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Thread: Incompetent home carer??

  1. #1

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    Default Incompetent home carer??

    I hope someone may have some experience in this matter. I'll give you the short story:

    - Legally blind and deaf mother (DH's grandmother) has a stroke; she has loss the use of her left side, and can only eat baby food. She is still in hospital recovering from her recent stroke.
    - DH's grandmother has 6 children, two are interstate, two rarely show any interest, one has power of attorney and acts as a carer and one son (aged 45) still lives at home with his mum.
    - DH's grandmother does not want to go to a nursing home and really wants to go home.
    - The son that still lives under the same roof as his mum, is quite immature and has virtually treated his mum like a slave (eg up until having her stroke, she still cooked his dinner every night, washed his clothes, made his bed, whilst blind and deaf). However he has rapidly become protective of his mum and wants to become her carer. He is known to be quite aggressive and no one in the family (myself and DH included)wouldn't put it past him that in frustration he could potentially hurt his mum.
    - The family are concerned about his ability to care for his mother, as historically they have always fought like cats and dogs (quite harshly too, not violent though). He has previously blown up a garbage bin with fireworks to prove a point to his exBIL!!!
    - There is further concern that if he did act as a carer for his mother, that he'd stop the rest of the family from contacting his mother to get back at the family for wanting to put their Mum in an aged care facility.
    - The sibling that has Power of Attorney initially also wanted her mum to go into an aged care facility, but for some reason she has changed her mind, which has caused further rift in the family.

    Did ya get all that?

    So - currently DH's grandmother is sitting in a hospital room, and tomorrow the hospital will commence a mini carers assessment on her 'SAHS' to see if he'd make a suitable carer. I've never heard of this before. Anyone???



    Can a hospital refuse to discharge a patient who wants to return home if it would not be in their best interests?

    From the research I've done, all I can find that if DH's grandmother, is assessed as being of 'sound mind' then she can make up her mind as to where she goes....any advances on that???

    Choccie frogs if you got thru all that!!!

    x

  2. #2

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    I have no experience but I hope it gets sorted for you!!

    Do you know/ can find out why he siblin with the poa has changed their mind?

  3. #3

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    I don't know darl but I couldn't read & not post

  4. #4

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    I can only go on 8 year old knowledge in WA, but hopefully it's a starting point for you

    Even if she is of sound mind, if she cannot live by herself, and none of the people are deemed suitable, she will be placed in an emergency care facility until a spot opens up. I know it's hard, believe me, but being blind and deaf, and also having suffered a stroke, she will most likely need to live in a nursing home. Yes, it's going to be hard on her, and it's going to be even harder on you and your family. If she's of sound mind, you may find that, while she actually finds things to enjoy, she may play them down when talking to you, almost as a manipulative guilt trip. This is totally natural, it's a huge change for everyone, and she will be finding her new place in her new surroundings. If you can possibly get her to help, it might be time to start finding somewhere she is relatively comfortable with, so that she feels she has some control, as opposed to just being put in the first place that's available.

    If you have any concerns about her potential carers, and I do mean ANY, speak to the person/people doing the mini carers assessment. In the absence of any other data, they can only go on what they've asked and observed. I agree with you that the man living with her will likely hurt her in frustration, and with that will come a whole raft of other family and personal problems. I don't think anyone truly knows what they're getting into when they take Mum or Dad home to live with them, it's so much harder than what you expect, and there's so many different things to consider.

    Big hugs Leesa, this will be a difficult time - PM me if you wanna chat or scream

  5. #5

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    Yes, if the hospital doesn't feel she would be safe at home they can keep her in hospital especially as she is blind & deaf and noe had a stroke. I wonder if her son realises just how much work he is in for looking after her full time. This will include washing, cleaning, cooking and her shower & bath needs if needed. How does she feel him doing this?
    Go visit the social worker and maybe ask if respite could be arranged. This is in a nursing home and can be for about 2 weeks. Some people after being in respite enjoy it so much they want to stay which can be arranged sometimes.
    If you have any concern talk to the social worker at the hospital and voice your concerns and ask for privacy. This way they can know what could happen at home re her care or lack thereof

    Will enjoy the choccie frog

  6. #6

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    Thanks ladies...

    Yes, the family is certainly of the opinion that this sibiling has no idea of how hard looking after his mum could be; he's only ever had to wash, dress himself and go to work - since DH's grandmother has been in hossy though he's had to wash his own clothes and cook (he got away without having to do it for his entire life, so 45 yrs 'off' ain't bad eh? lol....

    But seriously Keike, I agree re the frustration. And yes, although she wants to go home, the remainder of the family are really hoping she'll end up in a nursing home for her own health and safety.

    DH's mum keeps in close contact with the head of the ward, so I'm interested to hear how he went bathing his mother and helping her in the toilet today - and whether that experience has changed his mind . MIL has warned the head of the ward that if he is assessed as not competent then he may act up and they may need to call on Security / Police; or that he may do something 'silly' in the few days afterwards to the hospital. So best case scenario is he comes to that decision himself....!

    Cross your fingers and toes!

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