I got a wedding invitation today....

when i got married we did it in a rush as my Pop was sick, we wanted him to be involved so we planned and did our whole wedidng in 4 weeks. We sent a nice little poem and a menu with out invites that asked the guests to pay for their own meals and we looked around for a place that was reasonable. Our guests paid $25pp. For us it wqs the only way that we could celebrate our wedidng with everyone that was important to us.
And we did have a bar tab

I think the way that the invite has been worded is quite rude and alot more thought could have been put in to it. but i dont think the request is rude iykwim!!
i too find it strange tho that you are not invited to the ceremony. we had more people at our ceremony that were not actually invited to the reception!

I would like to disagree. i mean how else are you meant to ask for people to pay for their own meals?
Some people need to be told straight out what is expected of them.

Whats with the private ceremony but inviting to the reception?! Ive heard of it being the other way around to cut costs but I think what they are doing is rude with a capitol R.

I wouldnt be going.

If it was me getting married, and thats what we were going to do, Id be calling the guests to tell them rather than bluntly stating it on the invitation.

I think its ok to ask for ppl to pay for there own meals but it depends on the situation where its at and how its done

EG i would ask ppl if they could pay for there food if it was at a simple cheaper place ,we may have to do this at ours as we simply can not afford to cater for everyone if we want to get married.
But i would never ask ppl to pay for food if it was a set price or an expensive place

plus i think the way she said it is not tactfull at all, very ride and i would feel the same way u feel

The wedding was on Saturday just gone. It was nice. Meals were cheap, it cost DH and I $34 for both our meals and they were delish. Some people didn't even eat. I drank a couple of bottles of wine to make up for the meal lol.

I don't think there is a nice way of telling guests to pay for their own meals really, I guess it's not something I would do. I think if people want a cheap wedding they can cut down on guests instead of charging people. Just my opinion really.

I think it's quite easy to ask nicely that guests purchase their own meals.

Something along the lines of "in lieu of gifts it would be greatly appreciated if you could purchase your own meals" and include a menu and costs.

It's becoming more acceptable these days, just like wishing wells are.

PS. Glad you had a good time Tinks :)

It was said quite rudely but if she worded it better, it would be ok.
:hug:

Bugger that! Not good enough to be at the wedding but you can fork your own bill to be lucky enough to attend the reception?!

If you want a PRIVATE wedding have a PRIVATE reception and then just have a backyard freaking BBQ!

Sorry, over the top wedding etc requests really grind my gears.

i went to my other halfs cousions wedding and on the invite said no gifts just money or vouchers meal would be provided

so craig and me didnt eat heaps at lunch was a late arvo cermony with reception start after

comes 8 pm meal is served its a gormet bbq me and dp had nothing to eat as there wasnt enough

i like clear worded invites cause if it had said snack food i would have had a meal before the ceromony


glad u had a great time tinks

I'm another one who thinks it's rude to ask guests to pay for their own meals! Have a BBQ in the backyard, reduce the number of guests you invite or have a mid afternoon reception with finger food only.:dunno:

And I LOATHE being asked for cash in lieu of a gift!! It's a GIFT... accept it graciously.

Just my opinion...

isnt money a gift too?

I agree, that's tacky and rude IMO.

I guess Im an old fashioned gal...if you can't afford a wedding, save until you can. If you can't wait, then elope/do the registry/backyard thing.

For our wedding, we had a bridal registry with Flight Centre for our honeymoon. A friend did this for her wedding and I thought it was a ripper idea for a couple like us who'd been together for ages and had our home already set up etc. It was optional though, no one was under any obligation to contribute and we arranged with the travel agent that we never knew who contributed or how much people contributed (you had the option of being given a print out of who contributed and how much but I thought that was tacky and unnecessary, I didn't want to know). No different to any other registry I don't think.

When I got married my husband and I had already been living together for ages, so we did not need any gifts. I said to people "no gifts please" and just had a very small wedding.

Some people gave us cash, some people gave us small but well thought out gifts (like a cross stitch of the county both my husband and I grew up in, with towns and villages that we lived in / went to school in all highlighted. Some gave us nothing. But I didn't get married for the gifts, and whilst I would have loved heaps of cash that was hardly in the spirit of the occasion of a solemn lifelong commitment to another person.

I think it is rude to ask for money. If you don't want stuff, say "no stuff please" but to ask for cash is just crude. Just my 2c.

Asking people to contribute to their own meal though, I am divided on that. It just seems different to straight out asking for cash.

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I would think that if they can't be bothered to pay for their guests meals, then they probably won't be putting on a bar tab either.
IMO, I think it's worded quite rudely. Sounds like for the guests it's going to be an expensive night.

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:yeahthat:

Jodi my exact same thoughts !!

... looks like it might be the new thing now in place of invites with poetic words meaning put some money in our wishing well ..... oh dear might be what's to be expect now ' rude wording ' :shakehead:, OMG i'm starting feel so old-fashioned !!

********* Hey Tinks bet a few at the reception had a little NNWW about it ;)

my first husband and i had a similar wedding

We had an open ceremony though, so basically invited everyone we knew including workmates, but then we had a smaller reception for just closer friends and family.

it was tricky wording the invitation in such a way as to not sound rude and we deliberated over it for a while and got a few opinions on how to word it. We wanted them there but really couldnt afford a big do, so we wrote

"We would love the pleasure of your company after the ceremony and are asking if you would like to join us for dinner at 'such and such' a place. The cost is $25 each so we appreciate it if you could contribute this cost in lieu of a gift."

I know its completely out of the ord, but our friends and family really didnt seem to mind, we told them before hand and many of them still bought gifts and no one turned down the invite. I guess its just like meeting friends out for dinner except the occasion is a bit more special.

The wording is a bit confronting, but I can totally share the sentiment behind it. We had a $120/head wedding reception because we really wanted a kick**** party, and we could afford it. But had our financial situation had been different, obviously we would have chosen more modest provisions, and if we had to - asked people to pay.

As for the quality - if you're paying less than $50pp, you won't get top class food. I could only imagine the comments if you were asked to pay that or more...

At the price we paid, I was VERY VERY annoyed at the people that had RSVP'ed & then didn't turn up (or buy us a gift in lieu!). Those very expensive (and delicious) dinners could have gone to some other friends that really wanted to go. :(

We asked for no gifts at our engagement (as it was at a bar & I didn't want to cart stuff home!) and then our guests past the hat around & doubled our tab! That was a great present! :D

I have heard of poeple having an open ceremony and than a smaller, invite only, reception..but never the other way around.

Geeze...we don't want you to share one of the most important moments in our life but, hey, we heard you're fun to party with so we'd love you come along to the reception..but you'll have to pay for your own dinner. :wall:

SO RUDE!!!!