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I bare no grudge :). They just live a different life to us and have a set way they want this wedding to look like. That's fine with me, it is their wedding. I'll probably post them a gift with my best wishes, I think it would look a bit strange if we didn't go AND didn't give a gift. Or maybe I'll get DH to babysit DD1 and I'll go on my own.
I agree with Lenny - you need to speak to them. Not via email or whatever. Phone or face to face. Just say, I got your invitation and notice DD1 isn't included. Just want to check that that is correct.
If it is, you can then make your choice on what suits you and your DH. If you'd rather not go without her, don't go. If you are comfortable leaving her, then decide.
As for presents, either give them nothing or something you can afford. A card and your presence is the most important part anyway.
IMO, don't go to a wedding if you're going to resent anything about it. I feel it's like ill-wishing a couple to go to their wedding feeling angry or resentful at them.
I know one of the reasons i bent over backwards to accommodate people was that I wanted people to want to be there. Not show up out of a sense of duty or whatever. In our case, that meant having kids and toddlers there, but there was a special price for them and it only ended being 2 kids and 1 toddler, so not expensive. We provided activity bags to keep them entertained. We also made sure there was a wide range of prices on the wedding registry items.
It's a bit weird your sisters child is invited but not yours! We had no children at our wedding and to be honest, I got a little offended when two people rang up to ask if it was a mistake that their child wasn't invited, and a third rang to say their child would HAVE to come but not to pay for a seat or meal for them, they would bring their own food (for a 6 year old? I don't think so! But they rocked up on the day with child and food in tow- that's a whoooooole other thread!!)
Re the registry, no way could we afford a 200 present so I would either give money in a card or buy a different gift.
Good luck with whatever you decide :)
How old is sisters child??
We had 3 babies at ours 2 months, 8 months 9 months no other kids were allowed.
Had a friend with a 6 year old arc up about no kids and blamed me for her not getting to wedding as I was "too Precious" to have kids there to ruin MY DAY!!
We had a no child policy at our wedding, not to be rude but I simply didnt want them there! We had my 3 nieces as they were flower girls and they sat on the parents table with my mum and dad. We had one guest (an old friend of DH's) that arked up told me ever so matter-o-factly that she was bringing her 1 year old anyway. I told her that we had a no child policy and that she was more than welcome to bring the child to the ceremony but we were not having any children (apart from flower girls) at the wedding. It took 2 hours of me explaining and eventually I just said to her my final answer is no and that she should respect our decision and if she wasnt happy then perhaps she shouldnt attend. I couldnt believe that she went on and on and on about bringing her baby when they clearly werent welcome. Anyway rant over.... I think you should just give what you were originally going to give them. Bridal Registery's are normally only there to help people that dont know what to get someone so if you already have something in mind I think you should just go with that.
I just got off the phone... wowsers. It's all mum's fault! She told the wedding organiser that we had easy access to a babysitter so not to bother making an exception for us (and thats why an exception was made for others, my sis). So, I am going alone, DH is staying home with DD1. I honestly don't mind that they are having a child free, adults only wedding. I was just shocked that my mother interfered and spoke on our behalf when she was totally wrong. Pet peeve!
People have the right to have whatever kind of wedding their heart desires, and if that is child free, or only some kids, or kids by invite only, then that's their right. But I think they do so understanding that not everyone has access to babysitting and some invited guests won't be able to make it because of it.