making things nicer for everyone. Not quite gals!!!
WTH can't they just order a few party pizzas and chips if they can't be bothered making things. Kids would love that!!!
Keep us posted won't you!?
Well that takes the cake !
Even more unimpressed than before -
They havent done themselves any favours at all.
Wrong, wrong, wrong !
It shall be very interesting.
I think it borders on obnoctios (sp!!! - please correct me)..
But if I were you, I'll take three small gifts (notebook and pens/sticker book/small flashlight) and three 125g packets of crisps.
I personally would feel bad in giving just one girl a gift, seeing that they are probably ALL friends. And a packet of crips is not THAT $$ right??
And I have to agree with Lulu ... it's social suicide for moms, but it might not be for THEM .... because you quickly become THAT mommy that throws "tanties" about one platter of food - you know how tarty some women can get.
I cannot believe what the 2nd one says now :O I am in complete shock!
What if one of the children doesn't have that many friends and doesn't get as many pressies its going to be soo awful then! It'll be a competition I got more than you and it will break their little hearts soo fricken rude I say!!!
I would organise a fun thing at home with your DD and get her to have some friends over for a slumber party instead!
Can your husband drop your DD off infront of the hall and let her go in herself? Surely she will not have enough hands to hold the pressies as well as a plate of food!
IMO, I would still let DD go to the party no matter how rude the mum's are. She may feel like an outcast if she misses out and all her friends talk about the party on Monday.
Had a thought ... you can always be the mommy that brings the veggie and dip platter ;)
Maybe you won't be asked again :p
*takes foot out of mouth*
OOOOOOKKKKKAAAAAYYYYY, so they are throwing a 10th birthday party for three girls AND a mommie party for the mom's of the guests ????? ugh?? and you have to take a plate for the mommies. That is not on.
How can afternoon tea be included if you have to bring the food???....thats not included if u ask me!
OK, solution. Clearly most of the mothers of the girls are unimpressed. Talk to them. Agree to have a "polite party" at the park for those not attending the rude party. Even if you do bring a plate to that, it's the principle at stake now!
This really isn't on and something needs to be done. A mass boycott will do that without social suicide for the girls.
WOW thats pretty rude!
But I do feel sad for the three daughters of those mummies, what with mass boycotts of their birthday party...
Don't say that, in the 3rd invitation they might actually tell the guests they have to bring the cake too!:
:lol: sorry but the whole thing is ridiculous. I can see one mother being totally clueless but three? They are just cheap and greedy in my opinion.
I would be inclined to still make something yummy and provide the "plate" - but in the spirit of the girls - not in the spirit of helping the parents.
I don't see why the girls should suffer having a crap party for their birthday just because their parents have no clue whatsoever.
But FWIW - I would supply everything for my kid's parties - or else they wouldn't be having one!
o.O
Goodness me... so now you're not only expected to feed a couple of kids, you HAVE to bring a present? I mean, I know most people assume gifts are a bit of a given, and they were probably addressing people's concerns about buying 3 presents instead of one, but the wording, however well-intentioned, does come across as quite rude!!
And there's no such thing as 'included' if you have to BYO!! Someone needs lessons in tact, and wording, methinks.
I dunno, maybe I was raised differently to some, but I'm with a lot of ladies here - these women, even if they aren't intending to, are coming across as extremely rude and inconsiderate. DD is only a toddler atm and so her parties are family affairs rather than big dos, but I remember going to bucketloads of parties as a kid and not one of them ever required anything more than showing up and going nuts with the lollies!! My parents would throw a birthday party for me that involved close friends and the family, then she'd send me to school on my birthday/the following Monday with a big Tupperware container full of cupcakes to share around, kwim?? That way they kept costs down and made sure there was no obligation on kids who I wasn't really close to, to give me presents, kwim?
It doesn't cost very much to, say, buy a couple of bags of chips and lollies, a few bottles of soft drink and order a stack of pizzas - especially if the party is during the day, most franchise joints have lunchtime discounts so feeding a bunch of 10-year-olds is quite cheap... I'd definitely do that over demanding that parents bring food to share around!! It's not hard to provide a decent party for the kids on your own, if three women together can't figure out how to do it then they need to Google some tips on throwing a kids' birthday party (and google some etiquette sites while they're at it!)...
So yeah, I'd be insulted. Mega-insulted after this latest invitation, to be honest. But, again, the kids shouldn't have to suffer because of the rudeness of somebody's parent/s so I guess I'd just suck it up, send DD with one gift and a bag of snakes lollies and call it done. :/
Okay, I must be living on another planet because I seriously don't get the argument here.
How/why do you assume that asking to bring a plate of something yummy to share is somehow being cheap?? Like many of you have pointed out, it doesn't cost that much to buy some chips and sausage rolls. On the contrary, I think its a lovely idea. (Okay, the wording on the invite sucks and doesn't make sense, but we are just arguing semantics here..) When I read "bring a plate to share", I understand it to mean: Your child, along with several others, is invited to my child's party. I will provide the venue, the entertainment and the supervision along with some afternoon tea, but in doing so I am not so presumptuous as to think that I can predict what your child and every other child likes to eat, what you as a parent allow your child to eat, what their allergies and intolerances are, etc, therefore I am giving you the option of bringing something for your child to eat that is guaranteed to be liked by them and approved of by you. In bringing this food for your child, it would be lovely if you could make enough so that some of the other children could have some too and in this way we can all try new food experiences, talk to people we may have otherwise not talked to, etc. If you choose not to bring food, that is fine, but I cannot guarantee that what I provide will be liked by your child as it is simply not possible for me to ensure that all the food I provide is suitable for all the guests. (Sorry, that is very long winded, but that is what I get from that invitation - yes I know the wording says "bring something", but I do not read that as an order, but an option.)
As for the presents - most people who go to a birthday party bring a present. This is not an expectation by the host, but by the guest (how many parties have you been to where you were told that you do not have to bring a gift but felt the need to buy one anyway?). I agree that it is bad to ask people to bring one gift for the child who invited them as in this way there will be an imbalance and one girl could get significantly more or less gifts that the others, but I believe the sentiment is good in that the guests are being told that they are not expected to bring 3 presents. Once again, this does not read that you HAVE to bring a gift, simply that if you were thinking of buying 3 and were having problems with what to get for the girl who your child doesn't know that well, you don't have to worry about this anymore.
I hope this makes sense. So to sum up, yes the invitation is badly written, but I really don't undertand how people are jumping to the conclusions they seem to be jumping to. How can bringing something "to share" be rude?
I dunno, I negated that one for DD's birthday party by asking parents when they RSVP'd if there were any allergies/intolerances etc that needed to be taken into account in providing food for DD's little mates... I figured it wouldn't be hard for me to cater for things like that myself, and I would assume that if asked to 'bring a plate', a lot of parents would just go grab a bag of Samboy chips or something and you end up with a bucketload of food nobody likes/wants, so asking parents upon RSVPing if there's anything that needs to be considered is my way around it, anyway...:
(I also figure, it's a party, leave the tofu and organic celery sticks alone for a couple of hours - if a parent doesn't approve of sending their kids to a birthday party where there will be red cordial and chocolate cake served, then they're being a bit pedantic, kwim? As I said, actual allergies and intolerances are a different matter, but I'd be a bit weirded out if someone brought a plate of, say, veggie burgers to a kids' birthday party - what's two/three hours of eating freckles and drinking lemonade, really?)
Edit: lol and if anybody 'forgot' to RSVP and then turned up whining, 'Oh but Sam is *allergic* to x food!' then as far as I'm concerned the parent has nobody to blame but themselves because it's really rude imo to not RSVP. *nods* lol.
I get where you're coming from with the whole post, but I do think the wording could have been better, to say the least, and that's what is rude imo - that out of three women, not one of them could come up with a tactful way of wording things...?
Or making the food for their own childs party.....
For goodness sake - yes, I find it surprising that out of three sets of parents the whole thing wasnt considered and worded better, but I dont think that the children should have to miss out cause of the stuff up. I think there is alot of biatching going on here about people we dont even know. Imagine how you would feel if you faux pared (sp?) in such a way that an massive thread was written about it and how you sucky you were and how your childs party should be boycotted :doh:
I think its come across rude too, but just get over it, its 10 yr olds birthday party.
Just take a pressie for the girl your invite was for or 3 smaller/cheaper ones so that each kid gets something. Its not your responsibilty to make sure that all the girls get the same amount of gifts :rolleyes:
And as far as the food goes, take something if you want and if you dont then dont - simple. The party is not relying on your one plate of food - anyway often there is too much food at these things anyway, so if you dont take something I dont think it will be the end of the party....
Yes, that is rude, I agree.:
But I don't think the concept of bringing something to share is...
I completely agree with you Salsa.
i have an issue with people saying it's OPTIONAL to bring a plate of food when it's been outright asked that it happen. i don't care if i come across as biatchy - the fact is, there is no need for someone else to HAVE to cater your childs party. there has been no mention of "having the opportunity" to provide a plate of food to cater to your child and to share with others. there is simply a blatant command "PLEASE BRING A PLATE OF YUMMY FOOD TO SHARE" - on top of the DEMAND for a present for at least one child.
it's inappropriate to make ANY comment in relation to gifts unless it's to say "your presence is present enough" - in other words, please don't bring any gift. to tell people to bring a gift for the child that invited you is rude and very demanding. to say arvo tea is supplied (but only if you bring it) is doubly rude.
i dont' think boycotting a kids party will do anything except alienate either the children who are having their party (not fair - they didn't organise it - they don't need to know social ettiquette!), making your own child a social outcast (again, not fair, not their fault) - but i hope someone manages to get it through the heads of these mothers that it isn't right to ask other people to cater for your party! if someone offers, take them up on the offer - but don't ask - its just rude!
and if they don't like the fact that a thread has been started about them, that's their issue. no names have been used, no identifying details released - it's simply a question of whether we (as a collective group of parents/parents to be) find this kind of situation to be rude. and the GENERAL consensus is that yes, we do. Tinkerbell was asking if she was over reacting in her feelings - obviously, if so many of us agree, then no, she wasn't
agreed BG
not that its quite the same, but for my baby shower i did put 'pls bring a plate of food or drink to share', but it was only close family and friends and they know we are struggling so were more than happy to bring food and i ended up with leftovers to feed DP for a week. but i didnt ask for any presents, i know people who put up a registry or 'wish list' on the back of thier baby shower invite, like others have said i think getting a gift is a 'given' at a party, but i had the baby shower to catch up with friends and family and the 'congratulations' was much more important to me than a gift.
i think its super rude to ask for a gift, obviously thier not short of a dollar if they hired a hall, if money was an issue they shouldve had the party at home or in a park!
Starfish and Salsa, I don't think you're so odd. Yes, it's a little differant but so what? People do things that are unusual every day. Either we can get our knickers in a knot over a packet of chips/plate of scones or we can shrug it off as part of the wonderful tapestry that is our wierd and wacky world and bring a snack.
It's no biggy and I certainly don't understand why so many people are condemning them so roundly for something that is a pretty minor faux pas.
As for the bring a present for the girl who invited you - I read that as meaning that we don't expect you to bring three presents.
I think it's a bit embarressing that this thread has spawned over a hundred posts many of which are kind of nasty and condemnatory. I thought that as a community we were more capable of being tolerant but I guess that our tolerance doesn't extend to someone who bends the norms of children's parties. It may be rude to ask people to bring a plate but I think that it's equally rude to be intolerant.
If my DD got an invite like that, I would probably raise my eyebrows, but I would do as requested and bring a plate of food and let DD have a good time. I personally don't think it is a huge deal.
And I think the second invite is actually an improvement on the first one - the mothers obviously realised, or had it pointed out to them, that it was a bit rich to be expecting the guests to bring a present for each of the girls and a plate of food on top of that - so they put out a new invite that says only bring one present. Admittedly, it could have been worded better so it didn't come across as a demand, but honestly - is really such a big deal? In the grand scheme of things, this is just so so minor. And inexpensive too - you needn't spend over $10 on a gift if you don't wish to, and a plate of food would cost a few dollars at most. If you don't want to do that, just don't take your child to the party. The mothers probably have no idea that all this fuss is being made behind their backs and that their invitations have been conceived as rude - if they did, they would probably be embarrassed by it all and apologetic too - I know I would if it was me.
well said starfish, salsa and brontide :)
I imagine it would be quite awful for the mothers if they knew what had been said about them here.
I have written similar invites, but I hope that I have used more tact.
If I was to have the same party and request the same things my invite would look more like this:
Personally I do not see this as rude as saying there will be afternoon tea if you provide it, it is just politely asking for you to bring something if you can. By saying she is child 1's guest, I would hope that would come across as ONLY child 1 has invited you so bring something for ONLY that child if you can. I think the rudest part of the invite that Tinks has recieved is the line that says 'afternoon tea will be provided' before asking you to bring some. Bringing something in itself is not rude, it is just the wording that leaves a lot to be desired.:
Dear DD
Child 1 is turning 10 and would love you to help her celebrate as one of her guests.
She will be having a joint party with Child 2 &3.
Time
Location
Please bring a plate of food to share if you are able
I got lost reading most of these, but I really can't believe how much opinion this has created....so I thought why not add my own LOL.
When ever I get an invite to something the first thing I ask is "can I help by bringing something"? don't have a prob doing it, it's fairly easy & why not help out. I guess it's a bit weird to say something is "provided"and then ask you to bring afternoon tea to share....so it's not provided then is it?? but heck ok, bit rude move one...take something or don't.
It's a kids party so its about the kids (isn't it)....just go along with the plate & have a good time, or don't take a plate & feel happy with that decision walking into the party. Or explain to your child why they can't go ( and hope they see it your way...cause I'm sorry but I wouldn't).
As for the present part I too would never go to a party empty handed, YES it is rude to state you want a present. You should just be happy to be having party with friends etc...if they bring present they do, if they don't then they don't. It shouldn't be about presents BUT......I'm not sure if others were a bit confused & perhaps approached those organising the party...therefore prompting another invite??? perhaps...so now they are trying to clarify we don't expect 3 presents!!!!! so rude or not wording...shouldn't you be happy now you are not expected to buy 3 presents.
I think it's just a combination of bad wording etc, but I wouldn't have a prob about taking my child.
I, like Bron, reead the comment on thepresents not as "you MUST bring a present" but rather, "dont feel obliged to bring a present for all 3 girls, if you are bringing one, only bring one for the girl on this invite"
I really still dont see what the big deal is - "bring a plate of something yummy to share" doesnt say "we are not supplying any food at all" So the inference that there is afternoon tea, but ONLY if YOU bring it yourself is a stretch.
I agree with Salsa, Starfish and Bron - the tone of most of the posts in this thread are really nasty and I am stunned at the level of biatchyness towards these women. Maybe they werent raised the same way most of us were? Maybe they are not aware of any social faux pars they may be committing??
Maybe where they come from it is prefectly normal for the village to come together on a childs birthday party and have everyone bring a plate??
The judgement astounds me.
:yeahthat:
I personally would not ask parents to bring a plate of food I even tell them if they ask what to get DD as a gift I tell them not to worry..DD just wants to share her day with her friends more then anything, of course the parents do bring something though...
If I was in your position I guess I would just cut back on the pressies if moneys an issue and bring a plate of fairy bread or something cheap and easy to make..
I tend to go all out though when I put on a birthday for my kids.. this year dd is having a pony and inviting the whole kinder and I will not be asking the parents to bring a plate to share lol...
I have to agree. Most of the time when I think about how much organisation and cost (not all of it on food) goes into hosting a fun time for trillions of tinies, I feel beholden to the party parents! A small gift and a contribution of food seems like the least I can do for them to host my children.:
My kids get invited to tons of parties, sometimes to skating rinks, those play centres, bowling... an awful lot of effort goes into them. It mightn't be the ordinarily "done thing" but I wouldn't get my knickers in a knot if a parent asked if I could contribute some food.
I can see where everyone is coming from, personally I don't think there's a concerning level of *****iness or anything about the posts from those who don't agree with it... just that we're a bit :o at how the invites were worded, kwim??
I mean, personally, I wouldn't have a problem with providing a plate and a gift - at the end of the day, a few dollars on a plate of biscuits or something to share around, and a few more dollars on a gift (whether for one child or three) is no issue for me, and the entire thing is for the kids so I wouldn't even think of keeping DD from going to enjoy a day with her friends... I can just see how some people could/would misconstrue the wording and find it quite presumptuous at best, insulting at worst, you know? If it were *me* personally, the invite would definitely state that gifts are entirely unnecessary for *any* of the kids, if I were asking for a plate of food to be brought - I wouldn't even bother with 'Oh just bring a present for the child that invited you instead of all three'.
I too am the kind of person who asks when invited to a gathering whether there is any way I can contribute to the event and help take a bit of the stress off the people organising it - but again, I would do my best to provide for my child's birthday party and take offers of help where offered voluntarily, rather than specifying on the invites that help would be appreciated.
And yes, I'd be really embarrassed if I were one of the mums in question and knew that this was being discussed in such depth, obviously someone has already clued them in that there is some confusion/upset caused by the wording of the first invite (hence the second invite), and hindsight is 20/20 so maybe they are now more aware that despite their best intentions, they could have worded things a little better?
I haven't read any posts after the first page in this thread, but all I am going to say about this is when you have older children who get invited to partys at what seems like every second week, you will be BEGGING for someone to have a combined party - last year my DD had 4 parties in two weeks. Even when it was her own birthday there were 2 others in her year that had parties that same weekend (which she didn't attend 1 and wasn't invited to the other). It is excessive in the extreme. It's not easy when you have a child who just wants to have a party like all their friends have been having parties and throw this conumdrum into the mix - what are you supposed to do if there are several children in a year group who all have a birthday in the same week? Makes sense to me to get together and combine them so you don't have the issue where half the invitees can't go because they are going to another party.
As for the taking of food, is it really that big a deal? Not everyone is a Nobel Laureate who can word something like that without coming across as being stingy.
I agree with what Gothmum has written.
I also am amused with something else I have noticed about this thread: when the initial tone of the thread was "How rude - I wouldnt stand for that" almost EVERY response also went along those lines. Then someone piped up an oposing oppinion and now almost everyone since has responded similarly. !!! I reread my posts and found myself doing the same :redface:
My final thoughts on the matter, because I think this is getting silly and carried away:
1. The initial invite wasnt clear and was worded kind of rudely.
2. They obviously had feedback that people didnt know how many pressents were required.
3. They attempted to clarify but also came across as a little demanding, despite that not being their intention.
4. I am dreading my daughter being of the school age party phase. I dont know if I can deal with this drama every year for every classmate she has!!!
5. I would NEVER boycott a childs party for these reasons. I feel that to be so unfair to my child and the hosting child.
6. I would still provide a decent gift and a plate of appropriate food, not stingy or "making a point" and take it all on board as usefull information for when my time comes round.
Ok that's it for me. I'd be interested to know if the guests all comply and that the party still goes off really well. I hope so for the children's sake.
I think the invite is rude. whether or not they didnt intend for it to be, it is still rude. I would offer to bring a plate or help out even if it is not asked for (the way I was raised), as would most people I think but having said that its provided but then that you need to bring it is just contradicitng the first point. It really does proove that you dont need to have a long neck to be a goose.
I do think they were trying to clarify by the second invite but from what Tink had said she got a second invite from a different girl who is having the party?? (is that right)? So maybe they werent clarifying and this is just the other mum wanting to make sure her daughter doesnt miss out on a present. Who knows, dont really care, they are 10yrs old, probably wont eat much anyway, they will be more interested in dancing and talking about other girls and boys as they tend to do at that age.
Tink, hope your DD has a good time and maybe these mums can buy a clue from parties that their daughters go to for the next time round or maybe not.
Maybe I was lucky to be a social outcast and not have these problems as a child! But even when my sister had a MASSIVE 21st party joint with a friend, the year both of them graduated from Uni, the two sets of parents paid for the hall, the food, the cakes, the decorations, the DJ, the after-party party back at Mum's place... that was what pretty much everyone did.
Parties now, if DS is invited, I call up and ask if I can take food. It's NEVER demanded.
I do a party for ANY age, I don't ask for food OR gifts - if they happen it's nice.
I am the sort of person who will bake a batch of cakes for playgroup to celebrate something and not expect anything in return. And I have done. I will let people know of allergies if DS is invited anywhere, which is why I usually take food with me. But some parents say no, they'll cater for no nuts and no dairy: it's not hard to grab something in the shops that's no nuts and no dairy... like hula hoops.
I think it's not just the wording, it's the expectations. I throw a party expecting guests to come. I don't expect gifts. Even with a wedding gift list, it's "if you want to buy here are some suggestions that we actually would need." With this, "bring a gift" "bring some yummy food" - very rude.
Maybe very socially inept instead. But doesn't rude mean socially inept? So we all agree it's rude, whether we call it rude, socially inept or tactless - different words, same meaning.
FWIW, I read the invite as saying that afternoon tea is included in the *time frame* of the party.
eg. 'the party will go from 1-4pm, during which time we will have an afternoon tea. Please bring something to share'
It is really badly worded all round, but the rest of the issue, I personally, could shrug off. Kids wouldn't worry about things like this, and they definitely know how to live a more fun and stress-free life LOL