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Since having kids im not a huge drinker anymore. I have been to plenty of social gatherings where i have opted for a soft drink instead of an alcoholic drink. I have become such a prude now that i refuse to drink if DD is in my care.
I think its rude of others to pressure or to call it un social behaviour. No one should dictate what you should or should not be drinking.
I couldn't care less. I'm off to a social gathering tonight where everyone will be drinking and clearly I won't. I love being around people drinking, not drinking, doesn't matter to me. If I'm drinking and someone chooses not to, I'd only take issue if they were acting superior because of it :eyeroll: I had a friend like this and she was unbearable, we all just stopped inviting her out. I really enjoy having a few drinks, but haven't since...hmm, it would be Rouge's 30th the last time I drank more than one or two drinks in a night, and that was well before I was preg with DD. I'm good either way :)
I think not drinking makes me a cheap dinner guest because lemonade is a lot cheaper than wine...
I think sometimes people pressure others into drinking to justify that they themselves can't seem to be capable of socialising or having a good time sober. I don't drink very often and when I do it isn't much, only because my body does not respond well to even small amounts of alcohol. I just feel sick and disgusting, sometimes for days afterwards. When people push the matter I find it offensive, why should I have to consume something that will make me ill just to make you more comfortable?:rolleyes: I would never try and insist someone else not drink just because I don't want to so I do not know why other people take it upon themselves to make an issue out of it.
Onyx - i don't eat lobster either, so i'm a cheap date too.
PZ - i don't feel superior, I can't get that logic! I feel indifferent about it really. Sometimes when i'm super shy a bit of Dutch courage would be nice.
I think maybe some people feel weird about it because they know, deep down, that they are a bit of a **** when they've had a few but figure no one else notices if they're also drunk.
I haven't really drunk much since TTC - so we are talking late 2007. I sometimes get people saying - "Oh one wont hurt" - even when PG. Isn't it weird that some people are so insistent that you 'join in'
I do enjoy the occasional wine etc, but only when I actually feel like it, rather than just to be social. The main reason I don't is that its rare we are out somewhere without DS, and I don't particularly have any inclination to drink when he's around, also DH enjoys a beer much more than I enjoy drinking, so happy to be the designated driver (DH loves it hehehehe)
Even if we did have a big 'parents night out' - the thought of having both a hangover and a toddler - Bleugh, that just sends shivers up my spine!!
I dont fidn it rude to say no to alcohol. Its a personal choice. But I find it rude that people feel the need to try and peer pressure someone into having a drink when they dont want to. I rarely drink, for my own reasons but one of them been that whilst Im up through out the night with the girls, I dont like the afects it has on me when Im up and down all night. Also Been hung over and trying to take care of kids on your own really sucks.
But honestly it annoys me that people try and peer pressure you, bully you into having a drink just because they are. Just because there is a bottle there, the offer there does not mean for any reason that you have to say yes. If a polite no, is taken badly then the problem is with that person, not yourself.
(sorry, but having alcoholics in the family means I have a strong view of people thinking you have to drink alcohol when its around)
i think whether or not you drink is up to you. i don't think it's rude not to drink. i used to drink alot but don't really very often since we were ttc ds.
even when i do drink, i don't expect anyone else to - im having a drink because i want to, not because i feel everyone has to (itms).
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After years of being pested to drink by DH's family. I decided to drink a bottle of champagne to myself. I knew it would have NO effect, but make me tired. Started drinking at 11, was in bed by 2am while everyone else chucking after their 3rd drinks etc (cause they don't drink much!) and low and behold no one has asked me again. I don't like the taste, I just feel tired, and want to go to sleep!
DH has a forever DD!!
I very rarely drink these days either and have not drunk a drop at the last 2 or 3 social events (at least) that I've been to. DH doesn't drink either so it's not because I was driving. I don't know that anyone got their nose out of joint over it - if they did, they didn't say. And if they did they can't be a very good friend anyway so it wouldn't bother me. I suspect your DH might be partly right, I do think people put too much emphasis on alcohol being part of socialising, but I don't think that should be the case and you certainly shouldn't drink because other people expect you to. If people can't enjoy your company without you drinking then bad luck to them. Come and socialise with me instead!!
I don't think it's rude at all! I have always been the one that was the DD (designated driver) and I also have a few friends that just don't like to drink - It's never been an issue at all! You can have just as much fun sober as what you can drinking (and you can remember it all in the morning is always a bonus ;P)
Not rude at all - but I am familiar with the peculiarity that people seem to thing you will (or should) explain why you're not drinking alcohol if you turn it down ....
I don't understand that - if someone offers me a cigarette, a hamburger, some chips or a pot bellied pig, no one would expect me to justify my "no thank you" ... but alcohol - people seem to expect it!
Generally speaking, if I'm driving I won't drink at all ... these days, I'll sometimes have one ... but over the years, there have been times when I don't drink at all, either because I'm opting to have a few dry months (I give my liver a break every now and then!) or because I'm TTC or UTD of whatever. When we were TTC and during the first few months of being pg, when it was still a secret, I'd sneak mocktails or alcohol-free wine - to keep the secret and avoid questions, rather than to keep up appearances.
But other times when I've note been drinking, I don't get comments much ... if I'm not drinking, I'm not drinking.
The few people who might ask seem to do so and expect answers (or not understand why I could possibly be choosing not to drink for any good reason) ... well, it's more about them than it is about me!
But definitely not rude.
JMO.
Thanks to everyone who replied. It's been really interesting to read everyone's reponses.
Some of you have put into words the exact way i feel, and it's good to know i'm not alone, and also that DH is not alone in 'feeling' the way he does.
I probably drink maybe once a year so I totally think its normal. I know how to go out and have a good time so what does it matter if I drink or not. Yes people do ask and I just say I'm not a drinker. No one pushes it and all my friends know I don't drink so no one is bothered by it. I don't understand how it could seem rude.
I don't drink when out if I get asked I say no. I also hate being pressured into drinking, which happened at a get together I went to. Funnily enough not been invited to a get together there since. Fine by me.
Like you I used to be a pretty big drinker, until I had kids.
I'm haven't been a huge drinker in nearly 5 years for many reasons, and I know it frustrates the heck out of the people I used to drink with because they still drink a lot at social gatherings.
I don't get bothered by the harassment any more, I stick to my self imposed 2 drink limit. 3 drinks if I'm feeling saucy :p
i used to be a drinker - definitely not much any more. i will drink at home, but very very rarely when i go out. i don't like feeling like i'm not in control of myself when i'm not in "my" space. anxiety probably started it, but now i think it's just part of me being a more responsible person. DH likes to drink and even if he's chosen not to drink, i don't do an about face and get off my head just because others are drinking. i don't much like the feeling of being drunk any more anyway
we have a one friend that, when we lived nearby, asked EVERY single time i declined alcohol if i was knocked up yet. He didn't know about TTC/IVF at the time, so one night i kinda flipped out and laid it on the line. first that i think his behaviour when drinking is appalling (married sleaze!) and secondly, i don't have to drink to have a good time - and thirdly, i'm laying out x money to become pregnant and i'm not going to screw that up by drinking and messing with meds (i swear i had three years where i was on one medication or another while TTC!). I was every so grateful for falling pregnant and having an "acceptable" excuse in his eyes... sigh. we don't live locally to him any more, so i'm always designated driver - i may have one or two drinks if we're out there for the arvo, but it really depends on my own mood.
i dont' even drink much at home any more - i have one every now and again when DH is having a drink - i might take a swig of his beer on a hot day, may even have a stubby or two - but i tend to only do it at home. there is one friends place that feels safe for me to drink there - i know i can get home safely (dad is a taxi driver here in town) and i know if i say to R i've had enough, she'll stop making drinks. she respects my decisions so i don't mind drinking with her kwim? if others are there, i tend to either not drink, or drink bugger all... it's odd - but so is the rest of me!
FWIW - my DH doesn't see it as odd, he doesn't (and wouldn't!) apologise for me not drinking. he'd likely be the first person to ask someone how my lack of drinking was hurting them or anyone else, and to rack off if they pushed it!!